Tag Archives: PTSD

I Am Awake Way Too Early

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am awake way too early. Since I am awake way too early, I decided to blog although I wish I was still asleep. It is hard to believe that tomorrow at this time, I will another year older. Tomorrow is my birthday, and it is my first birthday that I am celebrating since both of my parents died. I am extremely sad over this. I really wish they were both still alive to celebrate my birthday with me and sadly that is not the case.

Speaking of my parents being dead, I saw my therapist yesterday and we discussed the increase of my PTSD symptoms. We discussed how shaken I was and am on how much my PTSD symptoms have increased. My therapist informed me that it is common for people who experienced trauma in their childhood that people will experience an increase of PTSD symptoms after one and/or both of their parents’ deaths. I didn’t know this, but I was not shocked by it. To make matters worse, I was looking over some paperwork I need to fill out regarding my dad, and I remembered some stuff that happened to me by my now ex stepbrother. As much as I don’t want to remember the shit, I have been through I am grateful that I have a therapist to help me through it.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

My 7th Post of the Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! This is my seventh post of the day. That is a lot of posts in one day. My depression and PTSD symptoms are acting up and I am not sure why they are. To help combat the increased depression and PTSD symptoms, I have been relying on my coping skills. The two main coping skills that I have been using today is artwork and my cat, Billie. The type of artwork I have doing is coloring. I love to color. As I have colored, my cat, Billie has been in my lap or lying next to me. I love my cat, Billie so very much and I am lucky to have him in my life.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

There is Nothing Better Than the Love of a Cat

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am dealing with a combination of depression, PTSD and grief regarding both of my parents’ death. Since I am dealing with so much right now with the grief of losing my parent, increased depression and PTSD I am grateful for my cat, Billie. I am grateful for Billie’s unconditional love that he gives me. Human’s including myself don’t deserve the love of animals especially their pets. I know I don’t deserve Billie’s unconditional love, and I am so very grateful for his love.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Concussion + Fire Alarm + Anger = A Headache

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Right now, I am dealing with a major headache on top of dealing with symptoms from my PTSD. I have a headache because I have concussion and on top of that a neighbor keeps pulling the fire alarm which doesn’t help the headache. Loud noises like a fire alarm are not helpful for a concussion or headache.

Anyway, my anger is fuming at the moment because one of my neighbors keeps pulling the fire alarm pull stations. I am not the only person who is angry over this situation and there is nothing my neighbors and I can do about the neighbor pulling the fire alarm. It is angering me because I keep having to put my cat, Billie in his carrier to evacuate. My cat, Billie and the other animals in the building including the humans should not have to deal with a neighbor pulling the fire alarm for no reason at all. It is also angering me because it triggers my PTSD as I have been in two fires when I was a child. I am sure if my cat, Billie could talk human he would say it angers him as well.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except that I hope my headache goes away. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Middle of the Night Struggles

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is one seventeen in the morning here in Seattle and I am struggling. I am struggling with the lack of sleep. The lack of sleep is due to insomnia and PTSD. The lack of sleep is also causing me to struggle more with my PTSD and some increased depression symptoms. Both the depression and PTSD is causing some anxiety and anger. Neither emotion is an emotion I like to deal with. Hell, I try my best to avoid both emotions.

On the note of emotions, I have been using the coping skills in the Emotional Regulation module of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT). These skills are very helpful for me especially right now. In fact, all the DBT skill in all four modules are helpful for me. As I do my DBT skills I remember that when I made an active choice to be in active mental health recovery it was when I decided to be in an intensive outpatient DBT program and that gives me hope that things will get better, and this too will pass.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Still No Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is five forty in the morning here in Seattle and I still have not slept which royally sucks. I really wish I could sleep. Sleep is important to a person’s physical health as well as a person’s mental health and hope I get some sleep, so it does not start affecting my health or wellbeing.

