Good Morning, World!!! I have been awake since 3:33 this morning due to a nightmare. A nightmare my cat woke me up from before it could get worse. Somehow my cat is acutely aware of when I am having a nightmare. My cat, Lil Gertie, tend to wake me up from nightmares by either licking one of my big toes or my nose till I fully wake up. When I finally wake up, Lil Gertie is by my side snuggling with me till my anxiety decreases due to PTSD. Having PTSD sucks shit and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
One of the first things I did as I snuggled with Lil Gertie was do a mindfulness and meditation exercise. I did this with the help of an app on my phone called Calm. It was an app that was suggest by a good friend of mine a couple of years ago that I attempt to use quite often. Not as often as I want or should but I am starting to use it on the daily basis as it is quite helpful when I use it everyday.
After doing about twenty minutes of mindfulness and meditation I turned on some music that is focused on meditation to listen to as I pulled out a coloring page to coloring. I didn’t do much but what I did do was somewhat challenging as I was trying to do some shading to make the bridge look a bit more realistic. Sadly, part of it isn’t shaded and hopefully when I am finished with the bridge and the rest of the picture the lack of shading on the part of the bridge that wasn’t shaded won’t be noticeable. The below picture is the coloring page/poster I am doing.
The coloring page / poster I am coloring at the moment. It is extremely detailed and will take time to finish.
Right now as I am writing this blog post, I have the morning news on. It’s been mostly local news with weather and traffic. Thankfully, no mention of President Trump. I am not a big fan of Trump for many reasons and am grateful when the news doesn’t mention him especially with the hatred he spews.
Since I am on the topic of Trump I didn’t appreciate the fact that earlier this week that he blamed the mass shootings on mental illness when we all know it was done by white racist men who aren’t mentally ill. Racism is not a mental illness and people with mental health challenges are not “Twisted Monsters” or “Mentally Ill Monsters.” It boggles my mind that Trump doesn’t realize that most mass shootings in America are done by white men who are NOT mentally ill. I have more to say about this but will discuss it later as it is now 7:00 in the morning and I want to try to get some sleep after having been woken up at 3:33 in the morning.
As I end this post I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Friday. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Morning, once again, World!!! I did manage to get about an hour worth of sleep in before my cat, Lil Gertie, woke me up from a nightmare. She either licks my nose or one of my big toes to wake me up from a nightmare. Yes, any part of a nightmare sucks, I am just happy that Lil Gertie, is insistent in waking me up from one especially at the beginning, I never taught her to do this as I have only had her for five months today and she is about six and a half years old.
So when I got up, I decided to work on one of my workbooks. I find it helpful to work on one of my workbooks as it puts me into a better state of mind. A recovery state of mind. I am working on one that focuses on recovery related to mental health challenges. It is nothing new to me as I have been a part of the recovery movement for awhile now, it is just helpful as a reminder to myself on where I want to be in life.
Okay on to the last bit of the post which I a sure many of you are sick of hearing about. I have advertisements on my blog to help bring in extra cash for me to spend on people for gifts during the holidays. I started doing this before I got my new job but I am going to continue to do it as my new job is an on call job and don’t know how many hours I will be getting once I am done with all the training’s I have to attend to. So I guess what I am asking is that you my reader click on an add or two, once or twice a week to help me bring in extra cash to help pay for gift for friends and family for the holidays as well as bills for the rest of the year.
I am going to attempt to go back to sleep now that it is four o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. I hope everyone has a good night sleep or has had a good night sleep. I also hope everyone has good Saturday and weekend. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. Have a wonderful day with whatever you do. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Morning, World. It is six o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. I have been awake since about three this morning when my cat woke me up from a nightmare by licking my toes. Some how my cat knows when I am having a nightmare and wakes me up before it can get any worse.
I did make me a nice breakfast and just finished eating it. I had scrambled eggs, bacon and French toast. I gave Lil Gertie, my cat, a little piece of bacon. She appeared to enjoy the bacon. She deserved the piece of bacon since she did wake me up from a nightmare.
I just wish I could go back to sleep. Going back to sleep would be nice. Maybe I can take a nap later on before I go to my volunteer job. I don’t want to be a cranky bucket when I am talking with people on a help line.
Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is so very much appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great weekend. I hope you all can find something to do to enjoy the world around you. Peace Out, World!!!!
