Say His Name; George Floyd

Hello, World!!! Right now many Americans like myself are angry as hell at the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis, Minnesota by a white police officer. Many people around Minneapolis as well as around the United States are protesting the unjust death of George Floyd.

In fact as I write this post, the protest here in Seattle is still happening. I wish I could be protesting but sadly I can not due to the fact I hurt my knee and need to keep it up. So, I am writing this post as part of an individualized protest. I want people to be aware that this white person (me) will NOT tolerate racism of any kind. This white person (me) will not tolerate the murder of people of color by white police officers. This white person (me) will do what I can to be an ally to people of color or any other marginalized group. White people around the United States as well as the world NEED to do what we can to end racism. It is up to white people to end racism.

George Floyd you will be remembered. You are not forgotten.

A Valentines Day of Grief

Happy Valentines Day, World!!! I have never been a big fan of Valentines Day because, why do you need a selected day to say “I love you.” Plus it adds added pressure to relationships to make sure the day is special which isn’t the best thing for relationships.

Despite the usual reason, I am not a big fan of Valentines Day is that my grandma died on Valentines Day of 2018. So, today marks the two year anniversary of my grandma’s death. She died due to complications from Parkinson’s Disease. My grandma fought hard for her life as well for those she loved especially her family. I miss my grandma so much but I know she is looking down on me as my guardian angel.

Billie Dean my new cat is helping me through today by just being himself. He is being the lovable, cuddly, talkative and playful self he is to be. I am so grateful that he chose me when he did. I love my Billie Dean.

I don’t have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday and Valentines Day. Peace Out, World!!!

An Anxiety Type Post Dealing with Cats and Volunteering

Hello, World!!! It just barely after nine in the evening in my corner of the world. I am anxious about tomorrow. I am anxious because I am going to have my first shift at the animal shelter I adopted Lil Gertie from. It is going to be bittersweet as it will bring up some grief and sadness but also be a blessing for me as it will remind me of the love I received from Lil Gertie. Plus the animal shelter I adopted my precious cat, Lil Gertie, has indeed become like family to me. I was encouraged to apply a number of times but when Lil Gertie received the dread diagnosis of cancer, I knew it was time to apply and I actually followed through with it even though I was in the midst of going to info sessions and trainings, Lil Gertie crossed over the rainbow bridge.

I think the family I received just adopting Lil Gertie is growing a little stronger and becoming larger now that I am going to be volunteering. I will be meeting new friend which means they will become family or at least that is what I have experienced with other volunteer gigs and the same thing at all my paid jobs. I never knew how much support I would get or how my support system would grow when I adopted, Lil Gertie. The adoption of my cat, Lil Gertie is has been proven helpful for me with growing some great support from people I would have never encountered in any other way. If I didn’t adopt Lil Gertie, I wouldn’t be making new friends and have them become family to me.

So starting to volunteer at the animal shelter I adopted Lil Gertie as is a way to not just honor her and her memory but a way for her to still be with me in spirit. I am anxious about it but I know she would want me to do this. I am hoping this will help with my grief as well.

I do not have much more to say because it feels like I am starting to repeat myself. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome week ahead of the. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Cat, Lil Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been a week and one day since my cat, Lil Gertie crossed the rainbow bridge. It hasn’t been an eight days but I have received a great deal of support from my friends. I have amazing friends and have received many sympathy cards from them. Speaking of sympathy cards, Lil Gertie’s vet sent one even though she was not the vet who helped Lil Gertie cross over the rainbow bridge. She not only received an email from me but Lil Gertie’s records from the emergency vet.

I just wish it wasn’t so difficult but I am grateful she was in my life. Lil Gertie has helped me a great deal with my recovery and I am forever grateful to her for that. I will never forget her. To honor her in this post I will include one of my favorite pictures of her below. It shows how expressive she was. The picture is below:

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In honor of Lil Gertie. This picture is one of my favorite and is a prime example of her many facial expressions.

Now, that I have honored my beloved cat, Lil Gertie, I am going to finish this post. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. I greatly appreciated each one of you for reading my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Have a great Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

The Post I’ve Been Dreading to Write

Good Morning, World!!! I have been dreading about writing this post for the last week as it is sad and devastating news or at least it is devastating for me. As many of you may know if you read a post a few months ago that my cat, Lil Gertie, was diagnosed with cancer. I knew there was a chance of helping her cross the rainbow bridge but I didn’t think it would be so soon. See, on Thanksgiving Day (Thursday, November 28th, 2019) evening Lil Gertie crossed the rainbow bridge.

Like most everyone else across the United States I was celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. I went and spent the day with family. When I arrived back home Thanksgiving Day evening, I noticed Lil Gertie walking funny, with her head tilted and walking into things. I quickly realized I would need to take her to the emergency vet and most likely have to say goodbye. Before taking her to the emergency vet, I decided to feed her some turkey which she gobbled down and that made my heart happy.

