Just Another Post w/Random Sh*t

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is mostly a typical Monday for me. I, mostly a typical Monday as a couple things today aren’t so typical for me. Both of the things that aren’t that typical involve both of my parents.

Lets start with my mom. Today is her 63rd birthday. A birthday I wasn’t sure was going to happen more times I can count due to her addiction to drugs and alcohol. I feared for her life more of her addiction to drugs than alcohol because that seems to be the thing she goes to when things get too stressful for her. Even though I set some clear boundaries with in regards to talking with her on the phone, I did call her to wish her a happy birthday. She is my mom and I love her. If I were a parent, I would want my kid to make an exception in this case. My mom was happy I called her and thanked me for as well as thanked me for her birthday present.

Now on to my other parent, my dad. As I have informed you in other blog post my dad’s health hasn’t been the best and he is in the hospital. I have good news about my dad and his health. He is getting out of the hospital tomorrow (Tuesday). I am so grateful he is getting out of the hospital tomorrow and that he is in better health.

As much as I love both of my parents, I am beyond grateful that I learned about recovery from both of them. Granted my mom is not in active recovery while my dad is, I still learned about recovery from both of them. If it wasn’t for seeing them in their addiction as a way to deal with symptoms of their mental health challenges it made me acutely aware of how I don’t want to deal with any of my problems including my own mental health challenges. Even though I never had an addiction to drugs or alcohol I did end up having different unhealthy ways of coping with my problems and mental health challenges.

The unhealthy ways of coping are the reason why I learned how to make sure I do good self care. There are many ways I do good self care. One of the ways I do good self care is to take my meds. In fact I have to go pick up my refills today. While I am out and about one of the things I will also do is go buy some incense. I find incense soothing.

In fact one of the things I plan on doing later is to burn incense while I read a book called “How to Be an Antiracist.” I am really enjoying the book. I am learning so much more than I expected regarding race and how to be an ally from this book than I ever realized I could. I hope to learn more as I continue to read this book. In fact have more books about race I am going to be reading. Any way to educate myself about other experience is a way to become a better ally and friend.

I do not have much else to talk about. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Monday. I also hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Don’t forget to do good self care. Peace Out, World!!!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, World!!! It is Christmas evening in my corner of the world and have had a pretty okay day. My mom, uncle and I opened presents. I then did face time with my brother as I opened one of the gifts he gave me. He is at his dads for Christmas this year. After opening gifts, my mom, uncle and I watched a Christmas movie. We then went out to an early dinner and to walk around the lake.

Unfortunately, when we got back to my mom’s place, my uncle went next door to his place and well my mom decided to overdose on Heroin. Thankfully, I had some Naloxone (Narcan) on hand and administrated and then called 911. After calling 911 I went next door to his place to get him. When the first responders came, they took my mom to the hospital where she is staying the night.

I will be going home tomorrow even if my mom is still in the hospital. If she is still in the hospital when I leave, I will stop by to say bye to her. I am a bit disappointed that my mom decided to overdose on heroin again. I will be staying the night at my moms again tonight even though she is in the hospital. Thankfully, my uncle lives in the apartment next door to my mom so I feel safe even if he didn’t live next door I would still feel safe. My uncle has been checking up in on me and I am okay with that.

My PTSD and Depression symptoms are acting up at the moment. Some of the PTSD was triggered by my mom’s overdose and some was triggered by childhood memories due to trauma I experienced as a child at Christmas time.

I did reach out to some friends who live in my mom’s city and they have come by to visit with me. It feels good to have friends that live near my mom as if I need them when I am in town visiting my mom I have people to turn to. Having my friends and my uncle around has been a blessing today. As much as I wish my brother was around for Christmas, I am grateful he was not around this Christmas to see mom overdose once again. My brother is a great support to me but I usually am a support to him in regards to issues regarding my mom. So, I am grateful for my friends and family that were around today and am grateful my brother was not around for the drama of my mom.

I best be going as another friend is about to stop by to say hi. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is much appreciated from my end of things especially this time of year. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Have a Merry Christmas everyone. I hope that if you are already done with Christmas that you had a good one. Again, Merry Christmas. Peace Out, World!!!

Missed Most of the First Half of the Seahawk Game

Good Evening, World!!! I am little pissed off at the moment. I missed most of the first half of the Seahawk game due to the fact that someone decided to cook food and catch their stove on fire while they shot up heroin. If someone wants to shoot up drugs, it is their issue however once your addiction affects me I will have an issue with it. But I also know that addiction is hell and nobody wants to be living in addiction.

