Tag Archives: Truama

Nightmare Suck

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is the middle of the night in Seattle and I am unable to sleep due to PTSD related nightmares. I, so wish I didn’t have to deal with nightmares especially PTSD related nightmares. Nightmares that really suck which is why I chose to read.

I chose to read to help distract myself. In fact, all the authors I chose to read; Stephen King. The book I am reading is Pet Cemetery. I haven’t gotten very far in the book. I am only about twenty pages in but so far so good. I figured if I am going have nightmares already, I might as well as have them on my terms.

Part of how I came to read Pet Cemetery is by practicing mindfulness meditation. I practice mindfulness meditation by using the Calm App. The Calm App is an awesome resource for mindfulness. I know that both the Calm App and mindfulness help me with my recovery.

Something that I am realizing is that I am hungry. I am really hoping it gets here soon. I ordered from a food delivery company. I ordered from McDonald’s. I am really wanting some fries and I hope they are not cold or stale.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle, Washington!!! This week has been quite a week for me emotion wise especially when it comes to depression and PTSD related to recent traumas that triggered past traumas. Traumas that were brought up in therapy which will be discussed later in this blog post.

Anyway, I went to work last Sunday and did crisis coverage. I continued to due crisis coverage on Sunday night despite vomiting most of the night. Thankfully, I only received one crisis call that just needed some resources. Due to vomiting most of Sunday night, I didn’t go to work on Monday. I did go to work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I struggled both days with PTSD related shit which sucked. I missed work on Thursday due to being in the emergency room most of Wednesday night.

I was in the emergency room of a local hospital most of Wednesday night due to self harm reasons which is why I missed work on Thursday. The self harm act was that of me punching a brick wall several times. Thankfully, I didn’t break anything. All I ended up with was a very bruised and swollen hand. I am also thankful that I was not suicidal in anyway and was able make a solid safety plan. I was also able to have a telephone check in with my therapist later in the afternoon for about a half an hour.

As Friday goes, I dissociated a lot due to reasons I’d rather not discuss but I did inform my therapist what happened via email and during our session on Friday. Therapy was fucking hard yesterday (Friday). We discussed what happened yesterday morning and why I was dissociating a lot. I also shared a lot of scary shit as far as trauma goes that I experienced as a child. Shit that has been brought up by the recent trauma of being raped. My therapist showed a lot of compassion and empathy. She also allowed me a lot of space to share that hard shit which meant our session lasted an hour and a half instead of an hour.

As far as today has gone, I haven’t done much to report. I did go to the U-District Farmers Market and got an awesome breakfast sandwich which I have been doing every Saturday for the last four or five Saturdays now. I think I am going to make it a weekly thing for me every Saturday since the U-District is every Saturday year round.

As far as what I have been for myself self care wise this week since it has been quite challenging has varied. I of course have been spending some time with my beloved cat, Billie. I have also been doing daily mindfulness meditation practices. In fact, last week, I have been doing at least four a day. I have been using the Calm App for at least two of the daily mindfulness meditation practices while other practices have been on my own or with others. I also have been doing a lot of art work. I have been doing various forms of art work such as coloring and diamond art. I also have been doing various types of crafts which include latch hook and cross stitching. I also have been doing a lot of reading books. Reading has been quite helpful with dealing with my PTSD.

That’s it for my weekly check in. Have a great weekend!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Too Tired to Sleep & It’s Only 1:49pm Seattle Time

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World. I haven’t had the best sleep most of last night and all day today. Despite how I attempted to sleep last night for a good night of sleep as well as getting a good nap today, I was unable to do so. It sucks shit that I am so sleepy especially when I am trying to do various things to relax enough to get some sort of sleep.

One of the things that I had done on several occasions is doing mindfulness meditation practices which helps a great deal especially when I am so tired as well as being so anxious. I am so grateful for mindfulness meditation through the Calm App.

Something else I did was going to go to the Farmers Market in my neighborhood. In fact I took a friend with me to hang out with this friend. I wanted to treat her to an awesome food known as a breakfast sandwich. She agrees it’s the best breakfast sandwich she has ever had. Even though I go to this farmers market every Saturday, my friend and I are going to attend together twice a month.

After parting ways with my friend from the farmers market, I came home to spend time with my cat, Billie asI am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to my Childhood Playlist music on Spotify. In fact it is over 16 hours long and close to 175 songs.

Speaking of music I am planning on listening to music as I do some arts and crafts. I plan on doing some art work via coloring. Coloring helps me keep myself grounded. The crafts I am planning on doing is cross stitching. That is if my cat Billie doesn’t want to play with the string. I am also going to attempt to teach myself how to Latch Hook. I am doing my best to teach myself to teach myself to Latch Hook but I am finding somewhat interesting and relaxing.

Due to the lack of sleep, everything I have been doing today has been helping with the PTSD shit although it still pretty bad due to the lack of sleep.

I do not not have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of my things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you not reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!