A Sunday to Remember

Today has been truly a lazy Sunday. A Sunday, I wouldn’t trade for the world. I wouldn’t trade for the world because it was a truly amazing day. A day that Junior put a great deal of thought in to.

Junior put a great deal of thought into today as he is well aware of how difficult things have been for me the last several months. Junior planned today out to be a relaxing and lazy day as well as to enjoy what he had planned in hopes to have spontaneous events to enjoy. We both enjoyed the planned and the spontaneous events of the day.

This is where I share with you the events of today. Events that have helped me. When Junior got off work this morning he went to my place to gently wake me up to start off the day. He rubbed my back till I woke up. When I woke up, he gave me a kiss and asked if I wanted to spend they day with him at my place or his. I said his place because it has a more homey feeling to it. So, we came over to Junior’s place.

Once we got to Junior’s place, he changed out of his uniform and into his pajamas. In fact the both of us have spent most of the day in our pajama’s with a couple exceptions that I will tell you about later on in this post. After Junior put on his pajamas he made breakfast. Breakfast consisted of French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, fresh strawberries and chocolate milk. After breakfast, Junior went to bed as he had a long forty-eight hour long shift and I started the dishes. Junior ended up getting up shortly after going to bed to watch me do the dishes. As he watched me do the dishes for about five minutes he turned on some music.

Not just any music but music that represents our love for each other. After turning on the music, he went to were I was, turned of the water and gently grabbed my had asking me to dance. I, of course said yes and we danced in his living room. The dancing led to some passionate intimate moments. Yes, we made love. As we made love, I felt a sense of peace, I haven’t felt in months. A peace that Junior’s love for me is never-ending no matter how tough things get for either of us as individuals or as a couple.

After making love, we talked about things. Things that brought both happy and sad tears to the both of us. It was nice to be able to lay in bed holding each other talking. After a good talk we both fell asleep. We slept for a few hours before waking up to eat lunch and watch a baseball game on television.

We ate left over salad before the Seattle Mariners versus Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim game started. As we watched the Mariners play against the Angels we held hands, cuddled and even did some petting. Petting that led to more intimate moments. Moments that I am beyond grateful for. Yes, we did watch the baseball game. Granted it was only about half the game due to intimate moments but we did watch. I am happy to say that the Angels beat the Mariners once again. In fact they (the Angels) swept the Mariners under the rug. Junior of course was (and is) a little disappointed as he is a Mariners fan. Even though he is a devoted and loyal Mariners fan I still love Junior.

I love Junior because he is devoted and loyal to every aspect of his life. His devotion and loyalty to me amazes me and is something I don’t deserve. Even though I feel like I don’t deserve Juniors love, devotion and loyalty, he continue to give it to me and is extremely patient with me. Patient enough with me to let me cry as he held me. Yes, I cried. I cried due to the pain I was dealing with regarding PTSD symptoms I was experiencing. Junior just sat there holding me as I cried for a good half an hour. After as I was done crying we talked. Talked about the symptoms I was experiencing and then about what we were going to do about dinner.

We decided that we were going to have a simple dinner. A simple dinner of spaghetti, corn on the cob, milk and for dessert we had strawberry short cake. We made enough to have left overs tomorrow. I’m looking forward to left overs tomorrow because they always taste better the next day.

After dinner we did the dishes. Dishes that were left from breakfast and lunch as well the ones we had from dinner. When we were done with the dishes we sat on the couch talking again. Talking about our future. A future together. A future we want together.

As we discussed our future together we decided to do a jigsaw puzzle. Something we both enjoy doing. As we worked the puzzle together we ended up having yet another intimate moment. Another moment I am grateful for. I’m grateful for the moment because Junior and I haven’t had many intimate moments lately due to severe and on going symptoms of my Depression and PTSD. Moments that both Junior and I are grateful for.

Being grateful for what we have is a major reasons why our relationship has lasted so long. Another major factor is good communication. I’m sure you all agree that communication is key a good relationship no matter what type of relationship it is.

Today has been a Sunday to remember because of the time I have spent with Junior and as I end this post remember to thank those people in your lives that make an effort to make your day better. I know I plan on thanking Junior on making my day better. I hope to blog again tomorrow about the continuing education class I will be attending. Have a great rest of your weekend. Peace out!!!

 

Weekly Check-In

Good Afternoon, World!!! If you been reading my blog on the regular basis you know that I have been struggling with the symptoms of my mental health condition. You may have noticed that I have making an effort to blog on the more regular basis. I’m doing this for a multitude of reasons. One is to keep you, the reader, interested in continuing to read my blog. Two, is more of the selfish part of me blogging and an unexpected bonus I didn’t realize was going to happen when I started is that its helping me with my recovery. I have many other reasons I am making an effort to blog more regularly however I am sure those reasons will bore you.

