First Time Attendee to Emerald City Comicon

I attended the Emerald City Comicon for the first time and had a blast. I know its now Wednesday but wanted to share my experience with you all I had the weekend we just had (March 2 – March 5).

It being my first ever time attending any form of such event, I didn’t know what to expect. Thursday, I ended up just taking it all in by wondering around. I did a lot of people watching but met up with a friend to attend a panel  focusing on the women side of comic books. Mainly the panel was on women superhero’s or the lack there of. Wonder Woman was brought up a great deal at this panel and rightfully so.

Speaking of Wonder Woman, I did some cosplay and dressed as Wonder Woman on Friday. I attended many cosplay events on Friday that I attended with friends. As fun as cosplay was, it was a bit overwhelming for me.

Despite Friday being overwhelming for me, I think I had the most fun on Saturday. I attended many panels. In fact all the panels I attended were publishers and authors of Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre. My favorite panel of the entire event happened on Saturday and it was Women in fantasy with authors Callie Bates, Kristen Britain and Robin Hobb with editor Anne Groell moderating.  I had a blast being able to hear them speak and talk with them one on one.

I did attend on Sunday but that was the day, I really got overwhelmed and only stayed a couple of hours. I did get a lot down in the two to three hours I was there. I ended up buying five Wonder Woman magnets  and a Wonder Woman bathrobe. I also was able to get nine book Sci-Fi/Fantasy books. Four of which I received for free and seven of the nine books I did get I was able to get signed by the authors.

I may had have had my struggles regarding my lived experience with a mental health condition at Emerald City Comicon but I am thrilled I went. Overall, attending ECCC ultimately helped with the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I am definitely  attending next year but I will be staying in a hotel in downtown as I think it will ultimately be easier for everything.  Have a wonderful rest of your week. Peace Out!!!

Daily Prompt: Inside the Bubble

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Inside the Bubble.” A contagious disease requires you to be put into quarantine for a whole month (don’t worry, you get well by the time you’re free to go!). How would you spend your time in isolation?

As I was looking through past daily prompts, I found this one. I don’t know why but it grabbed my eye. For some reason this is an easy prompt for me to do. Maybe it is because, I have been in the hospital for a month and sometimes longer however it was not due to a contagious disease but mental health reasons.

If allowed, I would have my laptop so I would be able to have access to the hospital’s Wi-Fi. I would want to be able to not only keep everyone up to date on what was going on with me through various social media sites, I would want to be able to blog. Blogging to me is very important to me. Having my laptop would allow me to have access to music. Without music I would not be able to survive. I would also be able to play games on POGO at http://www.pogo.com/ with my laptop so I could help fight the boredom I would be dealing with.

I would also have plenty of books and comic books by my bedside. I would get extremely bored if I didn’t have access to a variety of reading materials. I would have to make sure that there are plenty of Wonder Woman comic books. Of course the books I would be reading would be Sci-Fi, Fantasy or Mysteries because those are the genre’s that most grab my attention and keep my attention.

Another way I would be spending my time in medical isolation is coloring. I would need plenty of colored pencils, a pencil sharpener and my coloring pages and posters I ordered from Stuff 2 Color at: http://www.stuff2color.com/ Coloring would be quite helpful and relaxing. Plus it wouldn’t take much attention to be able to do especially at the beginning of the month long isolation when I would be feeling at my worst.

I would probably be sleeping a lot to get better. I would most likely be going stir crazy as time went on. I would hope that I would be able to have visitors but not sure if I would able to have any because of being contagious.

Well, I need to end this post for now. I need to finish getting ready for work. Have a wonderful day everyone and peace out!!!

Nightmares Suck

As I sit here typing this particular post, I am trying to get myself in a better space than I am at the moment. I woke up from a more horrifying nightmare than usual. It happened to be a screaming nightmare and the only reason I know this is because one of my neighbors called the police. I don’t do well with police for a multitude of reasons and some of it is trauma related. I respect police officers because they don’t have the easiest of jobs but I don’t trust them. Thankfully, the two police officers that showed up tonight are officers that I trust. I trust them because I have known them for awhile and they worked hard to earn my trust. Since it was a “slow night” according to them they were able spend some time with me talking. It was quite helpful to be able to talk about it.

