Tag Archives: Mental Illness

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening which means I do my weekly check-in with you the reader. Overall, things have been overwhelming knowing that I am going to be a parent and give birth this summer. The thought of being a parent is both scary and exciting at the same time.

In fact my therapist and I discussed being pregnant and me becoming a parent. We talked about me being fearful of becoming like my parents when I become a parent and my therapist validated my fear. She assured me that I won’t end up parenting my kid like my parents parented me. I also talked to my therapist about my kid ending up with a mental health challenge due to my own mental health challenges. My therapist understands my concerns.

I am pretty sure I don’t have much more to check in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it weren’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is way too early to be awake. I am awake due to a stupid nightmare. A nightmare that was a screaming nightmare and the only reason why I know this is because a neighbor called the police and they showed up to make sure I am okay. I informed the police that I am in fact okay and that I had a nightmare. They understood and left. I know the police were just doing their job but when your trauma related nightmare involved a police officer and the police show up, it doesn’t really help the PTSD. Again, it is not the police officers fault that a neighbor called nor is it my neighbors fault for making sure I was okay due to my screaming while having a nightmare. I just wish my nightmare wasn’t a screaming one.

On that note, my cat, Billie, is helping a great deal. He is currently laying in my lap purring as I write this particular blog post. I love my cat so very much and can’t imagine my life without him. He is such an amazing cat that loves to spend as much time in my lap as he can get. I am glad he is able to help me self regulate especially after a nightmare.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World.

Just Another Post About Therapy

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I had therapy today and it was a virtual appointment as it has been for the last year due to me working. My next appointment will be an in person appointment which I am thrilled about. My therapist and I will attempt to make a more set schedule for in person appointments now that I am not currently working.

My therapist and I of course discussed being pregnant. We discussed how being pregnant most likely will trigger my PTSD due to having the OBGYN checking me down below the belt on the monthly basis while pregnant. We discussed the things I could do to help me if I get triggered by getting examined by the OBGYN.

We also discussed a hard traumatic event that happened to me when I was a child. My therapist validated this experience and reiterated that I am not the monster despite me feeling like a monster. My therapist is really awesome and I am grateful that she is a safe person to talk with and that she makes therapy a safe place.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on a recovery workbook

Monday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • Go to Emerald House (a mental health club house)
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on recovery workbooks

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • OBGYN appointment
  • Lunch with Junior and mutual friends
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on recovery workbooks

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning walk
  • Emerald House virtual group
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on recovery workbooks
  • 12 Step virtual meeting

Thursday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • Emerald House virtual group
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on recovery workbooks
  • Dinner with friends and Junior

Friday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the Calm App
  • Morning Walk
  • Go to Emerald House (a mental health club house)
  • Virtual appointment with therapist
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on recovery workbooks
  • Movies and dinner with friends

Saturday

  • Mindfulness meditation through the calm app
  • Morning walk
  • University District Farmers Market with friends
  • Read
  • Color
  • Work on recovery workbook
  • Dinner with best friend

Hump Day Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Wednesday which means it is time for a mid week update or what I like to call it; Hump Day Update. The only thing I really have to update you on is something I want to confirm with my doctor first and I see her for my annual wellness check this Friday. Overall, things are going relatively well. Things with Junior are going quite well and my mom is quite happy that we are back together. Of course my dad and grandpa “approve” of Junior because he has always treated me well.

I do not have much more to update you on in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Coloring to Help the Inner Child Within

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time. I woke up from a nightmare about an hour ago and I feel like a scared little kid. A scared little kid that had to grow up fast in childhood. Since I am feeling like a scared little kid I have been coloring as I find it quite helpful to connect with my inner child that had to grow too fast. Coloring is also a mindfulness practice for me as it helps become grounded and present as well as to stay grounded and present in the moment.

I do not have much else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

The Thing I Would Love To Witness Is A Flash Mob

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am not sure how I am doing and would like to let you know something I would love to witness and have honestly only informed one person of it in my entire life which I would really love to witness a flash mob singing and playing musical instruments. I realize this is weird and that only one other person in my life is aware of it seems unusual however I really don’t want people to gear the flash mob for me. I would like to enjoy it without being embarrassed as well as have other people just enjoy it and not focus on me. I think witnessing one would be fun and I hope I can witness one in my lifetime. I know it seems silly to want to witness a flash mob but I think it would make me happy as well as make other people happy.

I do not have much else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; What Are Your Biggest Challenges

Posted on by Gertie
Bloganuary writing prompt
What are your biggest challenges?
View all responses

I can spend all day listing my challenges as I have so many of them already however I am not going to do that. I will say that my biggest challenges are myself as well as PTSD and Depression.

I am one of my biggest challenges because I can get in the way of myself in many different ways and can prevent myself from accomplishing great things in my community. I get in the way of myself by a lot of negative self talk which isn’t good for anyone especially those like me who have a mental health diagnosis.

