Tag Archives: Pregnancy

A Brief Post About A Sad Event

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am not sure how to say this but I miscarried. I started feeling crampy about an hour after my last post very early this morning in the middle of the night. When I went to the bathroom, I noticed blood. My partner took me to the emergency room where doctors confirmed our worst fear of me miscarrying. This phucking sucks and I don’t know how to feel and I am just numb. I was supposed to have an appointment with my therapist this morning but was unable to go to due to being in the emergency room and I forgot to call her. I did send her an email and called her to leave a voicemail when I got back home from the emergency room. Thankfully, I have an already scheduled appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow morning.

I don’t know what else to say. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Tough Start to the Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It has been a tough start to the day for me. I woke up a couple of hours ago due to a nightmare. It was a screaming nightmare and the reason why I know is because I am over at Junior’s house with my cat, Billie, and Junior informed me it was a screaming nightmare. Nightmares suck and I don’t envy PTSD on anyone including my worst enemy.

Junior is worried about my increased PTSD symptoms as he is worried it could affect the pregnancy. Hell, I am even more worried as I am that one that is pregnant. I just don’t want the PTSD to affect my pregnancy in any way. Having PTSD and being pregnant is not easy and I am grateful to have Junior and his love in my life.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; Do You Spend More Time Thinking About the Future of the Past? Why?

Posted on by Gertie
Bloganuary writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
View all responses

This is a hard one for me especially after finding out that I am pregnant as it is hard to not think about the future especially for the child you are pregnant with. One cannot help but think about the future of their child and bringing one into this chaotic world.

Despite thinking about the future of my child as well as mine, I thought a great deal about my future and how much hope I have even through my struggles. For me I can’t help but think about the future and where my recovery journey will take me. Yes, I fear bigger relapses with my mental health challenges but hope is there that I will just get back up on horse and continue to work on my recovery.

On that note, I also think a lot about the past. Sometimes not willingly due to PTSD. PTSD sucks and has you thinking about some of the most horrific moments you experienced in your life. For instance PTSD has remember this stuff through flashbacks, nightmares, body memories, intrusive and much much more. There is no stopping remembering this stuff and it sucks big time.

Somewhat Of A Challenging Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am tired as I didn’t sleep well last night. I didn’t sleep well last night due to the fact I was in so much pain that Junior ended up taking me to the hospital. Turns out that I have a kidney infection in the right kidney. I also have kidney stones as I had to have an MRI despite being pregnant. MRI’s, CT scans and X-Rays are not the best for pregnant people however the pain I was (and still am) experiencing could cause distress to the baby which causes harm. So, Junior and I with the help of the doctors weighed out the risk and thought it’s better to do the MRI. The MRI confirmed kidney stones.

Having kidney stones and a kidney infection is not fun especially since I am unable to take the pain meds doctors normally would prescribe. I am unable to take the pain meds due to being pregnant. On that note, I am able to take antibiotics for the kidney infection which is a good thing. The doctors put me on ten days worth of antibiotics and informed me to get in to see the OBGYN as soon as possible to make sure the kidney infection is clearing up and pain subsiding from the kidney stones.

I am just happy that Junior was able to take me to the emergency room and that what I am dealing with can be treated. I wish I was able to get some sleep but I am glad that the doctors were able to figure out what was wrong with me health wise.

I do not have much more to write about in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Been A Good Sunday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been quite the day and it is just barely after five o’clock in the evening here in Seattle. I have had a pretty good Sunday. I started off today by volunteering at PAWS Cat City. It is nice to be able to be back in the swing of things at PAWS Cat City. I really enjoy volunteering with cats at PAWS Cat City.

After volunteering at PAWS Cat City I went to Red Robin with Junior to have lunch with some friends of ours. I always love Red Robin but since becoming pregnant I have been craving Red Robin like it’s going out of style. I really am happy to be able have had Red Robin with friends and Junior.

Now Junior and I are at his place with my cat, Billie. We are just going to spend some much needed time together. I’m pretty sure we are going to have some intimate moments later but until then we are going to spend time watching movies as Billie explores Junior’s house. Junior is an amazing partner. I love him so freaking much.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening which means I do my weekly check-in with you the reader. Overall, things have been overwhelming knowing that I am going to be a parent and give birth this summer. The thought of being a parent is both scary and exciting at the same time.

