Tag Archives: PTSD

Just Another Post About Therapy

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I had therapy today and it was a virtual appointment as it has been for the last year due to me working. My next appointment will be an in person appointment which I am thrilled about. My therapist and I will attempt to make a more set schedule for in person appointments now that I am not currently working.

My therapist and I of course discussed being pregnant. We discussed how being pregnant most likely will trigger my PTSD due to having the OBGYN checking me down below the belt on the monthly basis while pregnant. We discussed the things I could do to help me if I get triggered by getting examined by the OBGYN.

We also discussed a hard traumatic event that happened to me when I was a child. My therapist validated this experience and reiterated that I am not the monster despite me feeling like a monster. My therapist is really awesome and I am grateful that she is a safe person to talk with and that she makes therapy a safe place.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Update on First OBGYN Appointment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I just wanted to inform you of what the OBGYN said yesterday in my first appointment with her. Junior did attend the appointment with me as he is the father. My OBGYN is as sweet as can be as well as very direct. She informed me of the risk to myself and the fetus due to being in my mid forties and that many people deliver “healthy babies” at my age.

My OBGYN discussed a lot of the risk of having a baby at my age but also stated she deals with high risk pregnancies. She also deals with many folks with an extensive trauma history like mine and understands fully how traumatic it can be having someone look below the belt several times during the nine months of pregnancy and during delivery. She was honest with me stating there is a high possibility of me having a c-section due to all the scarring down below the belt from the severe trauma I experienced throughout my life.

We also discussed a great deal about my mental health challenges and how I am at “greater risk” for postpartum depression. We talked about staying on most of my psych meds and continuing to seek treatment from my mental health treatment team. I let the OBGYN that I had no plans of stopping treatment with my mental health team and that I was glad to hear we were on the same page regarding meds. The only meds the OBGYN wants me to not take until I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner which are the Ativan and the Ambien. Both of these meds are PRN’s for me as well as controlled substances which can put the baby at greater harm. I am pretty sure my psychiatric nurse practitioner will agree with the OBGYN and myself regarding not taking the Ativan and Ambien as she is pretty knowledgeable with this kind of stuff.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Anxiety Over Tomorrow’s Doctor’s Appointment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am nervous as hell for tomorrow morning as I have my yearly annual wellness exam with my doctor tomorrow. I am scared due to trauma related issues that my doctor is quite aware of. I am also scared and full of anxiety due to the fact that my doctor will confirm something medically which is why I am having my partner Junior come with me. It is something he would like medically confirmed as well.

Anyway, I am sadly having intrusive thought ping ponging in my head at the moment and it is not a good thing which is partly why I am currently writing this blog post. Blogging tends to help with the ping ponging of my thoughts as well as help with anxiety I deal with. I am just happy that I have various skills in my tool box to help with the anxiety.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Coloring to Help the Inner Child Within

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time. I woke up from a nightmare about an hour ago and I feel like a scared little kid. A scared little kid that had to grow up fast in childhood. Since I am feeling like a scared little kid I have been coloring as I find it quite helpful to connect with my inner child that had to grow too fast. Coloring is also a mindfulness practice for me as it helps become grounded and present as well as to stay grounded and present in the moment.

I do not have much else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; What Are Your Biggest Challenges

Posted on by Gertie
Bloganuary writing prompt
What are your biggest challenges?
View all responses

I can spend all day listing my challenges as I have so many of them already however I am not going to do that. I will say that my biggest challenges are myself as well as PTSD and Depression.

I am one of my biggest challenges because I can get in the way of myself in many different ways and can prevent myself from accomplishing great things in my community. I get in the way of myself by a lot of negative self talk which isn’t good for anyone especially those like me who have a mental health diagnosis.

Speaking of mental health diagnoses, my own diagnoses are challenging. Some moments are more challenging than other moments. Knowing when certain times of the year are harder than other times of year can be quite helpful to make sure those moments don’t have to be as challenging.

Nightmares Sucks Sh!t; The Love of a Boyfriend & A Cat, Priceless

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time. I am unable to sleep due to severe PTSD symptoms. Nightmares accompanied with body memories is never a good thing and I am beyond grateful to have Junior staying with me at the moment. Part of the reason Junior spent the night is because we spent last evening watching movies and eating junk food. I am beyond grateful for the movie date at home after a challenging session with my therapist yesterday. The distraction was much needed as well as it was enjoyed by both myself and Junior as well as my cat, Billie. Billie loves the attention, Junior gives him. I really wish the PTSD symptoms were not so severe as they suck shit. Anyway, I am happy that Junior is here to help me through this tough PTSD moment.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Blustery Winter Post From Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is that time of year where you never know what the weather is going to be here in Seattle. Well, I am partly wrong on that as most of the time it is usually dark, dreary, damp, wet and rainy. On that note, there are the occasional wind storms and sometimes snow. According to the weather report there are supposed to be strong winds today. In fact the view from my window proves this to be true as the trees are moving due to wind.

