Hello, World!!! Today, I have had a buttload of emotions. The main emotion that bothered me today was anger. Anger over a training at work. I know why I was angry and it really didn’t have anything to do with the training itself but the trainer. Even though the trainer didn’t do anything negative in the training today, I have had some pretty negative experiences with this person. The negative experiences I had with this person was about fifteen years ago and thought I was over it till I saw this person and realize that I wasn’t over it.
So, when the training was over I did a five minute mindfulness meditation practice. A mindfulness meditation practice that helped a great deal and did two more times before the end of work. All three times I did the mindfulness meditation practice helped a great deal.
After work I called a friend as a well as my grandpa. After talking with both my friend and grandpa on the phone, I visited a neighbor in my building who has become a friend. Talking with friends and family helped a great deal. I felt the love from friends and family and that helped with my anger.
Speaking of love, I felt the love from my cat, Billie Dean. He could tell I was have a challenging time so he sat on my lap. Billie being on my lap also helped my anger. I am so grateful that my cat, Billie, can tell when I am having tough moments like today. He is an amazing kitty and I love him so much.
I do not have anything else to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you my reading I wouldn’t be blogging. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am dealing with some uncomfortable emotions. Emotions most people, including myself, don’t want to deal with. I am dealing with anger, anxiety and depression which sucks but at least I know how to deal with these unwanted emotions. They may not go away as quickly as I would like but at least I know how to deal with these undesired emotions.
I have pretty much been doing some form of mindfulness and/or meditation practice most of today. I started out the day like I normally do by doing a mindfulness meditation from the Calm App which is quite helpful for me. Other ways I have been practicing mindfulness and meditation is by reading magazines that focus on mindfulness and/or meditation. I have also been journaling about what I am learning regarding mindfulness and meditation. Something else I have been doing is working on a workbook that’s main focus is mindfulness.
Something that I have realized through all this mindfulness and mediation practice is how much my cat, Billie Dean, helps me with mindfulness. In fact I realized this the first day I brought him home when I adopted him. Billie has many ways and behaviors he does to help me with realizing I need to slow down and be in the current moment. Billie has been quite helpful to me with this.
I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I wouldn’t be continuing to blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great evening ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Afternoon, World!!! I am one fucking angry white person. I am angry because it appears me that the only time white people want to discuss anything about race is when something happens like in the case of George Floyd. I think white people need to talk about the racism in our country everyday and need to figure out how to stop this hatred. It is up to white people to stop the systemic problems that people of color face on the daily basis. We need to have serious discussions on how we as white people can stop racism. It is up to white people to be ally’s to people of color and help them have their voice heard. It is up to us because the assholes in charge aren’t fucking listening.
As I end this post, I hope that white people will discuss how to stop racism. It is up to white people to end racism and NOT people of color to do so. In the coming weeks I have decided to have conversations with my white friends. I realize I could loose friends over such conversations and am willing to do so. I may not want to loose friends but am willing to do so, so I can at least be part of the solution and not the problem.
Hello, World!!! Right now many Americans like myself are angry as hell at the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis, Minnesota by a white police officer. Many people around Minneapolis as well as around the United States are protesting the unjust death of George Floyd.
In fact as I write this post, the protest here in Seattle is still happening. I wish I could be protesting but sadly I can not due to the fact I hurt my knee and need to keep it up. So, I am writing this post as part of an individualized protest. I want people to be aware that this white person (me) will NOT tolerate racism of any kind. This white person (me) will not tolerate the murder of people of color by white police officers. This white person (me) will do what I can to be an ally to people of color or any other marginalized group. White people around the United States as well as the world NEED to do what we can to end racism. It is up to white people to end racism.
George Floyd you will be remembered. You are not forgotten.
This is the part of the letter I would say hello and ask how you are doing but you don’t deserve any of that. You don’t deserve it because of all the shit you put me through as a child. Hell, I am still feeling the affects of what I experienced at your hands. What you put me through as a child has caused me to become angry and led to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) which is absolutely no fun. Having to relive what I experienced at your hands when I was child and now reliving as an adult is scary as fuck. I am beyond angry with you and the many times you have harmed me.
The only good things that came out of you harming me is the ability to play music on the flute and art. If it wasn’t for both art and music my life would be a whole lot different. Art and music has given me an outlet to deal with the traumatic events I experienced at your hands.
