Tag Archives: Mental Health

An Idea or Two

Posted on by Gertie

Good morning, everyone!! Or at least it’s still morning for another twelve minutes in my neck of the woods. I have come up with an idea or two for my blog. As many of you know that I recently acquired a writers magazine that has fifty-two writing prompts for every week of the year starting in on the first Monday in June. You may know that I have decided that I am going to do the weekly writing prompts here on my blog for the next year (52 weeks) starting in June. Of course this is an idea that I have had for a week or two and that  may or may not be new to you.

The idea or two that are new to you is that I was thinking about doing a weekly check-in with you all. I would do this weekly check-in with you all on Friday evening or Saturday morning or afternoon. It is my hope to engage you my reader a little bit more as well as to let you all know how things are going with me. Part of the reason why I am wanting to do this is I am realizing I am not blogging as much as I would like to and this will help me with being more regular about blogging.

The other idea of the idea or two is to have contributors to my blog. They would be people in my support network. For instance, I have Junior my fiancé to be a contributor and he thinks it’s a wonderful idea. Another contributor would be a friend of mine who has taken me under her wing and is a second mother to me. In fact she has been more of a mom to me than my own mother. I call her my Mama Bear and that’s how I will refer to her by here on my blog. Anyway Junior and Mama Bear both think its an “awesome idea.” They will both be posting at least once a month and posting from the perspective of having a loved one that struggles with a mental illness. They might even give the perspective of being first responders and dealing with the public and those of the public who struggle with mental illness. I am hoping with having contributors that it will give my reader and/or follower a different perspective on the side of mental illness and how it effects them and the stigma they to deal with.  I am not sure when my contributors will start but I will inform you when they do.

Before I go I hope that you like the idea’s I have come up with to keep you my reader and/or follower to continue to want to read my blog. I know when other bloggers I follow don’t post much, I start to loose interest and I hope that you all aren’t loosing interest in my blog.

Well, it is now exactly 12noon. So have a good afternoon everyone. I hope you all have a good weekend and Peace Out!!

Happy Friday

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday!!! It’s the start of a three day weekend here in the United States of America (USA). Monday is Memorial Day.  Memorial Day is were we as Americans celebrate and remember those who lost their lives fighting for our freedom.

Freedom that I am grateful for. If it wasn’t for those who lost their lives as well as all the Veteran’s, I wouldn’t be able to have the choice to be in recovery with my mental illness. I would most likely be institutionalized and treated like shit. Because of the men and woman who fought for my freedom and paid the ultimate price I have a choice how my personal recovery looks like.

For me if my own personal recovery is why I am working as a Peer Specialist. In fact I am working on Monday even though I don’t have to. The reason why I am working is because they recently finished a remodel before I started my position and there is a great deal of stuff left in boxes that wasn’t unpacked by the person I replaced as well as by the person the recently left the job. So, I am cleaning up my office as well as catching up on notes. Technically, the office is closed so a lot of clinicians go into work to catch up paper work when there are no clients coming in. If we take the day off, the agency automatically takes out PTO hours which sucks but its a good day to catch up on things like paper work and organizing. The good thing about working on a holiday is I get to sleep in.

Memorial Day isn’t about sleeping in even though its a plus. It’s about remembering those who paid the ultimate price for my freedom. My freedom to be in recovery and to be able to work.

As I end this blog entry, I ask that each one of you take moment of silence to remember those who fought for our freedom. Have a wonderful weekend and Happy Memorial Day. Peace Out all!!

Daily Prompt: The Normal

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Normal.” Is being “normal” — whatever that means to you — a good thing, or a bad thing? Neither?

As you can tell, the past daily prompt I chose to do is about “normal” and whatever it means to me. Before I get to what “normal” means to me, I would like to give you the definition of “normal.” The definition of “Normal” according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary is: Adjective; usual or ordinary; not strange; mentally or physically healthy. According to the definition, I am not “normal” because I am not mentally healthy or at least that’s what I understand it to mean due to the fact of have a mental illness.

I see the definition of “Normal” to be what society thinks on how a person should look or act depending on age, trends and so on. An example of this particular definition of mine is: As a 37 year old woman, I should have at least a four year college education if not already having a Masters Degree or at least be working one by now. As 37 year old woman society says I should be married to the person I love and have children. I say that’s bullshit because society is not who says what “Normal” is. One normal is for me, may not be normal for me.

For me my “normal” is being able to work, weather its part time or full time. Granted I am working full time at the moment and realize that there might be a time in my life where I might need to work part time if I am struggling in a bad way with my mental illness. Another thing that is “normal” for me is seeking mental health services to maintain my recovery. I am sure as time goes on I won’t need as many mental health services as I do now and that will be my “normal” when it happens. “Normal” is always changing or at least that’s how I view it.

