Let’s Get Fucking Real

Good Morning, World!!! Over all it has been a good morning. As good as this morning has been I am angry. This anger has lead me to write this post. I am fucking going to get real here.

I don’t fucking understand why that only time America discusses mental health and suicide is when a mass shooting happens or when a celebrity dies by suicide? Why in the fucking hell does the media wait to something tragic happens. The month of May is mental health awareness month and not one news station in my area discussed mental health unless there was a school shooting involved.

We as not just a country but the world need to discuss more about mental health and suicide. We need to lessen the stigma that goes with it yet nothing is being done. I share bits and pieces of me here on my blog. I have emailed my politicians and local news stations yet nobody appears to give a rats ass till something tragic happens.

So, here I am sitting at my laptop attempting to lessen the stigma of getting help with a mental health challenge and/or suicidal thoughts or actions. I want people around the world that you are not alone in this battle. It is not an easy feat to battle depression or anxiety or any other mental health condition or suicidal thoughts however if you seek out help from people it can and will get better. I’m not going to lie and say its always going to be peachy keen when you get help and get better but you will have the skills to help you when things to get bad again.

The National Suicide Hotline number here in America is 1-800-273-8255. I don’t know Suicide hotline number for other countries or I would be giving those out as well. Please if you are struggling with your mental health and/or suicide please reach out to someone.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

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Thursday Afternoon Random Thoughts

Hello, World!!! I am now home from the Emergency Room. As I mentioned in my last post I self harmed and took myself to the Emergency Room. I punched a brick wall out of anger and frustration. I didn’t break any bones.

I am going to be reading one of my books. Not sure which one yet. No, I haven’t finished my Star Wars book but I will finish it soon. I am thinking about reading my Buddhist Scriptures.

I think I am going to go read now. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing But Random Thoughts

Hello, World!!! I am sitting here just going to blog about whatever the hell is on my mind at the moment. I don’t care what comes out of my fucking mouth right now. I am a little angry for no apparent reason.

I am angry at myself for locking myself out of my apartment. This increased my anxiety. So, I took my Xanax to help me with the anxiety once I was let back in. I had to wait an hour and half before someone could come unlock my door.

Now I am going to read my book about Why Buddhism Is True by Robert Wright. After that I will read my Buddhist Scriptures as this might be of help me to help myself calm down from the anxiety.

Having a spiritual bath is a key part to people’s recovery. I hope this the right path for me especially in regards to my recovery. Plus to help reduce my anger and anxiety without having to take any meds for it.

I think I might be doing some more painting to help me through the anxiety. Painting helps me express all my emotions when I have trouble acknowledging what they are.

Thank you for reading. Have a good Mother’s Day!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Hump Day (Wed.) Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop thinking about what I have going on today. Mainly, what I have going today is an interview. An interview to have a job as a Peer Specialist (Counselor). A job that I know I am capable of doing.

On that note I, posted about when I applied for the interview on a social media site. I informed people that “if and only if I get the job will I need stricter boundaries with a handful of individuals.” I deleted it primarily because I accidently crossed a friends boundary. On that note another “friend” commented on it. To find out this person thought I deleted it because of them. They passive aggressively mentioned something about my post on his wall without mentioning my name. More or less mutual friends knew who they were talking about as I got some private messages via social media and some text asking me if I’ve read and if I think it was about me. I’m not sure if it about me but I see how others may see it. The original post wasn’t even about them or geared toward them. I stated that “I’m freaking out” and that was the key part of the post as I was freaking out due to the possibilities of setting stricter boundaries that didn’t involve the person being passive aggressive. Maybe with me posting about this is being passive aggressive.  If it is being passive aggressive, I am not attempting to do so as I am just venting about. I guess I wish this individual would have reached out to me as I did them after seeing their post. Now this person is “livid” with me because they think I am “bragging” as I posted on social media that I have an interview. I am not sure what is going on with this person but I am concerned for them as they appear to be quite symptomatic to me.

Enough about that situation and on to a different topic, sort of. It’s about boundaries and how everyone has some form of them. Some of us are better at not letting folks cross them. For me it is easy for me to not allow folks to cross my boundaries with the exception of some of my family. I think that is why I got angry yesterday with family. I allowed them to cross my boundaries and that was all on me. Realizing this I can discuss it more my therapist so we can work on it.

I don’t have much more to say other than what I have already said. So, I am ending this post as I do not want to risk repeating myself. Peace Out, World!!!

Anger Subsided

Good Evening, World!!! I am feeling slightly better than my last post. The anger subsided a great deal. After reading a couple of chapters in my book I realized that I needed to talk with friends so I did. Reading as well as talking with friends helped the anger subside. My therapist gave me a great suggestion of reading.

I need to get going as I realize I am hungry. I need to make dinner. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Anger = Call to Therapist

Good Afternoon, World!!! As much as I love my family, they are driving me nuts right now. Driving me nuts over petty shit that I shouldn’t let get to me but I do.

I talked with my new therapist about this and he suggested some things for me to do so I am not so angry with them. The cool thing about everything is that he knew what questions to ask about me and my anger. He now knows that me calling when I am angry is a good. This is a way for me to be preventative to do self harm urges and self harm acts. Thankfully, the anger toward my family didn’t lead to self harm urges which is why I was being preventative.

Something that my therapist and I came up with is to keep my mind busy so reading and books. I found out that my therapist is also an avid reading. His enjoys science fiction and fantasy genres. Knowing something as simple as this helps me with trusting my therapist. Talking about ways to not be so angry and books with my therapist helped lessened the anger a great deal.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World.

Blogging Through The Pain

Hello, World!!! I am in a lot of pain right now. Pain from hitting a brick wall. Having two fractures from hitting a brick wall are natural consequences from what I did and I hope I learned from it.

I did go see my doctor today. She is quite concerned that I have been hitting brick walls lately.  She stated that she will be talking to my mental health treatment team about this concern and I am happy that she is doing this.

Since I have limited mobility in my hand some of my usual skills are not available to me at the moment which means I will be doing a lot of reading. Reading that I wish I had more time for and now it appears I have that time. That’s why I plan on catching up on some reading.

I think I’ll go and do some reading. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!