It’s Been A Couple Of Days

     Happy Friday!!! If you are a follower to my blog or a regular reader you are aware that I haven’t blogged in a couple of days. I haven’t blogged for a few reasons. One reason is I wasn’t sure what to blog about another reason I didn’t blog is because I’ve been so busy with life that I exhausted myself and have been too tired to blog.

     Wednesday was the day I had my interview. Thankfully, they didn’t have to reschedule with me again even though it almost got rescheduled again. When I showed up and a couple of the program managers at the agency realized that it was going to be the third time they just interviewed me with anyway even though it wasn’t the right set of interview questions. They felt that if I had rescheduled twice before that the interview should happen anyway. One the interviewers said that if I don’t get the job with program I applied for that they will find the funding for me to have job with there program as a peer and not a consumer aide. So it looks like either way that I might have job. I am hoping that I get the job as a consumer aide.

      I had a listening in shift with the Warm Line on Wednesday and well it was an “unusual day” for calls at the Warm Line. First of all they only received three phone calls that were not hang up calls. Second of all; all three phone calls ended up suicide calls that needed to be transferred to the crisis line. I only listened in on two of those calls. They want me to do another listening in shift so I know what a “typical” shift looks like. A shift usually isn’t so slow nor does it get “crisis” calls. I’m just waiting on when my next listening in shift will be. I guess I will be getting three listening shifts instead of two and that is cool with me. I am looking forward to September when I start being a call taker on the Warm Line.

     Speaking of volunteering, I am looking forward to Wednesday when I volunteer at the homeless shelter. I love my volunteer job at the shelter. The clients at the shelter are known for being difficult to serve because of the severity of their mental illnesses and/or addictions and I love the challenge. If I get the job as a consumer aide I will be a little sad because I cant volunteer and be an employee at the same time with the agency that runs both the shelter and the program I applied and had the interview for. Yes, I want the job however I will miss the clients at the shelter. Again if everything works out the way I hope it does I will be starting the job as a consumer aide the same time I officially will be a call taker on the Warm Line. I know I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up so high but I really want the job even though I will miss volunteer at the shelter.

     As some of you know Fridays are my Mondays and that means I worked today. Today was just a shitty day at work. A day that made me realize I want the hell out of my current employment. Working at grocery store with the same employer for the last 9 years has made me realize that I am meant to be in the mental health field. I don’t like having people yell at me for something I have no control over. Working in a grocery store is NOT my cup of tea.

    Speaking of tea that reminds me that I need to take time out to take care of myself. I am going to go and have a cup of hot tea. Yes, I am having tea on an 80 degree day. Why not? It is a way to take care of myself. I better get going. In all honesty, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good weekend everyone. Peace out!!!

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A Little Tired To Blog

     It’s another Tuesday and I am tired as hell. Sorry I haven’t really blogged. I was hoping to blog earlier but I’m just extremely tired. I had several screaming nightmares last night and I am most appreciative that my boyfriend helped me through. I really should be in bed right now because I have a job interview tomorrow.

      I have a job interview tomorrow with the same agency who runs the homeless shelter I volunteer at. Hopefully, they don’t have to reschedule the interview again. If they do I wont be a happy camper because I had to tell the shelter I wouldn’t be there again tomorrow due to the interview being rescheduled. I love volunteering at the homeless shelter. The clients might be considered difficult but I don’t find them difficult. If you treat them with respect they will treat you with respect. I am fearful that they are going to reschedule the interview again. I just don’t want to miss another volunteer shift at the homeless shelter. Volunteering at the shelter gives me a since of purpose.

     Having a since of purpose is huge and I think that is why I am going through the Warm Line Training. In fact I went to training this evening and I am enjoying it. Tomorrow I have my first listening in shift. I wont be doing any talking just listening in to see how the calls are taken and what they are like. We have another listening in shift toward the end of the training as well. I hope I am good enough to be a call taker on the Warm Line.

