Untitled Poem
(for now)
by Gertie
The look on her face,
Was that of distrust.
Distrust of what?
No one will know.
Cause it was too late.
Too late to ask why.
Untitled Poem
(for now)
by Gertie
The look on her face,
Was that of distrust.
Distrust of what?
No one will know.
Cause it was too late.
Too late to ask why.
Happy Monday!!! It is that time of week where many of us around the world start another work week. A work week that I am looking forward to. It is nice to have a job to love to go to. As many of you know it is Monday and that means it is time for my weekly goals. Like always I will tell you how I did with last weeks goals.
1) Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I actually had the time to read two chapters at once. Unfortunately, that is all I was able to read all this week.
2) Work on jigsaw puzzle. Worked on the puzzle for about an hour.
3) Color. Yup, I did color. I love to color.
4) Start Writing 201: Poetry. Yup, started the course and am loving it.
5) Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I only worked on a few pages but it was a tough few pages.
6) See my therapist on Wednesday. I saw my therapist. It was a tough session.
I managed to accomplish all my goals this week and am proud of myself for doing so. Here are my next week goals.
1) Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I will finish this book eventually.
2) Work on jigsaw puzzle. The jigsaw puzzle is getting done slowly but surely.
3) Color. The various coloring pages or posters I am working on are finally showing some progress.
4) Finish Writing 201: Poetry. This is the last week of Writing 201: Poetry. I am really enjoying the course.
5) Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. I am grateful that I am refreshing my skills.
I know I have a short list this week and I am okay with that. I am grateful to be apart the blogging even over at : http://greenembe.rs/2015/10/12/building-rome-week-41-for-2015/ Have a wonderful week. Peace Out!!
I have been feeling a little depressed the last week or so. My therapist and I talked a little about it on Wednesday. We both agree that the depression could be related to my physical ailments at the moment. I have been dealing with a bladder infection, an urinary tract infection (UTI), a left kidney infection and kidney stones. Due to my depression acting up a wee bit my therapist and I ended up having an hour and half session instead of an hour session. We also called my primary care physician to see if it is possible that so many ailments could trigger a mild case of depression and she agreed it could.
It is just a mild case of depression so it is nothing to be too concerned about. I just need to make sure I need to keep an eye on things. With the help of my treatment team as well as my loved ones, I can nip the depression in the butt. Plus as my many infections clear up, my treatment team thinks my depression will start to lift. It might take a week or two but I am cool with that. I am cool with that because, I am not in crisis mode. Myself and others are taking preventive measures to make sure I don’t get into crisis mode. Crisis mode is not very fun to be in which is why I am in prevention mode.
I am not telling all this to be concerned about me; I am telling you all this so you are all aware of how being sick can affect one’s mental health. That is why when those of us who have a mental illness need to be extra aware of when we get sick. The last thing any of us needs is to have a mental health symptoms rear its ugly head when we are trying to get physically better. Have a wonderful day. Peace Out!!
Apparently when I first tried a Haiku style poem the first time, I didn’t do correctly so here I am giving it another try because I really want to learn this style of poetry and do it correctly. I hope you all enjoy the following poem:
Untitled Haiku
(for now)
by Gertie
Gloomy days are sad
Sad enough to cut myself
Refusing to cut
As you can tell many of my poems come real life. My life. My life of living with a mental illness and how poetry plays a major part of my recovery process. Poetry comes naturally to me and find it frustrating when I have to spend thirty minutes on one. No the above poem didn’t take me thirty minutes do but yesterdays took me that long. It usually takes me about five to fifteen minutes to create a poem. I love writing poem because it therapeutic for me. Thank you for reading. Have an awesome weekend.
Railroad
by Gertie
The scars on her arms are like a railroad,
A railroad map to where her life was;
And where it is she is going. Now she has a cause.
A cause that no longer makes her an ugly toad.
A toad that now helps others to recover.
As this toad has turned human she now has a lover.
