Good Evening, World!!! There is nothing like being home especially where there are cat cuddle’s involved. Being able to cuddle with my cat today, or any time for that matter, has been quite helpful to me. Having a cat to come home to makes being home that much more better.
Right now I am watching the five o’clock news. As usual there is nothing really good on the news. Just a bunch of politics. Mainly, a bunch of politicians acting like a bunch of children. In fact children act more mature than politicians do now a days.
Right now I am having my anxiety and depression are acting up and I am not sure why. I am attributing a little bit to my current health problems and other to not having a job. I mainly blame it on my weird as mouth infection that appears that won’t fucking go away.
I think I am going to work on applying for jobs after I am done post this blog and getting some cuddles from my cat, Lil Gertie. Getting cuddles from my cat, Lil Gertie, is quite helpful for me. I think job hunting and applying for jobs will be helpful as well.
Thank you so much for reading my blog. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Have a great rest of you Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!
Gertie has an endearing way about them that has one’s heart accept them as who they are even at their most challenging times. On that note, I quickly realized what Gertie needed the most in their life was a motherly figure. A motherly figure so desperately needed when they were growing up and still craves as an adult even seventeen years later after I met them.
Gertie has the sweetest heart that has a hint of childlikeness to it. This most likely why they are so enduring. I chose to become their mother figure after we start becoming friends realizing that’s all they ever wanted in their life. I think with me stepping up to the mother figure role in Gerties role it helped them with continuing their recovery a process. A process that Gertie as worked long and hard for. Yes, they have had their ups and downs in recovery however with my help and the help of many others Gertie has thrived. Thrived in a way that a great deal of others never thought possible.
It is because of Gertie’s resiliency I have stuck by them and be a motherly figure to them. A figure that neither one of us expected would happen till it happened. A figure that both of us have cherished ever since.
Hello! I am the motherly figure in Gertie’s life that they fondly refer me as “Mama Bear.” I haven’t posted in quite sometime and was asked by Gertie to do a brief reintroduction of myself.
I have known Gertie for over 17 years and have seen her grow as person as well as in their recovery. Yes, Gertie has been struggling the last year however I still see them making strides as a person and in their recovery.
As Gertie stated in their post yesterday, they want Junior and myself to post every other week and alternate the weeks we post with the excepting of this week. From my understanding Junior will be posting tomorrow. My post will mainly consist of what its like to be a motherly figure to someone who has lived experience. That shouldn’t be too difficult for me to convey as I am a mother of four children and my two youngest deal with their own mental health struggles. In fact Gertie is a role model and example of what recovery looks like to all four of my children especially my two youngest.
Hello, World!!! Today’s assignment for Finding Everyday Inspiration, is to write your blog in a letter format. I’m having difficulty do this because it appears to me that the only people I can think of righting a letter or letters to, can and will bring up some major pain to me.
The first person I thought of righting a letter to as part of this assignment was the person who abused me as child. The person in this particular case would be my brothers dad. It brings up a great deal of pain and anger. Both emotion’s that I really don’t want to deal with at the moment.
The second person I thought of writing a letter to as a part of todays assignment was to Diana. The therapist that departed the agency I am client of unexpectedly due to a cancer diagnosis. This brings me much pain and grief as I was unable to say goodbye to her. A goodbye as in a final session however this was unable to happen because she needs to focus on getting better. I am unsure how she is doing or if she is even still alive. I’m still grieving over the loss of her as my therapist especially it was all of sudden and quite unexpected.
The third letter I thought about writing was to the two sets of twins I lost in two miscarriages. As expected that brought up a great deal of sadness and pain. Pain and sadness I really don’t want to acknowledge. As any parent or expectant parent will tell you is that the greatest pain a parent can endure is loosing a child. I can say this without a shadow of a doubt because I’ve endured a great deal of pain in my life due to various traumas and the greatest pain I’ve endured is loosing my children via miscarriage. Loosing a child is quite difficult.
In fact WordPress suggested to write a letter to someone about a joyous time. I attempted to do so when I started this post by writing a letter to Diana. Unfortunately, it was bringing up a great deal of grief and sadness for me as Diana has helped me with a great deal in my recovery.