     If everything works out with getting the job that means I will been ending my volunteer job at the homeless shelter because you cant volunteer and be an employee at the agency but I will be starting the Warm Line about the same time I start the job if I get it. So what I am trying to say as one volunteer job might be coming to an end if I get the job it will work at that I will be starting a new volunteer job. It looks better on a job résumé that way. As much as I don’t want to quit volunteering at the shelter I want the job even more. Even if I don’t get the job volunteering two places looks good on the résumé as well. I just really want the job. Like I said I will have to quit the homeless shelter if I get the job and if I get the job I will be starting to be an official volunteer call taker at the Warm Line. I hope this paragraph is making sense because I am just really tired.

     Since I am really tired I am thinking I should end this blog entry for now. I hope to blog tomorrow regarding both the job interview and the listening shift with the Warm Line. I will not be able to discuss what the callers said due to confidentially. Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday evening. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Tuesday Night Rambling

     Today was another beautiful day in the neighborhood. Before I go on about my ramblings I want to tell you about my celebration last night regarding 1,000 day of being out of an inpatient unit. Well it turned out that roughly 50 people showed. Some of the people that were there came as a shock to me because I didn’t realize that cared. It is nice to know so many people care about me and my recovery. The best part was that my own dad was there. It was nice that my dad is supports me in my recovery process.

     Something I did today in regards to recovery was start training for a peer run Warm Line. A Warm Line pretty much always run by Peers. When I say peers I mean people who are in recovery from a mental illness and/or co-occurring disorders. A Warm Line is designed to help others struggling with a mental illness and/or co-occurring disorder. The training for the Warm Line is 5 weeks long at 2 days a week and 4 hours each day. If you do the math that is 40 hours of training before you are a call taker on the Warm Line. I love being of service to people and if being of service to people means volunteering then I am more than happy to volunteer.

     I unfortunately am not going to be able to go to my volunteer job at the homeless shelter tomorrow because I have an interview with another program at the agency that runs the shelter. I don’t like missing my volunteer shifts at the shelter for any reason because I really enjoy volunteering in the shelter. At least missing the shift is for a good reason which is for the interview. My interview is 10 o’clock in the morning and it will last about two hours which why I am not going to make it to my volunteer shift. I wont make from my place and back in time because I would want to change and I take the bus. I really hope I get the job even if that means that I have to quit my volunteer job at the shelter. See I cant be a volunteer and a employee at the same agency even if its in a different program because of conflict of interest and L&I laws. Even though I will be sad to have to quit volunteering at the homeless shelter if I get the job, I really want the job. If I get the job then the volunteer job at the Warm Line couldn’t have come at a better time. I really want this job because its time for a career change for me. Wish me luck with the interview.

     Well, I should get going because I want to be well rested for my interview as well as being as prepared as possible tonight so I am not rushing tomorrow morning. I really don’t like feeling rushed. Its one of the worst feelings one can have.  Anyway, have a good night everyone. Enjoy the rest of you Tuesday night. Peace out!!

Last Day Of Vacation

     Its an absolutely beautiful day in the neighborhood. I spent this Sunday afternoon at a baseball game with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I saw a lot of his co-workers there its always good to see people I consider family even if they are not blood. I love baseball even if the team I am rooting for looses. I had a blast like I do every time I go to a baseball game. I of course had my hot dog, Pepsi, slice of pizza, and garlic fries like I do at every game I attend. You would think that I would be full after all that food but I wasn’t.

     Apparently, I had enough room in my stomach of mine to have a steak at a barbeque I went to with my boyfriend after the baseball game. The barbeque was at one of my boyfriends co-workers place who happens to have a swimming pool. In fact this particular co-worker of my boyfriends is the person I consider to be my second mom or my other mother. She more of a mom to me than my own mom has ever been to me. So I of course ate the steak and had more food which include corn on the cob, potato salad, 3 pieces of chocolate cake and more Pepsi. It being a nice beautiful sunny warm summer day out, I of course went swimming. I love swimming and according to my boyfriend and our friends I should have been born a fish. Hell, that’s nothing new to me; I was told that all the time when I was growing up.  I enjoy myself even if I was acting like a kid (and a fish) for while.

    I think its okay to act like a kid every once in while especially since I have to go back to work tomorrow and start acting like an adult again. Today is my last day of vacation and I had an absolute blast today. In fact I enjoyed this entire vacation. I have to say that the best part of my vacation was spending time with my little brother. I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow but its a reality I have to deal with. In fact its a reality a lot of have us have to deal with. I am hoping that I wont have to work at my current employer for much longer.