Speaking of mental health diagnoses, my own diagnoses are challenging. Some moments are more challenging than other moments. Knowing when certain times of the year are harder than other times of year can be quite helpful to make sure those moments don’t have to be as challenging.

A Long @$$ Woe is Me Post with Hopes of Fun

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Right now, I am slightly struggling with the symptoms of Depression and PTSD as well as an event that happened yesterday (Wednesday). Maybe part of what the struggle is, is due to another event that happened this past Monday. Also, I get how the Depression and PTSD symptoms can intertwine with the events that have happened this past week and I think if I want in a better place mental health wise that the two events that affected me wouldn’t have affected me as badly as they did.

Just some background is I am assigned as female at birth however, I do not go by she/her pronouns as I identify as non-binary which means, I use the pronouns of they/them. I realize that gender identity is complicated for everyone whether or not you identify with the gender you were assigned with at birth.

On that note, it is no secret that I am a client of a community mental health agency here in Seattle as it is something I don’t hide from people for various reasons. This particular mental health agency has a mental health clubhouse which is named Emerald House. Emerald House has a relatively new staff person who happens to be a peer specialist who has obvious favorites from my perspective as I too, am a peer specialist who has worked in the mental health field. I am not judging this person for having favorite clients as anyone who works in the mental health field does have favorites as we are all human. On that note, I get the impression this person struggles dealing with me just as much as I struggle with them. I do know this peer specialist tries their best and it is obvious that this person wants to do well at their job.

The reason why I mentioned Emerald House, the peer specialist (who identifies as the gender they were assigned with at birth) and my own gender identity as it plays a major role into the events that occurred on Monday and yesterday (Wednesday). Emerald House is open three weekdays a week and the two other weekdays have an hour virtual group. Well, Mondays are one of those days it is opened and this past Monday I decided to attend. Long story short other members were not respecting my pronouns and it had been a long while since I educated and reminded these particular fellow members of my preferred pronouns. The three or four other members I educated and reminded didn’t appear to be bothered by this. Sadly, as I was leaving Emerald House for the day, the peer specialist spoke to me privately stating that I need to “not censor peoples words” in regards to my preferred pronouns. Needless to say I was and still am livid about this and didn’t say anything as I want to make sure I am in a space where I can advocate for myself in an appropriate manner as well as be able to actively listen and hear what the peer specialist communicates to me.

Now that informed you have Mondays events, I would like to let inform you of yesterday’s (Wednesday) events which normally would not have affected me as severely as they did if it were not for the events of Monday. Wednesday is one of the days Emerald House is not opened but they do have a one hour virtual group. In fact yesterday was the first time I attended this particular virtual group and it went well for the most part. Two other members asked me “to cut down on the profanity” that I was using. One of the members was just completely rude about it while the other was extremely polite as can be. The rude member stated that I was being “hateful” while the polite member stated “it can be hurtful to some of us.” It was not my intention to come across as “hateful” or “hurtful” to others. I stated very calmly “I feel like I am being censored with the words I am using and I am going to leave” and I left. I left because I felt many different intense emotions and with emotions that intense I thought I would leave as I didn’t want to say something or behave in a way that I would regret later on. I am angry with myself that I appeared “hateful” and that others thought I was being “hurtful” with me cussing as I don’t want to be hateful or hurtful. I am going to do my best to not cuss but I am also very angry by the cussing incident as I was asked to “not censor other people’s words” in regards to my gender identity and preferred pronouns and I really DISLIKE being angry.

Despite being depressed, angry as well as dealing with some intense PTSD symptoms I am looking forward to attending the University of Washington’s men’s basketball game this evening against Arizona State. As much as I wish I was going to attend a Seattle Storm game, I am looking forward to attending the Husky basketball game. It is something fun that I look forward to and it is something to create memories to look back on. Creating memories to look back on is key to my mental health recovery.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post but I do hope to be able to blog about the University of Washington men’s basketball game when I get home from it. I would like to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Hump Day Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Hump Day Update time. I do not have much update you the reader on regarding what is going on in my life so far this week as it has been quite boring and uneventful. I guess that things being uneventful is a good thing especially at this particular time in my life.

The weather has been a major topic on local news stations here in Seattle. It was windy and blustery yesterday. Not only that a couple of local mountain passes had blizzard warnings which of one of them is not all that common. In fact it is supposed to snow in the Seattle area. People in Seattle don’t do well in the snow and I am one of those people. I am not a big fan of snow and highly dislike being cold.

Another thing is that I started to color a giant picture for my therapist. I just hope once I am done coloring the giant poster and give it to her that she will like it. Coloring this giant poster feeds two birds with one grain (aka: kills two birds with one stone) due to the fact that coloring helps me maintain my mental health symptoms and a finished coloring project and giving to my therapist shows my appreciation for the help she has given me.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!