Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s that time of the week where I check-in with you, my reader. As some of you may know, this past week has been dragging on for me. As you may not know its been a week of high anxiety for me. Anxiety that is most likely due to the recent trauma I experienced.

Anxiety that was extremely high at times this week yet lessened by the things I did. One of the things I did throughout this week was art. I did a lot of art. The type of art I did this week was coloring and collaging. In fact I made an effort to do some art everyday this week as I missed attending Art Group on Monday. I really dislike when I miss any group and I feel like I need to figure out a way to attend Art Group every week or at least on a more regular basis. This is something to discuss with my therapist about.

Speaking of my therapist, I saw her this past week. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I was full of anxiety in during my session with my therapist. Anxiety that was (and is) trauma related. In fact the trauma is what was being discussed or at least how the recent trauma is affecting my life. Therapy is never easy and am grateful to be able to be in it as it’s helped me become a better person. A person in recovery.

A person in recovery that is now not a hundred percent afraid to discuss sexuality. In fact I am now attending a Healthy Sexuality Group. My case manager is one of the co-facilitators of the group. As difficult as the topic of sexuality is for me because of my trauma history, I am glad I’m in place where I able to discuss it. Not just in group but with my partner and close friends.

Since we are on the topic of groups, I also attended Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group. As usual attending DBT group was quite helpful. It was helpful as it normally is. Yes, practicing the skills are difficult yet most of them have become second nature to me. Fortunately yet unfortunately, I have extra homework to do for DBT group. I have extra homework regarding self-validation because of the difficulties I have with validating myself. My therapist is in agreement with this. I may not want to do the homework for DBT group and/or my therapist regarding the self-validation, I realize it’s going to be helpful for me in in the long run.

Another thing that will be helpful for me is something regarding my blog. That is to start getting back in the regular habit blogging. Getting back in the habit of blogging will help me get back the structure I desperately need at the moment. The other reason why I’m attempting to get back in the habit of blogging is to keep you the reader interested in following my blog. One way of getting back in habit of blogging is something I started this week. That thing is I started a course that WordPress puts on for free. The course I am taking is Finding Everyday Inspiration. In fact my last three post were part of the course I am taking.

Before I end this post, I want to update you on my friend who was a victim in the Las Vegas shooting. They are still in critical condition but slowly improving. They are now breathing on their on. Something that myself and many others are thrilled about.

As, I end this post I want to thank you for reading my blog. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out!!!

 

Everyday Inspiration; Day 3: One-Word Inspiration; Choice(s)

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Today’s “assignment” for the Finding Everyday Inspiration course through WordPress is one word inspiration. I was given a choice of six words. One of the words I had to choose from is the word, choice. I chose the word choice because it was one of two words that stuck out to me from the six I had to choose from. Since, I’ve written a little about the other word that stuck out to me, I thought I would write about the word choice.

In fact if I really look at it, no matter what word, I would have chosen, I would ultimately be writing about the choice even the word was never brought up in the post. Life is nothing but series of choices. The choices we make throughout our lives has an effect on other peoples lives. Just like the choices of others have an effect on our lives. Whether we want to admit it or not, what we choose will not just effect you but effect others.

When I look back on my life, I realize the choice’s I’ve made may not have been the wisest of choices, I learned from them. I learned from the bad choice’s in my life to better myself. Yes, some of the not so good choices I made were because the symptoms of the mental health diagnosis were acting up, I still had (and have) the ability to make the choice to do what is right. The choices I’ve made even when I’m not doing well have shaped who I am today.

It shaped me into being a person who made a choice to be in recovery. A choice that nobody could make for me. A choice that was and is the best decision of my life.

Not all choices we make are bad. Some are good. Whether or not we our decisions are good or bad, the one thing I would like you to come out of this post is that the choices we make, just doesn’t effect us, it also effects others.

On that note, I will end this post. As, I end this blogs post I hope that you the reader of this blog that every choice you make, whether you like it or not will effect others. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List; Things I’ve Learned (& Why)

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  1. To play a musical instrument. – When I was in sixth grade I started playing the flute because my best friend started playing it. I stuck with it and played through to my senior year of high school. I was in the junior high and high school band. Being in band is what kept me from dropping out of high school. In fact I am teaching myself to play the harmonica and the recorder.
  2. To have sense of humor. – I learned to have a sense of humor about myself and the world as whole from my dad. My dad told me that the world can be a harsh place and without a sense of humor life would be a lot more difficult. Having a sense of humor has helped make life a lot easier to deal with.
  3. Recovery. – I learned about being in recovery from a number of individuals in my life. One person who gets more credit teaching me about recovery than others is my dad. If it wasn’t for his example of what recovery looks like, I don’t think I would have listened to or looked to the other individuals about recovery. If it wasn’t for being in recovery, I would be completely miserable. Being miserable twenty four hours a day, seven days a week isn’t a way to live life. A part of recovery I learned is that it is non-linear.
  4. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills. – I learned DBT skills as part of my recovery process. I personally think DBT is what saved my life. Without learning these skills, I wouldn’t be in active recovery today.
  5. Meditation & Mindfulness. – I learned about meditation and mindfulness through my friends and DBT. I learned about them to help me be more aware of the present. Being aware of the present is what helps me be more effective in everyday life.
  6. Hope. – Hope is something I learned about throughout my life. In fact the above mentioned items in this list are not only some of the ways I learned about hope but things that help me continue to have hope. Without hope I wouldn’t be in recovery.

I want to thank you for reading. I hope you learned a little something more about me. As you can tell my recovery is highly important to me. Have good day. Happy Friday!!! Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 1: I Write Because…

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I write because it can be of help to others. Or at least that is why I write in regards to my blog. In fact, I started my blog for two reasons.

