The Words of A Child

Good Evening, World!!! So far today has been a quiet stay at home day. It has been a day that I have not done much but binge watch television with my cat, Billie Dean on my lap. The Seattle weather has been quite helpful in that as it has been the typical Seattle gloom.

I have spent most of the day with my cat Billie Dean in my lap. Billie sat in my lap as I watched The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. I really enjoy this show for several reasons and am thrilled that Billie spent most of that time in lap as I watched it.

After watching The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross as Billie was curled up in my lap I decided to get on social media. Specifically, I went on Facebook as it is the the only social media account I have under my given name. (I do have a Facebook account as well as a Twitter account under my pen name of Gertie. You can find me under Gerties Journey on both social media accounts.) Anyway, when I was on Facebook under my given name, a friend of mine in the peer counseling community posted a quote from one of her children came up of a quote that I feel is great. My friends, child’s name is Avenlea Margaret. (Yes, I was given permission to mention my friends daughter’s name on here by both my friend and their daughter.) Avenlea Margaret is a creative person which doesn’t surprise me that she came up with the quote she did.

Avenlea Margaret’s quote is: “There’s no such thing as ugly. There’s just different ways to be beautiful.” I personally love this quote as it is an honest quote that comes from the mouth of an innocent child. A child that sees there are different ways to be beautiful and different ways to see beauty. Avenlea Margaret is wise beyond her years and hope to read more quotes she says on her parents Facebook account. It is my hope with posting this that you are able to see that there is only beauty in this world and it just looks differently just like Avenlea stated.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of you Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

Yet, Another Lengthy Post

Hello, again, World!!! It has been a long day for me and I still have a great deal on my mind. Not sure why I have so much spinning in my little brain of mine. Some of the spinning in my head is a good thing while some of it is not a good thing.

Even though I got everything taken care of at the DSHS office I am still worried about money. Yes, I have set up payment plans for medical bills that aren’t covered by Medicare and/or charity care. Hopefully, once I meet my spend down for Medicaid, I can get that back. I know things will work out in its own time.

As for needing money, I have decided to keep up the advertisements up on my blog. Every time when an ad is clicked, I get a few cents. A few cents that will eventually go into a PayPal account once it reaches one hundred dollars. That is why I am asking you my reader to click on one ad a day because every view cents adds up.

Another thing I plan on doing is selling some of my paintings. I am painting enough of them that I think I could make some money. Not much money because my paintings are all the good but it will be an extra ten to twenty dollars in my pocket.

On a plus note I had a good day. I spent half the day being an adult and the other half being a child. Being a child for a  while today is something I needed to do. I have needed to do it for a long time. Being a child is a form of self care for me.

I had a blast swimming at my grandpa’s place today.  It is always nice spending time with my grandfather. I think he enjoys the fact that I have been spending so much time with him lately. I think spending time with each other helps the both of us.

I think I have said this before but I am extremely grateful for all of you in the blogging community. There is little to no drama. In fact I have not seen drama on any blogging community. I just want to thank you for letting me into your community despite the shit I write. Just know I am proud to be a member of the blogging community.

Thank you for reading my blog. It means a great deal to me. Have a great rest of your Monday. Or the last three hours of what is left of Monday. Again thank you for reading. Have a good nights sleep. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

How I became Gerties Motherly Figure

Gertie has an endearing way about them that has one’s heart accept them as who they are even at their most challenging times. On that note, I quickly realized what Gertie needed the most in their life was a motherly figure. A motherly figure so desperately needed when they were growing up and still craves as an adult even seventeen years later after I met them.

Gertie has the sweetest heart that has a hint of childlikeness to it. This most likely why they are so enduring. I chose to become their mother figure after we start becoming friends realizing that’s all they ever wanted in their life. I think with me stepping up to the mother figure role in Gerties role it helped them with continuing their recovery a process. A process that Gertie as worked long and hard for. Yes, they have had their ups and downs in recovery however with my help and the help of many others Gertie has thrived. Thrived in a way that a great deal of others never thought possible.

It is because of Gertie’s resiliency I have stuck by them and be a motherly figure to them. A figure that neither one of us expected would happen till it happened. A figure that both of us have cherished ever since.

Photo 1; Day 9: Pop of Color

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s Developing Your Eye assignment I knew exactly what I was going to take a picture of.

IMG_0267

The above picture above is a glowing Pillow pet. As you can tell its not glowing in the picture because I wanted to show you the face and the multi-color it has.

IMG_0266Now the picture above is in the dark with the stuffed animal glowing and how its a pop of color. Its a toy that wasn’t around when I was a kid but if as an adult I love it, I’m sure I would have loved it as a child. Stuffed animals bring the little kid out in me.

Hello, It’s Me Again; Mama Bear

Hello! I am the motherly figure in Gertie’s life that they fondly refer me as “Mama Bear.” I haven’t posted in quite sometime and was asked by Gertie to do a brief reintroduction of myself.

I have known Gertie for over 17 years and have seen her grow as person as well as in their recovery. Yes, Gertie has been struggling the last year however I still see them making strides as a person and in their recovery.

As Gertie stated in their post yesterday, they want Junior and myself to post every other week and alternate the weeks we post with the excepting of this week. From my understanding Junior will be posting tomorrow. My post will mainly consist of what its like to be a motherly figure to someone who has lived experience. That shouldn’t be too difficult for me to convey as I am a mother of four children and my two youngest deal with their own mental health struggles. In fact Gertie is a role model and example of what recovery looks like to all four of my children especially my two youngest.

Thank you for reading.

Go To Hell 2015

It is the last day of 2015. Actually there is four hours left of 2015 and have been wanting the year to be over with since Monday, January 12, 2015. 2015 has not been the best of years for me.

It hasn’t been the best of years for me for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is that I miscarried a set of twins on Monday, January 12, 2015. It was an extremely tough loss. In fact it still is. Loosing a child is the most difficult thing a person can experience. I say this because its true. It’s even more difficult than the on going abuse that I suffered as a child. Some people might disagree with the previous sentence and I am okay with that. I’m okay with people disagree with my sentence because they cant argue with my experience and how difficult it is for me because they haven’t lived my life.

As I look back on 2015, I realize it might have been one of the most difficult years I have lived but I have a great deal to be grateful for. I have a job that I love. I have people who love and care about me even if I feel like I do not deserve it. Most importantly, I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves me with all his heart. Having a supportive man like Junior in my life has been quite helpful with my recovery.

As I end my last post of 2015, I want to thank you for reading and/or following my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I wish each one of you a very Happy New Year and may 2016 bring you all that you desire and dream. Be safe out there as you bring in the New Year. Please don’t drink and drive. AND GO TO HELL 2015!!!!

 

Fearful of Forgetting My Babies

Good morning!!! It has been quite some time since I have blogged. I have been struggling a great deal with not only my depression but the grief and loss of the miscarriage I suffered at the beginning of this year. Unfortunately, the grief & loss triggered a major onset of my depression symptoms.

It is because my symptoms are getting worse and the sorrow of the miscarriage not lifting that my therapist and I are going to start working on grief. We are going to be reading the book On Grief & Grieving: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D & David Kessler. I am still hesitant. I am hesitant because I am afraid if work on my grief or accept that the miscarriage happen that I am going to forget my babies. I am hoping that the book that my therapist and I read and discuss on grief will help. I feel like I am all alone. After I read the book On Grief & Grieving  I am hoping that if it helps that I can find a book specific to grief on miscarriage. If any of you have suggestions it would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!! Peace Out!!