Tag Archives: Recovery

Introduction: Mama Bear

Posted on by mamabearraine

Hello! Let me introduce myself. I am who Gertie refers to as Mama Bear. As you know, Gertie has asked me to be a contributor to her blog. I will be sharing my personal experience on what it is like to be a support system to someone who struggles  with a mental illness.

I have been asked to also share my experience on what it is like to be a parent of two children who are diagnosed with a mental illness. I may consider Gertie like a daughter, I have four other children. Two of which I had biologically and two of which I adopted. It is my adopted children that have a diagnosed mental illness. Not only will I be sharing my experience of what its like to be the support system of someone who struggles with a mental illness and being the parent of two children with a mental illness, I will be discussing what it is like to be a first responder who deals with the mentally ill.

I have known Gertie for nearly 16 years and have seen her grow. Grow in ways that many of us didn’t think could happen. We didn’t think it could happen because Gertie was so close to death due to multiple suicide attempts that we didn’t think should would make it. Gertie’s will and determination to start recovery and to remain in recovery is what has helped to get to the place she is in now. She is doing awesome. She is following her dreams of being in a romantic relationship with my colleague, Junior as well as working as a Peer Specialist to help show others recovery is possible.

I thank you for reading. I hope to post as often as I am able with being a working mother to four children and a motherly figure Gertie needs.

Mama Bear

Two Years of Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Today, marks two years since I posted my first blog post. It’s hard to wrap my mind around that it has been two years already. In fact I am surprised with myself that I have stuck with blogging. I thought I would have given up on it for various of reasons. I could have multiple times and didn’t give up.

I could have given up when I miscarried. I could have given up when my mental illness reared it’s ugly head. I could have given up when I didn’t reach the amount of followers I think I should have by a certain time. I didn’t give up.

I didn’t give up because there is still stigma out there regarding mental illness. I didn’t give up because there are people out there still struggling with mental illness that needs to find hope. To find hope that recovery is possible. I didn’t give up because I have found out in the last two years of blogging that blogging helps me and helps me with my recovery. If fact I wasn’t even expecting it to be helpful for me. I didn’t give up because I have found a support system within the blogging community.

The blogging community has a sense of respect for each other that other social media does not. There is very little drama in the blogging community. There is some drama but it’s extremely rare and that is what I like. We all respect each other no matter the topic of our particular blog or post. We may not always agree with each other but we respect each other and our different opinions and point of views. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of an awesome community.

I need to be going. I need to get going and head for work.  Again, thank you for being so kind to me and allowing me to be me. Have a wonderful day and Peace Out!!

Happy Memorial Day

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Memorial Day!!! I hope everyone had a nice three day weekend. I didn’t exactly have a three day weekend because I worked today but it felt like I had one.

It felt like I had one because the office was closed which means the drop-in was closed and I didn’t have to see clients. I love my clients but am glad that I was to organize my office and catch up on paper work. My office needed a great deal of organizing and was able to have the time to do it and not to have to worry about getting interrupted by clients or meeting or some sort of other event.

Well, the day was interrupted by an event but it was a planned event. Those of us that went into work today had planned to have potluck bar-be-queue. It was nice to not be rushed through lunch. In fact it was a nice relaxing day at work and I got a great deal done. I got my office organized and started decorating it. I also got caught up on my all so lovely paper work.

I do owe much gratitude to those who paid the ultimate price for my freedom. If it wasn’t for them and all the women and men who fought for my freedom, I wouldn’t have been able to have the holiday to catch up on things at work.   Thank you to all you veterans, and the friends and family who lost loved ones in the wars. I am much grateful for all of you.

Now I am off to another Memorial Day celebration. Have a wonder full Memorial Day. Happy Memorial Day!! Peace out!!

An Idea or Two

Posted on by Gertie

Good morning, everyone!! Or at least it’s still morning for another twelve minutes in my neck of the woods. I have come up with an idea or two for my blog. As many of you know that I recently acquired a writers magazine that has fifty-two writing prompts for every week of the year starting in on the first Monday in June. You may know that I have decided that I am going to do the weekly writing prompts here on my blog for the next year (52 weeks) starting in June. Of course this is an idea that I have had for a week or two and that  may or may not be new to you.