After the two police officers left I turned on the radio to listen to music. I read a Wonder Woman comic book and then decided to blog. Listening to music is quite helpful. Music has been one useful skill for me to use especially when it comes to dealing with my PTSD symptoms.

Since I am getting into a better space, I am going to end this blog and read another Wonder Woman comic book. I love Wonder Woman comic books. I am hoping that the music and continued reading of Wonder Woman that I will be able to get back to sleep. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Being Celebrated On My Birthday

Today, is another Saturday. A Saturday that I wish wasn’t all about me. See, today (March 7th) is my birthday. Birthdays are usually a joyous time for people and most likely not difficult for the birthday person to be celebrated.

I have difficulties with people celebrating me even if it is my birthday. I am not use to it due to my childhood and the trauma I suffered as a child.  The thing is I am no longer a child and I choose the people I have in my life.

I choose the people I have in my life because of my not so good childhood. The people currently in my life are good to me. They love me and care about me. I may have chosen the people in my life but I still feel like I don’t deserve to have them in my life. I have to remember that no matter how difficult my childhood was, that I still deserve to have people in my life that love me for who I am.

It is because of who I am that the people in my life celebrated me today because it was the day I was born. They know that no matter how I feel or what I think that I deserve to be celebrated. Celebrated like everyone should be celebrated.

My birthday started out by my little brother calling me at 12 midnight wishing me a Happy Birthday. My dad then called me at 12:36 am to wish me a Happy Birthday. My dad called me at 12:36 in the morning because today is my 36th birthday.

It being my 36th birthday my fiancé got me three dozen (36) purple roses. Junior got me the purple roses because purple is my favorite color and well he wanted to make sure my day started off well. I am grateful that he was and is so thoughtful.

Right beside the rose’s were baseball tickets to the first two home games to the Seattle Mariners. Junior made sure that I will attend opening day because the Seattle Mariners are playing my favorite team the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I am so looking forward to seeing a good baseball game against two of my favorite teams. I do have to say that I always root for the  Angels. Junior also got tickets for the second Mariner home game. Yes, the Mariners will be playing the Angels. Junior knows me well enough that when it comes to gifts I prefer experiences over things which is not only why he got be baseball tickets but planned what happened next in my day.

Junior planned a surprise party for me. He planned it extremely well. Junior had invited a number of my friends to the party. In fact he even invited two childhood friends of mine that I knew in California and now live in the Seattle area. Not only did they show up but had various childhood friends mail them cards to give them to me today. Junior also invited people I went to high school with. My high school friends even did the card thing as well. I was surprised as hell that Junior planned the party for me. Actually, I am more surprised that he was able to keep it a secret because he is NOT very good at keeping secrets.

Some how he was able to not only plan the party but able to keep it a secret. Junior had his mom and other family member make an authentic Mexican meal for me. I love Mexican food and Junior knows that. I am also grateful that Junior is Mexican and that his family doesn’t care that I am white and that my family doesn’t care that he is Mexican. I am happy with my relationship and that our families can embrace each others cultures.

Not only was I blessed with Mexican food but was blessed with many other gifts. I received many books as well as a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I also got Wonder Woman pajama’s and many Wonder Woman comic books. I also received a three day pass to Emerald City Comic-con. I of course will be going to the comic-con with one of my best friends.

If it wasn’t for the friends I choose to be in my life and consider family, I would have not had a great birthday like I did today. I may feel like I don’t deserve it but I sure appreciated being loved and cared about. All the people who are currently in my life caring about me don’t give a shit that I have a mental illness. They care about me because I am me and that is why they made sure I had an awesome birthday.

I have less than three hours of my birthday left and I am going to spend the rest of it with Junior. We will be watching movies and most likely be having some intimate moments. I better get going. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!!! I hope everyone out there in the world who celebrates Christmas had a good holiday. Despite the typical family drama on both sides of my family it went fairly well. Time with Jr.’s family went well like always.

Jr. and I are in a hotel room in the town my mother and a brother live in. In fact it feels nice to have a small get away for a couple of days. Jr. and I are going to be spending some much quality time with each other the next couple of days. Our hotel room is looking over the lake and I am loving it. As I am blogging Jr. is taking a much need nap because the both of us have a long couple of days due to the Christmas holiday.

