A Middle of a Sunday Afternoon Update

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m not feeling so good. It’s not because I am sick; it is because I am dealing with the worst cramps in the world and I usually have some pretty bad cramps. These cramps are some of the worst I’ve had that at one point in time they were so painful, I actually cried and had to take one of my narcotic medications to relieve the pain. I rarely take a narcotic pain reliever especially for cramps as I have high tolerance for pain.

Since my cramps were so bad I called in sick to my volunteer job. I called out because wouldn’t be able to do my volunteer work like should do it because of my stupid period.

Having a period doesn’t mean you are a woman; it means you have uterus and were assigned at birth to be “female.” In fact people naturally assume I am “female” because I was assigned it at birth and appear to look like one when in reality, I consider myself non-binary and gender non conforming. I realize I could loose some followers and regular readers for my gender identity but that is their choice even if I would like them to continue to read my blog.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post except that having a period fucking sucks. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things that you the reader do read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It truly means the world to me that you do read my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Depression & Anxiety Suck Sh*t

Hello, World!!! It is another Sunday afternoon here in Seattle. Thankfully, it is a Sunday of a three day weekend because tomorrow (Monday) is Presidents Day here in the United States. Not sure why we have a Presidents Day but I’m grateful that I don’t have to work and get paid for doing nothing. I would rather be working tomorrow but I have the day off.

Part of the reason why I want to work because both my depression and anxiety are acting up at the moment. I wish they were not acting up especially at the same time which sucks sh*t.

In fact volunteering at PAWS Cat City this morning helped both the depression and anxiety. I love volunteering and being able to help cats find their furrever home. Today, we only had three cats. One was on hold, one isn’t ready for adoption and the other is adoptable and not on hold. Lets hope the two adoptable cats get adopted today.

On that note, Billie Dean, my cat has been quite helpful for both the anxiety and depression. He love getting attention no matter if my symptoms are acting up or not but he seeks it out more when my mental health symptoms are acting up. I am grateful that he knows when I need the attention from him when he ask for more attention than he usually wants which he loves.

I do not have anything else to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate you the reader, reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

An Extremely Lazy Sunday

Good Evening, World!!! It is ten o’clock at night in my neck of the woods known as Seattle. I literally have done nothing all day be eat, sleep and read Wonder Woman comic books. I mostly slept all day. I wish I didn’t sleep all day because it screws up with my sleep hygiene; sleep schedule.

I’m starting to get worried about my sleep schedule because I am wondering it is mainly due to getting over Covid-19 or if depression symptoms are starting to creep back in. No matter the reason, I just want to be back on my normal sleep schedule. If it is because of depression, I will need to let both my physical and mental health teams be aware of it. As far as the Covid-19 shit messing with the sleep, I know it’s normal for some people to feel extremely fatigue that it makes them sleep more than they usually do.

As far as when I have been awake today, I’ve been in bed cuddling with my very sweet kitty, Billie Dean. In fact I joke around with people that I sleep with a man every night name Billie. Not my fault people don’t pick up on the joke especially when they know I have a male cat. Billie is such a cuddle but and a pain in the butt at times.

While being in bed most of the day cuddling with my precious cat, Billie, I have been reading comics. Specifically comic books. To be more specific, I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books. In fact the back story of me becoming a Wonder Woman fan was because of my dad who was a single dad. Long story short my mom abandoned both my dad and myself in the middle of the night when my dad was working a night shift leaving me home by myself at the age of three. I know my mom left a note but since I couldn’t l read it I called my grandparent phone number which I was required to memorize. Anyway, my mom left both me and my dad because she couldn’t handle dealing with a man with a TBI working on sobriety and a daughter dealing with hearing impairments and speech delays. Even though I had my paternal grandmother as a female role model, my dad with his intellectual disabilities and TBI know he was not able to read due to is disabilities he wanted to make sure I had a role model to look up to even if it was/is a fictional one. So at the age of them three my dad started buying me Wonder Woman comic books. As I grew older and learned how to read, I would read two to three Wonder Woman comic books to my dad as part of our bedtime routine. I may still be sad my dad was not able to read bedtime stories to me but am grateful that we looked and Wonder Woman comic books as apart of our bedtime routine which turned into me reading them to my dad once I was able to read. Yes, my grandparents did help with me learning to read but watching my dad full of pride with me reading is something I will never forgot.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post except the my dad making sure I learned to read despite him not being able to read makes my heart happy and grateful. I would like to thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reading reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader do read my blog. Again, from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Lazy Sunday

Good Evening, World!!! It is a Sunday evening and it was a great day for many reasons. Lets start with how I started the day. I started the day by volunteering at PAWS Cat City. I love volunteering especially at an animal shelter where I can help animals and people alike. I get to help people get a new pet or should I say a new family member when they adopt a cat.

