Tag Archives: Mental Illness

Disappointment of the Christmas Holiday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am greatly disappointed right now. My greatest wish that I have had since I was three was that both sides of my family would celebrate together with me. Sadly, this has never happened. My paternal grandfather over to drive me and my dad’s side to my moms side of the family to give me the one wish I have wanted since I was three, to have my family spend time with me so I wouldn’t have to do all the traveling. Sadly, my mom, brother and two uncles on my moms side refuse to get vaccinated while my dad, grandpa and two uncles on my dads side our vaccinated. Hell, I am vaccinated. My mom’s side doesn’t want to get vaccinated for personal reasons and I respect that. My grandpa isn’t willing to put his health or the health of my dad as risk. So I am very disappointed that other peoples choices are effecting the one Christmas wish I have wanted since I was three. I respect both sides of my families decision with their health choices. I just wish they would realize my Christmas wish is for both sides of my family to get together. Something that hasn’t happened since I was two years old. I am now 42. It’s be 40 years since both sides of my family were together for Christmas.

It’s very disappointing the my family has continued to not make my life long wish not come true and I am “the selfish one” for wanting this since I was three years old when my parents divorced the summer I was three years old. It should wasn’t my choice my parents divorced. I am lucky that my parents have remained friends.

I guess for me this pandemic know as Covid-19 has put my greatest Christmas wish to a halt. I respect everyone’s choices regarding their health I am disappointed my greatest Christmas hope isn’t going happened once again.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope you all have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Mr. Sandman Wants me To Learn & Not Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

I am getting a bit frustrated. I can not sleep even if my life depended on it which in a way sleep is a part of being able to to function in daily life. I just really want to sleep and want to sleep now. At least the Seattle rain is soothing me and helping lessening the anxiety that I am dealing with at the moment.

On that note I have been being creative by doing art. Specifically, I have been coloring. Coloring has been quite helpful for me to be able to lessen the anxiety I am dealing with. As I have been coloring, I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy. I feel like listening to “Philosophize This” is giving me an education I never received in school, specifically high school since I never went to college. Being able to be creative by doing art via coloring and listening to a podcast on philosophy is helpful for me to get through a sleepless night.

Of course, Billie Dean, my cat has be quite helpful with keeping the anxiety down. Billie is such a love bug and I love him so very much. I am grateful that he is in my life. I just whish I could sleep. I guess it’s time to cuddle with Billie my cat once again.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from my heart for reading my blog. Wish me luck that I can get some sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

Another Night Without Sleep With a Bit of Learning & Creativity

Posted on by Gertie

It is extremely extremely early in my corner of the world which is Seattle. It is cold for Seattle. Not cold as in snowing or freezing outside. It is just cold as the temperatures are below normal. At least it’s just really bad rain and wind and the temperatures are in the low 40’s.

Anyway, it’s not because of the “cold” weather why I am up at this god awful hour in the middle of the night. I am up in the middle of the night due to insomnia. I think part of the insomnia I am dealing with tonight is because of PTSD shit. Having PTSD and insomnia suck shit especially since I am unable sleep.

So, since I am unable to sleep, I am doing art. Actually the type of art I am doing is coloring. Of course as I am coloring I am listening to a podcast about philosophy. I am using creativity via art by coloring as I learn about philosophy but listening to a podcast. I am listening to “Philosophize This.” So, I guess by being creative while doing art, I am able to learn about philosophy.

Of course my cat, Billie Dean is keeping me company by sitting on my lap. Billie is purring up a storm which means he is just happy he is getting attention. Oh shit the fire department is here at my building. Thankfully the fire alarm isn’t going off or at least it is not at the moment. Anyone, Billie is just grateful for the attention I am giving him in the middle of the night.

I do not have much more to talk about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you my reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Depression, Anxiety & Love

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is exactly midnight in my neck of the woods known as Seattle. The weather in Seattle has been quite sucky the last week including right this moment.

The weather isn’t exactly helping my depression and my anxiety isn’t helping the depression as well. I can tell you that the unconditional love I am receiving from my cat Billie Dean. Billie is such a loving cat who loves to cuddle and that helps with both my anxiety and depression a great deal.

Another thing that is helping with the depression and anxiety is listening to a podcast about philosophy. A podcast that I am being educated on in philosophy. The philosophy podcast I am listening to is “Philosophize This.” I really feel like I am getting an education oh philosophy from this podcast.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is great appreciated from my end of things that you the reader read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Loved

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday, World!!! Today, I am feeling loved. I am feeling loved by my friends and family. Let’s start with me getting home from work. My grandpa and uncle had come over and helped clean up a little bit of my apartment. They didn’t have to do this but they did and I feel loved my this.

Another way I am feeling loved is that some of my friends who are neighbors made me dinner and invited me over to eat dinner with them. Spending time with people who care about me while eating good food makes me feel loved.

Last but not least, my cat, Billie Dean always gives me love. Billie’s love for me is unconditional. Anyone who has ever had a pet knows the unconditional love an animal is able to give.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Unable to Sleep & It’s Not the Cats Fault

Posted on by Gertie

Good Very Early Morning, World!!! It is seven minutes after two in the morning in my neck of the world in Seattle. Yes, it means it is 2:07 in the morning. I am unable to sleep at the moment it is starting to frustrate the hell out of me. It is frustrating the hell out of me because not only is my anxiety is acting up but by PTSD is acting up as well. In my opinion it is the anxiety and the PTSD that is keeping me up which is helping with the helping the insomnia.

On the plus note, the Seattle rain is quite soothing helping me calm down and be mindful of being in the present. In fact my cat is also helping me be in the present moment. I love the fact how the Seattle rain and my cat help me be in the current present moment.

