Weekly Check-In

Hello, World!!! It has been quite the week. I worked this past Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. My job is only three days a week which are four hour shifts. In fact I worked this past Thursday which was Thanksgiving here in the United States. I was and am glad that I was able to work Thanksgiving. All three of my work shifts went great. I enjoy my job but I wish I worked more than twelve hours a week. My boss and colleagues are amazing.

Now back to the topic of Thanksgiving. I not only worked but spent time with my dads side of the family. I had an awesome dinner that my uncle made. I had dinner with my dad, grandpa and two uncles. I love my family so much. I also called my mom to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving. I also called my two uncles as well as my two aunts on my mom’s side to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving. To be honest, I called my mom three times as she is dealing with stage three cancer and since my brother is in jail I wanted to make sure she know that I love her. My mom did spend Thanksgiving with my two uncles (her brothers) and one of their girl friends. So, I am grateful she was not only on Thanksgiving.

As far as yesterday goes, I worked and came home and started doing my holiday traditions. I first turned on holiday music and then started two different holiday jigsaw puzzles. I am still trying to figure out what holiday book I am going to read this year. I have three holiday books in mind. Who know’s I might read all three. I am also going to be coloring holiday posters. Some I started last year and didn’t finish and some I will start this year. Anyway, I am getting into the holiday spirit and doing it my style.

Well, that is my weekly check-in for the week. Now it is time to cuddle up with my cat Billie and read. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!


It’s the Tuesday Before Thanksgiving

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving here in the United States. Not much going on for me today as it is my day off from my very part time job which I am grateful for. I did go to the pharmacy to pick up meds and later on this afternoon I will be volunteering at PAWS Cat City. On that note the weather here is Seattle is finally back to being normal which is rain. It has been the driest November on record here in Seattle if I heard correctly. November is usually the wettest month of the year.

It being Thanksgiving week I don’t have much planned. Like I mentioned I am volunteering later this afternoon. I am also going to be working Wednesday, Thursday (Thanksgiving) and Friday. I am excited to be working even if it only twelve hours a week. I work three days a week which are four hour shifts each day in the morning. I am really excited that I am working on Thanksgiving as it gives me great joy to help the folks I serve on such a hard for them as well as many others. Not only do I get to work on Thanksgiving, I will be having dinner with my dad, grandpa and two uncles.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Being Angery in Grief While Doing Self Care

Good Evening, World!!! I am angry. I am angry that I am still grieving over my grandma almost four years ago as well as grieving the two year anniversary of my last cat, Lil Gertie tomorrow. Tomorrow (Thursday) is Thanksgiving here in the United States. I miss both my grandma and my last cat Lil Gertie. I know anger is part of grief but I wish it wasn’t part of grief.

I am missing my current cat, Billie Dean at the moment. Billie is spending about a week with my grandpa and uncles as I do some deep cleaning of my apartment. Deep cleaning with chemicals that could be damaging to both cats and humans. Anyway, I miss Billie very much and I love him so much and hopes he misses me.

On that note, I will be going to grandpa’s tomorrow which is Thanksgiving here in the United States. I get to spend it with my dad, grandpa, two uncles and of course my beloved cat, Billie. I’m really happy that I will be spending time with those who love me or try to love me to the best of their ability.

Since my emotions have been all over the place today especially in anger mode, I’ve been doing some self care. I’ve been listening to a podcast on philosophy and I am happy that I am being educated on the topic of philosophy. The philosophy podcast I am listening to is “Philosophize This” and I find it very educational. I love being educated on something I am no knowledgeable in.

While listening Philosophize This,” I have been doing some art work. Specifically, the type of artwork I am doing is coloring. Coloring and listening to a philosophy podcast has helped me deal with my emotions of today. I’m not so angry at the moment. I am still sad because I miss my last cat, Lil Brooke as well as my grandma, I know that they love me. I also know that doing art work and listening to a podcast on philosophy has be helpful to improve my emotions and lessen my anger. I still have people and my cat, Billie that love me.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog I wouldn’t be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you do read my blog because if it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Not So Normal Wednesday but So Far So Good With Some Sad Moments

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am off work and have been for just over three hours now. My employer decided to close the agency I work for early today. So, I work for four hours and get paid for eight hours. I’m complaining about working for four hours and getting paid for eight hours.

