Blessed (Summer) Solstice

Blessed Solstice, World!!! It is the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere while it is the first day of winter in the southern hemisphere. I am so grateful that it is now summer and the longest day of the year. Sadly, tomorrow the days start getting shorter but am going to enjoy the summer either way.

As summer starts, I realize that this last week hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me and that I have my mental health treatment team worried about and rightfully so. Monday started off like any other Monday. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that we okay. It only went okay due to the fact that I withheld information from her and that ultimately didn’t help me on Tuesday but thankfully, I found out on Monday that I didn’t need to work on Tuesday night which I was and am thrilled about.

Now on to Tuesday. Tuesday was not a good day for me. I am not exactly sure why but it wasn’t. Long story short, I attempted to die by suicide by overdosing on one of meds. Thankfully, my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me pick up my meds once a week at my pharmacy so it was only a weeks worth of one medication. I was in the emergency room for about eight hours according to the medical records that were sent to my therapist. Sadly, I only talked with the social worker for about ten minutes and she informed me that it was MY duty to notify the after-hours crisis team of the mental health agency I am a client of to let them know I attempted to die by suicide. She didn’t even call them to let them make the decision to come evaluate me to see if hospitalization was needed. So when I got discharged from the emergency room and got home I called the after-hours crisis line and let the crisis clinician know. The after-hours clinician was upset at the social worker in the emergency room I was at because she was there twice evaluating two different people while I was there and the social worker didn’t even inform her. Thankfully, the after-hours clinician wasn’t upset with me and she told me that it is her (the hospital social worker) duty to notify her and not mine which I already knew. We talked for about forty-five minutes to make sure I was okay enough to be safe at home.

On Wednesday, my therapist called me and we discussed my attempted suicide and what happened with the emergency room social worker. He wanted to make see what my side of the story was as the after-hours crisis clinician ended up going back to the same emergency room I was in to evaluate another client and “had some words” with the emergency room social worker about me. Apparently, the after-hours crisis clinician is “extremely protective” of me in particular because she “sees a lot of” me in her. So, I informed my therapist of my extremely limited interaction with the emergency room social worker. After my phone call with him I guess he got my medical records from the emergency room and talked with a social worker who is familiar with me but was not on when I was in the emergency room and from my understanding that social worker wasn’t exactly happy with her colleague and how she handled my care.

Thursday (yesterday), I had my session with my therapist and we discussed at length about my attempted suicide. We also discussed how my psychiatric nurse practitioner want me to get my med two to three times a week at the pharmacy located on the campus of the mental health agency I go to. I informed my therapist that I am not liking the idea but understand that is it for “safety reasons” and that even though I don’t like the idea I would prefer to go to the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. I informed him that I won’t “put up a fight” about getting my meds two to three times a week if we could compromise on me getting my meds from the pharmacy of my choosing, if not then I will “put up a fight.” He said he would discuss it with my psychiatric nurse practitioner about it and I know it will all work out. Another thing I did yesterday was go to DBT group and am grateful for the group. DBT has been quite helpful for me and have been making an effort to do the skills that don’t come automatically to me. The DBT skills is one of the things the has been one of the most helpful things for me and my mental health recovery.

Something, I have noticed since coming home from the emergency room is that my cat has become more clingy. She has been laying on my lap or chest when I am sitting my recliner more frequently and for a longer period of time. I think she knows that I am struggling and is doing what she thinks is helpful in comforting me and it is quite helpful. I am so grateful for my cat and that she has picked up quickly without any training on what helps me emotionally. Animals are so smart that way. I love my cat so much and am beyond thrilled that she is my emotional support animal. Getting my cat, Lil Gertie, is one of the best decisions I have made.

I do not have much else to say. I am NOT currently suicidal am NOT at risk of any self harm acts. If I do have self harm urges or feel suicidal I will take myself to the emergency room and/or call the after-hours crisis line that my mental health agency provides for their clients. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate your readership. I hope everyone has an awesome summer and great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

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Despite A Good Day, I’m Still A Lil Sad

Good Evening, again, World!!! I realize that I just posted about an hour ago about being an adult and doing adulting type of stuff then allowing myself to turn into a child. I’ve realized I needed that childhood part of today because I am really missing my grandma right now. She passed away a Valentines Day of this year (2018). My grandpa turns eighty eight on Thursday and my grandma died exactly one month after she turned eighty eight. I think he might not make it more than month past his 88th birthday.

His birthday is this Thursday and I plan on celebrating it with him because its going to be a sad day when it the first time you haven’t had you wife with you over sixty two years. My grandpa and acknowledged this and both cried over it. I really do miss my grandma. However I am sure it is more difficult for my grandfather right now.

I still had my summer fun with my grandpa but it was nice to acknowledge the grief that we still have for my grandma. I love you grandma and hope you are watching over us.

Thank you for reading this sad blog. Have a great rest of your Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

Adulting Type of Day Turned Into A Childhood Type of Day

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today started out with me having to do some adulting. I had to go to DSHS and take care of a mistake that they made and was easily fixed. I then took care of some medical bills and getting charity care for most of the bills and on a payment plan for the rest of the bill. I also set up a payment plan with a collection agency due to an overdue medical bill. On top of that I got my meds and did some household chores.

After realizing that I got all my adulting done for the day by ten thirty in the morning, I realized my emotions were starting to get the better of me. The first thing I did was cuddle with my cat. I ended up playing with my cat with her wand thingy and laser which she loves playing with both.