I also inform people that “normal” is a fantasy or that there is no such thing as “normal.” Some people say that “normal” is a setting on a dryer. “Normal” is defined by everyone differently so for me “normal” is neither good or bad, its what you view “normal” to be for you and only you.

Well, I best be going. I really need to go and eat something. For me eating regularly is “normal” and is a form of good self care. Have a good evening everyone. Peace Out!!

Getting the Groove of Things

Posted on by Gertie

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize how much I love to blog. I haven’t blogged as much as have liked in recent months for various reasons.

One of those reasons is that I now work fulltime as a peer specialist. It’s a job I love and am slowly getting in the groove of things especially since we have been short staffed. The colleague I told you about two or three entries ago decided to quit and quit in a way that left everyone in shock. He left a text with my bossing he quit. Ultimately, this colleague was let go (or fired) for job abandonment for not quitting in an appropriate way that my employer would be okay with. So, with one colleague no longer with the agency has left me and my other colleague short handed. Short handed in a way that is not very fun for anyone especially someone who is learning the ropes. So, I am ultimately trying to get the groove of things at work as well as my personal life with now working fulltime which I am loving.

At this point in time, I am slowly re-learning time management skill with working fulltime and good self-care with my personal life. A lot of the things I have been doing outside of work happens to be work related. I am starting to learn how to drive or will be in a week and a half. I was reading the drivers book to get a drivers permit. I need a drivers license for work. I’ve never needed one because I’ve always lived in a major city with public transpiration. I have also been working on getting my agency affiliated counselor licensure. So as you can tell I am needing to do good self-care.

Part of the good self-care thing for me is blogging. I am needing to find time to blog for a multitude of reasons besides it being good for my own self-care and recovery.  I am wanting to continue with the education part of my blog. The education part is a two part deal. The first part is education piece of my blog is to continue to share my story and show to those who don’t struggle with a mental illness that people who do struggle with one can recover and recover in their own way. The second piece of the education part of my blog is to post facts about mental illness and various diagnosis and treatments. I’ve been failing majorly on the fact part of the educational piece of my blog. As many of you already know if you read my blog regularly, I started my blog to not only educate others but to help others who struggle with a mental health diagnosis that recovery is possible and show that there is hope. Hope  that recovery is possible. Another thing that I have come to realize in the almost  two years of blogging is that it is helping me with my own recovery.

Another part of my recovery is that I like to write poems and short stories. Yesterday, while at the mall I went into a book store and bought some magazines. A couple of the magazines that I bought are geared toward writers and/or poets. One of the magazines has 52 writing prompts to do starting in June. One a week for a year and it reminded me of what WordPress does with it’s daily prompts. So, it is my hope that starting in June I will do the weekly writing prompts for a year. I think it would be fun to do and it is something I could also schedule to post so if I start to struggle again or if work gets busy that you my reader wont wonder where I am at. I love to write and hope that it wont only be fun for me but fun for you the reader. Plus, it would be a given weekly entry. Again, all this will start the first Monday in June. I think most if not all of the weekly prompts are suppose to be fiction and I will attempt to keep them fiction if the topic allows.

It seems to me that I am getting long winded again and I think I need end this particular post for now. I just wanted to update you on things as well inform you on what I am planning on doing with my blog. I love my  recovery and what I am able to do with my blog in regards to my recovery. I just hope I can be able to educate people to lessen the stigma that goes with having a mental illness and show people that recovery is possible. Recovery isn’t easy but is it possible and a lot more fun. Well, have good evening and I hope everyone has a good week. Peace out!!

Celebrating Three Years

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Earth Day!!! Today marks three years since Junior and myself starting dating. Who knew that when Junior and myself met fifteen and a half years ago that we would be engaged to be married.

I of course don’t remember the first time we met. The first time we met was one of the darkest times in my life. I had attempted suicide and a housemate had found me and called 911. Junior happened be one of the first responders that responded to the 911 call of my attempted suicide. As much as I was pissed off that I was saved that particular time and many other times, I am now grateful that my life was saved.

If my life wasn’t saved from the multiple suicide attempts, Junior and I wouldn’t be on a romantic get away to celebrate our three year anniversary. Celebrating my three year anniversary with Junior is another positive sign of me being in recovery with a mental illness.

Being in recovery is awesome and am happy to be celebrating three years with Junior. Junior and I left on our get away when I got off from work. We are celebrating out of town in hotel on the waterfront of a navel town. The first thing we did when we checked into our room we had tested out our jetted tub. We had some very intense and enjoyable adult fun in the tub which continued for another couple hours and ended in our nice king size bed. We then cuddled for another hour before we went out for dinner. After dinner we came back to the hotel and had more pleasure moments.