Since the person was extremely high and unaware their food caught the stove on fire, the fire alarm was set off which means the fire department showed up. Thankfully, my neighbor and everyone else is okay. I am most grateful that my neighbor was not overdosing even though the fire department had my neighbor go to the hospital as a precaution. I am glad that they are going to be okay

Now, I am back to watching the Seahawk game. I hope the Seahawks continue to have the lead and beat the Chiefs. Have a wonderful Sunday evening world and enjoy whatever you are doing at this present moment. Let’s go Seahawks. Here is to hoping the Seahawks win. Peace Out, World!!!

More About My Therapy Session Today

Good Evening, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post, I said I would try to post more about my therapy session I had today (Tuesday). So, here it goes. We discussed a great deal during our session and how I will cope with the Christmas holiday.

First we discussed what type of self care I would do for myself when I am celebrating with my dad’s side of the family. We came of with various coping skills and self care strategies I can do when I am celebrating Christmas with my dad’s side and for me it was easy to come up with coping skills for my dad’s side.

Now on to my mom’s side, it was a little more difficult because I normally stay in a hotel when I go see my mom however this year I am unable to afford one this year. So that means I will be staying with my mom who is unfortunately in active addiction to heroin.  So, of course part of my good self care plan is to bring along some Naloxone (aka Narcan) as a precaution so if my mom does overdose on Heroin I can administrate it to her as I call 911. Some other coping skills and self care options I will be doing at my mom’s is of course taking my laptop, art supplies and reading material. I am not sure if I will have access to WiFi when I am at my moms but there might be chance I could find an open network or ask one of her neighbors if I can use theirs. My mom also has a bathtub so I will be taking a nice long bath as I don’t have a bathtub and only have a shower. If worse comes to worse I stay at my uncles place who lives next door to my mom. My therapist discussed taking some self soothing items with me and is going to help me through this week with check ins to see how I am doing with my coping plan especially when it comes to dealing with my mom.

I don’t have much more to say about my appointment with my therapist but if I do remember more stuff I will post it if need be. I really want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my perspective. I hope you all have great rest of your Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Painful Mother’s Day

Good Morning, World!!! As American’s celebrate Mother’s Day, I sit here dealing with grief and loss. The grief and loss of my grandma and being the first Mother’s Day with out her. Also dealing with the loss of two sets of twins. Not everyone has a good or happy Mother’s Day due to the painful experiences of loosing a child or children in my case as well as grandma.

For me Mother’s Day is also painful for me because my mom was not always there for me. She kept deciding throughout my childhood she couldn’t “handle” me for a multitude of reasons. One reason is because of her addiction to Heroin.

I want to discuss with you more about how things are going for me today but even writing this is have tears roll down my face. I am going to get going and do some mindfulness. Have a great day. Peace out, world!!!

Therapy + Comics = Good Session

Good Afternoon, World!!! I realize I already told you little about my session today with my therapist in my last post (https://gertiesjourney.com/2018/04/17/thankfully-not-hospitalized/) but I would like to share a little more about it as I think it helped my therapist build a rapport with me. Besides talking about my parents and their addictions we discussed comics. We discussed comics because I wore a Wonder Woman t-shirt and hat today. I told my therapist that I collect Wonder Woman comics and then we ended up talking about comic book universes. My therapist is more into Marvel and I am more into DC even though we both like a little of both universes. My therapist asked if reading comics was in my crisis plan and something I do end stead of self harming and I said yes to both. We discussed how comics have played a major role in my recovery and he assigned me to read one comic book a day as part of some homework. Another part of my homework he wants me to create a coping skills tool box out of a shoe box even though I more or less have my backpack full of coping skills I use. He even gave me a shoe box to start it. He is having me do this because he knows I enjoy doing art and to help me think about my coping skills. He also wants me to write a page on how making the coping skills box made me feel and what my experience was making it.

I am grateful that my new therapist is coming up with creative ways to help me help myself. I may not like having therapy homework but I am grateful to have it as it gives me an opportunity to grow and continue with my recovery.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Thankfully, Not Hospitalized

Hello, World!!! There was an hour or two where I thought I could be hospitalized due to hitting a brick wall with my hand and thankfully it is NOT going to happen. Everyone was in agreement with me that the hospital would not be beneficial to me this time around. So, with everyone in agreement, I am not going to be admitted to the hospital.

My therapist and I discussed my self harm actions this morning and did what is called a chain analysis. If you’re familiar with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) then you know what I am talking about. It is hard for me to describe what one is but it is extremely helpful. My therapist and I also discussed my family. Specifically, my parents and their addictions to drug and alcohol. My dad is in active recovery while my mom is not in recovery whatsoever. We talked about how I learned from their mistakes and chose not to drink or use drugs. I told my therapist that I don’t need more issues on top of the ones I already have.

I’ll write more later. I am just really tired and in pain from hitting a brick wall. Thank you so very much for reading. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!