Anyway, right now I am home alone without my cat, Billie Dean. Billie is at my grandpa’s house so I can do some major deep cleaning to where I will be using chemicals not good for cat. Billie will be coming home on Saturday. So, I did some cleaning right after I was done with work. I did more cleaning and chores than I thought I would do after work.

After work and house cleaning I went for a walk. A walk that led me to my volunteer job to spend fifteen minutes with some cats since my cat, Billie is with my grandpa. It felt good to get some kitty time. After visiting some cats, I walked and picked up some incense which helps me with my self care. After picking up some incense, I walked to the bank and got some cash as well as some quarters for laundry. The walk helped a great deal.

I am now home listening to a podcast about philosophy with incense burning as part of my self care which is even helping me more. I am listening to the philosophy podcast “Philosophize This” as I learn a great deal from this podcast.

Doing my self care today is key for me as tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day which mark exactly two years since my last cat, Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge. I really miss Lil Brooke with all my heart. On that note if it wasn’t for loosing her, I wouldn’t have been come a volunteer at PAWS Cat City here in Seattle. I also wouldn’t have had the chance to adopt my current cat Billie Dean.

Speaking of my cat Billie, he is at my grandpa’s right now and tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day which means, I will be at my grandpa’s celebrating Thanksgiving with my grandpa, dad, my two uncles and of course my cat Billie. I am looking forward to seeing Billie tomorrow and then coming home and deep cleaning my apartment.

Despite the multiple emotions of today, it has over all been a good day with some sad moments. I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. So, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have you all have a great rest of your Wednesday. If you live in the United States I hope you have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow. Peace Out, World!!

Too Early to be Awake Even for a Work Day

Good Morning, World!!! It is four o’clock in the morning, Seattle time which is way too early for me to be awake especially since I do not start work till eight o’clock in morning, Seattle time. I am blaming the treatment resistant insomnia I have. I am missing my cat Billie right now but he is on my grandpa’s and will see both Billie and my grandpa tomorrow for Thanksgiving.

At least it is only a four hour work day at my job today and I get paid for a full eight hours which I am happy about. I love my job and how I feel supported my by supervisors and colleagues. I work with some amazing people.

I am not sure what else to discuss in this blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader reading my blog, I wouldn’t be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Ramblings About Work, Thanksgiving, Family, Food, Love & Cats

Hello, World!!! It is almost ten o’clock at night on a Tuesday in my neck of the woods; known as Seattle. I love my job more than I could have ever imagined. My work really takes care of it’s employees. In fact my work is closing the agency at twelve noon which is early tomorrow (Wednesday) due to the Thanksgiving holiday on Thursday. My work is even closed Thursday which is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States as well as closed on Friday the day after Thanksgiving. I am so grateful for my work doing this for myself and my colleagues and we still get paid a full eight hours for tomorrow (Wednesday) and we only work for four hours tomorrow. On that note I am personally taking the Monday after Thanksgiving off to have a longer weekend.

Anyway, right now my cat, Billie Dean is at my grandpa’s and uncles house and has been since Sunday. The reason being is because I want to do a deeper clean than I normally do in my bathroom since that’s where Billie’s litter box is. I will do this after I get off work tomorrow at twelve noon. I really do miss Billie but I have been have video chats with Billie with the help of my grandpa and uncle. I love my cat Billie and can’t wait to see him on Thanksgiving Day.

I will be spending Thanksgiving Day with my family. Specifically, my grandpa, dad and two uncles on my dad’s side and let not forget my cat Billie will be there. We will be eating a lot of food on Thanksgiving like many Americans do on Thanksgiving. I am happy that I will be around loved ones on Thanksgiving Day eating way too much food.

I will also be doing something I have been doing on the daily basis and getting my form of education of philosophy by listening to a podcast on the topic. The philosophy podcast I am being educated on is Philosophize This.” I am making sure I listen to at least one episode a day till I get up to day on the most recent episode. I try to listen to two to three episodes but sometimes I don’t have enough time to do so.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog because if it wasn’t for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. So, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

The Post I’ve Been Dreading to Write

Good Morning, World!!! I have been dreading about writing this post for the last week as it is sad and devastating news or at least it is devastating for me. As many of you may know if you read a post a few months ago that my cat, Lil Gertie, was diagnosed with cancer. I knew there was a chance of helping her cross the rainbow bridge but I didn’t think it would be so soon. See, on Thanksgiving Day (Thursday, November 28th, 2019) evening Lil Gertie crossed the rainbow bridge.

