A Complicated Valentines Day & Snow Finally Melting Away

Good Evening, World!!! The last week has been quite a week. In fact it was snowing here in the Seattle area for a good ten or so days and finally stopped yesterday. Granted it didn’t snow yesterday (Wednesday) but it was still at freezing if not below freezing outside so the snow stayed around. Now it is warm enough to melt the snow. It is currently raining in the city of Seattle. Sadly snow is could be in the forecast again this weekend which is something nobody really wants at the moment.

As many of you know, today is Valentines Day. A holiday I never liked even when I had a significant other as why do we need a special day to say “I love you.” This year is a complicated Valentines Day. Not as complicated as last year but still complicated. Today makes the one year anniversary of my grandma passing away. Today has been a difficult day for me and the rest of my family.

Sadly, I was not able to see my therapist this past Tuesday due to the agency I am a client at was closed due to the snow and was hoping to see him before today so we could come up with a plan to handle the grief I am dealing with today. He did call me yesterday and we discussed ways on how I can remember my grandma today. We even made another appointment for me to see him tomorrow (Friday) so, I can check in with him to see how things went today. In fact he did call me today as well to check in on me as he wanted to make sure I was still doing okay. I am still doing okay but I really miss my grandma. I am grateful for my therapist checking up on me and rescheduling our appointment.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I hope to be posting more but right now I am fighting off isolation and grief. I hope to post sometime this weekend. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

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No Sleep In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! As expected, I am unable to sleep. I expected that I would not be able to sleep tonight due to sleeping a great deal for about three days due depression related to grief. Grief related to my grandma’s passing away on Valentines Day of last year (2018). It is hard to believe that in a little over three weeks it will be a year since my grandma passed away.

Since I am unable to sleep, I am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to Sleater-Kinney. They are a great local band from the Seattle area. They are actually, if I am not mistaken from the Olympia / Lacey area of Washington. I tend to favor local musicians from where I live as well as where I grew up as I tend to relate to them a bit more than other musicians.

Another thing I have been doing tonight is reading. I started reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. I really like him as an author as I have read other books he has written. I thought I would give this book a try. I usually only read book series but thought I would read a stand alone book. Reading is a great distraction from the reality I am facing.

In fact both reading and music are great distraction from the reality I am facing in regards to dealing with my grandma’s death. Yes, it has been nearly a year since she passed away but she was a motherly figure to me. She helped raise me.

I don’t have much more to say. I will try to blog again later on today. I hope I can get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket. I hope everyone has a great Monday. Enjoy you week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Officially Dead Turkey Day

Good Morning, World!!! And to everyone in the United States, Happy Dead Turkey Day, also known as Thanksgiving Day. I find myself awake at this hour in the morning due to insomnia. I have taken my Melatonin, sleeping meds and some sleepy time tea. I have also listened to some sleeping time meditation to help me sleep but it appears nothing is helping at the moment.

I’m not going to lie, today is the first Thanksgiving since my grandma passed away and it is going to be a difficult one. Or at least I expect it to be a difficult one for me and my dad’s side of the family especially for my grandfather. As worried as I am on how I am going to handle today with the emotions that the holidays normally brings to me, I worry about the grief that not only will be happening to me but to my family. I just want to make sure I am able to hold my emotions together for my family and let my emotions go when I am not around my family.

I do have a good self care plan in place specifically for Thanksgiving as my therapist and I came up with one during our session this past Tuesday. My therapist may have still not been feeling better but I am grateful that he is back even if its for part time for the rest of the year. He appears to be the type of person who is rarely out sick but am grateful that he is back. I just wish he was feeling at 100%. I am going to start seeing him twice a week till mid January to help me through the holidays. We might do the two sessions a week till the end of February since my grandma passed away in mid-February and her birthday was in mid January. He just wants to makes sure I continue to stay stable and improve. All he is asking for right now is to stay stable like I am at the moment. But with now pressure.

I am so grateful for you my reader. Thank you for reading my blog. Have a great Thanksgiving Day. Have a wonderful day all. Peace Out, World!!!

Phuck Guns; A Shooting Woke Many People Up Including Myself

Good Morning, World!!! I feel asleep binge watching a television show on Netflix like I informed you I was going to do in my last post. Unfortunately, I was woken up by gun shots from outside my apartment building and not the television show that was still playing on Netflix.  No, I will no discuss gun control in this post but might speak of ii in another post.

I looked out my window and saw the shooter still shooting the person who was already on the ground. Unfortunately, the shooting victim didn’t make it but the shooter was thankfully caught with the gun still on their person. I was one of many individuals who called 911. There was but load of police, paramedics and firefighters to deal with what happened in front of my building. Sadly, the shooting victim was a person who lived in my building the person who did the shooting use to live in my apartment build who was recently evicted.

Both the fire department and police departments sent out their Chaplin’s to talk with us who live in my apartment building. Neither the police department nor the fire department had to do that but I am glad they did. They also called out the Red Cross to help us out if we needed to talk with crisis workers. The management company of apartment building I live in is actually bringing crisis workers who deal with this sort of thing. The crisis workers will be here later today and the rest of the week.

