Monday Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! It is nearly six thirty in the morning in my neck of the woods and Lil Gertie woke me up by licking one of my feet. She obviously had a sixth sense of knowing that I was having a nightmare. She has woken me up whenever I have a PTSD nightmare and I didn’t even train her to do so.

Dealing with nightmares is a part of PTSD that I didn’t have to deal with however it is something I have to deal with. I have learned various was on how to deal with the after affects of a nightmare. Now that I have an emotional support animal in Lil Gertie I can depend on her for help. Just one more thing I can do is depend on my cat, Lil Gertie.

I realize it seems like I talk a great deal about Lil Gertie, lately. It is just that she has helped me so much in the last nearly a month of having her. She has been a great support for me especially during PTSD moments as well as after them.

I am planning on attending art group later on today. I love art group for many reasons. Reasons that I have informed my therapist about. In return he encourages me to attend. I am hoping we do some collaging in art group today.

Thank you for reading. Have a good work week. Peace Out, World!!!

 

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A Roller-Coaster of Thoughts

Good Morning, World!!! I don’t really know what I am going to post about at the moment due to the fact that my emotions have been up and down. Emotions that I wish would just let me have a break.

I have Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group early this afternoon and am looking forward to it. I haven’t completed my homework for DBT yet however I know I will be able to finish it before group starts.

As my emotions appear to be on a roller coaster ride, I am grateful that I can radically accept where they happen to be. I may not like where they are but I am grateful that I am able to acknowledge where they are.

I think I am going to go to another group in late morning discussing a specific word and the meaning of word. Not just the dictionary definition but the definition society has or even a single person may have.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Feeling Meh Getting Slightly Better

Good Evening, World!!! I am still feeling a little meh however the feeling is slightly getting better. Having depression sucks shit but if I acknowledge the depression I know what to do to help myself through it. At least when it is in its milder form for me.

When I realized I was feeling depressed, I hung out with my family. We had waffles for a late breakfast. We also watch a baseball game on television. The team we were rooting for won.

When I got home I worked on my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) homework. I also read ahead for the next group. DBT has helped through some really difficult times. Times where I could have given up but didn’t because I used my DBT skills.

After doing my DBT homework, I read. I read for about an hour. Reading helped me get out of my head. I read a Star Wars book that I am enjoying quite immensely.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Meh

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am feeling a little meh. I’m not sure why but I am. Yesterday was a good day. I guess waking up feeling meh is having me vigilant on how my mood is going to be throughout the day.

Being aware of my emotions is something I have learned throughout my recovery. Being aware of my emotions helps me know what skills or tools I need to use to get through. I think today is going to be one of those days where using my skill is going be essential to how I react to whatever comes up.

Today, I think I am going to lay low as it appears that I am on edge due to feeling meh. Part of what I am going to do is do my DBT homework. Doing my DBT homework will help me put myself into wise mind. Being in wise mind will help me make good decisions.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Relapse Update

Good Evening, World!!! I had a good time with my family. As much as I love them, I am grateful to be back home. Back home with Lil Gertie.

To tell you the truth I think I was more grateful to be home on Thursday as I was in the hospital overnight due to a suicide attempt. An attempt that was triggered by PTSD symptoms. I informed a friend of mine who lives in my apartment building. He took me to the hospital and informed my family as well as Junior. My neighbor and Junior took care of Lil Gertie all day Wednesday and most of the day Thursday before I got the all clear to come home. Junior brought me home and I have had friends and family check up on me to make sure I’m okay.

I was more worried about Lil Gertie than me and realize that if I am feeling suicidal again that I will reach out to people who care. People who have care about me for a long time. I know of people who don’t have the support that I do when it comes to helping me when it comes to my mental health challenges. Recovery is all about getting back up on the horse and wiping yourself off when you fall.

The lesson I have learned is that I may not have someone to be available to take care of Lil Gertie. She is dependent on me to take care of her. I can not let my emotions get the better of me as I have Lil Gertie to help me with that as well as needing to take care of her.

Thank you for reading and I am not currently suicidal nor a risk to harm myself in any way. You are all awesome. Peace Out, World!!!

Spending Time With My Kitty

Hello, World!!! I went to the street fair in my neighborhood again today. I had a blast until my PTSD symptoms caused several panic attacks. I came home in tears and Lil Gertie came up to me and snuggled up with me. She is doing a wonderful job with helping me deal with my emotions.

Now that I am calmed down I can use other skills to help me deal with the unwanted left over emotions. One of the things I did was painted. I attempted to paint Lil Gertie but it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. That’s okay because a friend of mine is going to help me learn how to paint a tad bit better.

Thank you for reading. Have a good evening, world!!!

Nothing But Random Thoughts

Hello, World!!! I am sitting here just going to blog about whatever the hell is on my mind at the moment. I don’t care what comes out of my fucking mouth right now. I am a little angry for no apparent reason.

I am angry at myself for locking myself out of my apartment. This increased my anxiety. So, I took my Xanax to help me with the anxiety once I was let back in. I had to wait an hour and half before someone could come unlock my door.

Now I am going to read my book about Why Buddhism Is True by Robert Wright. After that I will read my Buddhist Scriptures as this might be of help me to help myself calm down from the anxiety.

Having a spiritual bath is a key part to people’s recovery. I hope this the right path for me especially in regards to my recovery. Plus to help reduce my anger and anxiety without having to take any meds for it.

I think I might be doing some more painting to help me through the anxiety. Painting helps me express all my emotions when I have trouble acknowledging what they are.

Thank you for reading. Have a good Mother’s Day!!! Peace Out, World!!!