The happy heart didn’t last very long as I knew what the reality was so I took her to the emergency vet. The emergency vet did in fact confirm that it was Lil Gertie’s time to cross the rainbow bridge. Sadly, while I was eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family Lil Gertie had a small stroke. Due to the stroke both of Lil Gertie’s retina’s detached which is why she was walking into things. Since she was unable to see, plus the stroke and cancer I knew I couldn’t bear to see Lil Gertie struggle, I knew it was time to let her go and cross the rainbow bridge. I was able to be with Lil Gertie as she crossed over with the help of the vet. I miss my cat so very much.

I did decide that I wanted Lil Gertie’s ashes and will be getting them in a couple of weeks along with a paw print and clump of her fur. The emergency vet also let Lil Gertie’s regular vet know. Lil Gertie’s vet reached out to me the past Monday (December 2nd) when she returned to the office after the holiday weekend. Lil Gertie’s vet was and is extremely empathetic and compassionate. She even sent me a sympathy card which I received yesterday (Tuesday) in the mail. Part of the reason I decided to keep Lil Gertie’s ashes as I know it will help with my healing process.

Speaking of the healing process I think that is why I waited so long to write this post. Yes, I realize tomorrow will mark a week since Lil Gertie crossed the rainbow bridge but it just stung too much. Hell, it still stings like hell.

As people in my life have been finding out about Lil Gertie and many know she was an Emotional Support Animal (ESA), I have been asked if I am going to get another cat. The answer is, YES but I am going to wait till after the holidays for many reasons. One of which is I want to give myself some time to grieve. I wish I had more time with Lil Gertie because I only had her for 1 1/2 years and she was only 7 1/2 years old but I know she accomplished what she needed to accomplish here on earth and it was her time to go.

I do not have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of heart for reading my blog. I hope to post pictures of Lil Gertie in a later post. I hope everyone has a great day. I also hope you all have a great holiday season. Peace Out, World!!!

A Complicated Valentines Day & Snow Finally Melting Away

Good Evening, World!!! The last week has been quite a week. In fact it was snowing here in the Seattle area for a good ten or so days and finally stopped yesterday. Granted it didn’t snow yesterday (Wednesday) but it was still at freezing if not below freezing outside so the snow stayed around. Now it is warm enough to melt the snow. It is currently raining in the city of Seattle. Sadly snow is could be in the forecast again this weekend which is something nobody really wants at the moment.

As many of you know, today is Valentines Day. A holiday I never liked even when I had a significant other as why do we need a special day to say “I love you.” This year is a complicated Valentines Day. Not as complicated as last year but still complicated. Today makes the one year anniversary of my grandma passing away. Today has been a difficult day for me and the rest of my family.

Sadly, I was not able to see my therapist this past Tuesday due to the agency I am a client at was closed due to the snow and was hoping to see him before today so we could come up with a plan to handle the grief I am dealing with today. He did call me yesterday and we discussed ways on how I can remember my grandma today. We even made another appointment for me to see him tomorrow (Friday) so, I can check in with him to see how things went today. In fact he did call me today as well to check in on me as he wanted to make sure I was still doing okay. I am still doing okay but I really miss my grandma. I am grateful for my therapist checking up on me and rescheduling our appointment.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I hope to be posting more but right now I am fighting off isolation and grief. I hope to post sometime this weekend. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! As expected, I am unable to sleep. I expected that I would not be able to sleep tonight due to sleeping a great deal for about three days due depression related to grief. Grief related to my grandma’s passing away on Valentines Day of last year (2018). It is hard to believe that in a little over three weeks it will be a year since my grandma passed away.

Since I am unable to sleep, I am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to Sleater-Kinney. They are a great local band from the Seattle area. They are actually, if I am not mistaken from the Olympia / Lacey area of Washington. I tend to favor local musicians from where I live as well as where I grew up as I tend to relate to them a bit more than other musicians.

Another thing I have been doing tonight is reading. I started reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. I really like him as an author as I have read other books he has written. I thought I would give this book a try. I usually only read book series but thought I would read a stand alone book. Reading is a great distraction from the reality I am facing.

In fact both reading and music are great distraction from the reality I am facing in regards to dealing with my grandma’s death. Yes, it has been nearly a year since she passed away but she was a motherly figure to me. She helped raise me.

I don’t have much more to say. I will try to blog again later on today. I hope I can get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket. I hope everyone has a great Monday. Enjoy you week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Officially Dead Turkey Day

Good Morning, World!!! And to everyone in the United States, Happy Dead Turkey Day, also known as Thanksgiving Day. I find myself awake at this hour in the morning due to insomnia. I have taken my Melatonin, sleeping meds and some sleepy time tea. I have also listened to some sleeping time meditation to help me sleep but it appears nothing is helping at the moment.

