Photography: Developing Your Eye I; Day Eight: Treasure

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s assignment for the photograph course I am taking through WordPress is “treasure.” Treasure means something different to everyone. For me most of, if not all of my treasure is of sentimental value to me. The picture I chose was one I had already shared with you all few years ago. It is of my teddy bear. A teddy bear that I have had since the day of my birth. My teddy bear is 41 years old just like I am. My teddy bear’s name is Ted or Teddy and has been my constant friend and support throughout my life. In fact he has been the one I have turned to when things have gotten tough. When my last cat, Lil Gertie crossed over the rainbow bridge, I turned to my constant friend, my teddy bear, Ted, and cried. Yes, I know he looks like a rat but he has seen better days. I love my teddy bear and plan on having him till the day I die and hopefully that isn’t for a very long time.

My teddy bear I have had since birth. He is 41 years old. I know he looks like a rat but he has seen better days.

Self Soothing Due to Early Awaking

Good Morning, World!!! It is three o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. Unfortunately, I am wide awake. On the plus side I did get some sleep. Not as much sleep as I personally, would like but I did get some sleep.

As difficult as not being able to sleep right is, I am needing to self soothe as part of my self care plan. So, I put on one of my favorite hooded sweatshirts on. In fact the sweatshirt is of my favorite baseball team the Angels. In fact the Angels are currently in the lead for the American League West.

Besides wearing my Angels hoodie I am holding my teddy bear. A teddy bear I have had since I was born. It was given to me by my uncle. My teddy bear not only self soothes me but gives me some sort of safety. Safety from what? Who knows but I’ll take it.

After I am done blogging, I am going to do a mindfulness exercise practice. Mindfulness appears to put me in the right head space. I never thought I would say this but mindfulness is also self soothing for me. Well if it is done in a way I feel safe it is self soothing.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

 

 

Photo 1; Day 9: Pop of Color

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s Developing Your Eye assignment I knew exactly what I was going to take a picture of.

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The above picture above is a glowing Pillow pet. As you can tell its not glowing in the picture because I wanted to show you the face and the multi-color it has.

IMG_0266Now the picture above is in the dark with the stuffed animal glowing and how its a pop of color. Its a toy that wasn’t around when I was a kid but if as an adult I love it, I’m sure I would have loved it as a child. Stuffed animals bring the little kid out in me.

Photo 1; Day 8: Treasure

Good Afternoon, World!!! When I saw today’s topic of treasure I knew exactly what picture to post and why it’s a treasure to me.

IMG_0004The above picture is my beloved teddy bear fondly known as “Ted” or “Teddy” although he now sort of looks like a rat due to the nose. I’ve had Ted since I was born. So he is almost 39 years old. How many people do you know that have had the same stuffed animal for nearly 40 years? Not many. Ted is a treasure to me. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is my best friend.

Another Sleepless Night

Good Morning, World!!! I’m having another night with little to no sleep. Last night I finally got some sleep yet it seem that tonight I’m having trouble sleeping once again. Its just after three o’clock in morning my time and sleep haven’t been to sleep.

I’ve pretty much have been listening to music all night. It appears to be quite helpful for me at the moment. I’ve been listening to it as I’ve held my teddy bear and/or doing some art work.

Art wise I’ve been either coloring or collaging. I finished two coloring pages. I also have done six collages. So as for art I’ve been accomplished.

I’m going to go now. Thank you for reading. I’m going to try to get some sleep. Have a great work week. Good Night, World!!!

Ted, Through Thick & Thin

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Good Morning, World!!! I think it’s time that I introduce the world to my best friend; Ted. Ted is pictured above and YES, he is stuffed Teddy Bear. Ted is a 38 year old stuffed animal that I’ve had since the day I was born.

This means he has been with me in both the good and the bad times. He has seen me through the trauma’s I’ve experienced as well as witnessed the triumphs in my life. For me Ted has been there when no human has. So, I guess you can say Ted has been with me through thick and thin.