The idea or two that are new to you is that I was thinking about doing a weekly check-in with you all. I would do this weekly check-in with you all on Friday evening or Saturday morning or afternoon. It is my hope to engage you my reader a little bit more as well as to let you all know how things are going with me. Part of the reason why I am wanting to do this is I am realizing I am not blogging as much as I would like to and this will help me with being more regular about blogging.

The other idea of the idea or two is to have contributors to my blog. They would be people in my support network. For instance, I have Junior my fiancé to be a contributor and he thinks it’s a wonderful idea. Another contributor would be a friend of mine who has taken me under her wing and is a second mother to me. In fact she has been more of a mom to me than my own mother. I call her my Mama Bear and that’s how I will refer to her by here on my blog. Anyway Junior and Mama Bear both think its an “awesome idea.” They will both be posting at least once a month and posting from the perspective of having a loved one that struggles with a mental illness. They might even give the perspective of being first responders and dealing with the public and those of the public who struggle with mental illness. I am hoping with having contributors that it will give my reader and/or follower a different perspective on the side of mental illness and how it effects them and the stigma they to deal with.  I am not sure when my contributors will start but I will inform you when they do.

Before I go I hope that you like the idea’s I have come up with to keep you my reader and/or follower to continue to want to read my blog. I know when other bloggers I follow don’t post much, I start to loose interest and I hope that you all aren’t loosing interest in my blog.

Well, it is now exactly 12noon. So have a good afternoon everyone. I hope you all have a good weekend and Peace Out!!

Happy Friday

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday!!! It’s the start of a three day weekend here in the United States of America (USA). Monday is Memorial Day.  Memorial Day is were we as Americans celebrate and remember those who lost their lives fighting for our freedom.

Freedom that I am grateful for. If it wasn’t for those who lost their lives as well as all the Veteran’s, I wouldn’t be able to have the choice to be in recovery with my mental illness. I would most likely be institutionalized and treated like shit. Because of the men and woman who fought for my freedom and paid the ultimate price I have a choice how my personal recovery looks like.

For me if my own personal recovery is why I am working as a Peer Specialist. In fact I am working on Monday even though I don’t have to. The reason why I am working is because they recently finished a remodel before I started my position and there is a great deal of stuff left in boxes that wasn’t unpacked by the person I replaced as well as by the person the recently left the job. So, I am cleaning up my office as well as catching up on notes. Technically, the office is closed so a lot of clinicians go into work to catch up paper work when there are no clients coming in. If we take the day off, the agency automatically takes out PTO hours which sucks but its a good day to catch up on things like paper work and organizing. The good thing about working on a holiday is I get to sleep in.

Memorial Day isn’t about sleeping in even though its a plus. It’s about remembering those who paid the ultimate price for my freedom. My freedom to be in recovery and to be able to work.

As I end this blog entry, I ask that each one of you take moment of silence to remember those who fought for our freedom. Have a wonderful weekend and Happy Memorial Day. Peace Out all!!

Daily Prompt: The Normal

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Normal.” Is being “normal” — whatever that means to you — a good thing, or a bad thing? Neither?

As you can tell, the past daily prompt I chose to do is about “normal” and whatever it means to me. Before I get to what “normal” means to me, I would like to give you the definition of “normal.” The definition of “Normal” according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary is: Adjective; usual or ordinary; not strange; mentally or physically healthy. According to the definition, I am not “normal” because I am not mentally healthy or at least that’s what I understand it to mean due to the fact of have a mental illness.

I see the definition of “Normal” to be what society thinks on how a person should look or act depending on age, trends and so on. An example of this particular definition of mine is: As a 37 year old woman, I should have at least a four year college education if not already having a Masters Degree or at least be working one by now. As 37 year old woman society says I should be married to the person I love and have children. I say that’s bullshit because society is not who says what “Normal” is. One normal is for me, may not be normal for me.

