Tag Archives: Depression

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World. It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time and sadly, I am unable to sleep. I woke up to a nightmare. Nightmares suck sh!t and I wish I didn’t have to deal with them but sadly they are a major symptom of PTSD for me.

Since the nightmare was almost as horrific as the trauma I experienced as a child, I am pretty sure what I am going to do to get myself relaxed enough to hopefully get back to sleep. I think I will try to read first. I think I will start reading the book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. I have started this book a couple of times before but sadly never finished for various reasons.

If reading does not then, I will put on some music and do some artwork as I listen to the music. I am not sure what type of music I will listen to but I do know the type of artwork I will be doing. The type of artwork I will be doing is coloring. I enjoy coloring a great deal.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom for my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

An Early Morning Post Due to Waking up Too Early

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! At the start of writing this particular blog post it is 4:14 in the morning here in Seattle. I haven’t been getting much sleep due to the fact I most likely will be losing my job and having some insomnia over it. Some of the reasons I agree with while other reasons I don’t agree with due to the fact that I have not been able to use my reasonable accommodation request. I own up to the stuff that I haven’t need reasonable accommodation stuff but I just want to prove to my employer that I can do much better at my job if they allow me my reasonable accommodations.

Enough about work as I am trying to ge my mind off of work. by doing a number of things. First and foremost, I have been spending my time with my beloved cat, Billie. Having Billie by my side has been quite helpful. He is such an awesome and loving kitty. I am in awe of his unconditional love.

Besides my time with Billie, I have been doing my normal skill set to help myself through the challenging stuff the world throws at me such as artwork by coloring as well as reading. Let us not forrget about doing some mindfulness meditation practices. In fact I started to do log problems or logic puzzles. I find them quite fascinating Some are extremely challenging to .do but the satisfaction that comes with completing one is priceless. Plus I have a sense of pride when I am done with a logic problem or puzzle.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog post. It is greatly appreciated that you are the reader for reading my blog post. If it was not for you reading my blog post I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!!

A Yucky Weather Type of Evening

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is a yucky weather type of evening here in Seattle which is not too unusual this time of year. I don’t like this weather at times as it doesn’t really help with my depression. As much as I am not a fan of this weather, I also like it for the fact it gives me an excuse to stay home with my cat, Billie.

Being home with my cat, Billie is awesome especially with the yucky weather. It also gives me an excuse to read as my cat, Billie, curls up on my lap and sleeps. The book I am reading is Abraham Lincoln; Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. I am really enjoying the book. I am only on chapter four but I really like the book so far.

Another thing I think will help with my depression this evening is that I am doing crisis coverage till eight o’clock in the morning tomorrow (Wednesday). I think it will help as it helps me not focus on the shit that is going on in my own life. Yes, I focus on my shit but when I am working I both need to and want to focus on the people I help.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening here in Seattle and that means it is that time of the week where I give you my weekly check in. A check where I tell you what has happened for me during the past week. A week that doesn’t always as planned.

I started this week by attending an online twelve step meeting. A meeting that had a focus of step one and will continue to focus on step one for the next three to four weeks so folks can work on the step and not feel rushed doing it. I really connected with this group and let my sponsor know that. She will “attend” with me tomorrow as she has another sponsee that is doing step one plus my sponsor will be in attendance to support me.

Besides attending online twelve step meetings, I returned back to work. I am happy to be back to work despite having a corrective action plan (CAP) looming over my head. I also found out that I will be having my CAP meeting this Monday. I don’t think most of the CAP is fair but I will take responsibility for the parts that I know is fair like missing too many days even though I have medical reasons for missing too many days. As far as the adaptability part, I know I have issues with it however it is disability related and feel like I am in trouble due to my disability. I am also getting a CAP due to how my annual review went but that was done three and half months early which is why I am fighting the CAP. I don’t understand why I wasn’t informed sooner about what I need to work on.

I also had therapy this week. My therapist and I discussed many different things including work. We discussed coping skills around work as well as the mental health symptoms that I deal with on the daily basis. We talked about how attending twelve step meetings is “helpful” for me and my recovery. We also discussed how my symptoms are not as severe due to me doing daily mindfulness meditation practices at least twice daily. My therapist is awesome and I appreciate the fact that she not only points out what I need to work on but points out what I am doing well on.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Fighting My Way Through A Depressive Moment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am feeling very depressed at the moment. I really don’t like being depressed and I wish it would just go away. I know my depression will not go away especially this time of year when it usually gets worse due to the days getting shorter and the weather getting yuckier.

