Nothing But An Isolating Type of Week

Good Afternoon, World!!! I have isolating since Monday and that is never a good thing for me. I was suppose to have therapy yesterday but didn’t go. I rescheduled for today and didn’t go again today. I am just waiting for my therapist and I to reschedule for some time this week which I don’t think I will have a session due to how busy he is and my own personal schedule. I personally do want to reschedule for this week but realize the reality of the situation of being able to do so.

Since I have been isolating, I have been doing some things to keep myself busy. I, of course have been spending time with my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie has been a saving grace for me especially the last few days. She is an amazing cat and I love her so much.

The one other thing that has been helping me a great deal is art. I have been color and painting. I am really happy that I have not stopped doing art because I fear that my depression is getting bad. When my depression gets bad I loose all interest in things. Art is helping me with expressing my emotions.

I do not have much more to say in this blog post. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my point of view. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Peace Out, World!!!

A Depressive Saturday

Hello, World!!! I woke up this morning to it being sunny outside yet extremely depressed. So depressed that I have been isolating all day which is not a good thing for me. Isolation tends to makes me more depressed. Being depressed sucks shit.

Even though I have been depressed all day and haven’t felt like doing shit, I have done something. I have managed to make some progress on the poster I am coloring which makes me quite happy. Coloring is a type of mindfulness exercise for me.

As I colored I listened to podcast. I listened to a podcast on philosophy and found another podcast that I started listening to on mythology. Mythology is a topic I enjoy as Wonder Woman background is in mythology. So throughout the day I would switch back and forth to a philosophy podcast to a mythology podcast. Being able to switch up topics is a good thing especially as I color.

I do not have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a wonderful rest of your evening as well as your weekend. Peace Out, World

Not So Good Mental Health Day

Hello, World!!! Today has been one of those not so good days in regards to my mental health symptoms. A day where I have experienced extreme loneliness as well as isolation. Of course some of the isolation is a protective fact so I don’t have an emotional outburst on anyone.

I just wish my depression and dissociation wasn’t acting up so bad. To make matters worse my voices are screaming at the moment. At least I am not suicidal nor do I have urges to self harm and that is always a plus.

My cat, Lil Gertie has been helping me a great deal. She has been been at my side or on my lap the entire day or at least in my waking moments. I have been sleeping a great deal today. Maybe because of the lack of sleep last night or because of the depression or maybe a combination of both. My music has been playing nonstop as it helps a great deal with the voices. I have also been doing a lot of art today. Mainly I have been coloring but I have done other forms of art. I just wish I wasn’t so lonely or even isolating. At least I have my cat, Lil Gertie.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Boundaries Crossed = Anger

Hello, World!!! Right now I am livid. I am beyond livid. A friend of mine came over to hang out because she is acutely aware that I have been isolating. This friend is a Christian and I have no problem with that. The problem I have is what she did when she was here.

Long story short we were discussing why I was isolating. I informed her that when my depression symptoms get bad I tend to isolate especially when the psychosis acts up. When I experience psychosis, I hear voices. My friend was (and still is) concerned about my depression symptoms increasing as she expressed this to me as we were talking. During our conversation she informed me that I “have demons” in me because I hear voices. This is the point where she decided to lay hands on me to “pray out the demons.” If prayer worked for my mental health challenges then I wouldn’t have any. I know I shouldn’t be mad at my friend for “trying” to help but prayer does shit especially since I no longer consider myself a Christian. It angers me that people of the Christian faith think prayer is the cure all and heal all when it is not. I asked my friend to not put hands on me to pray for me. She then got mad at me. I attempted to educate her about psychosis and voices but she didn’t want to hear it and left. I am angry at her because she didn’t respect my boundaries. She is aware that I don’t like to be touched and that I don’t really like to be “prayed over” especially in my own home.

Being angry at my friend for not respecting my boundaries has me questioning if I should really be mad at her for doing what she thought was helping. All I wanted was to hang out and watch movies or television. I didn’t want to be “prayed over.” Am I overreacting regarding this? I hope not. I truly don’t understand why people think prayer is the answer to everything.