Like most everyone else across the United States I was celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. I went and spent the day with family. When I arrived back home Thanksgiving Day evening, I noticed Lil Gertie walking funny, with her head tilted and walking into things. I quickly realized I would need to take her to the emergency vet and most likely have to say goodbye. Before taking her to the emergency vet, I decided to feed her some turkey which she gobbled down and that made my heart happy.

The happy heart didn’t last very long as I knew what the reality was so I took her to the emergency vet. The emergency vet did in fact confirm that it was Lil Gertie’s time to cross the rainbow bridge. Sadly, while I was eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family Lil Gertie had a small stroke. Due to the stroke both of Lil Gertie’s retina’s detached which is why she was walking into things. Since she was unable to see, plus the stroke and cancer I knew I couldn’t bear to see Lil Gertie struggle, I knew it was time to let her go and cross the rainbow bridge. I was able to be with Lil Gertie as she crossed over with the help of the vet. I miss my cat so very much.

I did decide that I wanted Lil Gertie’s ashes and will be getting them in a couple of weeks along with a paw print and clump of her fur. The emergency vet also let Lil Gertie’s regular vet know. Lil Gertie’s vet reached out to me the past Monday (December 2nd) when she returned to the office after the holiday weekend. Lil Gertie’s vet was and is extremely empathetic and compassionate. She even sent me a sympathy card which I received yesterday (Tuesday) in the mail. Part of the reason I decided to keep Lil Gertie’s ashes as I know it will help with my healing process.

Speaking of the healing process I think that is why I waited so long to write this post. Yes, I realize tomorrow will mark a week since Lil Gertie crossed the rainbow bridge but it just stung too much. Hell, it still stings like hell.

As people in my life have been finding out about Lil Gertie and many know she was an Emotional Support Animal (ESA), I have been asked if I am going to get another cat. The answer is, YES but I am going to wait till after the holidays for many reasons. One of which is I want to give myself some time to grieve. I wish I had more time with Lil Gertie because I only had her for 1 1/2 years and she was only 7 1/2 years old but I know she accomplished what she needed to accomplish here on earth and it was her time to go.

I do not have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of heart for reading my blog. I hope to post pictures of Lil Gertie in a later post. I hope everyone has a great day. I also hope you all have a great holiday season. Peace Out, World!!!

Traditions & The Holidays

Hello, World!!! I am not sure how to feel at the moment as I have many emotions that are swarming around. Some emotions I am dealing with are not all the pleasant and really wanting to avoid them while other emotions more pleasant and obviously more willing to not avoid them. This is the time of year where things don’t go so well for me in regards to my mental health challenges. Specifically, my depression and PTSD. Thankfully, I have plenty of ways to take care of myself this time of year.

One of the things that was suggested to me early on in my recovery during the holidays was to start my own traditions that I can do with or without people. The only thing I could think of at the time was the two comic books that I had; Christmas with the Superhero’s, Volumes One and Two. So, every year, starting the day after Thanksgiving, I read those two comic books several times during the holiday season. On Christmas Day I read both twice.

Another tradition I started about eight or so years ago was to do a holiday themed jigsaw puzzle. I usually start the puzzle on November 25th or Thanksgiving Day, whichever arrives first. I have several holiday themed jigsaw puzzles I do and sometimes I am able to do two or three depending on the size while other years I only complete one. The one I am doing this year is a thousand pieces and I know from experience that it most likely will be the only holiday puzzle I do this year due to the size. The best part of this tradition is I get to see the “fruits” of my labor by the time Christmas arrives and enjoy it till January 2nd. Of course when I do several smaller holiday puzzles in a holiday season I see more than just one accomplished puzzle. Being able to see an accomplished puzzle helps with my personal morale for the season.

Even though the two traditions I mentioned already have been great traditions to keep and will continue to keep, I decided to add a new tradition this year. That tradition is to do some art. Specifically, coloring a holiday poster or two depending on size and detail. I have decided this tradition will be like the puzzles and start on November 25th or Thanksgiving, whichever arrives first. I have started coloring a holiday poster as of yesterday (November 25th). I am positive I will have at least one accomplished by Christmas Day.