As depressed as I am, I am grateful that I am not suicidal. I am doing my various skills be to prevent myself from getting suicidal as being suicidal is no fund for anyone involved. One way I will help myself through this depressive moment is to do some artwork through coloring. I am coloring a couple of gigantic posters I bought from Stuff2Color.

Another way I am helping myself is reading while Billie, my cat, lays on my lap. I am in the middle of reading two different books. The one I am reading is Abraham Lincoln; Vampire Hunter, by Seth Grahame-Smith. So far I am enjoying the book. I love reading especially when my cat is on my lap.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Not Feeling Well Enough to Go to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am not feeling well enough physically to go to work today and I feel like I am big let down with my team right now. I have been vomiting a lot during the night. It is something I think is mental health related but my doctor just wants to make sure. So I see later today and hope to update after my doctors appointment.

I will update you in another blog post about why my doctor and therapist have to say. Peace Out!!!

Mid-Week Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! So far it has been one of them weeks for me and the week is not over yet. It’s been one of them weeks because it is my first week back to work from my second medical leave since a trauma happened to me back on July 31st. Anyway, I am still waiting on my corrective action plan (CAP) meeting and what I have to do to “pass it” which I am hoping I can do.

As far as the weather goes regarding my job as an outreach worker as a peer specialist has not been fun at all due to the rain. My feet get wet and I cannot afford water proof or water resistant shoes at the moment. Thankfully, I do have two pairs of shoes. One pair is for walking and the other pair is to make sure when I am inside my feet are not wet or cold so I don’t have to be a cranky bucket with my clients or colleagues.

Since the weather has been yucky and grey as well as it getting dark earlier and staying dark later, I have been using my happy light quite regularly. The happy light is helping a great deal with my depression and surprisingly helping with my anxiety and PTSD.

One of the things that have been helping me a great deal with depression, anxiety and PTSD besides the happy light is doing mindfulness meditation practices. Doing mindfulness meditation practices on a daily basis has proven to me that I am more productive with my day as well as being able to get better sleep.

I really do not have much of anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Down

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! The weather is sorta of yucky here in Seattle which is not unusual for this time of year. Even though the weather could be a lot more yuckier it still is not helping with my depression symptoms. Since it has been cloudy most of the day and it is getting darker earlier, I have had my happy light on most of the day which has been quite helpful.

Something I have been doing most of the day is some form of arts and crafts project while listening to a podcast. I am listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast that I am listening to is called Philosophize This. I really enjoy listening to this podcast. As I listened to the podcast I did some artwork as well as some crafting. The artwork I did was coloring. The crafting I did was some cross stitching.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it were not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! This past week has had plenty of ups and downs but then again, life is a roller coaster ride. A roller coaster ride that is never the same.

The roller coast ride was mainly due to work related stuff. In fact it has been nothing but drama and when I can go back to work. The great news is I am going back to work this Monday (October 16th). The not so great news is that I will be getting a corrective action plan (CAP) for various things in which I was not informed of till I received my annual review three and a half months early before going back on medical leave. Little does work know, that I have been searching for a new job. In fact I have a pre-interview and an interview with two different potential employers.

Due to the work drama, I am so glad I have been doing mindfulness meditation practices twice daily. Actually, it has been more than that but I schedule to do mindfulness meditation practice twice daily as it helps with my mental health symptoms.

In fact mindfulness meditation is a part of the twelve step program I am in. I am really happy that I am in this particular twelve step program as I think it will be helpful for me.

I don’t have much more to write about in this particular blog post. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after two o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. I sadly woke up from a stupid nightmare and wish the PTSD would just go away. I realize that sadly, the nightmares and the rest of PTSD symptoms will not go away.

Since I woke up from a stupid nightmare, I have decided to read. I am going to read because it is a great distraction and I love to read. Plus, when I read, my cat, Billie, lays on my lap. So, I get the unconditional love of my cat laying on my lap as I read.

I do not have anything else to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!