Weekly Check-In

Good Morning, World!!! The last few weeks hasn’t been the easiest for me especially since therapy services was abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment. Which is something many people on my treatment team are “not too thrilled about.” Yes, it’s been two and a half since therapy services were abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment yet my case manager, her supervisor, my group leaders have been giving me the support I need through this. In fact my case manager’s supervisor is now seeing me three times a week for an hour each time I see him. Granted, it’s not exactly the therapy I need however, I think he realizes with the rest of my treatment team that what the program manager did was unethical and in my opinion he is trying to smooth things over. He does appear to care.

Speaking of caring he suggested that I take the advice of some of my friends (and fellow peers) in getting a recovery coach at local peer run community center. So, I did. I met with my recovery coach for the first time this past week. I will be meeting with my recovery coach weekly for about six months. It’s a time limited service which is a good thing or at least I think its a good thing.

The same place I get the recovery coach from does an annual fund raising event by selling Christmas Trees. This peer run origination ask for folks to volunteer at the Christmas Tree lot so, I’ve decided I would volunteer at the lot as I think it will be helpful to my recovery. Especially to my recovery regarding trauma around the holidays; specifically, Christmas.  I did my first volunteer shift at the Christmas Tree lot yesterday evening. I really enjoyed myself despite having wet, cold feet at the end of my volunteer shift.

I informed Mama Bear about me volunteering at the Christmas Tree lot and she stated that she is “proud” of me. She also gave me a much need reality check. A reality check I desperately needed regarding my recovery. Having friends like Mama Bear in my life is a blessing for me. A much needed blessing. Friends who are able to tell you like it is and keeps it real is something everyone in this world needs.

Speaking of needs, I need to get going so I can get ready for my volunteer job at a help line. A volunteer job I’ve been at for just over three years now and love with a passion.

I hope to blog again in the next few days to let you all know how things are going.  I hope you all have a wonderful day. Peace Out!!!

Feeling Supported & Heard In An Angering (& Unethical) Situation

Long time, no blog. It’s been a few weeks since I last blogged. Actually, its been neatly a month since I last blogged since that last time I did was on Halloween.

I’ve actually attempted to blog a great deal this past week or at least since last Wednesday but failed to do so as I was (and still am) pretty angry. Angry over what happened last week. Actually, it happened a week ago today which would make it last Wednesday (November 15th).

The thing that got me so angry was that I was informed by my therapist that I no longer am a part of the therapy services per her supervisor who happens to be the program manager of the program I am a client of. Needless to say I was angry. I was angry on how it was communicated to me. I unfortunately (figuratively) shot the messenger, who happened to be my therapist by yelling and screaming at her. She didn’t find out about me not being able to continue with therapy till the day before by her supervisor. So needless, to say my unexpected last session with my new therapist didn’t go all that well. I truly believe that my therapist heard what I was telling her. Not because I was yelling at the poor woman but because of her body language, what she was saying as well as her tone of voice. I do NOT blame my therapist whatsoever in this as this was NOT her decision as she was only made aware of it the day before. Unfortunately, I was not able to thank her for all her help.

Another unfortunate part of this, is that the other members of my treatment team were NOT made aware of this till I left them an angry voicemail. I left my case manager a voicemail as well as her supervisor a voicemail. Both of which had no clue about it. The supervisor of my case manager called me and he said that I must have misunderstood my therapist and would look into it and call me back when he looked into it. He did call me back to inform me that I did in fact not misunderstand what my therapist had said. He and my case manager were not informed of this drastic change in my treatment team nor the timing of it.

My case manager and her supervisor as well as my now former therapist are acutely aware that the timing couldn’t have come at a worse time for me. Finding out the news that I am no longer able to get therapy services at this moment in time came three days before the four year anniversary of the miscarriage of the first set of twins. It also came a few weeks shy of the one year anniversary of me finding out that Diana left the mental health agency I’m a client of due to cancer. It also comes during the holidays as well as other anniversaries regarding traumatic events. In fact both my case manager and her supervisor agree that what the program manager did is extremely unethical for anyone to do in the mental health field.