Good thing I have my cat to help me through all this even though she was scared of the sound of the gun shots.  She was freaked out but not as freaked out as I thought should would be. She has been by my side ever since the shooting when I have been in my apartment. Lil Gertie, my cat, has been quite helpful for me in regards to trauma, PTSD, depression and other mental health challenges.

Good thing  I am going to group therapy as well as seeing my therapist.  Talking with my therapist about this and everything that has happened this wee with being assaulted in the hospital on Sunday plus the multiple fire alarms will be a great help to me. Being triggered is not a good thing. Even though some of the fire alarms going off over the weekend were due to malfunctions, a couple of the fire alarms were due to actual fires because people started cooking and decided to do drugs and well their stove and/or kitchen caught on fire.

So, yes, I have had quite a week that most likely create more PTSD symptoms as well as trigger other PTSD symptoms. I am happy that I will be seeing my therapist today. Also it is a good thing I have a busy day today as I mention in my last post or maybe the post before my last post.  I am happy that I will be able keep what happened earlier out of my mind a little bit easier today as it is going to be a busy one and I get to see my therapist and spend time with friends later. I also have a work training which will be quite helpful. Tomorrow (Thursday) is the day I am most worried about however I will discuss that with my therapist today and crisis counselors that will be in my apartment building for the rest of the week a maybe part of next week.

Like I said I will not discuss gun control in this particular post but I want you to be forewarned that there might be a post later on in regards to gun control as I am grieving along side with my neighbor of the shooting death of a neighbor. Please keep me and my neighbors in your thoughts and send out positive thoughts and vibes our way and maybe even prayers. I am not praying person but it never hurts to ask for them.

Thank you so much for reading my blog especially this one since it is a triggering one as well as a very lengthy post. I appreciate that you all read my blog. I hope everyone has a good Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night Turns Into Morning

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t sleep at all last night and it now six forty five in the morning in my corner of the world. I am struggling at the moment not only because I had a sleepless. I am also struggling with some severe PTSD as well as grief over my grandma’s death nearly seven months ago.

I am planning on spending time with family today. Not because I am dealing with the grief of my grandma but because it is something my grandma wanted as her last wish. For her family to spend time together on the regular basis. I am not sure if I am wanting to go due to the lack of sleep however I will go due to it being the wish of my grandma.

I am not sure what else I am going to do today but I plan on doing something. Most likely I will attempt to take a nap due to the lack of sleep I got last night. I also plan on doing some grocery shopping and laundry. I, of course will play with Lil Gertie, my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

A Post In Respect to Senator McCain and My Grandma

Good Morning, World!!! As I type here at my laptop, I watching the Sunday morning news. The main topic of the morning news is about the death of Senator John McCain. The news is doing a great job in honoring Senator John McCain.

As the country mourns the death of an amazing man, John McCain, my heart goes out to his family. My heart goes out to his family because my family and I are still mourning the death of my grandma. Yes, my grandma’s death was on Valentines Day of this year (2018) which was six and half months ago and Senator McCain’s death was only yesterday. My heart goes out to the family of Senator McCain because I truly understand the pain they must be going through. Yes, the deaths of my grandma and Senator McCain were due to two different diseases but still as difficult deal with.  My grandma passed away due to complications from Parkinson’s Disease while Senator McCain passed away due to Brain Cancer. Both the diseases my grandma and Senator McCain may have be completely different but both affected the brain. So that is why my heart goes out a little more to his family because I understand to an extent of what his family is going through.

As I watch the news about Senator McCain, I can’t help but be hit my grief to not just his death but the death of my grandma. As many of you know, I have been hit hard by a wave of grief of my grandma’s death within the last week even though her death was six and half months ago.

So, as I end this post I want to honor both Senator John McCain and my grandma. I may not be a conservative like Senator McCain, I admire his work as a war hero and politician. So, please take the time out today to honor Senator McCain and the loved ones you have lost just like I am going to do. Thank you for reading my blog. Please, if comment on this post, be respectful. I am honoring my grandma and Senator McCain. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

The Wave of Grief Strikes Again

Good Morning, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I have tears rolling down my face. Tears rolling down my face because I really miss my grandma and wish she was still here on Earth. I know it has only been six and a half since she died but I wish the pain wasn’t so difficult to deal with.

As difficult as it is for me to deal with my grandma’s death six and a half months ago, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. My grandparents knew each other for over seventy years and married for sixty two and a half years. As hard as my pain is with missing my grandma, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. It is hard to see him break down when he cries about my grandma. Now that is difficult to see when an eighty eight year old Navy man cry over the loss of their spouse.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am happy that I have my cat, Lil Gertie, to help me through moments of grief. Another thing that I have found helpful with dealing with my grief is journaling. My cat and journaling have been life savers the last week or two in regards to dealing with grief.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I do apologize that it is a depressing to read a post about grief first thing in the morning. Again thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!