And of course the other thing that is helping me is right now is is listening to the podcast on philosophy. Specifically, I am listening to “Philosophize This” and am feeling like I am getting a great education about philosophy. I know it seems weird but I feel like I am learning a lot and getting an informal education.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do what to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Geeking Out of Weird Ass Stuff

Posted on by Gertie

‘Good Evening, World!!! It appears to me that I am geeking out on podcast. Specifically a podcast on philosophy. The podcast I am geeking out on is “Philosophize This.” I feel like I am getting some education on the topic of philosophy. I am really enjoying this podcast and have the ability to get some form of education on philosophy.

I am not only Geeking out on podcast about philosophy, I am geeking out on comic books. I am geeking out reading Wonder Woman comic books. Being able to geek out on comic books is quite helpful with dealing with my anxiety and depression.

Another thing that I am geeking out on is my cat Billie Dean. I am such a geek when it comes to cats. Especially my own cat, Billie. I love Billie so very much. He is such a love bug as well as a cuddle bug.

Everything I have mentioned in this particular blog post, I geek out on because they help me deal with my anxiety and depression. Knowing what helps cope with my mental health diagnosis is always a good thing.

I do not have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

The Comfort of My Cat, Billie Sitting in My Lap

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been not one of my best days at work. It also hasn’t been one of my worst days at work. The type of day I had at work is like riding a rollercoaster that goes upside down on three different occasions. Not get me wrong I love riding rollercoasters for fun. I just don’t like when my work day feels like a rollercoaster. I hope I am making sense with what I am trying to convey.

Anyway, I had an uncomfortable interaction with a colleague today. Not meaning to offend this colleague because I admire this person. So, long story short, I was able to check in with my supervisor who validated my experience and informed me that I didn’t do anything wrong. My direct supervisor is finally back from FMLA and she is awesome. My temporary supervisor is awesome as well. Hell, all the supervisors are amazing and feel supported by them as well as the clinical director.

One of the best parts of my job, the clinicians come to me for advice on help to help the clients we serve at my employers. It feels good when people come to me to be of help for our clients. It also feels odd at times when the lead peer specialist most likely would be the best bet to go to for advice regarding helping clients. Sadly, the lead peer specialist isn’t my biggest fan which I won’t discuss here but I do admire her. She has some awesome insight on things that I know nothing about. I love learning things from the lead peer specialist despite her not liking me.

On that note my colleagues are quite supportive. My colleagues gave me the encouragement I needed and was not expecting it. I am glad that my colleagues are beyond awesome.

Now that I am off work, I am writing this particular blog post with my cat, Billie Dean, on my lap as I listen to a podcast on philosophy. The podcast of the philosophy I am listening to is “Philosophize This.” I am learning a lot about philosophy from the podcast I am listening to.

Another thing I am learning philosophy from is the book is “The Republic and Other Works” by Pluto. I feel like I am getting a great education about philosophy from the book I am reading. I love learning and educating myself.

As far as my cat Billie Dean, he is still laying curled up in my lap. He knows that my day has had some stress in it so he is trying to get me to be more mindful of the present versus the past even the recent past such as my work day today. I love my cat, Billie so much and that he gives me unconditional love even though I do not deserve the unconditional love he gives me. I so love how is is such a cuddly love but of a a cat.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog because if it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. Peace Our, World!!!

Too Tired to Write (& to Sleep)

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am just way too tired to write much less sleep. Hell, I am even too tired too tired to focus on the anxiety and depression I have dealing with. First I get woken up by a neighbor pulling the fire alarm due to other neighbors not wearing their mask.

Now I am dealing with three neighbors who live on my floor in different apartments screaming at each other for bullshit reasons. I all I want is to go to sleep. It’s bad enough that I have insomnia but my neighbors sure haven’t been helping me with the sleep I need tonight, It is frustrating as fucking hell that I am unable to sleep.

Despite not being able to sleep, I have been listening to a podcast. A podcast about philosophy. Specifically, I have been listening to the philosophy podcast called “Philosophize This.” I am learning so much from this podcast and feel like I am getting an informal education from in it.

I am also feeling that I am getting an informal education from reading the book by Plato called “The Republic and Other Works.” It’s about Plato’s theory on philosophy and I feel like I am learn a lot from this book as well as the podcast I am listening to. I feel like reading about and listening to a podcast is giving me an education I would be getting if I was not able to sleep for various reasons.

Of course, my cat Billie Dean is now wanting me to give him some attention. Hopefully the type of attention to help me fall back to sleep. I love my cat Billie so much. He is such a sweet cuddle bug of a cat.

I do not now have much more to discuss in this particular blog post as I am too tired to write any more. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Our, World!!!

Fire Alarmed Pulled = Anger

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! UGH!!! I am currently angry as hell. I am angry because a neighbor pulled the fire alarm several times because other neighbors were not wearing their mask. I don’t understand why someone would continue to do this especially in the middle of the fucking night. I know I personally get annoyed with other not wearing their mask but I don’t pull the fire alarm. I am getting aggravated with this neighbor pulling the alarm because others are not wearing their mask.

Not only did the Seattle Fire Department show up but the Seattle Police Department showed up. SPD showed up because this isn’t the first time this neighbor has pulled the fire alarm system due to other neighbors not wearing mask. Sadly, SPD isn’t arresting this dude for various reasons which sucks shit. The fire fighters are getting just as angry over this just like myself and my neighbors.

Billie Dean, my cat has been a trooper through all this. He didn’t fight with getting into his carrier which I am so very proud of him for do this. I love my cat so much. Sadly, we had to wait outside instead of inside of the lobby and community room area’s. It was called and rainy outside and let not forget the wind.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!