As I sit here typing this particular post, I am trying to get myself in a better space than I am at the moment. I woke up from a more horrifying nightmare than usual. It happened to be a screaming nightmare and the only reason I know this is because one of my neighbors called the police. I don’t do well with police for a multitude of reasons and some of it is trauma related. I respect police officers because they don’t have the easiest of jobs but I don’t trust them. Thankfully, the two police officers that showed up tonight are officers that I trust. I trust them because I have known them for awhile and they worked hard to earn my trust. Since it was a “slow night” according to them they were able spend some time with me talking. It was quite helpful to be able to talk about it.
After the two police officers left I turned on the radio to listen to music. I read a Wonder Woman comic book and then decided to blog. Listening to music is quite helpful. Music has been one useful skill for me to use especially when it comes to dealing with my PTSD symptoms.
Since I am getting into a better space, I am going to end this blog and read another Wonder Woman comic book. I love Wonder Woman comic books. I am hoping that the music and continued reading of Wonder Woman that I will be able to get back to sleep. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!
It’s another Tuesday and I am tired as hell. Sorry I haven’t really blogged. I was hoping to blog earlier but I’m just extremely tired. I had several screaming nightmares last night and I am most appreciative that my boyfriend helped me through. I really should be in bed right now because I have a job interview tomorrow.
I have a job interview tomorrow with the same agency who runs the homeless shelter I volunteer at. Hopefully, they don’t have to reschedule the interview again. If they do I wont be a happy camper because I had to tell the shelter I wouldn’t be there again tomorrow due to the interview being rescheduled. I love volunteering at the homeless shelter. The clients might be considered difficult but I don’t find them difficult. If you treat them with respect they will treat you with respect. I am fearful that they are going to reschedule the interview again. I just don’t want to miss another volunteer shift at the homeless shelter. Volunteering at the shelter gives me a since of purpose.
Having a since of purpose is huge and I think that is why I am going through the Warm Line Training. In fact I went to training this evening and I am enjoying it. Tomorrow I have my first listening in shift. I wont be doing any talking just listening in to see how the calls are taken and what they are like. We have another listening in shift toward the end of the training as well. I hope I am good enough to be a call taker on the Warm Line.
If everything works out with getting the job that means I will been ending my volunteer job at the homeless shelter because you cant volunteer and be an employee at the agency but I will be starting the Warm Line about the same time I start the job if I get it. So what I am trying to say as one volunteer job might be coming to an end if I get the job it will work at that I will be starting a new volunteer job. It looks better on a job résumé that way. As much as I don’t want to quit volunteering at the shelter I want the job even more. Even if I don’t get the job volunteering two places looks good on the résumé as well. I just really want the job. Like I said I will have to quit the homeless shelter if I get the job and if I get the job I will be starting to be an official volunteer call taker at the Warm Line. I hope this paragraph is making sense because I am just really tired.
Since I am really tired I am thinking I should end this blog entry for now. I hope to blog tomorrow regarding both the job interview and the listening shift with the Warm Line. I will not be able to discuss what the callers said due to confidentially. Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday evening. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!
Hey! I guess I can say it’s officially Friday since it is 1:34 in the morning (pacific time). Its been Friday for an hour and thirty four minutes now. I guess a Happy Friday is in order. Happy Friday, everyone!!!