I cant help but think that next year and this time, Jr. and myself are going to have our hands full with two precious little babies. Jr. and I have been thinking on what types of Christmas traditions we want as a family. Of course many of our traditions seemed to be more geared toward when our little ones are older and I think its a good thing to plan for such traditions. Yes, we both are well aware that they will change as the kids grow older and we get to know what their personalities are like.

I am so excited that I am going to be a mama. Feeling my babies kick in my belly is the most amazing feeling in the world. Knowing that I am going to be a mama is an exciting event yet extremely overwhelming at the same time. Jr. is just as excited about becoming a papa as I am becoming a mama. He reads to my belly everyday so he can feel a connection to our children. Connection to our children is extremely important to both Jr. and myself because of the horrific past that I had as a child.

When I was a child I was severely and horrifically abused by my little brother’s father. Unfortunately, the abuse started at Christmas time and in fact was the worst at Christmas time. Christmas time is quite difficult for me due to the abuse however the holidays are slowly getting better as time goes on due to the fact of me working on the pain of the abuse in therapy. I am grateful that I have an awesome therapist that has helped me learn how to deal with the pain. I am also grateful to Jr. and my other natural supports for helping me when times get tough especially around the holidays.

The holiday season may not be easy for me however I realize that it is not easy for many people including those who do not struggle with a mental illness. I’m one of those people that wishes that the holidays were not such a difficult time for many people out there.

One thing that I do every year to make sure my holidays are good one is to read the comic books Christmas With The Superhero’s Volume One and Two.  I also watch A Charlie Brown Christmas as well as Polar Express. I do want I need to do to keep myself healthy and to build positive Christmas memories. Not only that I hope that when my twins are born that I and Jr. will give the positive and happy Christmas memories.

Well, I am going to let you all go for now so you all can have good positive Christmas memories. Not only that I want to give Jr. a good memory by being intimate with him. Peace out and Merry Christmas!!!

A Lazy Friday

Happy Friday!!! Today has been a lazy Friday for me. Thankfully, the weather cooperated with it being a rainy yucky day out. It gave me an excuse to read most of the day. Of course I had music playing in the background as I read. I of course did other things besides read and listen to Christmas music all day. I worked on a Jigsaw puzzle with my boyfriend while listening to Christmas music. We also had some very intimate moments and no we weren’t listening to music. The best part of the day was when my boyfriend fixed me biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs. I love biscuits and gravy. My boyfriend and I baked chocolate cake, an apple pie, a pumpkin pie and baklava. Of course we had the Christmas music blaring the entire time baking. As you can tell I didn’t get much accomplished today and that’s fine with me.

Even though today was not an accomplished day, yesterday felt like one after I attended a training that my volunteer job put on. In fact its one of the perks of volunteering at the Warm Line is being able to take various types of training that they offer. I guess its a plus that the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the local Crisis Line because of the free trainings. The training was about how Social Justice and what types of things get in the way of how we view ourselves and others and how people cope. I thought is was going to be more geared toward the LGBTQ but it wasn’t and I was disappointed with that. Yes, there was a discussion in the training on LGBTQ but the trainings focus wasn’t entirely on LGBTQ like I was hoping it was going to be. Oh well. I did enjoy it a lot and learned a great deal about myself and others as well as how others may view me. I believe this training will not only help me in my volunteer job at the Warm Line but my current employment as Consumer Aide.

Since we are on the topic of my current employment I am really enjoying it. Its nice to finally have a job that I love with every cell of who I am and knowing that I am making a difference in someone’s life. It’s nice to actually show other’s that recovery from a mental illness is possible.

Recovery for me is so much more fun than not being in recovery. I say this because I am able to enjoy days like today. Through recovery I am learning how much I am able to handle through the holidays. For many people the holidays are extremely difficult especially for those who struggle with a mental illness. I know for me that the holidays will never be easy however I can learn different ways to cope with them as well as to enjoy them and make my own traditions. A tradition that I have started is that I want my Christmas tree to tell people my story or who I am through the ornaments I have on it. Of course most of them are Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments. My grandparents started that when I was born. In fact I get an ornament or two from them every year. One happens to be in a series and started the year I was born. I think that tells a part of who I am. I usually buy between 2 to 4 ornaments a year for my tree plus the one or two my grandparents get me. My tree always looks empty due to the fact of the lack of ornaments it has. I really want my tree to tell people on who I am. Another thing I do is volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. See, being in recovery means dealing with the pain of your past with new traditions.