As angering and unethical as this situation is, I don’t blame my case manger, or her supervisor or even my now former therapist. I blame the program manager one hundred percent on this. In fact because of this I have lost trust in my treatment team.

Despite feeling unsupported by the program manager and being angry with the asshole, I do feel supported by all the other staff on the team. My case manager, her supervisor, and my group leaders have been quite supportive of me the last week. My treatment team is working hard to gain my trust back.

As I end this post I hope to let you all know in a later post on the “reasoning” behind why I lost therapy but right now is not the best time due to me still being highly angry. Thank you for reading and I hope to blog on the more regular basis. Happy Thanksgiving and Peace out!!!

Halloween, 2017

Happy Halloween!!! It’s been a couple of days since my last post. Overall, today has been a good day despite a few set backs. Set backs I hope to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.

As many of you know, today is Halloween which means I dressed up in a costume. I don’t care what others thought of me as it is only one time of year. On that note, I went to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today dressed as Eeyore. My psychiatric nurse practitioner was “impressed” that I had the “courage” to dress up. I don’t think it takes courage to dress up in a costume on Halloween. Anyway, my meds got changed slightly. One med got increased while my sleeping med got completely changed. Part of the reason he changed is because its a benzo and it can feed two birds with one grain. It can help me sleep as well as help with anxiety. Not sure if I like the idea as it is a benzo and my dad was addicted to benzo’s  when I was a kid. But I am willing to give it a try. Worse case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get put back on my other med.

Before I end this post, I am looking forward to attending a Halloween party with my partner that our friends are hosting. Junior is going as a Zombie. Don’t ask me why but he is. For him that an easy costume so I guess that’s why he is going as a Zombie. We are both looking forward to spending time with each other and our friends. I am having some anxiety about attending the party however getting out and not isolating with be helpful to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you all have a great rest of your Halloween. Please stay safe. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 11: A Cup of Coffee

Good Morning, Word!!! If we were having coffee right now, I sure in the hell wouldn’t be drinking coffee as I highly dislike the taste of coffee. I love the smell of coffee, I just don’t like the taste.

You would think living in Seattle with multiple coffee shops on each block you would think I would be a coffee fan by now but that is not the case. I, however love my fair share of hot chocolate and hot tea. Depending on the season of the year is what I tend to order if I go to a coffee shop. I prefer ma and pop coffee shops over famous shops.

For instance, during the autumn (fall) months I love getting the London Fog. I find it highly soothing and comforting. I also find hot chocolate comforting. I do find myself ordering peppermint hot chocolate when the holidays are upon us. I am by no means attempting to rush the holidays to get here any quicker than they are already.

Life passes us by so quickly which it why I think we need to take a “coffee break” and enjoy each other company even if coffee isn’t are desired drink of choice. I know I make an effort to have a “coffee date” with a handful of friends on the weekly basis so we can support each other as well update each other on how our lives are going. Yes, the majority of my friends order coffee when I usually order a London Fog, Hot Chocolate or Peppermint Hot Chocolate but that is okay as long I am able to spend time with those who care about me.

Thank you again for reading and I hope to be able continue blog with Finding Your Everyday Inspiration course that WordPress puts on. Thanks for being an active part of my blog. You all are awesome. I hope everyone has and awesome Sunday. Enjoy the simple things life has to offer you like, coffee, tea and hot chocolate. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Happy Dead Turkey Day

Happy Dead Turkey Day!!!! Or as “normal” people say Happy Thanksgiving. I know its been a while since I have blogged. I have been in a depressive state for a while now.

I was so depressed that I ended up in the hospital for a week and one day. In fact I got discharged today. When I saw my therapist last Wednesday (November 18, 2015) she and I agreed that being put in the hospital was the best thing for me. The day I saw my therapist happened to be the two year anniversary of the first miscarriage that I endured. The anniversary hit me harder that a ton of bricks.  I needed to be in the hospital and am grateful that I got out today.