I’m not going to lie, today is the first Thanksgiving since my grandma passed away and it is going to be a difficult one. Or at least I expect it to be a difficult one for me and my dad’s side of the family especially for my grandfather. As worried as I am on how I am going to handle today with the emotions that the holidays normally brings to me, I worry about the grief that not only will be happening to me but to my family. I just want to make sure I am able to hold my emotions together for my family and let my emotions go when I am not around my family.

I do have a good self care plan in place specifically for Thanksgiving as my therapist and I came up with one during our session this past Tuesday. My therapist may have still not been feeling better but I am grateful that he is back even if its for part time for the rest of the year. He appears to be the type of person who is rarely out sick but am grateful that he is back. I just wish he was feeling at 100%. I am going to start seeing him twice a week till mid January to help me through the holidays. We might do the two sessions a week till the end of February since my grandma passed away in mid-February and her birthday was in mid January. He just wants to makes sure I continue to stay stable and improve. All he is asking for right now is to stay stable like I am at the moment. But with now pressure.

I am so grateful for you my reader. Thank you for reading my blog. Have a great Thanksgiving Day. Have a wonderful day all. Peace Out, World!!!

Phuck Guns; A Shooting Woke Many People Up Including Myself

Good Morning, World!!! I feel asleep binge watching a television show on Netflix like I informed you I was going to do in my last post. Unfortunately, I was woken up by gun shots from outside my apartment building and not the television show that was still playing on Netflix.  No, I will no discuss gun control in this post but might speak of ii in another post.

I looked out my window and saw the shooter still shooting the person who was already on the ground. Unfortunately, the shooting victim didn’t make it but the shooter was thankfully caught with the gun still on their person. I was one of many individuals who called 911. There was but load of police, paramedics and firefighters to deal with what happened in front of my building. Sadly, the shooting victim was a person who lived in my building the person who did the shooting use to live in my apartment build who was recently evicted.

Both the fire department and police departments sent out their Chaplin’s to talk with us who live in my apartment building. Neither the police department nor the fire department had to do that but I am glad they did. They also called out the Red Cross to help us out if we needed to talk with crisis workers. The management company of apartment building I live in is actually bringing crisis workers who deal with this sort of thing. The crisis workers will be here later today and the rest of the week.

Good thing I have my cat to help me through all this even though she was scared of the sound of the gun shots.  She was freaked out but not as freaked out as I thought should would be. She has been by my side ever since the shooting when I have been in my apartment. Lil Gertie, my cat, has been quite helpful for me in regards to trauma, PTSD, depression and other mental health challenges.

Good thing  I am going to group therapy as well as seeing my therapist.  Talking with my therapist about this and everything that has happened this wee with being assaulted in the hospital on Sunday plus the multiple fire alarms will be a great help to me. Being triggered is not a good thing. Even though some of the fire alarms going off over the weekend were due to malfunctions, a couple of the fire alarms were due to actual fires because people started cooking and decided to do drugs and well their stove and/or kitchen caught on fire.

So, yes, I have had quite a week that most likely create more PTSD symptoms as well as trigger other PTSD symptoms. I am happy that I will be seeing my therapist today. Also it is a good thing I have a busy day today as I mention in my last post or maybe the post before my last post.  I am happy that I will be able keep what happened earlier out of my mind a little bit easier today as it is going to be a busy one and I get to see my therapist and spend time with friends later. I also have a work training which will be quite helpful. Tomorrow (Thursday) is the day I am most worried about however I will discuss that with my therapist today and crisis counselors that will be in my apartment building for the rest of the week a maybe part of next week.

Like I said I will not discuss gun control in this particular post but I want you to be forewarned that there might be a post later on in regards to gun control as I am grieving along side with my neighbor of the shooting death of a neighbor. Please keep me and my neighbors in your thoughts and send out positive thoughts and vibes our way and maybe even prayers. I am not praying person but it never hurts to ask for them.

Thank you so much for reading my blog especially this one since it is a triggering one as well as a very lengthy post. I appreciate that you all read my blog. I hope everyone has a good Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night Turns Into Morning

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t sleep at all last night and it now six forty five in the morning in my corner of the world. I am struggling at the moment not only because I had a sleepless. I am also struggling with some severe PTSD as well as grief over my grandma’s death nearly seven months ago.

I am planning on spending time with family today. Not because I am dealing with the grief of my grandma but because it is something my grandma wanted as her last wish. For her family to spend time together on the regular basis. I am not sure if I am wanting to go due to the lack of sleep however I will go due to it being the wish of my grandma.

I am not sure what else I am going to do today but I plan on doing something. Most likely I will attempt to take a nap due to the lack of sleep I got last night. I also plan on doing some grocery shopping and laundry. I, of course will play with Lil Gertie, my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!