Speaking of cats, after volunteering, I came home to my cat who didn’t leave my side today. He was on my lap most of the day. He laid on my lap as I watched the last day of the Olympics. The Olympics were pretty cool this year despite it being held a year late due to a pandemic which is still going on. The Olympic tend to bring the world together even in the middle of the global pandemic.

It looks like this is going to be a short post as I do not have much more to talk about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you my reader, I wouldn’t be blogging. I hope everyone has a great week ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Good Afternoon, World!!! It has been a hot minute since I last blogged. I honestly don’t have any excuses even though I am sure I could find some to give you all but I won’t. I enjoy blogging and don’t know why I haven’t made more of an effort to do so.

Let’s start off with the good news involving work. As you may or may not know, I work at a young adult homeless shelter as a shelter counselor working twelve hour night shifts. I started out as an on call and now have a permanent day I work. Yes, that means I have a regular schedule even if its one night week. My regular shift is Saturday and this all started last week on Saturday, July 20th of 2019. I had reached out to my supervisor asking if he needed me to work one day a week on the regular basis since my other two teammates were working 36 to 48 hours a week and my supervisor said yes, if I was willing to work Saturdays. I informed him that I would love to take Saturdays as that was the day I was hoping for. My supervisor was and is very much appreciative of me advocating for myself to work one day a week. I am also grateful I did because from my understanding there a couple of possible new people coming on board and now they will be on calls and I don’t have to worry about when my next shift as well as I could have lost out on the opportunity I was given. I may not enjoy working a twelve hour night shift but am grateful that I am no longer “on-call” and now have a regular schedule.

As for the rest of today, it is going to remain being lazy. I am going to be spending much needed quality time with my cat, Lil Gertie. She appears to be enjoying the fact I am spending the day with her.

Today, I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy as I color. I am really enjoying learning about philosophy via podcast as I color. I find that as I color I tend to remember what I learned from the podcast about philosophy. My coloring projects are also coming along great.

Today, the weather in Seattle is absolutely beautiful. So, I decided that I am taking advantage of the awesome weather by taking multiple walks throughout the day. Taking walks helps me a great deal and I enjoy them immensely.

I don’t have much more to share. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my perspective. Again thank you so very much for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of you Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Workplace Post

Good Morning, World!!! Currently it is 4:30 in the morning in my corner of the world and I am at work. I am at work against my better judgement and that in itself is a long ass story. I just know that being on call at night for a twelve hour shift is reeking havoc on my mental health as well as my physical health. My therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, employment specialist (job/career coach) and doctor all agree that my current employer is not exactly the best fit for me and I have to agree with them. I just wish it wasn’t true but sadly it is. The people I work with are awesome however being on call for a twelve hour night shift is not good for me especially in the sleep department. If I had a more consistent schedule even if it is a night shift, I think it would be a better fit for me. When it comes to working nights I have my doubts to if it would be a good fit but it will have to be a more consistent schedule.

I don’t have much more to say or at least not at the moment without getting emotional about it. I hope to post later on today about what has been going on for me. I am just glad I have the support I do from my treatment teams. I hope everyone has a good day. Peace Out, World!!!!

Sunday Randomness & Work Bullsh*t

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is a nice a lazy day with a bit of anxiety that I can deal with at the moment. I, of course of my typical anxiety that I deal with on the daily basis however I received a text from someone at work to see if I could work for her tonight. I always get right back to here saying whether or not I am able to work for her but I am not going to respond to her text for a two or three hours as it is her shifts I ended up covering. In fact all but one of the shifts I have covered were for her so I figure she can wait a few hours for me to respond. I am planing on informing her that I can not work for her tonight. I know I should tell her sooner than later but when I tell her my excuse, I want it to be more believable. I am not going to be lying to her as when I received her text I was busy at the time and have thing planned to do today but it is the type of plans that I can rearrange to go to work but my colleague doesn’t need to know that. I won’t be lying to her when I tell her, “sorry, I just saw your full text. I have been busy all day and am unable to work tonight.”  So, I’m not lying as I haven’t read her full text till I reply to her text. I am just frustrated that she is the one I have filled for every time except once. If I get into trouble for not responding to her text soon enough or covering shift then I will accept the consequences. Technically, on calls are suppose to cover at least one shift a month and I have had a handful of opportunities to do so this month but haven’t wanted to various reasons. Considering the other on call person hasn’t done a shift in months I don’t think I have anything to worry about in regards to getting fired but if I do get let go for that reason I will be disappointed but grateful at the same time. Don’t get me wrong I like my job for the most part. I just don’t like being on call and the irregular hours as it messes with my sleep. If I had a regular shift even if it is a night shift I would have a better sleep pattern.

