Tag Archives: Trauma

Anxiety Over Tomorrow’s Doctor’s Appointment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am nervous as hell for tomorrow morning as I have my yearly annual wellness exam with my doctor tomorrow. I am scared due to trauma related issues that my doctor is quite aware of. I am also scared and full of anxiety due to the fact that my doctor will confirm something medically which is why I am having my partner Junior come with me. It is something he would like medically confirmed as well.

Anyway, I am sadly having intrusive thought ping ponging in my head at the moment and it is not a good thing which is partly why I am currently writing this blog post. Blogging tends to help with the ping ponging of my thoughts as well as help with anxiety I deal with. I am just happy that I have various skills in my tool box to help with the anxiety.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Coloring to Help the Inner Child Within

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time. I woke up from a nightmare about an hour ago and I feel like a scared little kid. A scared little kid that had to grow up fast in childhood. Since I am feeling like a scared little kid I have been coloring as I find it quite helpful to connect with my inner child that had to grow too fast. Coloring is also a mindfulness practice for me as it helps become grounded and present as well as to stay grounded and present in the moment.

I do not have much else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Sucks Sh!t; The Love of a Boyfriend & A Cat, Priceless

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time. I am unable to sleep due to severe PTSD symptoms. Nightmares accompanied with body memories is never a good thing and I am beyond grateful to have Junior staying with me at the moment. Part of the reason Junior spent the night is because we spent last evening watching movies and eating junk food. I am beyond grateful for the movie date at home after a challenging session with my therapist yesterday. The distraction was much needed as well as it was enjoyed by both myself and Junior as well as my cat, Billie. Billie loves the attention, Junior gives him. I really wish the PTSD symptoms were not so severe as they suck shit. Anyway, I am happy that Junior is here to help me through this tough PTSD moment.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Managing Through a Tough Day

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been a rough day so far and it is not even twelve noon yet, here in Seattle. I think part of the reason why it has been a rough day is partly due to PTSD symptoms as well as depression symptoms. Both depression and PTSD symptoms suck but I think a factor of the depression symptoms is due to the current weather here in Seattle. It is currently cloudy with a great deal of rain. On that note at least it is not cold enough to snow as I am not a big fan of snow.

Since it hasn’t been the greatest weather outside, I have been doing some things to help myself through this tough day. I have been doing some mindfulness meditation practices as well as doing workbooks to focus on different aspects of my recovery. I have found that both the mindfulness meditation practices and doing workbooks have been quite helpful. Of course my cat, Billie, has been a major help.

Speaking of cats, I go back to volunteering at PAWS Cat City later today after taking some time off. I will be doing some sub shifts and hopefully, will be back on a regular shift soon. Volunteering with cats is awesome and I enjoy it immensely.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World. It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time and sadly, I am unable to sleep. I woke up to a nightmare. Nightmares suck sh!t and I wish I didn’t have to deal with them but sadly they are a major symptom of PTSD for me.

Since the nightmare was almost as horrific as the trauma I experienced as a child, I am pretty sure what I am going to do to get myself relaxed enough to hopefully get back to sleep. I think I will try to read first. I think I will start reading the book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. I have started this book a couple of times before but sadly never finished for various reasons.

If reading does not then, I will put on some music and do some artwork as I listen to the music. I am not sure what type of music I will listen to but I do know the type of artwork I will be doing. The type of artwork I will be doing is coloring. I enjoy coloring a great deal.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom for my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after two o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. I sadly woke up from a stupid nightmare and wish the PTSD would just go away. I realize that sadly, the nightmares and the rest of PTSD symptoms will not go away.

Since I woke up from a stupid nightmare, I have decided to read. I am going to read because it is a great distraction and I love to read. Plus, when I read, my cat, Billie, lays on my lap. So, I get the unconditional love of my cat laying on my lap as I read.

I do not have anything else to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Slightly Struggling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon!!! I am slightly struggling once again despite keeping myself busy. Busy with various things and activities that have been quite helpful this time around. I just wish I was not struggling at the moment as struggling sucks shit.

If you read my last post, you are then aware that I woke up way too freaking early. I am tired as hell and I am seriously thinking about taking a nap. A nap that might not be a good idea as it could prevent me from sleeping tonight which I really do want to sleep tonight.

As I mentioned above I have been keeping myself busy with various things. One of those things was having an unscheduled in person appointment with my therapist. The appointment went well. In fact I admire my therapist a great deal, for many reasons.

After seeing my therapist, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine. I picked up nine prescriptions. Four of those prescriptions are for psych reasons to help with my mental health diagnosis. The other five are for my physical health. One of those five meds is an antibiotic for a bladder which could be one of the reasons why I am slightly struggling.