I don’t have much more to tell you except that you are an absolute asshole and deserve to be in prison for the rest of your life. Sadly, you never had the opportunity to experience that kind of justice because I was too scared to do so.
Good Morning, World!!! Today’s assignment is to let social media inspire a post. We were given a choice of five tweets from Twitter to write about. Sadly, none of those tweets from Twitter have inspired me to write. So, I thought I would go to my twitter account to see if I could get inspired from any tweets there and again wasn’t inspired. Since I wasn’t inspired by anything on Twitter I decided to go to Facebook.
As far as Facebook I really wasn’t inspired. I wasn’t inspired from Facebook because of the anger and hate from various people especially in Facebook groups. It seems that most of the hate and anger involves politics. People think that they can be cruel when it comes to being on the internet and social media. People wouldn’t say most of the shit face to face to someone as they do on social media. The worst topic that invokes peoples anger and hate is politics. Politics get people heated and when people get heated they tend to not be able to listen to the other persons side. Not being heard can cause even more anger. I just get aggravated when people start attacking each other especially if it is something people wouldn’t say or do face to face.
Well, I guess social media did inspire me to write about something but it is a topic I need to not discuss write now because I am livid about some things I saw on Facebook. I think I am going to end this blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog from the bottom of my heart. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things because if it wasn’t for you my reader, I don’t think I would continue to blog. So, thank you again for reading my blog. I hope you all have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Evening, World!!! I am not having a very good Friday due to the fact that my depression and anxiety symptoms are acting up and I am getting easily angered. Specifically, I am getting easily angered at myself. I am getting easily angered at myself because I feel like I am not handling the symptoms of my anxiety and depression as well as I think I should be handling them. The reality of the situation is that I am handling the symptoms better than I think I am because I am not making the situation worse and am making a life worth living for myself.
The thing I have come to realize over the years, I tend to get angry with myself due to my mental health symptoms even when I am reacting to them in a positive way like building a life worth living. Even if people may not think I am building a life worth living with the things I am currently doing, I am building a life worth living because I am educating myself as well as being creative through art.
The way I am educating myself is listening to a podcast on Spotify about philosophy and after each episode, I research what the podcaster discusses. In fact the podcast on philosophy I am listening to is “Philosophize This.” Stephen West is the person that does “Philosophize This” and I personally think he does a great job. He captures my attention which is a good thing because of being diagnosed with ADHD and me wanting to educate myself further on what he discusses in each episode. For me willing to educate myself on a particular subject and/or topic due to how someone conveys the particular subject (and topic) says something about the person discussing it. When a friend of mine suggested that I listen to “Philosophize This,” I was hesitant at first but when I listened to the first episode Stephen West had me wanting to learn more due to his approach on the subject of philosophy. It is because of Stephen West passion for the subject of philosophy is why I am self educating myself.
As I listen to “Philosophize This” I am being creative by doing art which is another way I am creating a life worth living. The particular form of art I am doing as I am listening to the podcast is coloring. I am coloring a poster to give to my therapist to hang in his office. I realize that coloring may not be what most people consider a life worth living but for me if I can color something for others to enjoy, its a life worth living because others are able to enjoy what I created.
Even though I am coloring and listening to “Philosophize This,” I am still struggling and not having a good Friday. I wish the symptoms of my depression and anxiety would subside but sadly they are not which is why I am getting angry with myself. Being angry is never a good thing for me but if I continue doing good things for myself like listening to “Philosophize This” and coloring then I am able to control my anger. Being able to control the anger is a good thing.
I don’t have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope you all have an awesome Friday. I also hope you all have an awesome weekend. I hope you all enjoy the next couple of days. Peace Out, World!!!
Hello, World!!! Right now I am livid. I am beyond livid. A friend of mine came over to hang out because she is acutely aware that I have been isolating. This friend is a Christian and I have no problem with that. The problem I have is what she did when she was here.