The holidays are not easy for me because I was severely and horrifically abuse as a child my moms (now ex) boyfriend. This (ex) boyfriend happens to be my little brothers father. Anyway, this dude did unthinkable and disgusting things to me. I guess that’s why I tend to struggle during the holidays. I am just happy that I haven’t had a major issue in three years.

I’m grateful that my boyfriend and others have helped me out the last three years. In fact I’ve had many people on my side to make sure I haven’t had a major issue the last three years. These people were there for me when I did have major issues three years ago. Having a great support system is key to being in recovery.

Well its no longer Friday and my boyfriend who happens to be part of my support system wants to have some intimate time. Intimate time usually means sex. I am really happy that I am able to trust him and feel safe with him to have sex.

Since its no longer Friday and my boyfriend and I want to have an intimate moment, I best be going. Have goodnight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. I would say enjoy the rest of your Friday but its now Saturday so enjoy your Saturday as well as your weekend. Peace Out!!

100th Blog

Writing this particular blog is a major milestone; a milestone in the fact that it is my 100th blog. Blogging on the subject of Mental Illness hasn’t been an easy feat. It hasn’t been easy for me to write on the topic of mental illness due to my own struggles with it and the lack of education. I have the lack of education to convey what I desire to tell you in regards to mental illness. Due to my struggles with mental illness I was unable to go to college and now it’s the lack of funds that I am unable to attend college. On the flip side, I am able to convey how one feels as well as how one deals when one struggles with a mental illness. I am however able to convey something on mental illness that and “educated” person cannot because I live with one. Who better to educate others on mental illness than those who struggle with one? Well, maybe those who not only struggle with a mental illness but have an education in field that deals with mental illness.

Dealing with a mental illness is not an easy thing to deal with because of the struggles one must have to endure when it comes to symptoms.  Learning to deal with the symptoms of a mental health diagnosis in a positive way is a start in  the recovery process. Recovery is not only a difficult journey as well as process but a difficult choice. Yes, recovery is a choice, a choice which one must be a willing participant. Of course being in recovery is an effort that others must be included in because going the journey alone just makes the journey not worth the effort to do. Once a person chooses the road to recovery that person will need all the support they can receive.

The support that one receives looks different to everyone’s own recovery. For me and my own recovery my support system is continuing to grow and be more supportive. My support system includes professionals (such as my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, primary care physician, etc.) as well as natural supports (such as my boyfriend, friends, current and past co-workers, selected family members, etc.). If it wasn’t for the continued support of the people I consider my support system, I would not be able to enjoy my life or even be in recovery. Yes, it is choice that I must make and choose to make however without the support I would not be able to continue on the road of recovery.

The point I am trying to make is that one who struggles with a mental illness needs all the positive support they can get especially when they choose to walk in recovery. Choosing recovery is a personal decision not a forced decision. Being forced into recovery (and in most cases treatment) does more harm than good. The last thing we who struggle with mental illness is to be forced to go into treatment. Yes, in some cases it is a good idea to be put into involuntary treatment but in most cases it is NOT a good idea.

My recovery means the world to me. Yes, there might be relapses and bumps in the road but I will have the support of my support network as well as all the skills I have learned throughout the years. If it wasn’t for my recovery I would not have been able to be employed at my previous employer much less get my current job as a consumer aide at a mental health agency. I have worked endlessly to get where I am at and I owe it all to those who have helped me through out the years. It is to those who have helped me through out the years that this blog is dedicated to. If it wasn’t for the help of many people I would have not been able to be posting my 100th blog much less been able to start this blog to share my recovery as well as to educate those who do not have a mental illness. It is my hope that this blog continues to educate people as well as give hope to those who are struggling and that recovery is possible.

I want to thank you for reading and/or following my blog. It means a great deal to me. I hope that with the next hundred blogs that I will able to continue to convey hope and recovery as well as educate on mental illness. Yes, I know I am not a teacher however some of the best educators in my life  were NOT teachers.

I hope to blog again in the next day or so. I am thrilled that I am able to share my life with you as well as be able show people that there is hope and recovery is possible and that people with mental illness are fully capable human beings. Have a good rest of your weekend all. Peace Out and have fun!!!