A lover that is her by her side,
And who is full of pride
To be apart of a strong woman’s life.
A life that no longer is full of internal strife.
Happy Friday!!! It being Friday, that means it is time for me to do my educational feature. I have decided to do the topic of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). The reason being is because I did the topic of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I got the following information off of the Linehan Institute; Behavior Tech at: http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment that was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and it is now recognized as the gold standard psychological treatment for this population. In addition, research has shown that it is effective in treating a wide range of other disorders such as substance dependence, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and eating disorders.
In its standard form, there are four components of DBT: skills training group, individual treatment, DBT phone coaching, and consultation team.
DBT includes four sets of behavioral skills.
There is increasing evidence that DBT skills training alone is a promising intervention for a wide variety of both clinical and nonclinical populations and across settings.
The term “dialectical” means a synthesis or integration of opposites. The primary dialectic within DBT is between the seemingly opposite strategies of acceptance and change. For example, DBT therapists accept clients as they are while also acknowledging that they need to change in order to reach their goals. In addition, all of the skills and strategies taught in DBT are balanced in terms of acceptance and change. For example, the four skills modules include two sets of acceptance-oriented skills (mindfulness and distress tolerance) and two sets of change-oriented skills (emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness).
Clients who receive DBT typically have multiple problems that require treatment. DBT uses a hierarchy of treatment targets to help the therapist determine the order in which problems should be addressed. The treatment targets in order of priority are:
Within a session, presenting problems are addressed in the above order. For example, if the client is expressing a wish to commit suicide and reports recurrent binge eating, the therapist will target the suicidal behaviors first. The underlying assumption is that DBT will be ineffective if the client is dead or refuses to attend treatment sessions.
DBT is divided into four stages of treatment. Stages are defined by the severity of the client’s behaviors, and therapists work with their clients to reach the goals of each stage in their progress toward having a life that they experience as worth living.
Research has shown DBT to be effective in reducing suicidal behavior, non-suicidal self-injury, psychiatric hospitalization, treatment dropout, substance use, anger, and depression and improving social and global functioning. For a review of the research on DBT, click here. In this video, DBT Developer and Behavioral Tech founder Dr. Marsha Linehan describes the amazing changes she’s seen in people who have received DBT and gotten out of hell.
DBT is based on three philosophical positions. Behavioral science underpins the DBT bio-social model of the development of BPD, as well as the DBT behavioral change strategies and protocols. Zen and contemplative practices underpin DBT mindfulness skills and acceptance practices for both therapists and clients. DBT was the first psychotherapy to incorporate mindfulness as a core component, and the Mindfulness skills in DBT are a behavioral translation of Zen practice. The dialectical synthesis of a “technology” of acceptance with a “technology” of change was what distinguished DBT from the behavioral interventions of the 1970s and 1980s. Dialectics furthermore keeps the entire treatment focused on a synthesis of opposites, primarily on acceptance and change, but also on the whole as well as the parts, and maintains an emphasis on flexibility, movement, speed, and flow in the treatment.
True to dialectics, DBT strategies are designed in pairs representing acceptance (validation, reciprocal communication, environmental intervention on behalf of the client) and change (problem solving, irreverence, consultation-to-the-patients about how they can change their own environment). Strategies are further divided into procedures; a set of principles guides the selection of strategies and procedures depending on the needs of the individual client. Clients are also taught a series of behavioral skills designed to promote both acceptance and change. A focus on replacing dysfunctional behaviors with skillful behaviors is woven throughout DBT.
DBT is a principle-based treatment that includes protocols. As a principle-based treatment, DBT is quite flexible due to its modular construction. Not only are strategies and procedures individualized, but various aspects of the treatment, such as disorder-specific protocols, can be included or withdrawn from the treatment as needed. To guide therapists in individualizing priorities for targeting disorders and behavioral problems, DBT incorporates a concept of levels of disorder (based on severity, risk, disability, pervasiveness, and complexity) that in turn guides stages of treatment and provides a hierarchy of what to treat when for a particular patient. In contrast, skills training is protocol based. Once a skills curriculum is determined, what is taught in a session is guided by the curriculum, not by the needs of a single client during that session.
