The Count Down Is On

Good Evening, World!!! I can’t believe I almost forgot to post about this as today (Thursday) February 7th marks one month till my 40th birthday. I honestly did not think I would make it to my 40th birthday. I say this as I thought I would have died by suicide by the time I turned forty and have absolutely NO plans on doing so as I am in a really good place with my mental health challenges.

As much as I am thrilled that I am a month away from being forty years old, I can not help but think of all the ways that helped me get to where I am at. First and for most if it wasn’t for Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and many years of various types of therapy including DBT, I would not be here writing this post now.  I really thought I would have died by suicide and due to many people who believed in me, I am still here.

I am beyond grateful that I am still here as I have so much I can offer this world. Yes, I have some pretty bad downs however, I now know that I can get through them with with my DBT skill and the help of my friends as well as my mental health treatment team. To me making it to forty is proof that no matter how difficult things are, you can get through it. It might seem daunting as it most certainly is at the time but just know you can make it through.

I don’t have much more to say as I just posted about twenty minutes ago on an entire different topic. Thank you so much for ready my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good rest of their night. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Meh

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am feeling a little meh. I’m not sure why but I am. Yesterday was a good day. I guess waking up feeling meh is having me vigilant on how my mood is going to be throughout the day.

Being aware of my emotions is something I have learned throughout my recovery. Being aware of my emotions helps me know what skills or tools I need to use to get through. I think today is going to be one of those days where using my skill is going be essential to how I react to whatever comes up.

Today, I think I am going to lay low as it appears that I am on edge due to feeling meh. Part of what I am going to do is do my DBT homework. Doing my DBT homework will help me put myself into wise mind. Being in wise mind will help me make good decisions.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Thankfully, Not Hospitalized

Hello, World!!! There was an hour or two where I thought I could be hospitalized due to hitting a brick wall with my hand and thankfully it is NOT going to happen. Everyone was in agreement with me that the hospital would not be beneficial to me this time around. So, with everyone in agreement, I am not going to be admitted to the hospital.

My therapist and I discussed my self harm actions this morning and did what is called a chain analysis. If you’re familiar with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) then you know what I am talking about. It is hard for me to describe what one is but it is extremely helpful. My therapist and I also discussed my family. Specifically, my parents and their addictions to drug and alcohol. My dad is in active recovery while my mom is not in recovery whatsoever. We talked about how I learned from their mistakes and chose not to drink or use drugs. I told my therapist that I don’t need more issues on top of the ones I already have.

I’ll write more later. I am just really tired and in pain from hitting a brick wall. Thank you so very much for reading. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

DBT to Combat Depression

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up depressed. Waking up depressed has me acutely aware on what I need to do to make I don’t let it affect me as badly as it can potentially do.  I need to focus on what work in moments like these.

For me that is using my DBT skills. Skills that have evolved over time for me. For me the skills I use as of lately are art, reading, and workbooks. All of these skills do something different for me yet are helping me with my recovery process.

Art helps me express my emotions in ways I am unable to verbalize. That is why when I woke up this morning one of the first things I did was to do art. Specifically, I colored and did some collaging.

Reading helps me get out of my head. It helps me focus on something else than the things going on in my head. It gets me out of my negative head space. That is why after I did some art, I read.

Reading helped me refocus my mind so I could do one of my workbooks. Specifically one on self awareness. The self awareness workbook is proving to be more challenging than I thought it would be. I do have to say that challenging is always a good thing when it comes to doing workbooks or something that is recovery related.

Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

The Waiting Game

I am sitting here waiting for my family to come pick me up so we can head over to Spokane for my grandma’s funeral. Spending five plus hours in the car with my family will be challenging which is why I am going be making my backpack a DBT bag for the next couple of days.

For me making sure I have the tools or skill I need to not make the situation worse is the key to what DBT is about. Plus I will feel better about myself if I do what I need to do.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

Things I’ve Learned in My Recovery…

  • I’m resilient.
  • I’m stronger than I think I am.
  • There will be bumps in the road.
  • Its okay to do self care.
  • I don’t have to be perfect.
  • When life gives you lemons eat them (or make lemonade), just don’t throw them.
  • Life is worth living even when its painful.
  • The pain won’t last even though it feels like it.
  • Its okay to hit a pillow or stuffed animal but not a brick wall.
  • Giving up is not an option.
  • Recovery is more fun.
  • I always have a choice.

Processing Grandma Being In Hospice Care

Good Evening, World!!! I wish Junior was not working for a multitude of reasons. Main reason is to help me through the fact that my grandma is in hospice care. But he has to work to pay his bills.

Having my grandma in hospice is really difficult for me and my family. Something that has been helpful to be are my DBT skills. I’ve been doing a lot of reading. It’s been helping me get out of head. Art has been helpful to me as a way to express my emotions. A way to not explode on myself or anyone else. Blogging has been helpful to process all this stuff.

I don’t deal well with painful emotions and my grandma being in hospice is quite challenging. She is aware of what is going on about eighty percent of the time which makes it that much more difficult. I love my grandma and hope she doesn’t suffer.

Thank you for reading my depressing post. I hope everyone has a good night. Enjoy the Superbowl tomorrow for those of you that live in the United States. Peace Out, World!!