I bring up Ted because he is the one thing I do to self soothe. As I mentioned in a previous post (https://gertiesjourney.com/2017/09/05/poor-air-quality-therapy-challenging-day/) my therapist and I talked about self soothing and how I feel like I don’t deserve to self soothe. During the discussion about self soothing, I brought up Ted and how he is the one thing I self soothe with. According to my therapist, as I talked about Ted, my body language changed to “being relaxed and comfortable.” She also brought up the fact that it was the first time she had seen me smile when discussing a part of my childhood. I can’t deny the fact that when discussing Ted, I’m relaxed as well it is most likely the first time she had seen me smile while talking about my childhood since she has been my therapist for only five months.

I, of course avoid talking about me like the plague. In fact, I rather have the plague than discuss my childhood. My therapist picked up on this quite quickly am grateful for it. She just like Diana, doesn’t push to talk about things I’m not ready to discuss. She might ask me questions but she respects how much or how little I tell her, just like Diana did.

I miss Diana and hope that she is getting better however I am happy with my new therapist. In fact I think my new therapist is realizing how beneficial stuffed animals are for me regarding therapy just like did. The reason I think this is because she saw how “relaxed and comfortable” I was when I talked about Ted. I’m hoping that when I have my next session with my therapist that she will be okay with me bringing a stuffed animal to therapy as it helps me discuss painful memories of my childhood.

As, I finish up this blog post, I realize that I’m holding Ted as write. If I think back to the start of my blog, I’ve held Ted during most of my blog post. So, yes, Ted has been a part of most aspects of my life including blogging. I hope that everyone has a great day and Peace Out all.

Nightmare Leftovers

     Hey! I guess I can say it’s officially Friday since it is 1:34 in the morning (pacific time). Its been Friday for an hour and thirty four minutes now. I guess a Happy Friday is in order. Happy Friday, everyone!!!

     I have been up for about an hour and a half now due to a stupid ass nightmare. Thankfully, I’m at my boyfriends house and he is helping me through what I call the nightmare leftovers. Sometimes the nightmare leftovers are difficult to deal with. Depending on what type of nightmare I had, I can wake up in little girl mode. Most of the time when I am in little girl mode after a severe nightmare like tonight I don’t realize that I’m in it because the nightmare felt like the trauma was happening all over again. It can take quite awhile for me to get out of little girl mode. Tonight it only took an hour for me to out of little girl mode. According to my boyfriend, I was 9 year old Gertie for that hour. Apparently 9 year old Gertie thinks my boyfriend is a safe person and that is a good thing. My boyfriend is a safe person. I have stuffed animals at my boyfriends house to help me through rough moments even if the rough moments are not when I am in little girl mode. My therapist says that its a common thing for people to dissociate after a severe nightmare or PTSD symptom. The dissociation is getting less and less as well as farther apart as I continue to work through the pain of my past with my therapist. Well, I’ve gotten off track. Back to the nightmare leftovers. My boyfriend is a strong man (both emotionally and physically) and is able to handle the nightmare leftovers pretty well. When I become little Gertie my boyfriend gives me one of my stuffed animals to hold and puts on a Disney movie. I guess tonight 9 year old Gertie wanted to watch The Jungle Book so my boyfriend put it in for her to watch. When I get out of little girl mode I usually put on some music to help get grounded again. I put on Nirvana to help me get grounded and it helped me. See, another part of the nightmare leftovers is that it takes a while for me to recuperate from the nightmare especially if I was in little girl mode. The part that is most difficult for my boyfriend is when he wants to cuddle with me (when I am not in lil girl mode) to try to comfort me and I cant because its difficult for me to be touched. That part is difficult for me as well however its quite difficult for him and I wish I stand being touched after a nightmare. I am extremely grateful that my boyfriend is patient with me and whatever symptoms any of my mental heath diagnoses may bring. I just wish I had the patients with the symptoms that he has with them. Nightmare leftovers suck because being intimate with my boyfriend isn’t going to happen when we go back to bed. Cuddling maybe but not sex. I am getting really sleepy.

     I am thinking should get going so I could get some sleep. I might even have my boyfriend cuddle with me so I can feel a little bit safer. He always makes me feel safe. I should get going and try to get some sleep. Hopefully, I can get some sleep. I know my boyfriend will stay up with me if need be. It is now 2 o’clock in the morning and I really need sleep. Peace out!