Sleepless in Seattle with Reminders of Childhood

First and fore most I would like to wish my friend Jodi a happy birthday. If she were still alive she would be 40 years old today. I think that is why I am listening to my childhood playlist on Spotify. To remember all the good things we had growing up.

I wish I could sleep but sadly I can’t. I think it is because I have so much on my mind which is why I am listening to childhood music and reading comic books. Of course Billie Dean my cat wants to help me blog.

Reading comic books and listening to childhood music help me grieve the death of my friend. She was a great friend, I should get going and try to sleep. I do have to work. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time in the evening where I do my weekly check-in. It has been an up and down week for me. Sunday I volunteered a Paws Cat City and had a great time volunteering like I always do.

Monday, I took off because it was Valentines Day which is really difficult for me because my grandma died four years ago and Valentines Day. I didn’t know if I was going to be a hot mess or not so I took the day off from work. Valentines Day landed on a day I work from twelve noon to eight o’clock in the evening. I did pretty good till about six o’clock when the grief hit me like Tsunami. Besides being hit my a Tsunami of grief at six o’clock in the evening, I had a pretty good day. I went on brunch “date” with my grandpa at IHOP. We had an awesome time eating great food and remembering the good times with my grandma before she passed away four years ago.

Despite spending some good times with my grandpa as we remembered my grandma, I had a of friend call me to check in on me. I really think the support my grandpa and I gave each other as well as the support my friends gave me really helped with the grief. Of course my cat Billie Dean helped a great deal with help with the grief of my grandma especially when I became a hot mess with tears rolling done my face for about an hour.

As for work goes it went well. I really love my job. My colleagues are beyond awesome. All three of peers support specialist including myself got some add work to do which I think is awesome as it will ultimately help the clients we serve. I really love my job and the freedom they give use peers and how the supervisors don’t micromanage us peers.

I don’t have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank your for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

The Love Hate Relationship w/Social Media

Good Evening, World!!! It is almost ten o’clock at night here in the Seattle area. As some of you may be aware of that not only was yesterday (Monday) Valentines Day, it was also the fourth year anniversary my grandma past away. I had post several times yesterday on Facebook about how much I miss my grandma.

Sadly, I had to unfriend three so called friends. The all individually contacted me privately that I was being “too dramatic” about my grandma death. One even said that “loosing your grandma isn’t like loosing your mom.” This person does has a point but had no idea that my grandma was my motherly figure for a good portion of my life because my own mom was not able to be a mom to me at the time. Thankfully, my mom and are slowly minding our relationship which is a good thing as she did what she need to do to fix things in here life to be a better mom to me. On that note, I another so called friend let me that I “needed to kill” myself. So basically, was told I should die by suicide. There is no way in fucking hell that I will die by suicide as I have too much to live for.

The reasons I have to live for is one; I have have job I love with a passion. Two; I have the two loves of my lives; Billie Dean my cat and my teddy bear I’ve had since I was born. Three; I have friends and family that not only care about me but love me as well. Four, I want to let my clients know that suicide isn’t always the answer that they one day will do some great and awesome.

I am so glad suicide hasn’t grossed my mind in years. I’m glad that suicide is not an option for me. I love my live and am content with it. Plus, I have great supportive friend and family that love and care about me.

I do not have much more to say in this particular post except that I do not want to die or kill myself. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is also greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Grandma

Hello, World!!! This will be a very short post. My grandma passed away four years ago on Valentines Day which was yesterday. I miss here a great deal and I know she is my guardian angel still looking out for me. I love and miss my grandma so much. She helped raise me and I am grateful for that. Again, I don’t have much more to say in this blog post. Peace Out, World!!

Up Date about Valentines Day Grief a Day Late

Good very early morning, world!!! I am unable to sleep due to insomnia and decided how my Valentines Day went. Over all in all was relatively good day considering the four year anniversary of my grandma’s death. It still hurts a great deal.

I started of my day with a “date” with my grandpa. Treated him to IHOP and shared memories of my grandma. Tears were of course present but I am grateful to share the positive time remembering my grandma with my grandpa. It was cool that I paid for both of our meals at IHOP

On that note, my grandpa and I went shopping for some much need jeans for me. My grandpa wanted to pay for the jeans and he surprisingly too no for answer as he the one that put up the fit with him paying for thing for me. I am grateful that he allowed me to pay for my own jeans and kitty litter.’