In fact my therapist and I discussed being pregnant and me becoming a parent. We talked about me being fearful of becoming like my parents when I become a parent and my therapist validated my fear. She assured me that I won’t end up parenting my kid like my parents parented me. I also talked to my therapist about my kid ending up with a mental health challenge due to my own mental health challenges. My therapist understands my concerns.

I am pretty sure I don’t have much more to check in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it weren’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Post About Therapy

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I had therapy today and it was a virtual appointment as it has been for the last year due to me working. My next appointment will be an in person appointment which I am thrilled about. My therapist and I will attempt to make a more set schedule for in person appointments now that I am not currently working.

My therapist and I of course discussed being pregnant. We discussed how being pregnant most likely will trigger my PTSD due to having the OBGYN checking me down below the belt on the monthly basis while pregnant. We discussed the things I could do to help me if I get triggered by getting examined by the OBGYN.

We also discussed a hard traumatic event that happened to me when I was a child. My therapist validated this experience and reiterated that I am not the monster despite me feeling like a monster. My therapist is really awesome and I am grateful that she is a safe person to talk with and that she makes therapy a safe place.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Enjoy the Benefits of Being Pregnant

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is hard to believe that despite severe PTSD symptoms that I have been surprisingly sleeping better and longer. Instead of my usual four hours of sleep, I have been getting about six to eight hours of sleep. I am so freaking happy that I am sleeping better and longer hours. The OBGYN informed me that the more restful and longer sleep is due to being in my first trimester of pregnancy.

Another thing that can happen during pregnancy is an increased sex drive which is currently happening to me. As someone who has an extensive trauma history and being traumatized again in the last six months this can be a scary thing. Despite it being somewhat scary my partner, Junior is being so sweet with the increased sex drive while understanding that PTSD can and will get in the way.

Of course I will discuss the PTSD stuff as well as the increased sex drive with my therapist. In fact I have an appointment with her today and I will officially let her know about being pregnant. I am sure my therapist and I will be discussing my mental health while being pregnant and will be an on going discussion for therapy.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Hump Day Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time of week where I do a mid week update in which I like to call hump day update due to it being Wednesday. As I mentioned in my last post, I had my first OBGYN appointment yesterday after medically confirming last Friday with my primary care provider that I am pregnant. The OBGYN discussed the risk of being pregnant in your mid forties and that many people have healthy babies. The OBGYN also discussed my mental health diagnosis and her concerns about postpartum depression which is understandable and I will be working with her and my mental health treatment team about it. Junior and I are looking forward to being parents.

I have also been applying for jobs. Jobs that can be challenging especially for a high risk pregnancy but I really would like to work again as I really miss working and the feeling of being a productive member of society. I miss working and I realize this might not be the best time to look for a job since I am pregnant but many people work when they are pregnant.

I do not have much more to update you on for the hump day update. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Update on First OBGYN Appointment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I just wanted to inform you of what the OBGYN said yesterday in my first appointment with her. Junior did attend the appointment with me as he is the father. My OBGYN is as sweet as can be as well as very direct. She informed me of the risk to myself and the fetus due to being in my mid forties and that many people deliver “healthy babies” at my age.

My OBGYN discussed a lot of the risk of having a baby at my age but also stated she deals with high risk pregnancies. She also deals with many folks with an extensive trauma history like mine and understands fully how traumatic it can be having someone look below the belt several times during the nine months of pregnancy and during delivery. She was honest with me stating there is a high possibility of me having a c-section due to all the scarring down below the belt from the severe trauma I experienced throughout my life.

We also discussed a great deal about my mental health challenges and how I am at “greater risk” for postpartum depression. We talked about staying on most of my psych meds and continuing to seek treatment from my mental health treatment team. I let the OBGYN that I had no plans of stopping treatment with my mental health team and that I was glad to hear we were on the same page regarding meds. The only meds the OBGYN wants me to not take until I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner which are the Ativan and the Ambien. Both of these meds are PRN’s for me as well as controlled substances which can put the baby at greater harm. I am pretty sure my psychiatric nurse practitioner will agree with the OBGYN and myself regarding not taking the Ativan and Ambien as she is pretty knowledgeable with this kind of stuff.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!