For me starting my own holiday traditions has been a lifesaver for me and my recovery. The reason being is because most of the other holidays traditions I follow through with has some form of trauma or sadness tied to them and needed some that didn’t have either. Most of the other traditions I do includes family as my family is big on traditions. The holidays are not the best time of year for me due to the trauma I have experienced around the holidays so having traditions of my own helps me redefine what the holidays are for me.

I could go on and on about traditions however I won’t as I am getting a little sleepy and plan on going to bed. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep ahead of them if it is nighttime for you. If not I hope you have a good day ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Just a Bullshit of Randomness

Good Evening, World!!! It is the Sunday after Thanksgiving and this year Thanksgiving was difficult for my family and I as it is the first holiday season with out my grandma. When my grandpa said the prayer before we ate dinner on Thanksgiving he broke down crying which led me to cry.

Speaking of grandpa, he had knee surgery a few weeks ago and right now, I am taking care of him as neither one of my uncles are able to do so at the moment due to them both having to work. It is nice to be able to help him as needed. It is also nice to spend some time with him in general as he is 88 years old. For being 88 years old he is relatively good health with the exception of his recent knee surgery.

Speaking of health, I did see my doctor nearly two weeks ago. She put me on on some antibiotics due to having an abscessed tooth. Unfortunately, I needed to go to the Emergency Room the next day to get my tooth taken out. Good thing the hospital I normally go to is a teaching hospital with a dental school. I see my doctor again this Tuesday as we have appointments every two weeks to help keep me out of the hospital for both physical and mental health.

Speaking of mental health I finally saw my psychiatric nurse practitioner as she kept cancelling due to family emergencies and a death in the family. She apologized profusely about the many cancellations however I was quite understanding of the reasons why. She and I discussed my mental health as well as my psych meds. I informed her overall my meds were working except the new sleeping med which she increased. We also discussed not being able to see my therapist due to him being out sick for three weeks. She informed me that if he wasn’t back the week after Thanksgiving to give her a call to see what she could do about me seeing someone on the interim bases.

Thankfully, I didn’t need to call my psychiatric nurse practitioner regarding as my therapist came back last week, the week of Thanksgiving. I was able to see my therapist the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We discussed a great deal regarding him being gone, my grief regarding it being the first holidays without my grandma and the upcoming holidays and how difficult they are for me due to trauma. Since my therapist is back even though part time we are working on ways to help me get through them. So my next session we are going specifically working on self care tactics so I can stay out of the hospital for psych reasons including the Emergency Room.

As the holidays are upon us, I am thinking on what I am going to give my family for the holidays. I haven’t decided yet but I think I am going to give my dads side a picture of my grandma and my moms side some hand made gifts. I highly dislike giving things that will only be exchanged for something else or gifted out to someone else.

I don’t have much else to say. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that I have people who read my blog on the regular basis. To you I am the most grateful for. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season even though I know it is challenging for many folks. I hope you all have a wonderful work week as well. Have good rest of your evening. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Officially Dead Turkey Day

Good Morning, World!!! And to everyone in the United States, Happy Dead Turkey Day, also known as Thanksgiving Day. I find myself awake at this hour in the morning due to insomnia. I have taken my Melatonin, sleeping meds and some sleepy time tea. I have also listened to some sleeping time meditation to help me sleep but it appears nothing is helping at the moment.

I’m not going to lie, today is the first Thanksgiving since my grandma passed away and it is going to be a difficult one. Or at least I expect it to be a difficult one for me and my dad’s side of the family especially for my grandfather. As worried as I am on how I am going to handle today with the emotions that the holidays normally brings to me, I worry about the grief that not only will be happening to me but to my family. I just want to make sure I am able to hold my emotions together for my family and let my emotions go when I am not around my family.

I do have a good self care plan in place specifically for Thanksgiving as my therapist and I came up with one during our session this past Tuesday. My therapist may have still not been feeling better but I am grateful that he is back even if its for part time for the rest of the year. He appears to be the type of person who is rarely out sick but am grateful that he is back. I just wish he was feeling at 100%. I am going to start seeing him twice a week till mid January to help me through the holidays. We might do the two sessions a week till the end of February since my grandma passed away in mid-February and her birthday was in mid January. He just wants to makes sure I continue to stay stable and improve. All he is asking for right now is to stay stable like I am at the moment. But with now pressure.

I am so grateful for you my reader. Thank you for reading my blog. Have a great Thanksgiving Day. Have a wonderful day all. Peace Out, World!!!