Now we are watching television as we cuddle and I blog. This getaway is much needed for the both of us and am looking forward to spending some quality time with Junior. I am sure we won’t be leaving the hotel room much due to having multiple and/or continued pleasurable moments.

Speaking of quality time, I think I should be going so I can spend time with Junior. Have a wonderful weekend everyone and Peace Out.

Thrown to the Wolves but Not Eaten by Them

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!! It’s been a month today since I started my new position as a peer specialist at work and I am still loving it. It’s been quite a month for a number of reasons.

When my supervisor informed me that he was throwing me to the wolves he thought it was only for my first week and not for my first month and beyond. A colleague  went on an  unexpected leave. A leave my supervisor was shocked as hell about and went to bat for him so he would be able to return to work. Thankfully, this colleague came back yesterday (Wednesday) and felt bad for leaving myself and my other colleague out of loop and out for so long. We may not know exactly why he was out but we understand more than others because of being Peer Specialist.

I am loving  my new position. It is quite challenging at times. Then there are times where it is fun and full of laughter. For instance today, I was called a butt loud names by client who is not doing so well and on the other end of the spectrum, I was able to joke and laugh with another client. I am learning to take things in stride as they come my way, weather is insults or laughter.

My new position can be stressful at times which leads me to the training I was able to attend called Mindfulness as Self-Care which was held by the crisis clinic. I was able to attend because of being a Warm Line call taker and the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the Crisis Clinic.

The training obviously was on Mindfulness as Self-Care. It was geared toward those of us who work in the mental health  field. It focused on mindfulness skills. Part of the training also gave some back history as well. Some of the history included the focus of how various religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism focus on mindfulness and how it is a major skill taught in Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT).  The training gave me some new ways to be mindful and more tools to add to my toolbox.

I am looking forward till tomorrow. Tomorrow in my three year anniversary with Junior. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that Junior and I have been together for three years.  After I get off work tomorrow, we are going to go on a romantic get away for the weekend. It is a much needed get away for the both of us.

Well, I need to get going. I hope to blog again at some point this weekend. I am tired and think it is time for me to go to bed. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Long Time No Blog

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!!! It’s been a while since I last blogged. I have been busy getting adjusted to working full time as a Peer Specialist. I am loving my new position as a Peer Specialist. Despite being short staff for various reasons, I am slowly but surely getting adjusted to the new job.

Adjustment to anything new takes some time. For me the biggest adjustment is getting use to working full time especially since I was working part time for the previous eleven years. Another thing I am getting adjusted to is making time for myself.

I am realizing that I am needing to make time for myself. Taking time for myself has never been an easy thing for me to do but it is something I am learning how to do. Thankfully, I have people who are willing to help me learn to take time for myself.

I need to be going. I need to start dinner for Junior and myself. I hope to blog later this week. Have a wonderful week and Peace Out!!

Fulfilling Day

Posted on by Gertie

Despite being full of anxiety with the upcoming start of a promotion, I’m sitting here at my laptop looking back on my day. A day that was fulfilling in many different ways.

I started off my day with doing some errands which nobody really like to do. Unfortunately, I was unable to do laundry due to the lack of time. So, instead of doing laundry, I decided to blog as I was waiting for time to pass for the next event in the day.

As I finished my last post, Junior came over and we went out to eat. We chitchatted as we ate. After eating we walked around a local lake which helped a great deal with my anxiety. It helped because I was near water as well as the physical activity of walking.

After spending time with Junior, I went a got my hair cut. I got it cut really short. It’s kind of professional punk style cut if there is such a style. An easy to take care of punk style cut. I’m not sure what to think about it yet but I know I like the fact that it is out of my face and easier to take care of.

When I was done getting my hair cut, I hung out with a friend of mine. A friend that I met through my volunteer job at the Warm Line. We hung out for about two hours before we went and volunteered at the Warm Line.

Little did I know when I went to volunteer on the Warm Line tonight that the people I volunteer with decided to throw me a party for getting a promotion at work. Being acknowledged like may not be something I think I deserve but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it helped with my anxiety. Of course once five o’clock came around we started taking calls. During the “quiet moments” we still celebrated my promotion. (Just so you know there was no alcohol involved with the celebration of my promotion.) When the shift ended the friend who I hung out with earlier brought me to Juniors place.

I thanked my friend for the ride and went inside where Junior was waiting for me with a Sunflower and a balloon with the word “Congratulations” on it. I gave Junior a hug which end with having some adult fun if you get what I am saying.