There is also another reason why I am slightly struggling which is quite normal for me and many others living in Seattle this time of year is the weather. The weather is yucky at the moment but I have seen it much worse here in Seattle. Due to the weather being yucky today and yesterday, I have been using my happy light (or happy lamp) to help with my depression. I also have seasonal affective depressive disorder which is also known as SADD.

Another thing I have been doing to keep myself busy is attending online twelve step meetings. Twelve step meetings which I have found quite helpful for myself. I am so grateful that I started going back to these twelve step meetings.

I also have been doing a great deal of art work. Specifically, I have been coloring a small poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. I love to buy coloring posters from Stuff2Color because they are very detailed and keep me busy for hours on end. While I colored, I listened to music on Spotify. I have had my recovery play list playing in the background to help me focus on my recovery.

One of the other things I have done to keep myself busy is read. I have been reading Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. Right now I am on a horror book kick. Partly because it is Halloween time and partly because of the weather. As I read my cat, Billie, was laying in my lap. I love my cat so very much.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Working on My Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am realizing that my recent trauma is causing a lot of shit to happen in my life and I am allowing some of it to happen. Some of the shit I can control while some of it I cannot. The things I can control, I hope will help with the things I cannot control.

One of the things that I have come to the conclusion of is attending a twelve step meeting that focuses on how I react and nurture myself coming from a dysfunctional family that is full of alcoholics. The particular meeting I am attending focuses on what I can do to nurture myself as well as how I react to my dysfunctional family. As anyone who is in a 12-step program is aware of, is that attending ninety meetings in ninety days is highly suggested as well as having a “home group” to attend.

Attending therapy regularly for me is a major part of my recovery. Talk therapy helps me a great deal as does other types of therapies such as DBT, CBT and Motivational Interviewing (MI). I think my therapist does a lot of Motivational Interviewing with me as well as some DBT.

Of course working on workbooks is helpful for me when it comes to my recovery. There so many different workbooks out there that are helpful. One that I am working on now focuses on mental health recovery.

One thing that also helps me is taking medicine for my anxiety, depression and PTSD. If I didn’t take meds it would make everything else I do for my recovery much more challenging to do but it is also not the only thing.

As I have mentioned in a previous post doing at least two mindfulness meditations a day helps a great deal. It helps me start and end my day with a mostly clear mind. It also helps a great deal with my anxiety.

Acupuncture helps my depression and anxiety a lot as well as helps with physical health issues.

Lets not forget my cat Billie helps. He is extremely helpful.

I don’t have much more to discuss in this blog post. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Got Some Good Sleep Here in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I feel like I got some good sleep here in Seattle. I love it when I get good sleep. Granted I didn’t sleep more than five hours and had nightmares but at least it was good sleep overall so I am going to try not to complain. I am surprised that I got good sleep as I took two naps yesterday due to not sleeping very well that night before.

I mentioned in past post that I recently experienced a trauma. A trauma that caused my PTSD to act up especially from past traumas. Anyway, my therapist is helping me through the trauma is willing to stick with me as I know I can be challenging. My session with my therapist yesterday went well. My therapist is beyond awesome.

When I had my session with my therapist yesterday, I wish I would have remembered to tell her something. Something that helps with my PSTD nightmares. That something is reading one of my favorite genres of books which is horror books. Horror books help me not remember my own horrors especially if I read them before bed as I end up with nightmares from the horror books which are so much easier to deal with than PTSD nightmares.

Another thing that I have found that is helpful dealing with my PTSD is mindfulness meditation. It helps because I feel like it calms my mind down. That is why I do my very best to start each day with a mindfulness meditation practice as well as end my day with one.

On to other things that are helpful to my recovery is doing some form of fine art and listening to music. This has been one of my go to’s since my early days in recovery with a mental health challenge. I love art and I love music.

Speaking of recovery I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy some much needed food. One of those food items was ice cream. I got a pint of Baskin Robins mint and chip ice cream. I ate about a quarter of it and plan on having some later today.

Something I started doing in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic was attending a twelve step meeting for adult children who dealt with parents who are alcoholics. I loved attending and I really wish I didn’t stop attending. I am hoping to start regularly attending again as I found it helpful to my recovery.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to say thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Diamond Art Time

Posted on by Gertie

i Morning, once again from Seattle. As I write this particular blog post, my cat Billie is laying on my lap purring. I think it is his way of helping me with doing some art work. Specifically, Diamond art work. Right now I am putting the pieces into small containers with the right colors so they can be put into the right place. It is going to be a tedious task but I think it will be well worth it. I am glad I saw friends doing Diamond Art and that they explained it to me.

Granted the first two times I attempted to do this earlier this year I gave up. So, I decided to give it another try as I want to add more to my coping skills when shit hits the fans. The organizing might be a pain in the butt but, I am looking forward to what the finished art work will be.

I want to thank you for reading my blog post. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Peace Out, World!!!