     The reason why I am hoping to not be working at my current employer much longer is because I have a job interview this Wednesday. I am really hoping I get the job I am interviewing for because nine years working at a grocery store is just getting to be too much for me. I am grateful for my current employer and being employed at the grocery store has helped a great deal with my recovery process.

      My recovery process has been a journey. That journey has not been easy. In fact today marks 999 days since I was last discharged from a psych ward. This is the longest I have been out of an inpatient unit or hospital regarding the mental illness I struggled with since forever and a day. The first time I was hospitalized for psych reasons I was only a teenager so 999 days out of the hospital is a good thing. I will be blogging more about my recovery process and being out of the hospital for so long tomorrow.

       Speaking of tomorrow I need to get going and make sure I have everything ready to go to work for tomorrow. I don’t even know if that last sentence made sense. Anyway, I will blog again tomorrow and I will be blogging about my recovery process. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday. Peace out!!!

Everything From Hiking to Intimacy to Blogging & Other Such Things

     It’s still Saturday and it has been an amazing one at that. My boyfriend and I went hiking and had a picnic in the woods. It was romantic having a picnic in the forest. This wasn’t the first time we had a picnic in the woods. Being out in nature with the person you love tends to bring you closer together.

     Being closer to my boyfriend is always a good thing especially when it comes to intimacy (sex). When we got back to his place after hiking we became intimate. It feels so good to be able to trust someone enough be intimate with. See, when you have suffered severe childhood abuse and other traumas you tend to not trust people especially when it comes to intimacy. For me trusting my boyfriend with sex and intimacy is a major deal and he knows that. That is why when we are intimate with each other he is gentle and patient. He is amazing in bed. Yes, I do have his permission blog about intimate moments with you all.

     The reason why he is cool me sharing about the intimate moments is because he likes what I am trying to do with this blog. He likes the fact that I am not only trying to help people who struggle with mental illness and show them that recovery is possible and that hope is out there but to educate “normal” people (like him) about mental illness. In fact my boyfriend is one of the people who encouraged me start this blog. He is what I call a normie. A normie is a normal person.  A normal person is someone who doesn’t struggle with a mental illness or any other disability. My boyfriend really hopes that this blog reaches normies because he wants it to prove to them that people who struggle with a mental illness do live productive lives and are loveable. Yes, he says some moments are more difficult than other moments but he is more than willing to stick it out with me. All I want with this blog is to show people who struggle that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to educate those who don’t struggle with mental illness that we are like everyone else and that we live productive lives. Yes, everyone who has a mental illness has a different way to be productive but so does everyone else in this world.

     Speaking about being productive, this next few weeks are going to be quite productive. I go back to work this Monday after being on vacation for a week. This Wednesday (July 30th) I have a job interview. Then this Tuesday (July 29th)  start volunteer training for a peer run Warm Line. The training is twice a week; Tuesdays and Thursdays for five weeks. Each day of training is four hours. So eight hours of training each week for five weeks equals to 40 hours. I am looking forward to this training. For me being productive is going to work, volunteering and going to various training in regards to peer counseling and volunteering. Another way that I am being productive is by voting. I voted in the primary elections. I want to make sure that my voice is heard and one way for it to me heard is to vote.

      Being heard is a big thing for those who struggle with a mental illness. I want to be a voice for those who cant speak up for themselves. I hope that I am that voice on this blog. I am hoping that one day I can educate you all on the particular diagnoses that I struggle with or have struggled with. I want to make sure I have the correct information before I share it. For example what the DSM 5 says about the diagnosis as well as the definitions from the dictionary. My desire is to educate those who may not understand what it is like to deal with a mental illness.

     With all of that being said, I should end this blog for now. I kind of want to have more adult fun with my boyfriend. I hope everyone had a good Saturday like I have had. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Saturday.

It’s Been An Interesting But Good Wednesday

     It’s been an interesting but good Wednesday. Today didn’t start out all the pleasant. I woke up with a nightmare. Waking up to nightmares sucks big time.