In the late 1970s, Marsha M. Linehan attempted to apply standard Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) to the problems of adult women with histories of chronic suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, and non-suicidal injury. Trained as a behaviorist, she was interested in treating these and other discrete behaviors. Through consultation with colleagues, however, she concluded that she was treating women who met criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In the late 1970s, CBT had gained prominence as an effective psychotherapy for a range of serious problems. Dr. Linehan was keenly interested in investigating whether or not it would prove helpful for individuals whose suicidality was in response to extremely painful problems. As she and her research team applied standard CBT, they encountered numerous problems with its use. Three were particularly troublesome:
In response to these key problems with standard CBT, Linehan and her research team made significant modifications to standard CBT.
They added acceptance-based or validation strategies to the change-based strategies of CBT. Adding these communicated to the clients that they were both acceptable as they were and that their behaviors, including those that were self-harming, made real sense in some way. Further, therapists learned to highlight for clients when their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors were “perfectly normal,” helping clients discover that they had sound judgment and that they were capable of learning how and when to trust themselves. The new emphasis on acceptance did not occur to the exclusion of the emphasis on change: clients must change if they want to build a life worth living.
In the course of weaving in acceptance with change, Linehan noticed that another set of strategies – dialectics – came into play. Dialectical strategies give the therapist a means to balance acceptance and change in each session. They also serve to prevent both therapist and client from becoming stuck in the rigid thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that can occur when emotions run high, as they often do in the treatment of clients diagnosed with BPD. Dialectical strategies and a dialectical world view, with its emphasis on holism and synthesis, enable the therapist to blend acceptance and change in a manner that results in movement, speed, and flow in individual sessions and across the entire treatment. This counters the tendency, found in treatment with clients diagnosed with BPD, to become entrenched in arguments and polarizing or extreme positions.
Significant changes were also made to the structure of treatment in order to solve the problems encountered in the application of standard CBT.
In her original treatment manual, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (1993), Linehan hypothesizes that any comprehensive psychotherapy must meet five critical functions. The therapy must:
As already described, the structure of DBT includes four components: skills group, individual treatment, DBT phone coaching, and consultation team. These components meet the five critical functions of a comprehensive psychotherapy in the following ways:
True to dialectics, DBT strategies are designed in pairs representing acceptance (validation, reciprocal communication, environmental intervention on behalf of the client) and change (problem solving, irreverence, consultation-to-the-patients about how they can change their own environment). Strategies are further divided into procedures; a set of principles guides the selection of strategies and procedures depending on the needs of the individual client. Clients are also taught a series of behavioral skills designed to promote both acceptance and change. A focus on replacing dysfunctional behaviors with skillful behaviors is woven throughout DBT.
DBT is a principle-based treatment that includes protocols. As a principle-based treatment, DBT is quite flexible due to its modular construction. Not only are strategies and procedures individualized, but various aspects of the treatment, such as disorder-specific protocols, can be included or withdrawn from the treatment as needed. To guide therapists in individualizing priorities for targeting disorders and behavioral problems, DBT incorporates a concept of levels of disorder (based on severity, risk, disability, pervasiveness, and complexity) that in turn guides stages of treatment and provides a hierarchy of what to treat when for a particular patient. In contrast, skills training is protocol based. Once a skills curriculum is determined, what is taught in a session is guided by the curriculum, not by the needs of a single client during that session.
They added acceptance-based or validation strategies to the change-based strategies of CBT. Adding these communicated to the clients that they were both acceptable as they were and that their behaviors, including those that were self-harming, made real sense in some way. Further, therapists learned to highlight for clients when their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors were “perfectly normal,” helping clients discover that they had sound judgment and that they were capable of learning how and when to trust themselves. The new emphasis on acceptance did not occur to the exclusion of the emphasis on change: clients must change if they want to build a life worth living.