As you are aware that this past week has been a challenging one for me. Challenging in many ways yet I managed to get through some of them with creativity. Creativity in the ways of art and poetry. The main way I did both my art and poetry this past week was collaging and I really enjoyed it. I think its something I’ll continue to do on the regular basis.

Something that appears to be happening on the regular basis for me especially over the last two weeks and I haven’t even been trying is advocating. I’ve had several people inform me in the past two weeks is that I am really good at advocacy including self-advocacy. I don’t know about being good at advocacy especially when it comes to self-advocacy, I just do and say what I think needs to be done. If that’s advocacy then so be it.

I bring up the self-advocacy up because I was signed up to take a continuing education training for peers. A continuing education course I signed up for several months ago. I was informed yesterday (Friday) that I was waitlisted due to the fact that I’m not employed as a peer currently and priority goes to employed peers. I understand this full well and would have let it go and not advocated for myself if I was informed sooner. See, the continuing education training is this Monday and I made arrangements and rearranged appointments to be able to attend it. So, since I was informed on such short notice I thought it would be best to email the folks putting on the training. Since I advocated for myself and the training ending up in a “slightly bigger room” the folks doing the training said I could attend. I realize they couldn’t do this for everyone on the waitlist and won’t be able to this for me in the future however I am grateful that they made an exception for me. In fact the folks putting on the training informed me on who was doing the training happens to be someone I did a continuing education training with a few years ago. A person I have become friends with. I am looking forward to seeing them on Monday.

Now that we are on the topic of friends, two of my friends decided that I needed a girls night out. Or in this case a girls night in. They decided this because I’ve been isolating myself due to an increase of symptoms in my depression. I’m thrilled that they were persistent in their efforts to get me out of my apartment. We ended up at one of my friends places to watch the Seattle Mariners play against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I did have a good time with my friends even though they were rooting for the wrong baseball team. Actually, I’m just living in the wrong city but I love this city I’m living in. I just have to deal with getting a hard time on occasion when I root for particular sports teams.

Looks like I’ve pretty much told you how my week has gone. That means I’m at the end of my blog post. I hope to blog again tomorrow however if I don’t, I’ll make sure I do on Monday evening. I want to share with you how the continuing education training goes. I hope that everyone has a good rest of their weekend. Peace Out!!!

 

Girls Night In

Good Evening, World!!! As, I sit here blogging, I’m with two of my closest friends watching a baseball game on television even though its being played in the city we live in. My friends decided to have a girls night to help me get from isolating myself and I am grateful for them for it.

As I mentioned my friends and I are watching a baseball game on television. We are watching the Seattle Mariners play at home against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I am rooting for the Angels because they are my home team while my two friends are rooting for their home team, the Mariners (fondly known as the M’s). Its the top of the 9th inning and the Angels are a head 6 to 5 at the moment.  Well, now its the bottom of the 9th inning. Same score as stated earlier.

As part of girls night we had the typical ballpark favorites. We had hot dogs, cracker jacks, peanuts, popcorn, Pepsi and lets not forget Seattle’s favorite at any sporting event of garlic French fries. We are now eating ice cream sundaes. Oh how I love ball park food.

Mariners are now up at the bottom of the 9th. Two outs and the score is Angels 6 and Mariners 5. I really want the Angels to win. Baseball is my one of my favorite sports to watch. It actually helps me get outside of my head.

And the Angels WIN. Woo Hoo!!! I am so happy they won.

Like I was saying watching baseball helps me. It helps me get out of my head. It helps me be able to not isolate. For instance, my friends I may not have attended the game tonight but it helped me not isolate because my friends and I watched on television.

I need to get going so I can spend time with my friends to continue girls night in. Have waonderful night everyone. Peace Out, World.

Daily Prompt: Offside Memories

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Offside Memories.” Do you have any funny/harrowing/interesting memories from a sporting event you attended, participated in, or watched?

I remember like it was yesterday. I was living in Southern California at the time with my dad and paternal grandparents. My grandfather somehow received tickets to go see the San Francisco Giants and Oakland A’s play against each other in the 1989 World Series.  I was ten years old and my grandfather thought it would be a wonderful experience for me to go to the World Series. Not many people have had or will have the experience of attending a World Series and I was lucky enough to have been able to attend not just one game of the World Series but two games.