     Shortly after I woke up from a nightmare this morning I got a call from a childhood friend. My friend ended up calling me at 4:30 in the morning pacific time. She forgot that she is three hours ahead of me. That means it was 7:30 her time. Anyway it was good to talk to her. Its always good to reminisce. She updated me with her life as I updated her with my life.

     As I told you all yesterday, I applied for a position as Consumer Aide. Well, I got a call this morning asking if I could come in for an interview tomorrow. The thing is I got the call for the interview 23 hours after I sent the email. It’s extremely rare to get call back for an interview so soon much less get an interview 48 hours after sending in a résumé’ and cover letter. I am a little nervous about the job interview but I am confident that it will go well even if I don’t get the job. I know that a Consumer Aide isn’t exactly a Peer Specialist position but its a start in the right direction. Maybe it will help me eventually get a Peer Specialist job in the future. I just  hope that I am not getting my hopes set too high. I am just frustrated that I’m in a job that I don’t like and am eager to move on to another job. I really hope I get the job because I’ve been employed at the same employer for nine years now and it getting a little old and boring at times. The cool thing is that I already know what I am going to wear to my interview because I have an outfit that I wear to most of my interviews.

     Enough about my job interview. I volunteered today. I told the staff at the homeless shelter that I have an interview tomorrow and they wished me luck. If I get the job I will have to quit my volunteer job because the agency that runs the shelter  runs the transitional/supportive housing site I applied to. That’s okay because I believe in what the agency does. The staff are happy for me and the hope I get the job even though it means I will not be able to volunteer at the shelter. If I get the job I will miss the clients in the shelter but I know that I will get to know and enjoy the clients at the transitional housing site I might be employed at. Part of the reason why I got the interview is because I volunteer at the agency and have been employed at my current employer for nine years. I really enjoy working with the homeless population. I was able to talk with one of my favorite clients for about a half an hour today. I know we aren’t suppose to have favorites but its kind of difficult not to at times. I really enjoy volunteering at the homeless shelter.

     Speaking of volunteering, I start training for another volunteer job in about two weeks. Its for a local peer run Warm Line. I am looking forward to it. The training is two days week for four hours each day for about six weeks. They want to make sure we get the proper training if we are going to be taking calls for a peer run Warm Line. Talking with people who struggle with mental illness is not an easy thing especially if there is the potential that the caller might be suicidal.

    Anyway I need to get going. My boyfriend is barbequing for a goodbye party for one of my elderly neighbors who is moving in with one of her children in a different state. My boyfriend said he would be willing to come over and barbeque for the going away party. I need to help out before others start showing up to say goodbye the elderly neighbor.

    I hope to blog again tomorrow and tell you how my job interview went. I really hope I get the job. Like I said I hope to blog again tomorrow. Peace out and enjoy the rest of you Wednesday evening.

Not In My Ideal Job

Happy Thursday!!! As you all know it’s Thursday and that means most people are getting excited about the weekend. I don’t get excited about weekend because I work the weekends. I’m not trying to sound like I am complaining because as much as I dislike my current employment, I really do enjoy being able to work. I realize that there are people who are not able to work due to their disability. I guess I’m just frustrated with myself because I’m stuck in a job that is that is not personally going anywhere for me and my career path.

I know that I am meant to be a peer support specialist/peer counselor. I have applied to five places and out of those five places, I got four job interviews and no job offers. I am beyond grateful that I even got an interview much less four. I know that many people don’t have those kind of odds. I’m having anxiety that I wont get a job as a peer support specialist/peer counselor because of not getting any job offers. I just to need to realize that I’m lucky that I got four job interviews out of the five places I applied to.

This is the typical anxiety I go through almost on the daily basis. I have a lot of self doubt about myself and my abilities. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I wasn’t in recovery with my mental illness that I wouldn’t be having self doubt or doubting my abilities. My recovery means the world to me and if self doubting and doubting my abilities is one of my biggest struggles with mental illness then I will take it. Its better than how I used to be when I was at my worst.

Speaking of recovery, I need to get going. I have to get ready to go to my therapy session. I am grateful that I have such a great therapist who is more than willing to be invested in my recovery process. Well I best be going now. Have a good Thursday. I hope to blog later on today. Enjoy the rest of your morning everyone.