It is my hope that maybe someday, I can do this assignment when it doesn’t seem so overwhelming for me at this moment in time. Sometimes it difficult to acknowledge to others when things can be hard and/or overwhelming for me. So thanks for being understanding.
As, I end this blog post, I want to thanks you for reading. I appreciate you for your readership. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!
It’s the middle of the night in my part of the world. I woke up with a stupid nightmare. A nightmare that was a little bit more challenging that the typical PTSD nightmare I usually deal with. The nightmare was that of four babies saying I killed them. Diana, my former therapist, thought that it is my subconscious attempting to deal with the miscarriages of two sets of twins. It makes sense especially since I blame myself for the miscarriages even though the doctors don’t have a clue or a reason for the miscarriage.
Despite still dealing with the grief of two miscarriages of two sets of twins, Junior and I still want to start a family. We aren’t exactly trying to have children but we aren’t using any type of birthday control or protection either. If it happens, it happens. Whether or not we conceive and have biological children we want to adopt at least two children from foster care. We have a lot of love to give and want to share that love with the world.
Okay, on to another subject as I’m not wanting to deal with the grief of miscarrying two sets of twins. So, I’m going to talk about blogging. As I informed you in my last post, I have been blogging for three years now. I was really good at blogging on the regular basis when I first started and when I started working fulltime I didn’t make time to blog and then I became depressed and lost all interest in everything including blogging. Now that I don’t work anymore, I need to make an effort to blog on the regular basis. Most everyone knows that if you blog that blogging on the regular basis is a way to keep your followers reading and to attain new followers. I’m hoping that Junior and Mama Bear will be able to blog from their point of view on my blog at least twice a month each. We all get busy and that’s why they haven’t posted much.
Anyway, that’s enough about the boring topic of blogging. As I switch to yet another topic, I’m not sure how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m not really wanting to deal with the emotions that are popping up currently. I also know if I don’t deal with the emotions and stuff them that’s when unhealthy coping mechanisms pop up.
As my emotions pop up, I realize I need to end this post and try to go back to sleep as I have an appointment with my case manager. Before I go back to bed I plan on coloring first so I can relax. Have good night and peace out!!!
Good Morning, World!! Normally, I would be getting ready for a job I love with a passion however I am not going into work this morning. I am not feeling well. Mainly because I didn’t sleep all that well last night. My insomnia was not helping so much. To make it worse every time I did attempt to fall asleep, my PTSD would rear its ugly head with flashbacks, nightmares and body memories. Too make things worse is I had nightmares about the miscarriages I had. Nightmares that included four faceless babies saying they miss me and love me and then tell me I killed them. Its difficult to sleep after that. I wish my depression symptoms from the grief of losing two sets of twins is setting in once again. Plus the normal PTSD shit that doesn’t help matters much with the nightmares of being abused. Anyway due to the lack of sleep due to grieving over my two miscarriages as well as PTSD shit from my childhood, I have decided to call into work sick today. A job I love with a passion.
Hello! Let me introduce myself. I am who Gertie refers to as Mama Bear. As you know, Gertie has asked me to be a contributor to her blog. I will be sharing my personal experience on what it is like to be a support system to someone who struggles with a mental illness.
I have been asked to also share my experience on what it is like to be a parent of two children who are diagnosed with a mental illness. I may consider Gertie like a daughter, I have four other children. Two of which I had biologically and two of which I adopted. It is my adopted children that have a diagnosed mental illness. Not only will I be sharing my experience of what its like to be the support system of someone who struggles with a mental illness and being the parent of two children with a mental illness, I will be discussing what it is like to be a first responder who deals with the mentally ill.
I have known Gertie for nearly 16 years and have seen her grow. Grow in ways that many of us didn’t think could happen. We didn’t think it could happen because Gertie was so close to death due to multiple suicide attempts that we didn’t think should would make it. Gertie’s will and determination to start recovery and to remain in recovery is what has helped to get to the place she is in now. She is doing awesome. She is following her dreams of being in a romantic relationship with my colleague, Junior as well as working as a Peer Specialist to help show others recovery is possible.
I thank you for reading. I hope to post as often as I am able with being a working mother to four children and a motherly figure Gertie needs.
Candid ruminations on madness. Musings of a girl seeking normality within bipolarity. Minefield mind exploding through the pen. Striding along the yellow brick road to destigmatization. The write direction.