I have been up for about an hour and a half now due to a stupid ass nightmare. Thankfully, I’m at my boyfriends house and he is helping me through what I call the nightmare leftovers. Sometimes the nightmare leftovers are difficult to deal with. Depending on what type of nightmare I had, I can wake up in little girl mode. Most of the time when I am in little girl mode after a severe nightmare like tonight I don’t realize that I’m in it because the nightmare felt like the trauma was happening all over again. It can take quite awhile for me to get out of little girl mode. Tonight it only took an hour for me to out of little girl mode. According to my boyfriend, I was 9 year old Gertie for that hour. Apparently 9 year old Gertie thinks my boyfriend is a safe person and that is a good thing. My boyfriend is a safe person. I have stuffed animals at my boyfriends house to help me through rough moments even if the rough moments are not when I am in little girl mode. My therapist says that its a common thing for people to dissociate after a severe nightmare or PTSD symptom. The dissociation is getting less and less as well as farther apart as I continue to work through the pain of my past with my therapist. Well, I’ve gotten off track. Back to the nightmare leftovers. My boyfriend is a strong man (both emotionally and physically) and is able to handle the nightmare leftovers pretty well. When I become little Gertie my boyfriend gives me one of my stuffed animals to hold and puts on a Disney movie. I guess tonight 9 year old Gertie wanted to watch The Jungle Book so my boyfriend put it in for her to watch. When I get out of little girl mode I usually put on some music to help get grounded again. I put on Nirvana to help me get grounded and it helped me. See, another part of the nightmare leftovers is that it takes a while for me to recuperate from the nightmare especially if I was in little girl mode. The part that is most difficult for my boyfriend is when he wants to cuddle with me (when I am not in lil girl mode) to try to comfort me and I cant because its difficult for me to be touched. That part is difficult for me as well however its quite difficult for him and I wish I stand being touched after a nightmare. I am extremely grateful that my boyfriend is patient with me and whatever symptoms any of my mental heath diagnoses may bring. I just wish I had the patients with the symptoms that he has with them. Nightmare leftovers suck because being intimate with my boyfriend isn’t going to happen when we go back to bed. Cuddling maybe but not sex. I am getting really sleepy.
I am thinking should get going so I could get some sleep. I might even have my boyfriend cuddle with me so I can feel a little bit safer. He always makes me feel safe. I should get going and try to get some sleep. Hopefully, I can get some sleep. I know my boyfriend will stay up with me if need be. It is now 2 o’clock in the morning and I really need sleep. Peace out!
It’s been an interesting but good Wednesday. Today didn’t start out all the pleasant. I woke up with a nightmare. Waking up to nightmares sucks big time.
Shortly after I woke up from a nightmare this morning I got a call from a childhood friend. My friend ended up calling me at 4:30 in the morning pacific time. She forgot that she is three hours ahead of me. That means it was 7:30 her time. Anyway it was good to talk to her. Its always good to reminisce. She updated me with her life as I updated her with my life.
As I told you all yesterday, I applied for a position as Consumer Aide. Well, I got a call this morning asking if I could come in for an interview tomorrow. The thing is I got the call for the interview 23 hours after I sent the email. It’s extremely rare to get call back for an interview so soon much less get an interview 48 hours after sending in a résumé’ and cover letter. I am a little nervous about the job interview but I am confident that it will go well even if I don’t get the job. I know that a Consumer Aide isn’t exactly a Peer Specialist position but its a start in the right direction. Maybe it will help me eventually get a Peer Specialist job in the future. I just hope that I am not getting my hopes set too high. I am just frustrated that I’m in a job that I don’t like and am eager to move on to another job. I really hope I get the job because I’ve been employed at the same employer for nine years now and it getting a little old and boring at times. The cool thing is that I already know what I am going to wear to my interview because I have an outfit that I wear to most of my interviews.
Enough about my job interview. I volunteered today. I told the staff at the homeless shelter that I have an interview tomorrow and they wished me luck. If I get the job I will have to quit my volunteer job because the agency that runs the shelter runs the transitional/supportive housing site I applied to. That’s okay because I believe in what the agency does. The staff are happy for me and the hope I get the job even though it means I will not be able to volunteer at the shelter. If I get the job I will miss the clients in the shelter but I know that I will get to know and enjoy the clients at the transitional housing site I might be employed at. Part of the reason why I got the interview is because I volunteer at the agency and have been employed at my current employer for nine years. I really enjoy working with the homeless population. I was able to talk with one of my favorite clients for about a half an hour today. I know we aren’t suppose to have favorites but its kind of difficult not to at times. I really enjoy volunteering at the homeless shelter.
Speaking of volunteering, I start training for another volunteer job in about two weeks. Its for a local peer run Warm Line. I am looking forward to it. The training is two days week for four hours each day for about six weeks. They want to make sure we get the proper training if we are going to be taking calls for a peer run Warm Line. Talking with people who struggle with mental illness is not an easy thing especially if there is the potential that the caller might be suicidal.
Anyway I need to get going. My boyfriend is barbequing for a goodbye party for one of my elderly neighbors who is moving in with one of her children in a different state. My boyfriend said he would be willing to come over and barbeque for the going away party. I need to help out before others start showing up to say goodbye the elderly neighbor.
I hope to blog again tomorrow and tell you how my job interview went. I really hope I get the job. Like I said I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and enjoy the rest of you Wednesday evening.