Photo 1; Day 6: Solitude

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s topic is of solitude and I thought of the perfect picture from Christmas of 2017 in Olympia, Washington.

IMG_0115The above picture is from my hotel room I stayed at while visiting family for the holidays. As you can see I had a white Christmas. I stayed in Olympia, Washington as mentioned which is the state capital. You can see tiny bit of it three quarters of the way up on the left. So the solitude part of this picture was when I walked around the lake while listening to the sounds around me. I went back to the hotel room and had hot chocolate while looking out the window to the scene that is pictured above.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s hard to believe that as I sit here typing this post that this is going to be my last weekly check-in of the year. 2017 has not been the best of years for me and many other people I know.

Enough about how horrible 2017 has been because this is a weekly check-in and not a yearly check-in. As many of you are well Christmas was this past Monday. Christmas wasn’t the best I’ve had. I celebrated Christmas with my dads side of the family on Christmas Eve like I do every year. It went well even though it’s most likely going to be my grandma’s last Christmas due to Parkinson’s related issues.

Now on to the not so good part of Christmas. Junior and I went to my mom’s place to celebrate with her, my brother and uncle on Christmas. As always Junior and I stayed in a hotel due to the drama my mom caused due to her having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). On top of my mom having BPD she has other mental health challenges as well as a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). My mom is actively using heroin. Unfortunately, she overdosed on Christmas Day and I had to administer Naloxone (aka Narcan).  Administering Naloxone (Narcan) isn’t something anyone wants to do much less having to make sure they have it handy at family events. Other than my mom overdosing on Heroin, time with my brother and uncle went great.

After spending time with my moms side of the family, Junior and I state a few more days to hang out with some friends. We had some great fun with our friends as well as great food. Food that we were able to come home with and eat at later time. Leftovers are always yummy.

This year I received some great gifts. I received a handful of books as well as gift cards to bookstores. I also received a lot of art supplies which I am thrilled about. I am excited to be able to read and do some art.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading. I hope to post at least one last post of 2017 at some point tomorrow, the last day of the year. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop in my hotel room I realize that as difficult as Christmas is, I am extremely lucky to have a good support system. A support system to help me through some tough shit. A support system that not only helps me with shit but with having a challenging family.

Dealing with a difficult family is not an easy thing to handle especially around the holidays.  As I start my day, I am mentally preparing myself for than challenges I will be dealing with today. Thankfully, I will have Junior to help me deal with my family.

It’s not just my family that Junior will be helping me with today. He will be helping me with the challenges of dealing with the trauma of my past. Trauma that happened to me as child at Christmas time.

As difficult as my childhood was during the holidays, having snow on the ground on Christmas Day seems to fulfill a childlike space in my heart. I may not like snow but there is something special about snow on Christmas. In fact having a White Christmas in the Seattle area isn’t all that common which is why it’s something special.

You may not have a White Christmas however, I do hope you have a Merry Christmas. Thank you for taking time out of your holiday to read. Have a great holiday. Merry Christmas & Peace Out, World!!!

Hauntings of Christmas Past

Merry Christmas, World!!! It is officially Christmas Day in every part of the world. In fact its barely two and half hours into Christmas in my neck of the world.

I am unable to sleep due to hauntings of Christmas past. Hauntings of Christmas past is trauma related severe abuse that happened to me as a child. Every time I try to go to sleep my body goes into automatic PTSD mode. For me that usually means flashbacks and body memories. When this happens when I am going to sleep it means I most likely wont get any sleep. Sleep is something everyone needs and hopefully I can get so I can make the best out of Christmas.

Experiencing childhood trauma around the holidays pretty much ruined the holidays for me except I am creating ways to have the holidays become more pleasant for me. There are many ways I am doing this and hope to discuss this topic more later on today or sometime tomorrow.

As I end this post, I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has good holiday. For those who have difficulties this time of year especially around trauma please do some good self care today. Merry Christmas and Peace Out, World.


Weekly Check-In

Hello, World!!! It’s late on Saturday night. This is the time of year that is the most difficult for me even when I am doing well. Its difficult due to trauma related shit which is the reason I have PTSD. When you add Depression to the mix it just makes things worse.

So more or less Christmas is a shitty time of year for me due to trauma but Christmas is even more difficult this year. I found out late last night (Friday) that one of my cousins died yesterday. She was only 48 years old. She passed away suddenly due to health issues as she slept taking a nap. Her two sons found her and did CPR on her till the paramedics showed up. The difficult thing was that I needed to tell another cousin that my cousin died as well as an uncle. To make matters even more difficult I had to inform a mutual friend of mine on my cousin that my cousin died. Telling three people that someone passed away is not a great way to start off the holiday weekend.