I was and am spending it with friends and loved ones. Unfortunately, Junior is working. We will be doing our Thanksgiving tomorrow with his family. I am looking forward to it. I have a wonderful support system.

I am happy that my therapist is included in that support system. I am also grateful that she knew it was time for me to be hospitalized. Most importantly I am grateful that I was able to have a short stay of one week and one day.

Have a Happy Dead Turkey Day!!! Hope you had a nice day with your family and/or friends. Peace out and enjoy the rest of Thanksgiving. Oh yeah Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!!! I hope everyone out there in the world who celebrates Christmas had a good holiday. Despite the typical family drama on both sides of my family it went fairly well. Time with Jr.’s family went well like always.

Jr. and I are in a hotel room in the town my mother and a brother live in. In fact it feels nice to have a small get away for a couple of days. Jr. and I are going to be spending some much quality time with each other the next couple of days. Our hotel room is looking over the lake and I am loving it. As I am blogging Jr. is taking a much need nap because the both of us have a long couple of days due to the Christmas holiday.

I cant help but think that next year and this time, Jr. and myself are going to have our hands full with two precious little babies. Jr. and I have been thinking on what types of Christmas traditions we want as a family. Of course many of our traditions seemed to be more geared toward when our little ones are older and I think its a good thing to plan for such traditions. Yes, we both are well aware that they will change as the kids grow older and we get to know what their personalities are like.

I am so excited that I am going to be a mama. Feeling my babies kick in my belly is the most amazing feeling in the world. Knowing that I am going to be a mama is an exciting event yet extremely overwhelming at the same time. Jr. is just as excited about becoming a papa as I am becoming a mama. He reads to my belly everyday so he can feel a connection to our children. Connection to our children is extremely important to both Jr. and myself because of the horrific past that I had as a child.

When I was a child I was severely and horrifically abused by my little brother’s father. Unfortunately, the abuse started at Christmas time and in fact was the worst at Christmas time. Christmas time is quite difficult for me due to the abuse however the holidays are slowly getting better as time goes on due to the fact of me working on the pain of the abuse in therapy. I am grateful that I have an awesome therapist that has helped me learn how to deal with the pain. I am also grateful to Jr. and my other natural supports for helping me when times get tough especially around the holidays.

The holiday season may not be easy for me however I realize that it is not easy for many people including those who do not struggle with a mental illness. I’m one of those people that wishes that the holidays were not such a difficult time for many people out there.

One thing that I do every year to make sure my holidays are good one is to read the comic books Christmas With The Superhero’s Volume One and Two.  I also watch A Charlie Brown Christmas as well as Polar Express. I do want I need to do to keep myself healthy and to build positive Christmas memories. Not only that I hope that when my twins are born that I and Jr. will give the positive and happy Christmas memories.

Well, I am going to let you all go for now so you all can have good positive Christmas memories. Not only that I want to give Jr. a good memory by being intimate with him. Peace out and Merry Christmas!!!

A Child’s Christmas Wish; William’s Mail

As, a mama to be I know a mother’s love for her child (or children in my case since I am having twins) starts the moment when one finds out they are pregnant. Another thing I have come to realize is that I will do just about anything to make my children’s lives as happy and enjoyable as possible and protect them to the best of my ability. So, when I saw a news story on a local news station about a mom wanting to fulfill her 12 year old Autistic son, Williams Christmas wish I knew I had to help spread the word. All, William wants for Christmas is mail. I meant to blog about this earlier but life got busy. (Side Note: Links to the Facebook and Twitter accounts as well as the address is at the end of the this particular post.) The following is a letter that William’s mother wrote on a Facebook account she set up to make her sons Christmas wish come true:

Williams Mail

I have never done, or asked anything like this before, but I felt the need to. That need that comes from being a mom and wanting to do everything in your power to make your child happy. It seems like such a small thing but it is the few things that drive a mothers soul. The need to protect and the need to bring joy to your kids faces.

