Making Life Decisions in a Crisis

The last few months have been a struggle for me. A struggle that has been more or less a constant crisis for me. Being in a constant crisis and not being able to  bounce back like I have been able to do in recent years.

Not being able to bounce back as quickly as I have been able to do as in recent years got me to thinking about my recovery. I realized as I was thinking that not being able to focus on my recovery due to working fulltime under a supervisor who would not allow me to take time off for appointments with my treatment team that I needed to make a huge life decision. A decision that was not easy for me to make but I needed make it as I need to focus on my recovery. That decision was to resign from my position as a Peer Specialist.

I put in my notice on Valentines Day and my supervisor wasn’t exactly the happiest of people at the moment. He didn’t want to go through the hiring process again which I wouldn’t want to do either however I feel like my recovery is more important than sticking at a job that was hindering my recovery. Yes, I love my job with a passion and really don’t want to quit but I realize that I am doing a disservice to the clients I serve if I am in a constant crisis and not focusing on my own recovery. One of my primary job duties is to be in recovery and well its a little wobbly at the moment I need to do what is best for both the clients I serve and myself and focus on my recovery. So, my last day at a job I love with a passion with be on March 24, 2017.

I know resigning from my job is the best decision for me at the moment. I can’t help others if I’m not able to help myself. As difficult as this decision was for me, I am at peace with my decision. In all honesty I can’t help but see the dialectics in my decision of resigning from my job. I think its because of both the dialectics and mindfulness is why I am at peace with my decision of quitting a job I love with a passion. My recovery is way too important.

I appreciate you all for reading. I hope to continue to share with you my journey of recovery with a mental health condition. I hope to continue to be an example of what recovery looks like. Thank you all again for reading. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

Thrown to the Wolves but Not Eaten by Them

Good Evening!! It’s been a month today since I started my new position as a peer specialist at work and I am still loving it. It’s been quite a month for a number of reasons.

When my supervisor informed me that he was throwing me to the wolves he thought it was only for my first week and not for my first month and beyond. A colleague  went on an  unexpected leave. A leave my supervisor was shocked as hell about and went to bat for him so he would be able to return to work. Thankfully, this colleague came back yesterday (Wednesday) and felt bad for leaving myself and my other colleague out of loop and out for so long. We may not know exactly why he was out but we understand more than others because of being Peer Specialist.

I am loving  my new position. It is quite challenging at times. Then there are times where it is fun and full of laughter. For instance today, I was called a butt loud names by client who is not doing so well and on the other end of the spectrum, I was able to joke and laugh with another client. I am learning to take things in stride as they come my way, weather is insults or laughter.

My new position can be stressful at times which leads me to the training I was able to attend called Mindfulness as Self-Care which was held by the crisis clinic. I was able to attend because of being a Warm Line call taker and the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the Crisis Clinic.

The training obviously was on Mindfulness as Self-Care. It was geared toward those of us who work in the mental health  field. It focused on mindfulness skills. Part of the training also gave some back history as well. Some of the history included the focus of how various religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism focus on mindfulness and how it is a major skill taught in Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT).  The training gave me some new ways to be mindful and more tools to add to my toolbox.

I am looking forward till tomorrow. Tomorrow in my three year anniversary with Junior. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that Junior and I have been together for three years.  After I get off work tomorrow, we are going to go on a romantic get away for the weekend. It is a much needed get away for the both of us.

Well, I need to get going. I hope to blog again at some point this weekend. I am tired and think it is time for me to go to bed. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If I Could Turn Back Time.” If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?

I personally think we all have moments where we could turn back time to do over or even re-experience something good or joyous in our life. Who wouldn’t want to do an embarrassing day they experienced in junior high / middle school? Who wouldn’t want to experience a time in their life where it was a joyous or wonderful? I know for me that there are plenty of embarrassing moments from junior high I would love to do over again. I also know I would love to re-experience all the wonderful experiences I have had.

But truthfully, I don’t know if there is a time I would want to turn back. I say this because if we go back and change things then it would change the course of our lives. Despite all the pain and suffering I have experienced in my life; it has made me the person I am today. Granted if I could turn back time; I wouldn’t want to struggle with a mental illness. Then again, my mental health diagnosis has helped shaped on who I am as a person. I’m not my mental illness but it has shaped me and for the better. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t wish a mental illness on anyone but its helped make me realize who I am as a person and what direction my life is going. It’s just like I wouldn’t wish anyone to get hurt like I did as a child (including those who abused me) nor would I want to re-experience being hurt again but its helped me be the person I am today. As much as I don’t like some of the aspects of what I experienced in my life I am grateful that it has made me who I am today. Yes, the positive experiences have made me who I am today as well and I still wouldn’t want to relive them for the same reason as the negative experiences. Turning back time would just make me a different person and that is why I wouldn’t want to do it at all. I’ve learned that as much as I want to turn back time at times that there is no going back. Enjoy what you have in the moment.

For me enjoying what I have in the moment is the best way to live my life and not turn back time. I hope everyone takes the time today to enjoy the moment that they are living in. Life is too short to not enjoy the current moment. Have a wonderful day and peace out!!

Using Mindfulness While Gettting Ready For Work

     It’s another Sunday. That means I’m not only getting ready for work but getting into the mindset to work. For some reason my anxiety is giving me some difficulty at the moment. Not sure why it is. That’s why I’m using mindfulness. Mindfulness is a useful tool for anyone to use even if you don’t have anxiety problems or other mental health issues. I also did some meditation. Meditation helps me a great deal even though its not an easy thing for me to do. Well, I best be going. I need to finish getting ready for work. Have a great day everyone.