As difficult as yesterday was especially with the holiday weekend at least my Yule or Winter Solstice went well. I spent it with Junior and some of our closest friends. We had fun. We ate lots of food and played some awesome board games.

That’s all have for now. I’m struggling with some PTSD symptoms and need to do some relaxation skills. I hope everyone has a great holiday. Peace out, World.

Weekly Check-In

Good Morning, World!!! The last few weeks hasn’t been the easiest for me especially since therapy services was abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment. Which is something many people on my treatment team are “not too thrilled about.” Yes, it’s been two and a half since therapy services were abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment yet my case manager, her supervisor, my group leaders have been giving me the support I need through this. In fact my case manager’s supervisor is now seeing me three times a week for an hour each time I see him. Granted, it’s not exactly the therapy I need however, I think he realizes with the rest of my treatment team that what the program manager did was unethical and in my opinion he is trying to smooth things over. He does appear to care.

Speaking of caring he suggested that I take the advice of some of my friends (and fellow peers) in getting a recovery coach at local peer run community center. So, I did. I met with my recovery coach for the first time this past week. I will be meeting with my recovery coach weekly for about six months. It’s a time limited service which is a good thing or at least I think its a good thing.

The same place I get the recovery coach from does an annual fund raising event by selling Christmas Trees. This peer run origination ask for folks to volunteer at the Christmas Tree lot so, I’ve decided I would volunteer at the lot as I think it will be helpful to my recovery. Especially to my recovery regarding trauma around the holidays; specifically, Christmas.  I did my first volunteer shift at the Christmas Tree lot yesterday evening. I really enjoyed myself despite having wet, cold feet at the end of my volunteer shift.

I informed Mama Bear about me volunteering at the Christmas Tree lot and she stated that she is “proud” of me. She also gave me a much need reality check. A reality check I desperately needed regarding my recovery. Having friends like Mama Bear in my life is a blessing for me. A much needed blessing. Friends who are able to tell you like it is and keeps it real is something everyone in this world needs.

Speaking of needs, I need to get going so I can get ready for my volunteer job at a help line. A volunteer job I’ve been at for just over three years now and love with a passion.

I hope to blog again in the next few days to let you all know how things are going.  I hope you all have a wonderful day. Peace Out!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!!! I hope everyone out there in the world who celebrates Christmas had a good holiday. Despite the typical family drama on both sides of my family it went fairly well. Time with Jr.’s family went well like always.

Jr. and I are in a hotel room in the town my mother and a brother live in. In fact it feels nice to have a small get away for a couple of days. Jr. and I are going to be spending some much quality time with each other the next couple of days. Our hotel room is looking over the lake and I am loving it. As I am blogging Jr. is taking a much need nap because the both of us have a long couple of days due to the Christmas holiday.

I cant help but think that next year and this time, Jr. and myself are going to have our hands full with two precious little babies. Jr. and I have been thinking on what types of Christmas traditions we want as a family. Of course many of our traditions seemed to be more geared toward when our little ones are older and I think its a good thing to plan for such traditions. Yes, we both are well aware that they will change as the kids grow older and we get to know what their personalities are like.

I am so excited that I am going to be a mama. Feeling my babies kick in my belly is the most amazing feeling in the world. Knowing that I am going to be a mama is an exciting event yet extremely overwhelming at the same time. Jr. is just as excited about becoming a papa as I am becoming a mama. He reads to my belly everyday so he can feel a connection to our children. Connection to our children is extremely important to both Jr. and myself because of the horrific past that I had as a child.

When I was a child I was severely and horrifically abused by my little brother’s father. Unfortunately, the abuse started at Christmas time and in fact was the worst at Christmas time. Christmas time is quite difficult for me due to the abuse however the holidays are slowly getting better as time goes on due to the fact of me working on the pain of the abuse in therapy. I am grateful that I have an awesome therapist that has helped me learn how to deal with the pain. I am also grateful to Jr. and my other natural supports for helping me when times get tough especially around the holidays.

The holiday season may not be easy for me however I realize that it is not easy for many people including those who do not struggle with a mental illness. I’m one of those people that wishes that the holidays were not such a difficult time for many people out there.

One thing that I do every year to make sure my holidays are good one is to read the comic books Christmas With The Superhero’s Volume One and Two.  I also watch A Charlie Brown Christmas as well as Polar Express. I do want I need to do to keep myself healthy and to build positive Christmas memories. Not only that I hope that when my twins are born that I and Jr. will give the positive and happy Christmas memories.

Well, I am going to let you all go for now so you all can have good positive Christmas memories. Not only that I want to give Jr. a good memory by being intimate with him. Peace out and Merry Christmas!!!