Focusing On Things That Help

Good Evening, World. Since my last post I decided to work on one of my workbooks;  Pathways to Recovery. It is a strengths based workbook focusing on your recovery. I am now done with the first chapter.

I also have been reading Buddhist Scriptures. Reading about Buddhism is a form of mindfulness for me. It gives me hope and a sense of peace. Finding faith that potentially will help me with my recovery path is a huge deal.

As I am writing this post I am sipping on some tea and enjoying some scented candles. Doing things like lit candles and sipping tea is extremely soothing for me. Being able to soothing myself is a good thing. I feel like I don’t deserve to self soothe.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Blogging to Work Through Shit

Good Morning, World!!! I am struggling at the moment despite doing some self soothing. Don’t get me wrong the self soothing is helpful for me. Even though I feel like I don’t deserve to self soothe it’s helpful. Helpful to where I don’t currently don’t feel like a scared little kid.

Part of what helped me not feel like a scared little kid is by coloring. Coloring appears to be helpful to me as an adult as well as the scared little kid and angry teenager in me. It is so helpful to me that I recommend coloring to pretty much everybody.

One of the worst feelings in the world for me is feeling like the scared little kid or the angry teenager. This is why I personally need to be willing to practice mindfulness as well as self soothing. Mindfulness helps me to a degree with to not dissociate. When I dissociate I am most likely to become a scared little kid or angry teenager.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

Self Soothing Due to Early Awaking

Good Morning, World!!! It is three o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. Unfortunately, I am wide awake. On the plus side I did get some sleep. Not as much sleep as I personally, would like but I did get some sleep.

As difficult as not being able to sleep right is, I am needing to self soothe as part of my self care plan. So, I put on one of my favorite hooded sweatshirts on. In fact the sweatshirt is of my favorite baseball team the Angels. In fact the Angels are currently in the lead for the American League West.

Besides wearing my Angels hoodie I am holding my teddy bear. A teddy bear I have had since I was born. It was given to me by my uncle. My teddy bear not only self soothes me but gives me some sort of safety. Safety from what? Who knows but I’ll take it.

After I am done blogging, I am going to do a mindfulness exercise practice. Mindfulness appears to put me in the right head space. I never thought I would say this but mindfulness is also self soothing for me. Well if it is done in a way I feel safe it is self soothing.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

 

 

Feeling Better

Good Evening, World!!! Today, I have been dealing with a lot of depression. I realized this about an hour and a half ago. I realized why my depression was acting up a little today. I had forgotten to do my meditation and mindfulness practice this morning. So, I did my practice and now I feel better. Today’s topic was love and kindness and how it is okay to self soothe. Meditation and mindfulness self soothes me and is a self care act for me.

After I did my meditation and mindfulness, I watched a few episodes of M*A*S*H. It made me laugh so I hard, I almost peed my pants. Humor helps me a great deal. M*A*S*H reminds me of my childhood when I would watch it with my dad.

It is time to get back to watching M*A*S*H. Have a great evening everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Ted, Through Thick & Thin

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Good Morning, World!!! I think it’s time that I introduce the world to my best friend; Ted. Ted is pictured above and YES, he is stuffed Teddy Bear. Ted is a 38 year old stuffed animal that I’ve had since the day I was born.

This means he has been with me in both the good and the bad times. He has seen me through the trauma’s I’ve experienced as well as witnessed the triumphs in my life. For me Ted has been there when no human has. So, I guess you can say Ted has been with me through thick and thin.

I bring up Ted because he is the one thing I do to self soothe. As I mentioned in a previous post (https://gertiesjourney.com/2017/09/05/poor-air-quality-therapy-challenging-day/) my therapist and I talked about self soothing and how I feel like I don’t deserve to self soothe. During the discussion about self soothing, I brought up Ted and how he is the one thing I self soothe with. According to my therapist, as I talked about Ted, my body language changed to “being relaxed and comfortable.” She also brought up the fact that it was the first time she had seen me smile when discussing a part of my childhood. I can’t deny the fact that when discussing Ted, I’m relaxed as well it is most likely the first time she had seen me smile while talking about my childhood since she has been my therapist for only five months.

I, of course avoid talking about me like the plague. In fact, I rather have the plague than discuss my childhood. My therapist picked up on this quite quickly am grateful for it. She just like Diana, doesn’t push to talk about things I’m not ready to discuss. She might ask me questions but she respects how much or how little I tell her, just like Diana did.

I miss Diana and hope that she is getting better however I am happy with my new therapist. In fact I think my new therapist is realizing how beneficial stuffed animals are for me regarding therapy just like did. The reason I think this is because she saw how “relaxed and comfortable” I was when I talked about Ted. I’m hoping that when I have my next session with my therapist that she will be okay with me bringing a stuffed animal to therapy as it helps me discuss painful memories of my childhood.

As, I finish up this blog post, I realize that I’m holding Ted as write. If I think back to the start of my blog, I’ve held Ted during most of my blog post. So, yes, Ted has been a part of most aspects of my life including blogging. I hope that everyone has a great day and Peace Out all.