A Relaxing Hump Day (Wednesday)

Hello World!!! This morning I woke up with Junior kissing me on the cheek after coming home from work. I couldn’t think of a better way to wake than having my partner wake me up than the way Junior did this morning.

We decided to have a low key day which started off with breakfast. I fixed Junior an omelet with a side of fresh fruit and chocolate milk. Like I suspected Junior was famished due working his regular 24 hour shift that was more challenging than usual.

A shift we ended up discussing. Junior needed to discuss what his shift about for a multitude of reasons. One of which was that he dealt with a child abuse case that included six children. Junior is a firefighter and if you ask any firefighter out there anything that includes a child is one of the most difficult calls they go on especially if it includes child abuse. As we discussed the child abuse call, Junior couldn’t help but tell me that once his crew was done with the call he thought about the “shit” I went through which helped him have that much more compassion and empathy for the children he helped. Junior also went on two separate calls that involved two separate women who were the victims of “brutal sexual assaults.” He and all firefighters have a difficult time dealing with calls that involve both children and/or victims of an assault of any kind especially sexual assault.

As Junior and I discussed the difficult calls he was noon, the topic of sex came up. Junior brought up the fact that he finds it quite difficult to have sex and be intimate after shifts that include child abuse and/or sexual assault. As we discussed the difficulties he had with sex and intimacy after a shift like yesterdays, Junior stated he always seems have better understanding of how I must feel regarding my PTSD symptoms even though he will “never fully understand.” As we finished our discussion Junior realized how exhausted he was from his shift and went to bed to get a few hours of sleep.

As Junior slept, I decided to start reading a book I bought at Emerald City Comic-Con (ECCC) back in March of this year (2017). The book I started reading is Green Rider by Kristen Britain. I, in fact was able to get this book signed by the author after attending a panel she was on at ECCC. A panel I almost didn’t attend but happy I did. I’m in fact looking forward to attending ECCC in 2018 and hope that Kristen Britain is a guest as I will most likely will attend a panel if she speaks on one. The reason being is that when she signed my copy of Green Rider she took fifteen minutes of her time to talk with me even though she did not have to do so.

Looks like I got on the to topic of Emerald City Comic-Con when I was wanting to discuss the book I am reading. So, on that note let get back on back to the topic of Green Rider. So far I am really enjoying the book. I’m only on page 48 and starting the sixth chapter yet I’m finding myself having difficulties putting it down and wanting to get back to reading it. When I find myself having difficulties putting a book down and wanting to pick it back up as soon as possible then it must be a good book.

In fact after Junior woke up from his nap I told him about Green Rider and now he is wanting to read it. After telling Junior about the book we ate a lite lunch and then went rollerblading around a local lake at t local park. As we rollerbladed we discussed a great deal of stuff. Most of it was regarding plans for what we want to do the rest of the day as well as rest of the week before he goes back to work on Sunday for his regular shift as well as an overtime shift on Monday.

After rollerblading at a local park we decided to rent a couple of movies at a local mom and pop video store. Since we were already out and about we decided to pick up my meds from the pharmacy. When we arrived home we ended up watching one of the movies we picked up from the video store. We then fixed and ate dinner. After dinner we decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. Now we are home watching the nine o’clock news.

As I near the end this post after telling you about my day, it turned out to be a relaxing hump day (Wednesday). Having a relaxing day is extremely helpful for my recovery as well as decreasing the symptoms of my mental health diagnoses. In fact everything I brought up in this post is quite helpful for me and my recovery.  As many of you know my recovery means the world to me and wouldn’t give up the path of recovery for all the money any in the world.

Something else that means the world to me is my time with Junior and with that being said, I want to spend time with him. That means this is the end of this particular blog post. I hope everyone has a good evening as well as good nights sleep. Peace out!!!

First Time Attendee to Emerald City Comicon

I attended the Emerald City Comicon for the first time and had a blast. I know its now Wednesday but wanted to share my experience with you all I had the weekend we just had (March 2 – March 5).

It being my first ever time attending any form of such event, I didn’t know what to expect. Thursday, I ended up just taking it all in by wondering around. I did a lot of people watching but met up with a friend to attend a panel  focusing on the women side of comic books. Mainly the panel was on women superhero’s or the lack there of. Wonder Woman was brought up a great deal at this panel and rightfully so.

Speaking of Wonder Woman, I did some cosplay and dressed as Wonder Woman on Friday. I attended many cosplay events on Friday that I attended with friends. As fun as cosplay was, it was a bit overwhelming for me.

Despite Friday being overwhelming for me, I think I had the most fun on Saturday. I attended many panels. In fact all the panels I attended were publishers and authors of Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre. My favorite panel of the entire event happened on Saturday and it was Women in fantasy with authors Callie Bates, Kristen Britain and Robin Hobb with editor Anne Groell moderating.  I had a blast being able to hear them speak and talk with them one on one.

I did attend on Sunday but that was the day, I really got overwhelmed and only stayed a couple of hours. I did get a lot down in the two to three hours I was there. I ended up buying five Wonder Woman magnets  and a Wonder Woman bathrobe. I also was able to get nine book Sci-Fi/Fantasy books. Four of which I received for free and seven of the nine books I did get I was able to get signed by the authors.