I remember sitting in the second row on the first base line eating a hot dog when the earthquakes started. Next thing I know my grandfather is handing me off to a San Francisco Giant’s player on the field as an Oakland A’s player is helping another child. The players from both teams made sure myself and the other child didn’t get separated from our family. I bring this up because the players from both teams made sure, to the best of their ability that children were protected. Not many news stations any where in California shared how heroic the players and other staff employed by both teams and Candlestick stadium were that day. Both teams and all staff/employees are heroes because they made sure that the fans safety came before their own safety.

This is one offside memory I will always have in regards to a sporting event. Not because it was the World Series but because of the earthquake and how players from both teams cared more about the safety of their fans than their own. That is why I will remember it. My grandfather will remember this event as well. In fact we still talk about every year when it is time for the World Series.

Now that I shared this with you, I hope you learned a little bit more about me. Something that you did not know before. Happy Friday. Have a good weekend. Peace Out!!!!!!!

Daily Prompt: Grand Slam

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Grand Slam.” In your own life, what would be the equivalent of a walk-off home run? (For the baseball-averse, that’s a last-minute, back-against-the-wall play that guarantees a dramatic victory.)

It being the middle of the baseball season, this particular (past) daily prompt grabbed my attention and rightfully so. I love analogies especially ones that involve sports. This particular analogy, if its what you call it, strikes close to home from. (Pardon, the pun in regards to baseball.)

I have had my share of walk-off home runs that have lead to victory, even if I don’t necessarily want to admit it.  It is difficult for me to pick one so I will choose one if its not a long post and I’m not tired, I might share a second one.

The walk-off home run that led to a victory that comes to mind is when I entered the two year intensive outpatient Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program. My back was literally getting against the wall with being able to get the proper treatment I needed because, I was starting to wear out some pretty good clinicians with my behavior, frequent self-harm and multiple suicide attempts. I was not the easiest of clients and new that if I didn’t accept the fact that, I needed to go into DBT, I would either be a lifer at the state hospital or six feet under (dead). I have the Peer Counselor to thank for sharing their recovery story with me because if it wasn’t for that, I honestly, don’t think  would have gone into the DBT program. The victory of all this is when I not only graduated from the first year but the second year as well.

I will share with you another walk-off home run that led to victory. This one was of the most difficult decisions I had to make in my life and am beyond grateful that I did. This one victory happened a few years before the DBT program I was in. I was nineteen years old and barely out of high school when I was told by my doctor at the time that if I didn’t seek treatment for the eating disorders I was struggling with I would be dead by my 21st birthday. Considering that my 20th birthday was three months away when I was told this, it hit extremely close to home. I didn’t know where to begin to look. I ended up going to a Christian concert where the group who was performing supported a program that helped young women with any number of problems. The program appealed to be for two reasons, it was free and it was Christian. At that point in time in my life I considered myself a Christian. I applied to the program and was in it a month after my 20th birthday. This decision was difficult for me because, at that time they only had to homes, I could go to, one in Nashville, Tennessee and the other Monroe, Louisiana. I had not been so far from home or family. I ended up going to the Nashville home where I graduated in ten months. The average stay is six months. Granted it took me longer to graduate from the program than most of the other girls and women but it was well worth it. It was worth it because, I knew I made the first “real” adult decision in my life and it was a great decision at that. Graduating was the first victory, I felt like I accomplished myself and with out the help of my family.

As you can tell, the two above stories were walk-off home runs that were both victories that ultimately saved my life. I am grateful that, I was able to make these choices because, I wouldn’t have been able to be enjoying life and sharing it with you fine folks. Recovery is a choice and in both examples, I chose recovery.

Now that I told you about my back-against-the-wall victories, I best be going. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the rest of you Saturday. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Being Celebrated On My Birthday

Today, is another Saturday. A Saturday that I wish wasn’t all about me. See, today (March 7th) is my birthday. Birthdays are usually a joyous time for people and most likely not difficult for the birthday person to be celebrated.

I have difficulties with people celebrating me even if it is my birthday. I am not use to it due to my childhood and the trauma I suffered as a child.  The thing is I am no longer a child and I choose the people I have in my life.

I choose the people I have in my life because of my not so good childhood. The people currently in my life are good to me. They love me and care about me. I may have chosen the people in my life but I still feel like I don’t deserve to have them in my life. I have to remember that no matter how difficult my childhood was, that I still deserve to have people in my life that love me for who I am.

It is because of who I am that the people in my life celebrated me today because it was the day I was born. They know that no matter how I feel or what I think that I deserve to be celebrated. Celebrated like everyone should be celebrated.

My birthday started out by my little brother calling me at 12 midnight wishing me a Happy Birthday. My dad then called me at 12:36 am to wish me a Happy Birthday. My dad called me at 12:36 in the morning because today is my 36th birthday.