I am thinking I am needing to stop writing about this particular issue as it is making me more angry. I, highly dislike being angry especially at a good friend who in my opinion was trying to help to the best of her ability even though we both know she crossed my boundaries.

I do not have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Plans To Fight Off Urges To Isolate

Good Morning, once again, World!!! As depressed as I am with the urge to isolate and doing nothing, I have decided to do the opposite of how I am feeling at the moment. I know that what I am about to tell you what I am going to do may appear simple; they are not so simple for me at the moment.

The first thing I plan on doing is to take a shower. It has been exactly one week since I last took a shower. So, at the moment I feel all gross and grungy which is not a good thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if I stunk to other people because I personally think I stink.

After my shower, I plan on going to Red Robin to eat. I love Red Robin and think I should treat myself to something yummy. I usually get the Whiskey River Bar-Be-Que Burger with extra cheese and onion straws.

When I get home from Red Robin, I will do some laundry. I really need to do laundry as it has been quite some time since I have done laundry. As I do my laundry, I will be reading. Not sure if I will be reading Wonder Woman Comic Books or the novel Yesternight by Cat Winters. I most likely will end up reading both Yesternight and Wonder Woman comic books as I have two loads of laundry to do.

I also have some Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) homework I need to do for DBT group tomorrow. Homework that I should have started after group last week but didn’t. It is my own fault for procrastinating. Maybe I will do some DBT homework while doing laundry.

I do not have much else to say. I just want to say thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

In Desperate Need of a Shower

Good Morning, World!!! I am in desperate need of a shower as I haven’t showered since last Wednesday. I have a couple of ideas of why I haven’t showered and one of them is that my depression is starting to creep back in. The other idea is more or less me being in “fuck it mode” due to something I rather not discuss at the moment. I know taking shower will be extremely helpful in regards to feeling somewhat better.

Not only have I not been showering, I have been in isolation mode. I have been managing to not isolate by hanging out with neighbors as well as going for walks. I do need to start reaching out to friends who don’t live in my apartment building because if I don’t my depression will get worse and I will end up isolating from everyone including my neighbors.

The one thing I was going to do ended up being cancelled because the person is on vacation and failed to inform us last week. I was suppose to attended art group today and it sadly was cancelled the last minute due to a communication failure of the group leader. I was really looking forward to attending art group as I know it would have helped me not isolate as well as to motivate me to take a shower.

On a good note, I have taken my morning walks which I think is my saving grace at the moment. I think my morning walks are great form of self care for me and a good way to start my day. I even do an evening walk to clear my head from whatever type of day I may have had. Taking the two walks a day have been quite beneficial for me and my mental health.

Doing good self care, no matter how small, is something that I benefit from. Sometimes it is difficult for me to do self care due to depression. In fact doing good self care is something I make an effort to do as I want to be an example of what recovery looks like.

I don’t have much more to write about in this post except that I will end up taking a shower at some point today. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a good Monday everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Yucky Weather + Depression = Desire to Isolate

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t get much sleep last night but I did get more than the night before. Getting sleep is key to helping the symptoms of the mental health challenges I face. Yes, I may have gotten slightly more sleep last night and it is helping my mood just in the slightest, I just don’t think it is exactly enough to help beat off the depression symptoms.

I don’t think it is enough to be off the depression symptoms because it is the time of year they get worse and well the typical yucky Seattle weather ain’t helping much. In fact the weather today, I think is making the symptoms a little bit worse. Worse in a sense that I am wanting to isolate. Part of is cause of the weather while the other part is due to the depression symptoms which both really suck today.

As much as I want to isolate today, I am unable to do so because I have two appointments today. One with my therapist which is much need and the other is with my employment specialist. I really need my therapy today even though I really do not want to go, mainly because of my depressive symptoms and a little to do with the yucky Seattle weather. No matter how I feel, I need to attend both appointments today due it will ultimately help my recovery. All I can say is the depression suck shit.

I don’t have much else to say in this post so I think I am going to end it for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciate it from my end of things as well as from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone enjoys their day. Peace Out, World!!!