Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! I realized that I didn’t do my weekly check for last week however I know what got in the way and will work on to make sure things don’t get in the way again. Yes, I realize life happens when I won’t be able to blog at time but I know what got in the way and will do may very best to let it not get in the way again.

My birthday was on Wednesday and I went into hang out at the mental health clubhouse before my appointment with Gilbert. Well, I let my emotions get the better of me and had an emotional outburst directed toward another client. A client that was being quite discriminatory toward my gender identity and sexual orientation. This person kept using the wrong pronouns toward me as well. Unfortunately, my emotions got the better of me and I started screaming and yelling at the individual after this person to leave me alone after being asked several times. I got barred for two days and I think it should have been longer. The other individual in the incident got a two day bar as well however it started a day after mine started.

I’m not happy with my behavior and have amped up my mindfulness practice as I feel it will help me. Help me regulate to regulate the emotions that get the best of me. Mindfulness has always helped me regulate my emotions.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!

Crying Over My Grandma

Hello, World!!! I miss my grandma. In fact I am currently crying because I miss her so much. The funeral just made it so real that she is actually gone, I didn’t want to say goodbye. I love her so much and wish she was still here.

Reality is that she won’t be coming back. Reality is that grief is not going to be an easy thing for me. Grief is scary for me.

I should get going. Thanks for reading. It is much appreciated. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

Today Is The Day

Good Morning, World!!! Today is the day of my grandma’s funeral. I’m not sure I am doing at this current moment in time however I suspect I’ll become more emotional as the funeral time come closer.

I am looking forward to playing my flute at my grandma’s funeral. There is something about music that brings people together. My grandma always encouraged me to play my flute and never forced me to practice which made me want to practice just for her.

Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

Time With Family

Good Afternoon, World!!! This is going to be a short post as today has been an emotional day for me and my family. Junior and I hung out with my family today. This was the first time my family has been together since my grandma passed away on Wednesday (February 14th). We went out to eat and shared stories of my grandma. We laughed. We cried. We ate. It was nice having the support of Junior. Having him there helped me a great deal.

The sad thing about this was my dad didn’t attend as it is “too soon” after the death of my grandma. He is struggling a great deal with my grandma’s death. I just hope that his mental health treatment team is aware of what is going so that my dad can grieve in a healthy way.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Have a great Sunday. Have a great week and peace out world!!!

Saturday Evening Ramblings

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I have a great deal on my mind. Mostly stuff regarding my grandma’s death. Grief is not the easiest things to deal with and the pain is pure agony.

Agony that I am attempting my hardest to escape from. I’m escaping from the agony through reading and that appears to helping some. Or at least while I am reading.

I’ve also been doing a two out of three of my workbooks. It is helping me a great deal. It is helping me deal with emotions I need to deal with even if its emotions not related to grief.

Another thing that has been helping me through today is some mindfulness and meditation practices. This has proven the best of help with the agony I am dealing with.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World.

Experiences Have A Beginning & An End

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly calmer than I was an hour or two of ago. That is because I used the Calm app and did a few pages in my mindfulness workbook. It appears that todays topic in both avenues of my mindfulness was experiences have a beginning and an end. Mainly talking about letting go of emotions. Both the app and the workbook was discussing on how to let go of emotions and they don’t last forever. Even the good emotions.

This is helping me come to terms with both the negative and positive emotions that a coming up for me in my life. Such as my grandma being in hospice and me having job interviews. I’m hoping that with continued mindfulness and meditation practice that I will just be able to let go of emotions or at least be accepting of them.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening and Peace Out World!!!

Processing Grandma Being In Hospice Care

Good Evening, World!!! I wish Junior was not working for a multitude of reasons. Main reason is to help me through the fact that my grandma is in hospice care. But he has to work to pay his bills.

Having my grandma in hospice is really difficult for me and my family. Something that has been helpful to be are my DBT skills. I’ve been doing a lot of reading. It’s been helping me get out of head. Art has been helpful to me as a way to express my emotions. A way to not explode on myself or anyone else. Blogging has been helpful to process all this stuff.

I don’t deal well with painful emotions and my grandma being in hospice is quite challenging. She is aware of what is going on about eighty percent of the time which makes it that much more difficult. I love my grandma and hope she doesn’t suffer.

Thank you for reading my depressing post. I hope everyone has a good night. Enjoy the Superbowl tomorrow for those of you that live in the United States. Peace Out, World!!