It being my 36th birthday my fiancé got me three dozen (36) purple roses. Junior got me the purple roses because purple is my favorite color and well he wanted to make sure my day started off well. I am grateful that he was and is so thoughtful.

Right beside the rose’s were baseball tickets to the first two home games to the Seattle Mariners. Junior made sure that I will attend opening day because the Seattle Mariners are playing my favorite team the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I am so looking forward to seeing a good baseball game against two of my favorite teams. I do have to say that I always root for the  Angels. Junior also got tickets for the second Mariner home game. Yes, the Mariners will be playing the Angels. Junior knows me well enough that when it comes to gifts I prefer experiences over things which is not only why he got be baseball tickets but planned what happened next in my day.

Junior planned a surprise party for me. He planned it extremely well. Junior had invited a number of my friends to the party. In fact he even invited two childhood friends of mine that I knew in California and now live in the Seattle area. Not only did they show up but had various childhood friends mail them cards to give them to me today. Junior also invited people I went to high school with. My high school friends even did the card thing as well. I was surprised as hell that Junior planned the party for me. Actually, I am more surprised that he was able to keep it a secret because he is NOT very good at keeping secrets.

Some how he was able to not only plan the party but able to keep it a secret. Junior had his mom and other family member make an authentic Mexican meal for me. I love Mexican food and Junior knows that. I am also grateful that Junior is Mexican and that his family doesn’t care that I am white and that my family doesn’t care that he is Mexican. I am happy with my relationship and that our families can embrace each others cultures.

Not only was I blessed with Mexican food but was blessed with many other gifts. I received many books as well as a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I also got Wonder Woman pajama’s and many Wonder Woman comic books. I also received a three day pass to Emerald City Comic-con. I of course will be going to the comic-con with one of my best friends.

If it wasn’t for the friends I choose to be in my life and consider family, I would have not had a great birthday like I did today. I may feel like I don’t deserve it but I sure appreciated being loved and cared about. All the people who are currently in my life caring about me don’t give a shit that I have a mental illness. They care about me because I am me and that is why they made sure I had an awesome birthday.

I have less than three hours of my birthday left and I am going to spend the rest of it with Junior. We will be watching movies and most likely be having some intimate moments. I better get going. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!!! I hope everyone out there in the world who celebrates Christmas had a good holiday. Despite the typical family drama on both sides of my family it went fairly well. Time with Jr.’s family went well like always.

Jr. and I are in a hotel room in the town my mother and a brother live in. In fact it feels nice to have a small get away for a couple of days. Jr. and I are going to be spending some much quality time with each other the next couple of days. Our hotel room is looking over the lake and I am loving it. As I am blogging Jr. is taking a much need nap because the both of us have a long couple of days due to the Christmas holiday.

I cant help but think that next year and this time, Jr. and myself are going to have our hands full with two precious little babies. Jr. and I have been thinking on what types of Christmas traditions we want as a family. Of course many of our traditions seemed to be more geared toward when our little ones are older and I think its a good thing to plan for such traditions. Yes, we both are well aware that they will change as the kids grow older and we get to know what their personalities are like.

I am so excited that I am going to be a mama. Feeling my babies kick in my belly is the most amazing feeling in the world. Knowing that I am going to be a mama is an exciting event yet extremely overwhelming at the same time. Jr. is just as excited about becoming a papa as I am becoming a mama. He reads to my belly everyday so he can feel a connection to our children. Connection to our children is extremely important to both Jr. and myself because of the horrific past that I had as a child.

When I was a child I was severely and horrifically abused by my little brother’s father. Unfortunately, the abuse started at Christmas time and in fact was the worst at Christmas time. Christmas time is quite difficult for me due to the abuse however the holidays are slowly getting better as time goes on due to the fact of me working on the pain of the abuse in therapy. I am grateful that I have an awesome therapist that has helped me learn how to deal with the pain. I am also grateful to Jr. and my other natural supports for helping me when times get tough especially around the holidays.

The holiday season may not be easy for me however I realize that it is not easy for many people including those who do not struggle with a mental illness. I’m one of those people that wishes that the holidays were not such a difficult time for many people out there.

One thing that I do every year to make sure my holidays are good one is to read the comic books Christmas With The Superhero’s Volume One and Two.  I also watch A Charlie Brown Christmas as well as Polar Express. I do want I need to do to keep myself healthy and to build positive Christmas memories. Not only that I hope that when my twins are born that I and Jr. will give the positive and happy Christmas memories.

Well, I am going to let you all go for now so you all can have good positive Christmas memories. Not only that I want to give Jr. a good memory by being intimate with him. Peace out and Merry Christmas!!!