Yes, I did get some my cat Billie Dean some litter for him. He also go some catnip. He had a lot of snuggle time with me in my lap. Cat therapy is the best

I sadly had to call in and cancel my appointment with my new therapist for later today due to the not being able to sleep apart. Good thing I know she will understand. I just need to get few hours of sleep and hoe I feel beater to work from home. I hope the extra sleeping will help.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post except thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, reader read my blog. If it wer not for you the reader reading my blog I would not be writing it. So, thank you again from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. Good night and Peace Out, World

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

My list for today, day two will be regarding the grief of my grandma who passed a four years ago today which is Valentines Day.

Things I Wish

before my grandma passed away.

  • I wish I had one last hug.
  • I wish I could tell her how I much love her one last time
  • I wish I could hear her tell me she loved me.
  • I wish she knew how grateful I was and am that she helped raise me with my grandpa and dad.

Weekly Plans

Sunday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Go for daily walk
  • Volunteer at Paws Cat City
  • Work on a workbooks for my recovery

Monday

  • It’s Valentines Day. A day I never really liked since I was a a kid because I never understood why we needed a “special day to say I love you” to those you love and care about.
  • Taking Valentines Day off for self care because today marks four years since my grandma passed away due to complications of Parkinson’s.
  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Go for daily walk
  • Take my Grandpa out on a Valentines Day date for brunch to help with the grief of the anniversary of my grandma’s death.
  • Spend some extra cuddle time with my cat Billie to deal with the grief of the anniversary of my grandma’s death on Valentines Day

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Therapy
  • Work
  • Work on a workbook for my recovery

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Work
  • Work on workbook for my recovery

Thursday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Work
  • Work on workbook for my recovery

Friday

  • Mindfulness mediation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Work
  • Work on workbook for my recover
  • Dinner with family

Saturday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Lunch and shopping with grandpa

A Sad Three Day Weekend for Me

Good Evening, World!!! It’s Friday and I am surprised that I feel at peace right now. I wish I was happy but I am good with being at peace for the moment. Normally, this weekend would not be a three day weekend for me but it is. It is because Monday, February 14th, 2022 marks the four year anniversary of the death of my grandma. February 14th also is Valentines day which makes it that much more challenging for me that it has been in the past before my grandma died.

I never needed a special day for someone to tell me that they loved me. My grandma made everyday Valentines Day for me especially since I wasn’t exactly the popular kid or most liked kid in school. I think that is why this Monday will be heard for me. It will be hard for my grandpa as well.

I decided to take Monday, February 14th off because of the anniversary of my grandma’s death. On a plus note, I will be taking my grandpa out on a date on Valentines Day in hopes to make better memories. I’m sure this brunch date with be bittersweet but at least we will be together making good memories.

Thank you for listening (or should I say reading) this sad post. I am grateful that you read it. You the reader, reading my blog means a great deal to me. So, thank you from the bottom of heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Lonely & Depressed

Good Evening, World!!! Valentines Day is a week and a half a way. I have never been a give fan of Valentines Day for various reasons in my life. One reason is why do we need a special day to tell people that we love them when can do that every day.

To make Valentines Day worse for me is that my grandma past away on Valentines day of 2018. This year will mark four years since she passed a way and I miss her greatly. She was the one I went to when I was lonely and depressed. I miss her so very much.

I am needing to end this particular blog post as it is making me sad and missing my grandma greatly. I love her so much and which I could give her one last hug. Peace Out, World!!

Not Sorry About My Not So Rated G Post

Good Very Early Morning, World!!! Or at least it’s very early in the morning here in my corner of the world, known as Seattle. Apparently, some readers got offended by my last post regarding coloring a morbid coloring book that is all Disney characters. I received an email from WordPress that it disturbed some of my readers but it doesn’t break any rules or community standards. All they wanted was me to put a “Trigger Warning” at the beginning of the post. I totally understand about getting triggered by things and when I do, I talk with my mental health treatment team as well as other who are in recovery. I also use the skills I learned through therapy when I am triggered. Am I sorry the post triggered other, no not really. I feel bad that I triggered others but I’m not sorry about it as it could be a way for people to learn to cope by using coping skill that help them. For me coloring this coloring book is a way for me to heal from some things that are Disney related. For me coloring and doing a morbid coloring book is a form of self care and healing for me.

As far a the morbid Disney coloring book, it appears that my cat, Billie would like to help with me at times. He doesn’t seem bothered by the morbid Disney coloring book. I love my cat and how he likes my morbid sense of humor.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading it. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It means a great deal to me that you read my blog. Peace Out, World!!!