Not only am dealing with no sleep due to insomnia and PTSD, but I am also dealing with some depression symptoms. Just like I mentioned in my last post I have been working on some workbooks to help me with the symptoms of my mental health challenges. Learning new coping skills and building on the coping skills that I have learned throughout the years in my recovery only helps me even more in my recovery journey. As tired as I am, I am grateful that I have the time to learn new coping skills through the recovery related workbooks that I am doing.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

PTSD + Insomnia = No Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is two thirty-four in the morning here in Seattle. I am sadly unable to sleep. I am unable to due to PTSD and insomnia which sucks but it is something that I have dealt with in the past. As much as it sucks, I am also realizing that I am fighting some depression symptoms which makes the no sleep thing with PTSD and insomnia suckier than it should be.

Since I am dealing with little sleep due to insomnia and PTSD as well as dealing with increased depression symptoms, I have decided to do some recovery related workbooks. Workbooks that are helping me learn new skills as well as helping me build more resiliency in my life. I am glad that I do workbooks to help myself with my recovery as the skills I learn helps build on what I have already learned in my recovery. For me my recovery is one of the most important things in my life.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except that I wish I could sleep and didn’t have to deal with insomnia, depression and PTSD. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Therapy + Snow = Snowball Fight With Therapist

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It snowed last night here in Seattle and it sucks but at least I was still able to see my therapist in person. My therapist and I discussed the death of my dad and how challenging it has been to lose him so close to my mom dying. We also discussed how not just my mom’s death but my dad’s death has increased my PTSD symptoms. While discussing the increased PTSD symptom my therapist noticed that I was starting to dissociate and thought it would be a great idea to go outside to have a snowball fight to allow myself to let my inner child out. So, today’s session focused on allowing myself to let out my inner child as I had a snowball fight with my therapist.

Allowing myself to let out my inner child helped a great deal with my dissociation and my therapist saw this as we had our snowball fight. She asked me in what ways I could let my inner child out so we discussed how my cat, Billie helps. I also brought up the fact that I never stopped coloring and continued to color despite being made fun of on the occasional basis from people. Coloring has always allowed me to be me and kept me connected to my inner child even though I didn’t realize it till today.

Now that I am home, I am coloring as I watch the local news with my cat, Billie sleeping in my lap. I love the fact that I have my cat, Billie in my lap purring as I color letting out my inner child. I am so happy that I let out my inner child today in therapy and that I am doing that with coloring at home.

I do not have much more to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless In Seattle Type Of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is a few minutes after two o’clock in the morning here in Seattle and I am sadly unable to sleep. I am unable to sleep due to PTSD and insomnia which is nothing new to me. It is literally below freezing outside and is supposed to snow in Seattle. Other cities in the area already have accumulated snow. I do not like snow and I really hope we do not get any.

Since it is so cold outside I have my heating blanket on as I really do not like turning on my heat unless I have to. On that note since it is so cold and I am unable to sleep, I am coloring as I have my heating blanket on. I have this special lap desk I can use in bed which comes in handy especially when I don’t feel like getting out of bed and want to color. I really enjoy coloring.

As I color my cat, Billie is curled up next to me snoring. I am so grateful that my cat is in my life. I do not know what I would do without my cat, Billie. I love my cat so very much and I am so very grateful for Billie’s unconditional love.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post except, I really hope it does not snow in Seattle. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Good Day & Yet I’m Currently Dissociating

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a good day for me here in Seattle yet I am currently dissociating which suck shit. I am not really one hundred percent sure why I am dissociating which is scary as hell but I am sure that it is PTSD related. I do know it was a cold foggy day here in Seattle which is probably why my depression symptoms are slightly worse. Like I said I have had a good day and I have been in a really good mood. I will take a good day and a good mood with slightly elevated depression symptoms over a shitty day any day of the week.

Something I realized around the time I got hurt by a neighbor in the summer of 2023 when my dissociation started getting bad again, I color when I am dissociated. It is usually a giant poster or two that are mandala type and/or kaleidoscope type poster. I also color smaller posters that are about eight by ten (or maybe eight by twelve). The smaller posters that I am doing are sort of the similar designs as the giant poster. I only color these particular posters while I have other posters I color and focus on when I am not dissociated. You can tell just by the coloring and the mindset I am in. I think I am going to cuddle with my cat Billie as I do some coloring. My cat is even more of a lap kitty or velcro kitty when I am dissociating. I think my cat Billie does this to make sure I am safe. I love my cat, Billie so very much.

I do not have anything else to write about or to talk about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, than you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!