Long story short we were discussing why I was isolating. I informed her that when my depression symptoms get bad I tend to isolate especially when the psychosis acts up. When I experience psychosis, I hear voices. My friend was (and still is) concerned about my depression symptoms increasing as she expressed this to me as we were talking. During our conversation she informed me that I “have demons” in me because I hear voices. This is the point where she decided to lay hands on me to “pray out the demons.” If prayer worked for my mental health challenges then I wouldn’t have any. I know I shouldn’t be mad at my friend for “trying” to help but prayer does shit especially since I no longer consider myself a Christian. It angers me that people of the Christian faith think prayer is the cure all and heal all when it is not. I asked my friend to not put hands on me to pray for me. She then got mad at me. I attempted to educate her about psychosis and voices but she didn’t want to hear it and left. I am angry at her because she didn’t respect my boundaries. She is aware that I don’t like to be touched and that I don’t really like to be “prayed over” especially in my own home.
Being angry at my friend for not respecting my boundaries has me questioning if I should really be mad at her for doing what she thought was helping. All I wanted was to hang out and watch movies or television. I didn’t want to be “prayed over.” Am I overreacting regarding this? I hope not. I truly don’t understand why people think prayer is the answer to everything.
I am thinking I am needing to stop writing about this particular issue as it is making me more angry. I, highly dislike being angry especially at a good friend who in my opinion was trying to help to the best of her ability even though we both know she crossed my boundaries.
I do not have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday evening. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Evening, World!!! It started out like any normal Tuesday but due to high anxiety, I ended having an emotional outburst of anger. Long story short I went to the day treatment program I attend at the mental health agency I am a client of. I went because I had an appointment with my therapist today. Anyway, I asked them to save a lunch for me due to the fact that when they were serving lunch, I was in my appointment with my therapist. Unfortunately, they did not save me a lunch. A couple of people made some snide comments and one person in particular wouldn’t let up so, I had an emotional outburst of anger. Part of it was due to being hungry while dealing with snide remarks while dealing with extreme anxiety dealing with extreme fear and anxiety dealing with getting all my teeth pulled tomorrow (Wednesday).
After leaving the mental health agency I am a client of, I went home and ate. I, then packed for few days to stay at my grandpa’s. I am staying at my grandpa’s for a few days due to getting my teeth being pulled. Yes, I brought my cat, Lil Gertie, with me. She most likely will be sleeping with my grandpa since I will be staying on the couch and he has a queen sized bed but that is okay as I most likely won’t be in much of a cuddling mood once my teeth are pulled. I am glad that my grandpa is letting me stay at his place for a few days as I heal from a mouth full of teeth being pulled.
I don’t have much more to say for the moment. I hope to blog tomorrow after I get my teeth pulled but I don’t think I will be up to blogging tomorrow but I will try to do so. I hope everyone has great rest of your Tuesday. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!
Good Evening, World!!! It has been a few days since I last posted. I have attempted to post but hit road blocks and writers block along the way. So today, I am saying fuck it to both the road blocks and writers block and just write what I am thinking at the moment. Yes, it is a scary thought. Yes, I will be writing what I am exactly at the moment. Yes, it might not make sense.
Right now I am dealing with some fucking anger. Anger over the mass shooting in California. Why in the hell is this shit still fucking happening? Why is the media blaming mental health challenges, yet again on the mass shooting? Why are people on social media sites doing the same thing? Seriously, people who have a mental health challenge are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than a perpetrator of one. Why can’t mainstream media share that?
Okay, if you are a regular reader, you know I live in Seattle, Washington. Anyway a couple of initiatives recently passed here in Washington. One was for better gun control. I personally had mixed feelings on this initiative because of possible HIPPA violations. I would have voted for it if it weren’t for the HIPPA violations. I am all for common sense gun control but when it violates a persons medical privacy then its an issue for me. Another initiative that passed and I voted for is better and more training for police officers in regards to people who are in a mental health crisis. I don’t understand why people have an issue over more training for police officers. Hell, I personally think any type of training for any career is a good thing.
I am having some high anxiety right now. I haven’t had therapy last week or this week due to my therapist being out sick. I can’t help but think this is going to be another repeat of what happened when Diana left unexpectedly two years ago due to a cancer diagnosis. I feel like I am have very similar conversations with the on call clinicians that I had two years ago as I “have no evidence” that my therapist wont be coming back which is true but when its happened before you tend to worry and be anxious about such things. I just don’t need another change in my mental health care. I hope my therapist gets better and does come back but I’m not holding my breath at the moment. I don’t think the clinicians I’ve talked to over the last two week really understand the fear I am having right now especially with having a new job and the holidays coming up.
Thanks for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. I am grateful for each one of you who read my blog. Again, thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening as well as a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!