So, since being on call for a night shift isn’t the right fit for me, I have been looking for other jobs. Even jobs I have had before and really didn’t like. I have considered going back to working at grocery store because at least they would be able to respect my accommodations I need for my disability. I am applying to various places and will only apply at a grocery store as last resort. I really want to become Peer Specialist again. I have been applying for various positions in the mental health field including administrative assistant and janitorial jobs at mental health agencies as once you have a foot in the door, you’re more likely to get hired within the agency.

It is the holiday season and Christmas is nine days away. I can’t help but think how difficult this Christmas is going to be for my family as it is the first holiday season without my grandma. Grief is hard no matter what but it seems more difficult the first year without the person who is gone. I hope all goes well over Christmas and that my family is able to handle it.

I just received another text from the colleague wanting me to cover her shift for her. So I turned off my phone. That way I can say that my phone was off and I didn’t receive her text or if she calls then it will go straight to voicemail. I know I should respond but I don’t want to come up with some lie. I just want to tell her that when she texted me I was unavailable and now that I read them I am unable to work.  Granted I have only read part of the text but not the full text as if I open the text then she will know it was delivered. I just don’t want to work tonight. I know I should just say I am unable to work but she is the type of person that will pressure you into working.

Now back to the grieving process of missing my grandma. I think that is part of the reason why I don’t want to work tonight. Plus, my depression and anxiety is acting up at the moment. Some of my anxiety is work related at the moment but the other part of my anxiety is PTSD related which sucks. It being winter and Christmas time my mental health symptoms tend to get worse due to past traumas, weather and shorter days. I really dislike grief, depression, anxiety and PTSD.

I think I will try to get some sleep since I didn’t sleep well last night. A nap will do me some good and then maybe I can come up with an excuse that is not a lie to my work colleague. I am turning off my phone as a precaution, just in case she or our supervisor attempts to call so it will go straight to voicemail. I informed my grandpa about it and his said “just lie saying you were taking care of me” but I don’t want to lie. I just want to say something like “I just got your text and was unavailable to respond and am unable to work tonight since I just saw the text. I am sorry for the short notice. I hope you understand” and hopefully she buys it. I did read some but not all of the message as I didn’t open the full text message so I am not exactly lying but it feel like a lie in a way even though I have been busy doing other things. An idea I have is to say I am unable to work tonight due to my disability acting up which is true or I have migraine which is also true. So when I do respond later I will most likely tell her that I’ve either been busy or been dealing with a migraine and won’t use the disability until I absolutely need to and using my disability in this case in not an absolute need to.

I think I really need to focus on making sure the symptoms of my depression, anxiety and PTSD don’t increase because I want today to continue to be another lazy Sunday. I love dealing with lazy Sundays and that is what I am gong to do despite the anxiety of not responding to colleague about working for her tonight. I will let it be a lazy Sunday and respond to her later. So here is to an enjoyable lazy Sunday despite others needs, increased mental health symptoms, grief and the expectations that Christmas brings.

Now, I am going to end this post so I can go take a nap. Thank for reading my blog. I hope you continue to read my blog and I will NOT lie to my colleague as I have been busy and have been dealing with a migraine. Not sure which truth I am going to tell her but I will text her later on. Again thank you for reading. Have a wonderful Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Foggy & Not So Sleepy Sunday Morning

Good Morning, World!!! It is a foggy Sunday morning here in Seattle. Looks like it could be another lazy day but I need to do some house work first. But first things first is that I read the Sunday news paper and now I am watching the Sunday morning news. I was able to get some sleep last night which is a major deal since I haven’t really slept for a few days.

Like I mentioned in my last paragraph I have household chores I need to do. Thankfully, there is not much to do. After watching the morning news since I have already read the news paper, I will do my chores to get them out of the way.

After doing my chores, I plan on reading most of the day. I plan on reading the fantasy book I recently picked up again. I started reading it again because I never finished the book the first time. The book is a really good book. I think I will be able to finish it this time around is because my consternation is a lot better due to the fact the symptoms of my mental health challenges are getting better. So, that what lazy thing I plan on doing most of the day besides playing with my cat, Lil Gertie.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!