Busy Lil Bee Being In Recovery

Good Morning, World!!! I haven’t been back to sleep since my last post. I have been busy since my last post. I read a little bit. I read about Buddhism. If you regularly read my blog you know I have been looking into Buddhism. I am looking into it as I haven’t really been searching spiritual wise the last couple of years. Spirituality is a part of being in recovery. Being in recovery is something I have aspired to be and have been for quite some time. Yes, I have had bumps in the road. Yes, I have fallen however I have picked myself up and wiped myself off.

Being in recovery means doing things that are difficult. For me doing workbooks is quite challenging for me as it pushes me to aspire to be the person I am meant to be. This morning, I have chosen to work on the workbook that focuses me being queer and resilient. Being able to push myself with my gender identity, queerness and resiliency goes right along with my values in my personal recovery path with mental health challenges.

Being in recovery is a major deal for me. I was informed that I would never be in recovery from a mental health condition because my symptoms were so severe. Never tell me I can’t do something because I end up proving you wrong with being able to do it.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Overwhelmed = Star Wars Book

Good Morning, World!!! I have been working on my LGBTQ workbook and found myself getting overwhelmed. I am feeling overwhelmed because what I am working on is hitting close to home. Its hitting close to home because I haven’t admitted to myself a lot of things regarding my gender identity but I am learning how to do so.

Since I am feeling overwhelmed, I have decided to take a break from the workbook for a few hours and read. I am going to to read the Star Wars book I got yesterday (Sunday).  Sometime in recovery you need to realize it is okay to take a break every once in awhile to take a break. Especially when you are reading Star Wars.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World!!!!

Attempting to Lessen the Depression Symptoms

Good Morning, World or at least what is left of morning. I am feeling slightly better than my last post but I realize it is going to be one of them days I have to pay attention to what is going on symptom wise. Knowing that I am depressed means I need to make sure I do basic self care shit; like eat, take shower; you know that kind of stuff.

Besides focusing on basic self care stuff, I decided to work on one of the workbooks I am working on; The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook by Anneliese Singh. The chapter I am working on is having identify other identities we may identify as. An example of that is I am a person with live experience of a mental health diagnosis who is learning about Buddhism.  Working on this work book is challenging in a good way and helping me build up the confidence I want to have in my life.

Another thing I did was talking to my best friend of nearly 30 years. We talked for a couple of hours on the phone. It was a good conversation and am happy that we finally got to talk. She is one really good friend who has stuck by me during the bad times.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing Much Exciting To Read

Good Afternoon, World!!! So far today has been an uneventful day. A day full of boredom that thankfully didn’t lead to isolation. As I mentioned in my last post isolation is not a good thing for me. I am grateful that I went to day treatment as I interacted with folks. I went because I have been isolating and Junior is working today.

With all that being said, I am glad I went. I helped make lunch for the folks at treatment and enjoyed cooking. We had chicken stir fry. People appeared to like the food.

I also ended up working on one of my workbooks. The workbook I am working on is my Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook. It is helping me a great deal with how I view myself as a non-binary, gender fluid, gender queer individual.

I was just finishing up a chapter in my workbook when it was time to do my fifteen minute Friday check-in with my therapist. It ended up being a 45 minute check in as we discussed a little bit about my workbook. We also discussed my med change yesterday and how I felt about it. We also discussed what I was going to do this weekend. We came up with me hanging out with a friend at the stupid mall.

After seeing my therapist, I came home. Now, that I am home I am relaxing before I clean my apartment. I feel like it is getting cluttered again. So I am going to be purging some things. Nobody really like to clean but it is a necessary part of living a life worth living or at least being and an adult.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated al the from drizzly Seattle. Happy Friday and Peace Out, World!!!

Not Liking Being Bullied

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop frustrated with what is going on in a situation I rather not get into yet have to accept the reality that the person is going to get a way with shit. Long story short I am being bullied by another client at the mental health agency I go to and unfortunately, staff “can’t do anything about it” because they “haven’t witnessed it.” Same shit I experienced as a kid in school is now happening as an adult seeking treatment.

On a plus note members of my treatment team have witnessed some of the bullying regarding my gender identity and sexual orientation. They have seen enough that this individual was asked to not interact with me and was “barred” for two days for his bullying.

I am just frustrated with the fact of the shit this individual gets away with due to staff not being a witness. Some of the shit is disrespecting my pronouns. I just have to find a way to not be reactive to this. It’s my responsibility on how I don’t get reactive so he doesn’t get a rise out of me.

My response or reaction to others is something I will be working with the members of my treatment team. Hopefully, I can just learn to let go of things such as how I respond or react to things such as bullies.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! It is 5:30 in the morning in my part of the world. I still haven’t been able to get to sleep which is quite annoying for me.

I have spent most of the night working on my workbooks. Workbooks that deals with my gender identity as well as a workbook dealing with mindfulness. Both workbooks are quite helpful to me. I like the fact that I can do workbooks as part of my recovery process. Some folks look down on doing workbooks as part of ones recovery and in a way I understand however I don’t supplement it for therapy as I go to therapy on the regular basis. I am just grateful that I am able use the workbooks to assist with my recovery. I actually discuss what I do in the workbooks with my therapist. In fact most workbooks actually suggest that you do so.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!