For me my “normal” is being able to work, weather its part time or full time. Granted I am working full time at the moment and realize that there might be a time in my life where I might need to work part time if I am struggling in a bad way with my mental illness. Another thing that is “normal” for me is seeking mental health services to maintain my recovery. I am sure as time goes on I won’t need as many mental health services as I do now and that will be my “normal” when it happens. “Normal” is always changing or at least that’s how I view it.

I also inform people that “normal” is a fantasy or that there is no such thing as “normal.” Some people say that “normal” is a setting on a dryer. “Normal” is defined by everyone differently so for me “normal” is neither good or bad, its what you view “normal” to be for you and only you.

Well, I best be going. I really need to go and eat something. For me eating regularly is “normal” and is a form of good self care. Have a good evening everyone. Peace Out!!

Getting the Groove of Things

Posted on by Gertie

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize how much I love to blog. I haven’t blogged as much as have liked in recent months for various reasons.

One of those reasons is that I now work fulltime as a peer specialist. It’s a job I love and am slowly getting in the groove of things especially since we have been short staffed. The colleague I told you about two or three entries ago decided to quit and quit in a way that left everyone in shock. He left a text with my bossing he quit. Ultimately, this colleague was let go (or fired) for job abandonment for not quitting in an appropriate way that my employer would be okay with. So, with one colleague no longer with the agency has left me and my other colleague short handed. Short handed in a way that is not very fun for anyone especially someone who is learning the ropes. So, I am ultimately trying to get the groove of things at work as well as my personal life with now working fulltime which I am loving.

At this point in time, I am slowly re-learning time management skill with working fulltime and good self-care with my personal life. A lot of the things I have been doing outside of work happens to be work related. I am starting to learn how to drive or will be in a week and a half. I was reading the drivers book to get a drivers permit. I need a drivers license for work. I’ve never needed one because I’ve always lived in a major city with public transpiration. I have also been working on getting my agency affiliated counselor licensure. So as you can tell I am needing to do good self-care.

Part of the good self-care thing for me is blogging. I am needing to find time to blog for a multitude of reasons besides it being good for my own self-care and recovery.  I am wanting to continue with the education part of my blog. The education part is a two part deal. The first part is education piece of my blog is to continue to share my story and show to those who don’t struggle with a mental illness that people who do struggle with one can recover and recover in their own way. The second piece of the education part of my blog is to post facts about mental illness and various diagnosis and treatments. I’ve been failing majorly on the fact part of the educational piece of my blog. As many of you already know if you read my blog regularly, I started my blog to not only educate others but to help others who struggle with a mental health diagnosis that recovery is possible and show that there is hope. Hope  that recovery is possible. Another thing that I have come to realize in the almost  two years of blogging is that it is helping me with my own recovery.

Another part of my recovery is that I like to write poems and short stories. Yesterday, while at the mall I went into a book store and bought some magazines. A couple of the magazines that I bought are geared toward writers and/or poets. One of the magazines has 52 writing prompts to do starting in June. One a week for a year and it reminded me of what WordPress does with it’s daily prompts. So, it is my hope that starting in June I will do the weekly writing prompts for a year. I think it would be fun to do and it is something I could also schedule to post so if I start to struggle again or if work gets busy that you my reader wont wonder where I am at. I love to write and hope that it wont only be fun for me but fun for you the reader. Plus, it would be a given weekly entry. Again, all this will start the first Monday in June. I think most if not all of the weekly prompts are suppose to be fiction and I will attempt to keep them fiction if the topic allows.

It seems to me that I am getting long winded again and I think I need end this particular post for now. I just wanted to update you on things as well inform you on what I am planning on doing with my blog. I love my  recovery and what I am able to do with my blog in regards to my recovery. I just hope I can be able to educate people to lessen the stigma that goes with having a mental illness and show people that recovery is possible. Recovery isn’t easy but is it possible and a lot more fun. Well, have good evening and I hope everyone has a good week. Peace out!!