As I played with my cat I realized my emotions were still at an uncomfortable level so I decided to do some art work. I did some painting as well as collaging. I even combined the two genres which looks really cool.

As I finished painting I decided to play with some of the toys I have which helped a great deal. It helped me deal with the childhood emotions I was dealing with when I was done doing the adulting things. There is something therapeutic about playing with toys even as an adult.

My grandpa then called me if I wanted to go over to his place to go swimming and to have dinner. I, of course said yes to this. I love swimming and it is hard to say no to free food.  I swam for a couple of hours and ate till I was stuffed.

So when I came home from my grandpa’s house, I decided to sit down at my laptop and blog about it. Dealing with both my adulthood and childhood emotions today was a good thing emotionally.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I am grateful that I have people like you who are willing to read what goes on in my life. I hope you all had a great Monday as mine turned into an awesome one. Have a great evening. I hope all of you will continue to read my blog, no matter how much I ramble on. Peace Out, World!!!

A Tired Seattleite & Their Randomness

Good Morning, again, World!!! I am tired as hell as I didn’t get much sleep last night. I didn’t get much sleep last night due to a multiple of things which I have written about in my last three post. On a plus note at least my cat, Lil Gertie, is getting some sleep. Something I wish I could be doing right now.

At this point in time I don’t know what the hell, I am going to discuss in the post as I am an extremely tired person. As a person with the lack of sleep not having a clue what they are going to write, I ask for you forgiveness a head of time if I offend or annoy anyone.

I guess, I will start on subject I write about quite often; blogging. It appears to me that since I am using different “tags” that I am getting more people to at least look at my blog. I have even received some new followers due to not using my usual tags. I just figure if I combine some of my usual tags along side with new tags then I am all good with reaching out to people who might need hope or to help bring awareness to others to help lessen the stigma that goes around with having a mental health challenge.

The weather here in Seattle has gotten a lot cooler. I personally love the warm weather but I get highly annoyed hearing people complain about the heat of the summer. I love the heat. I guess I love the heat because I spent most of my childhood growing up in Southern California. I do miss parts of California but Seattle.

Later on today I am taking my grandpa out to lunch. I am taking him to my favorite restaurant; Red Robin. I love going there and I get the same thing every time. I get the Whiskey River Bar-be-que burger with extra cheese and onion straw thingy a mijigars.  It will be nice to spend time with my grandpa over lunch. In fact I am treating him to lunch. He does so much for me.

I have decided to cut the amount of time I spend on social media. Mainly, Facebook since it is the only social media account I have. I guess blogging can be considered social media but I don’t spend as much time on WordPress as I do as on Facebook. Plus Facebook has too much drama for my liking. I will attempt to not spend more than an hour total on Facebook.

Thank you for reading all my randomness. It is much appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Thursday. Thank you so much for reading my blog. Don’t forget to let others know about it.  Have a great day everyone. Try to do random acts of kindness today as well. You never know when it could help save someones life or their day. Peace Out, World!!

 

Depressed Yet Grateful

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning depressed yet grateful to be alive. I’m grateful to be alive as I am realizing that I never would have thought when I was in my late teens and early twenties that I would live to be my current age of 39. I thought way back when that I would have been dead due to suicide.

Despite being depressed and unemployed, I am grateful for my life and the life I have lived thus far. Yes, I have made my fare share of mistake however they have helped shaped who I am today. I have decided to share with you my gratitude list for the day.

  • Life itself
  • My cat, Lil Gertie
  • My family
  • My friends
  • The blogging community
  • The mental health help I am getting
  • My therapist
  • My doctors
  • My apartment
  • My teddy bear
  • Being able to read
  • Music
  • Being able to play the flute and harmonica
  • Summer

That is my gratitude list for today. I hope it helps you find the little things in life to be grateful for. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is extremely appreciated on my end that I have people that read my blog. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Good Morning, World!!!

Good Morning, World!!! There is nothing better than having a cat laying next to purring as you wake up in the morning. As I woke up this morning Lil Gertie was beside me on my bed purring. I personally think its the best way to wake up in the morning. My love for Lil Gertie grows everyday and I can’t imagine my life without her.

As I get ready for the day, I realize how lucky I am to be alive. I am lucky to be alive for many reasons and am grateful that I am alive. I am grateful to be alive because that means I have more love to give and am still able to help others out.

I am loving the weather Seattle is having. I love it when the weather hits the 80’s or higher. The only thing I don’t like about the hot weather this summer is now I have a cat I need to worry about when the weather heats up.

I should get going to get ready for the day. I just wanted to post so I can get back in the habit of blogging again. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Combating Summer Depression

Hello, World!!! As I stated in my last post, I was in the hospital for a week and I am now out and doing better. I may be doing better than I was before I went into the hospital however my depression is still there. Having depression any time of the year sucks shit but during the summer it sucks even more.

Despite still fighting off depression, I have been finding ways to combat the depression. The main ways I have been combating depression is spending time with friends and family. Spending time with others has been proven helpful for me.

Another way I have been combating summer depression is attending summer parties. Parties that include other people as well as a great deal of food. In fact I am going to be hosting a summer party later this week. Actually, it is going to be an ice cream social. I’ll be providing the ice cream while the attendee’s will bringing the toppings. I’m looking forward to this get together I am having.

Thank you for reading my blog. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!