Despite the current windy and wet weather, various news reports are reporting that Seattle is supposed to have snow at the end of the week. Seattle shuts down when it snows. Part of the reason is many folks in Seattle don’t really know how to deal with which includes me especially since I spent the first sixteen years of my life in Southern California. The other reason is the lack of things such as snow plows and the fact that Seattle is the second hilliest city in the United States. (The hilliest city in the United States is San Francisco.) Snow is pretty to look at but I am not a huge fan of it due to the fact that I do not like the cold.

Even though there is a threat of snow at the end of this week, I at least know that if it does that I will have therapy on Friday as my session is virtual due to the fact my therapist works from home on Fridays. My therapist and I are working on skills to help with the Depression and PTSD symptoms I deal with especially how intense the symptoms are this time of year. Winter is a really challenging time of year for me in regards to increased Depression and PTSD symptoms which is why my therapist and I work on skills to help me through tough moments.

I do not have much else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Managing Through a Tough Day

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been a rough day so far and it is not even twelve noon yet, here in Seattle. I think part of the reason why it has been a rough day is partly due to PTSD symptoms as well as depression symptoms. Both depression and PTSD symptoms suck but I think a factor of the depression symptoms is due to the current weather here in Seattle. It is currently cloudy with a great deal of rain. On that note at least it is not cold enough to snow as I am not a big fan of snow.

Since it hasn’t been the greatest weather outside, I have been doing some things to help myself through this tough day. I have been doing some mindfulness meditation practices as well as doing workbooks to focus on different aspects of my recovery. I have found that both the mindfulness meditation practices and doing workbooks have been quite helpful. Of course my cat, Billie, has been a major help.

Speaking of cats, I go back to volunteering at PAWS Cat City later today after taking some time off. I will be doing some sub shifts and hopefully, will be back on a regular shift soon. Volunteering with cats is awesome and I enjoy it immensely.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World. It is just after three o’clock in the morning, Seattle time and sadly, I am unable to sleep. I woke up to a nightmare. Nightmares suck sh!t and I wish I didn’t have to deal with them but sadly they are a major symptom of PTSD for me.

Since the nightmare was almost as horrific as the trauma I experienced as a child, I am pretty sure what I am going to do to get myself relaxed enough to hopefully get back to sleep. I think I will try to read first. I think I will start reading the book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. I have started this book a couple of times before but sadly never finished for various reasons.

If reading does not then, I will put on some music and do some artwork as I listen to the music. I am not sure what type of music I will listen to but I do know the type of artwork I will be doing. The type of artwork I will be doing is coloring. I enjoy coloring a great deal.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom for my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening here in Seattle and that means it is that time of the week where I give you my weekly check in. A check where I tell you what has happened for me during the past week. A week that doesn’t always as planned.

I started this week by attending an online twelve step meeting. A meeting that had a focus of step one and will continue to focus on step one for the next three to four weeks so folks can work on the step and not feel rushed doing it. I really connected with this group and let my sponsor know that. She will “attend” with me tomorrow as she has another sponsee that is doing step one plus my sponsor will be in attendance to support me.

Besides attending online twelve step meetings, I returned back to work. I am happy to be back to work despite having a corrective action plan (CAP) looming over my head. I also found out that I will be having my CAP meeting this Monday. I don’t think most of the CAP is fair but I will take responsibility for the parts that I know is fair like missing too many days even though I have medical reasons for missing too many days. As far as the adaptability part, I know I have issues with it however it is disability related and feel like I am in trouble due to my disability. I am also getting a CAP due to how my annual review went but that was done three and half months early which is why I am fighting the CAP. I don’t understand why I wasn’t informed sooner about what I need to work on.

I also had therapy this week. My therapist and I discussed many different things including work. We discussed coping skills around work as well as the mental health symptoms that I deal with on the daily basis. We talked about how attending twelve step meetings is “helpful” for me and my recovery. We also discussed how my symptoms are not as severe due to me doing daily mindfulness meditation practices at least twice daily. My therapist is awesome and I appreciate the fact that she not only points out what I need to work on but points out what I am doing well on.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!