Celebrating Three Years

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Earth Day!!! Today marks three years since Junior and myself starting dating. Who knew that when Junior and myself met fifteen and a half years ago that we would be engaged to be married.

I of course don’t remember the first time we met. The first time we met was one of the darkest times in my life. I had attempted suicide and a housemate had found me and called 911. Junior happened be one of the first responders that responded to the 911 call of my attempted suicide. As much as I was pissed off that I was saved that particular time and many other times, I am now grateful that my life was saved.

If my life wasn’t saved from the multiple suicide attempts, Junior and I wouldn’t be on a romantic get away to celebrate our three year anniversary. Celebrating my three year anniversary with Junior is another positive sign of me being in recovery with a mental illness.

Being in recovery is awesome and am happy to be celebrating three years with Junior. Junior and I left on our get away when I got off from work. We are celebrating out of town in hotel on the waterfront of a navel town. The first thing we did when we checked into our room we had tested out our jetted tub. We had some very intense and enjoyable adult fun in the tub which continued for another couple hours and ended in our nice king size bed. We then cuddled for another hour before we went out for dinner. After dinner we came back to the hotel and had more pleasure moments.

Now we are watching television as we cuddle and I blog. This getaway is much needed for the both of us and am looking forward to spending some quality time with Junior. I am sure we won’t be leaving the hotel room much due to having multiple and/or continued pleasurable moments.

Speaking of quality time, I think I should be going so I can spend time with Junior. Have a wonderful weekend everyone and Peace Out.

Thrown to the Wolves but Not Eaten by Them

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!! It’s been a month today since I started my new position as a peer specialist at work and I am still loving it. It’s been quite a month for a number of reasons.

When my supervisor informed me that he was throwing me to the wolves he thought it was only for my first week and not for my first month and beyond. A colleague  went on an  unexpected leave. A leave my supervisor was shocked as hell about and went to bat for him so he would be able to return to work. Thankfully, this colleague came back yesterday (Wednesday) and felt bad for leaving myself and my other colleague out of loop and out for so long. We may not know exactly why he was out but we understand more than others because of being Peer Specialist.

I am loving  my new position. It is quite challenging at times. Then there are times where it is fun and full of laughter. For instance today, I was called a butt loud names by client who is not doing so well and on the other end of the spectrum, I was able to joke and laugh with another client. I am learning to take things in stride as they come my way, weather is insults or laughter.

My new position can be stressful at times which leads me to the training I was able to attend called Mindfulness as Self-Care which was held by the crisis clinic. I was able to attend because of being a Warm Line call taker and the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the Crisis Clinic.

The training obviously was on Mindfulness as Self-Care. It was geared toward those of us who work in the mental health  field. It focused on mindfulness skills. Part of the training also gave some back history as well. Some of the history included the focus of how various religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism focus on mindfulness and how it is a major skill taught in Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT).  The training gave me some new ways to be mindful and more tools to add to my toolbox.

I am looking forward till tomorrow. Tomorrow in my three year anniversary with Junior. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that Junior and I have been together for three years.  After I get off work tomorrow, we are going to go on a romantic get away for the weekend. It is a much needed get away for the both of us.

Well, I need to get going. I hope to blog again at some point this weekend. I am tired and think it is time for me to go to bed. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Long Time No Blog

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!!! It’s been a while since I last blogged. I have been busy getting adjusted to working full time as a Peer Specialist. I am loving my new position as a Peer Specialist. Despite being short staff for various reasons, I am slowly but surely getting adjusted to the new job.

Adjustment to anything new takes some time. For me the biggest adjustment is getting use to working full time especially since I was working part time for the previous eleven years. Another thing I am getting adjusted to is making time for myself.

I am realizing that I am needing to make time for myself. Taking time for myself has never been an easy thing for me to do but it is something I am learning how to do. Thankfully, I have people who are willing to help me learn to take time for myself.

I need to be going. I need to start dinner for Junior and myself. I hope to blog later this week. Have a wonderful week and Peace Out!!