My son, William is 12 years old. He is an amazing kid. He rarely asks for much. He is full of love, joy and happiness. William is smart, funny and awesome. William also has Autism (severe) and is also non verbal. (he can not talk). During Christmas time (his absolute favorite time of the year) he always asks me for the things he wants, and they are always the same. He wants Mr.Sketch Markers, Copy Paper, Lays Regular Chips, and whatever Blu Ray is on his mind for his collection. (His “thing” is movies). He is the easiest and hardest to shop for. I am always looking for new things to add to the list but he usually is not interested and just wants what he wants

This is where my request comes in. This year he asked for something new! I almost fell over when he added it to the box (his Christmas wish list box) and the new item is……….. MAIL! Mail. Mail. He LOVES getting mail. Half of our family lives in Northern Canada and the other half lives in Southern USA so he gets mail from family a couple times a year. I always knew he loved getting his mail but when he asked for it, I cried. I actually sat here and cried. Both happy and sad tears. Happy because he was expressing his wants and sad because of how I was going to figure out how to get him what he wants. He is such an amazing kid and he rarely wants for anything, I really want to make something special for him.

Let me tell you why I was sad. William has never had people come to his birthdays or has he been invited to any. No one asks William to come over for playdates or sleep overs. There are a small handful of kids in his class with needs of their own so I understand why. It is not anyone’s fault, it just is what it is. My family lives 1000 miles in one direction and my kids other family (fathers side) lives 1000 miles in the other so there is no family here for us. My teenage daughter is always out, socializing, hanging with friends and sometimes it just breaks my heart. I wish William had that too, but life has other plans for this amazing kid.

Many people assume since he can not talk that he does not understand. Well, let me tell you, this kid understands. He understands a lot. He understands too much. He just can not communicate the way we do, but he is sharp as a tack. He feels love and affection and I think he finds mail from others as affection. He carries around the last box that was sent to him. He covets the post cards. He wants me to read mail to him (even though he is an excellent reader) he wants to send mail. He LOVES mail and asks me for it now (the past couple weeks) multiple times a day. He writes MAIL on his drawings, he brings me the key to check the mail. I think he truly appreciate mail.

Now to my request. I have been racking my brains for a couple weeks. I want to make this year special for this most special boy. He has nothing but love in him and I want him to feel the love from others. If you want to help a kind soul this year, I am asking for strangers to send him mail. I want him to know the world loves and values him in a way that he understands and feels. I have been buying stamps and have been “creating” mail for Christmas. I have enlisted my small family (there is only a handful) to send mail to him for Christmas. I was hoping someone out there would want to sit down and send mail to William. He deserves to feel the love from the world like the rest of us do because he makes this world a better place. He deserves all the mail in the world according to me , but I am his mommy so I am bias.

I know, it may seem strange to ask strangers for mail but this is the only way I can think of to fulfill my sons Christmas wish. I am starting a page, and if people write letters to him on it, I will print the letters off and turn them into mail. If you feel inclined to send this amazing kid a piece of mail, I will save it until Christmas morning and when he wakes up, he will wake up to his beloved mail.

He loves his mail so much that his weekly treat is to visit the Post Office so he can get a Mail Box (a priority mail box) and when we get home he wants me to put Mail in it (usually just one of his BluRays) and he gets so happy to open it. He also carries around this Christmas USPS flier thingy they sent out a while ago with their Christmas stamps.

Please take the time to consider my request. It would mean the world to a very special young boy whose only real wish this year is to open MAIL It would mean the world to this Momma , William and his big sister Victoria too, we just want to make it a very special Christmas for a very special boy

https://www.facebook.com/pag…/Williams-Mail/1575623412666921

If you would like to learn more about what to write or what William likes to talk about please read this link. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1576474325915163&id=1575623412666921

Twitter @mail4william
‪#‎mail4william‬

Williams Mail
PMB# 175
816 Peace Portal Dr.
Blaine, Washington
98230
USA