Now, I am at my laptop blogging once again. Blogging is fulfilling in itself. In fact it is also therapeutic for me to do. I don’t have much else to say at the moment. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend and peace out!!!

“Throwing You To The Wolves”

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Saturday. As, I told you in my last post on Sunday, I had gotten the job as a Peer Specialist and that I was turning in my resignation letter. Well, I did turned in my resignation letter on Monday stating my last day as a Consumer Aide would be on March 22, 2016 or so I thought.

When I went on my lunch break on Monday, I had no idea that my supervisor and new supervisor had been talking most of the morning. As I got back from lunch I noticed that my new supervisor had shown up. My supervisor and new supervisor said that they needed to speak to me. I of course was thinking the worst. Boy was I wrong with my thinking the worst. I was informed by both supervisors that I would be starting March 21st and not March 28th like expected. My new supervisor basically informed that he and the main Peer Specialist in charge will be out of state at a conference and that they will be short staffed even with me being present. He then told me “I will be throwing you to the wolves and know you will be able to handle it.”  My supervisor apparently saw that I was surprised and she told “I know this is happening quite fast and everyone agrees that you are ready. You’ve been ready for quite some time. You know you’re overqualified for the Consumer Aide position. You will be greatly missed here because you are a value to the team here and I know you will be of value at the drop-in.” I took a nice good breath and said, “Yes, it is quite fast but I will do what is needed.” With that the meeting ended and I went back to work.

As much as I am thrilled that I am starting a week earlier than expected, I was concerned how my client take me leaving so soon. Surprisingly enough all of them were fine with it and happy that I got the promotion. I was fearful that with me leaving so quickly that it would cause my clients to have anxiety.

Apparently, it is causing me more anxiety starting so soon than it is to my clients with me leaving so quickly. I am dealing with anxiety with the skills I have learned throughout the years. Most of them being Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. If it wasn’t for my recovery I wouldn’t be having the anxiety over the promotion. I am happy to have the skills I have learned throughout my years of recovery.

Well, I need end this post for the moment. I have a busy Saturday ahead of me. Have a wonderful weekend.  Peace out!!!

New Job & The Anxiety Of The Unknown

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, everyone!! Its been a couple of weeks since I last blogged. A great deal has happened in the last two weeks.

As I mentioned in my last two post I had an interview for a full time job as a Peer Specialist position at my current employer. I ended up having a second interview this past Wednesday (March 9th). The second interview went better than the first interview despite having more interviewers than the first one.

Apparently, both interviews went so well that I was offered the job this past Friday (March 11th). I of course accepted the position. In fact I am surprised as hell that I got the job in less than three weeks since today marks three weeks since I applied for the job.

I have a great deal of anxiety when it comes to this job. I will be working full time verses part time. I have been in the work force for nearly eleven years now but I have only worked part time the entire time. I also know that I will loose what little disability benefits I am still able to get. This makes me anxious because I fear the possibility of my mental illness acting up. I am also anxious about loosing the mental health services I get at the agency I seek treatment at. I finally have a therapist that I work well with and have had her for seven and a half years now. I know I’m anxious and fearful of the what is unknown at the moment because I need to seek clarification from my new supervisor as well as my therapist. I will be able to email and possibly talk with my new supervisor tomorrow and I see my therapist on Wednesday. Its just a matter of getting my questions answered from my new supervisor. One of those questions is when my first day will be. I’m not sure if it will be the 23rd or the 28th.

I may be anxious of the unknown but I know my therapist will make sure I will be able to seek service’s somewhere because she is just as invested in my recovery process as I am. If it wasn’t for the work Diana (my therapist) and I have done with my recovery I wouldn’t have been able to get my current position as a Consumer Aide much less my new position as a Peer Specialist. Who knew with all the work I’ve done in my recovery with Diana’s help that I would be able to work full time. I know Diana will make sure I will still be able to continue getting the help I need to be able to stay in recovery.

My recovery means the world to me. If it wasn’t for me being in recovery I wouldn’t have been able to get the job as a Peer Specialist with my current employer. I am looking forward to being able to work full time even with the anxiety that goes along with it. Recovery is possible. It looks differently for everyone but this is what my recovery looks like.

Sadly, I will be turning in my resignation letter to my current supervisor tomorrow. I will miss working with the clients I currently work with but know that I will see them from time to time since I will be still employed at the same agency I am working at now. In fact my new position as Peer Specialist is a promotion from my current position as a Consumer Aide.

I should call it an evening. I need to fix some dinner for myself and Junior. Junior is quite proud of me. I think I might even be proud of myself. Well, have a great Sunday evening everyone. I hope to keep you updated as time goes on. I also know that the anxiety will go down as will. Again, have a wonderful Sunday evening and Peace Out!!