Sleepless in Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! I am having trouble sleeping once again. Insomnia sucks shit. I think part of it has to do with a recent trauma I experienced however insomnia is nothing new for me.

I think I am going to do one of my workbooks. I just don’t know which one I want do after I am done blogging. I don’t know if I should do the one on Mindfulness or the one about Resiliency and Gender Identity/Sexual Orientation. Both would be quite helpful to me at the moment. I think I’m going to flip a coin for this one and choose that way.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! I realized that I didn’t do my weekly check for last week however I know what got in the way and will work on to make sure things don’t get in the way again. Yes, I realize life happens when I won’t be able to blog at time but I know what got in the way and will do may very best to let it not get in the way again.

My birthday was on Wednesday and I went into hang out at the mental health clubhouse before my appointment with Gilbert. Well, I let my emotions get the better of me and had an emotional outburst directed toward another client. A client that was being quite discriminatory toward my gender identity and sexual orientation. This person kept using the wrong pronouns toward me as well. Unfortunately, my emotions got the better of me and I started screaming and yelling at the individual after this person to leave me alone after being asked several times. I got barred for two days and I think it should have been longer. The other individual in the incident got a two day bar as well however it started a day after mine started.

I’m not happy with my behavior and have amped up my mindfulness practice as I feel it will help me. Help me regulate to regulate the emotions that get the best of me. Mindfulness has always helped me regulate my emotions.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!

The Importance of Respecting People’s Pronouns & Gender Identity

I’ve debated about writing this article because sadly it is still a controversial issue. A controversial issue that is one of many issues that is dividing this country apart. An issue that has been near and dear to me for decades yet never spoke up about it till I worked at a local mental health agency.

The topic I have chosen to write about is about respecting people’s pronouns and gender identity. This topic is quite important to me as I have never really identified as my perceived gender; female. I’ve considered myself to be genderqueer or non-binary or genderfluid and go by the pronouns they/them for quite some time yet never really corrected people for a multitude of reasons until recently.

It wasn’t until I got my first position at a local mental health agency when I realized the importance of respecting people’s pronouns and gender identity including my own. When I started working with clients who have felt disrespected by folks who didn’t respect their gender identity and/or the pronouns the individual goes by, I didn’t realize the impact it had on me when I advocated on their be behalf. It was in my job descriptions as a Consumer Aide and Peer Specialist to be an advocate for the clients I served.

Advocating for the clients I served regarding their pronouns and gender identity especially among a handful of my colleagues was not the easiest of things to do. It wasn’t easy to do at first because, I never really advocated for myself regarding my gender identity or preferred pronouns since the people closest to me already knew and respected this about me. So, when it became loud and clear to me in the first month of working in the mental health field that if it matters to the individuals I served, then it needs to matter to me as an individual who doesn’t go by societies gender norms. I’m not saying it didn’t matter to me before because it did however the Universe had used the clients I served on how important it is for me and my recovery as well as, the clients I use to serve.

As I came to terms with advocating for my clients and myself at work in the mental health field, I quickly realized that my own mental health treatment team didn’t know my preferred pronouns or that I identify as a genderfluid, non-binary, genderqueer individual. So, I decided if I am able to advocate for myself and my clients at work then I can advocate for myself with my treatment team. When I mentioned my gender identity and preferred pronouns, I found myself being on the receiving end of the advocacy I once did for my clients.

Why is it so important to respect people’s gender identity and preferred pronouns? Statistics show that 82% of transgender and non-conforming individuals don’t feel safe at work and/or school. The same stats show that 67% have been bullied online while 64% have had property destroyed. The effecting of being bullied especially regard gender identity are: six times more likely to be depressed; eight times more likely to attempt to die by suicide; and three times more likely to have a substance use disorder (SUD). To answer the question of why is it important to respect a person’s gender identity and pronouns is that it can literally safe someone’s life and is common courtesy to do so. It is also important that we respect each other as fellow human beings and that we value each other as individuals even if we don’t always get along.

Thank you for reading my lengthy article on respecting peoples pronouns and gender identity. The one thing I want you all to get out of this article is that gender identity plays a major role on who we are as individual’s as well as our mental health.

Finding the Hope in the Little Things

Good Afternoon, World!!! The last year and a half has been quite the struggle for me yet every time I feel like I am making some ground something trips me up. Sort of like tripping over the other shoe dropping.

Yet when I am tripping over the other shoe dropping, I tend to find the hope in the little things. Little things like reading a book or listening to my favorite music or even creating art. Yes, all the above mentioned give me hope yet something else gave me the hope I needed for this moment in time

That hope came from the two workbooks I am doing. One is about resiliency regarding my sexual orientation of being a pansexual and gender identity of being a non-binary, gender fluid individual. The other workbook is on mindfulness. So the workbooks I am doing on resiliency on who I am with my gender identity and sexual orientation as well as being mindful of being in the moment is what is giving me hope. Hope of who I am as an individual despite tripping over the other shoe dropping.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!