I may had have had my struggles regarding my lived experience with a mental health condition at Emerald City Comicon but I am thrilled I went. Overall, attending ECCC ultimately helped with the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I am definitely  attending next year but I will be staying in a hotel in downtown as I think it will ultimately be easier for everything.  Have a wonderful rest of your week. Peace Out!!!

1,000 Days

     Happy Monday, Everyone!!! Today, marks 1,000 days since I was last discharged from a inpatient psych unit. Hence, the reason why I titled this blog entry 1,000 Days. For me 1,000 days is a major accomplishment. This is the longest that I have been out of the hospital for psych reasons since I was a teenager. Being out of the hospital for 1,000 days just shows on how much I have accomplished in my recovery and of course I had many people who have helped with this process.

     I guess if I really look back my recovery process started back in 1999. Yes, my recovery process started 15 years ago. I may have not been in recovery with my mental health for 15 years but I have been in recovery from the eating disorders for that long. In my late teens and early twenties I considered myself a Christian. In fact I was highly involved in the Christian community. I share this with you because its part of my story of how I am in recovery with both Anorexia and Bulimia. Being active in the church I was attending and being a huge “Christian” music fan at the time, I had heard of this place called Mercy Ministries. Mercy Ministries is a place for “troubled young women” with all sorts of issues including eating disorders. The thing that drew me to Mercy Ministries at the time was that it is Christian and free. At the time it was the best choice I made. In fact to this day I don’t regret making the decision to go all the way to Nashville from the West Coast of the United States. I did graduate from Mercy Ministries and it is one of the greatest accomplishments in my life. I as a thirty-something may not consider myself as Christian anymore and am happy that as a twenty-something Christian, I made one of the best decisions in my life. I may not agree that I was healed from Anorexia and Bulimia but I do believe that because of Mercy Ministries I am in recovery from both eating disorders. I haven’t had any relapses with either eating disorder but I do struggle on occasion with the urges of the eating disorders. I believe that both eating disorders are a life long struggle and it is a choice I make to give in to those urges or not. I choose to not give in to those urges.

     Now that you know where I my recovery started or at least with the eating disorders, now let me tell you about my mental health recovery. My mental health recovery is much more of a rollercoaster ride than my eating disorder recovery. My mental health recovery started October 2003 when I entered an intensive two year out patient Dialectical Behavior (DBT) program. At the time I entered the  DBT program I had been in and out of inpatient psych wards and hospitals more than 40 times. That’s more times than my current age. While being in the DBT program I was required to get a job which I am beyond grateful that I was required to do. In fact the job was a requirement for the second year of the DBT program I was in. If it wasn’t a requirement for me to get job I wouldn’t haven’t gotten a job and I am forever grateful that it was a requirement because I have been employed with same employer now for 9 years. The two years I was the program I only ended up in an inpatient unit once. I graduated from both years of the DBT program (first and second years).

      After I graduated from the DBT program in November 2005 I decided to go back to the current mental health agency I seek services at. Since going back to the current mental health agency in February of 2006, I have had a high turn over of clinicians and many more hospitalizations. In fact if it wasn’t for my last clinician switching to a different team in the agency, I wouldn’t have gotten my current therapist. I have had my current therapist since December of 2008. In fact Diana is the therapist I have had the longest in all the years I have been in therapy. Diana has helped me a great deal in the last 5 1/2 years. In fact if it wasn’t for  Diana helping me through the pain I have struggled with and still struggle with I wouldn’t have been able to stay out of the hospital for 1,000 days. Diana is one of many people who have helped me in the last 11 years. 

     Over last the last 11  or so years of mental health recovery I have found out a lot about myself. For instance when I was in DBT I realized that I am passionate about politics and got involved with it. I stopped for a long while when I started working and now I am wanting to get back into it. I also realized with one clinician I had that I am bi-sexual. I thank the universe that I figured out I was bi. Yes, my boyfriend know I am bi. I have also realized how much I love music and collecting comic books. I love Wonder Woman comic books. I got into collecting comic books. I am not only collecting Wonder Woman but Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and X Men. When I was in the height of my mental illness I stopped playing the flute and decided about 2 years ago to pick it back up and to start teaching myself to play the harmonica again. I also realized that I not only love rap and alternative music but country music as well. I also enjoy jazz. I also realized that I really enjoy reading and that I love reading Classic Literature. I tend to read memoirs and autobiographies of those who struggle or have struggled with mental  illness. I also enjoy reading mysteries, horror, sci fi and fantasy. I am telling you all this because when you are struggling with a mental illness you don’t realize what you like or enjoy and if you do know what you like or enjoy you forget about it because mental illness sucks the life out of you. One of the most important things I’ve learned is to educate myself about my particular diagnosis as well as the latest research regarding mental illness, therapies and meds. Another major thing I have learned or come to realize is to depend on my natural support system.

     Speaking of my natural support system they are throwing me a barbeque because of being out of the hospital for 1,000 days. They know its a big deal for me. I just wish they weren’t making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is. This small barbeque is turning out to be a party. I just wanted it to be about 12 or so people. Apparently there are more than twenty people coming because they want to celebrate my success of 1,000 days. I know its a big deal but I wish they weren’t making it out to be a big deal.

     I better get going. I need to get ready for the barbeque. I am suppose to be there at 5:30(pacific time) and its now 4:22pm. I should get going and allow my support system to celebrate this day with me. Peace Out Everyone!!