In the course of weaving in acceptance with change, Linehan noticed that another set of strategies – dialectics – came into play. Dialectical strategies give the therapist a means to balance acceptance and change in each session. They also serve to prevent both therapist and client from becoming stuck in the rigid thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that can occur when emotions run high, as they often do in the treatment of clients diagnosed with BPD. Dialectical strategies and a dialectical world view, with its emphasis on holism and synthesis, enable the therapist to blend acceptance and change in a manner that results in movement, speed, and flow in individual sessions and across the entire treatment. This counters the tendency, found in treatment with clients diagnosed with BPD, to become entrenched in arguments and polarizing or extreme positions.
Significant changes were also made to the structure of treatment in order to solve the problems encountered in the application of standard CBT.
In her original treatment manual, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (1993), Linehan hypothesizes that any comprehensive psychotherapy must meet five critical functions. The therapy must:
As already described, the structure of DBT includes four components: skills group, individual treatment, DBT phone coaching, and consultation team. These components meet the five critical functions of a comprehensive psychotherapy in the following ways:
DBT has personally saved my life and am grateful to have had the opportunity to take an intensive outpatient DBT program. DBT is awesome and it is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Have an awesome Friday and Peace Out!!
UNTITLED POEM
(For Now)
by Gertie
All you seem to care about are my scars,
You don’t care about me wanting to jump in front of the moving cars.
Suicide is on my mind,
Wish you could be kind.
Please tell me a corny joke about being in a bar.
(Side Note: I wrote this poem back in February when I was feeling extremely suicidal. I AM NOT FEELING SUIDAL NOW)
You Know Me Not, You See Me Not
by Gertie
You know my name
Not my story
You see my smile
Not my pain
You see my cuts
Not my scars
You can read my lips
Not my mind
R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y
by Gertie
Recovery is a gift. A gift not everyone chooses to open,
Eagerly trying to open it, to see what it has to offer.
Consciously striving,
One must not forget where they once were.
Valleys so deep,
Earnestly grasping the cliffs that surround the valley.
Recovery is just a grasp a way.
Yes, the gift of recovery one chooses to open is a gift one must work for
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If I Could Turn Back Time.” If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?
I personally think we all have moments where we could turn back time to do over or even re-experience something good or joyous in our life. Who wouldn’t want to do an embarrassing day they experienced in junior high / middle school? Who wouldn’t want to experience a time in their life where it was a joyous or wonderful? I know for me that there are plenty of embarrassing moments from junior high I would love to do over again. I also know I would love to re-experience all the wonderful experiences I have had.
But truthfully, I don’t know if there is a time I would want to turn back. I say this because if we go back and change things then it would change the course of our lives. Despite all the pain and suffering I have experienced in my life; it has made me the person I am today. Granted if I could turn back time; I wouldn’t want to struggle with a mental illness. Then again, my mental health diagnosis has helped shaped on who I am as a person. I’m not my mental illness but it has shaped me and for the better. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t wish a mental illness on anyone but its helped make me realize who I am as a person and what direction my life is going. It’s just like I wouldn’t wish anyone to get hurt like I did as a child (including those who abused me) nor would I want to re-experience being hurt again but its helped me be the person I am today. As much as I don’t like some of the aspects of what I experienced in my life I am grateful that it has made me who I am today. Yes, the positive experiences have made me who I am today as well and I still wouldn’t want to relive them for the same reason as the negative experiences. Turning back time would just make me a different person and that is why I wouldn’t want to do it at all. I’ve learned that as much as I want to turn back time at times that there is no going back. Enjoy what you have in the moment.
For me enjoying what I have in the moment is the best way to live my life and not turn back time. I hope everyone takes the time today to enjoy the moment that they are living in. Life is too short to not enjoy the current moment. Have a wonderful day and peace out!!
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