One those reasons are to help educate those who don’t have mental health diagnosis that people such as myself who do have one can live a full and productive life as well be productive members of society. I do this in hopes to lessen the stigma that goes with having a mental health diagnosis. Many folks out there in our world don’t realize that those of us who struggle with a mental health condition are fully functioning people.

The second reason I write in regards to my blog is to give hope to others who may be struggling with the symptoms of their mental health condition. Hope is key to a persons recovery for any illness especially in regards to dealing with a mental illness. Having a mental health diagnosis and discussing it is difficult to do because of the stigma that goes with it. I’m writing to give hope to others.

A third and very unexpected reason why I write in regards to my blog is that I have found it quite helpful for my own mental health. Surprisingly, it’s helped with my recovery. Granted my recovery is a little shaky as of lately but blogging has been helpful.

When I’m not writing in regards to my blog, I write to be creative. In fact I love to write poetry and short stories. I’ve shared a few of my poems when I’ve taken the Intro to Poetry course that WordPress offers. After, this course (Everyday Inspiration) I plan on retaking the Intro to Poetry course once again. Being creative through writing is quite helpful to many individuals.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out!!!

My Plans Regarding Blogging

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Hello, World!!! As I mentioned in my post at two something this morning, I’ve decided to take the Everyday Inspiration course that WordPress puts on. It is my hope that with me doing this course is that I can become more in the habit of blogging on the regular basis.

On that note, I hope to get both my partner, Junior, and my friend who is motherly figure to me, Mama Bear, to blog at least once month. It was my hope last year that they would do this but life can get busy. I’ve discussed this with them, once again and both are willing to do it. So, it is my hope that once I get into more of habit of blogging that they will blog at on the monthly basis and if they desire more.

In fact as I sit here on the couch blogging, Junior is sitting next to me watching me blog. He is reading of my shoulder to see what I am blogging about. Oh how I love, Junior. Junior the love of my life and soulmate. I am grateful to have such a supportive person in my life that loves me no matter how difficult things get for me regarding my mental health.

Since, I am on the topic of Junior, I think I will end this post for now. I want to spend some much need quality time with him. I’m needing to discuss a thing or two with him. No, he is not in trouble. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace out, world!!!

Having A Rough Night

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Good Morning, World!!! It’s almost two o’clock in the morning in my neck of the woods and am having a rough night. Right now, I’m by myself as Junior is working his shift. I’m okay with that. It’s just difficult because I’m having a rough night. There is only so much art work you can do in a given day. In fact I’ve been doing some form of art since my last post, yesterday evening. Yes, I have attempted to sleep however it’s been difficult to do so which is why I’ve been doing art work most of the night.

As much as I love being able to do art, however it was starting to get difficult to be creative with it. That’s when I decided to make a decision to blog which led me to make yet another decision to what free course I’m going to take through WordPress. I decided I’m going take the Everyday Inspiration course. I’ll either begin the course later on today or sometime tomorrow as I don’t want to overload you with too many post. After the Everyday Inspiration course, I plan on taking the Intro to Poetry course. I’m planning to doing this way as the Everyday Inspiration course is twenty days and the Intro to Poetry course is ten days. That equals to thirty days and I heard that it takes thirty days to create a habit.

Blogging isn’t the only habit I attempting to do. The other habit is doing some form of mindfulness and meditation everyday. So far it’s helping with my anxiety and PTSD. I’m hoping to tell you more about this at a later time.

I’m saying a later time because it’s now 2:09 in the morning and even though I’m having a rough night I want attempt to sleep. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace out, world!!!

Ramblings About Therapy & Other Things

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Hello, World!!! As I sit here on my couch with my laptop on my lap I can’t help but think how this week is dragging on. I’m not sure why this week seems so slow but it does.

Despite it being a slow week, thus far, I still went to my appointment to see my therapist. Todays session was not an easy one as we discussed what happened to me two weeks ago. I was noticeably “high anxiety” according to my therapist which is something I can’t deny or argue with her over. We discussed a little about what happened. We mainly talked about how it’s effecting my life at the moment. My therapist saw me react to a flashback for the first time even though I’m 99.5% sure she was (and is) unaware of it. I’m not sure what she was thinking because I’m unable to read minds however I’m sure she thought I was reacting to something by showing some anger by punching the pillow. She noticed me with my slight “anger” with hitting the pillow and she stated “Let’s take three deep breaths” which we both did. The thing that shocks me is I didn’t react the way I typically do when someone says “deep breath(e).” Yes, I did have a flashback and body memory however I just flowed with the flow. Taking nice good breaths helped a great deal. We continued with the rest of our session. We ended the session with me not holding the pillow and my therapist having me take “a few deep breaths.” Yes, this triggered me however, once again, I went with the flow.

I owe me not reacting to my therapist telling me to “take a deep breath” to the Calm app and it’s meditation. The lady that does the meditation practice’s I’ve done thus far says “take a deep breath.”  I feel this has been a type of exposure therapy for me. It’s something, I think I need to bring this up to my therapist as it’s a big deal for me and my recovery.

Now that we are on the topic of this particular app. I used it on my way home from therapy to help me get in a better head space. It helped a lot more than I thought it would. I am grateful to the person who informed me about the Calm app.

On that note, I’ll end this post for now. I realize that I need to attempt to eat something even if nothing sounds appetizing. I hope everyone has good rest of the evening. Peace Out!!!

Figuring Out Ways To Get Back Into The Habit

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Good Evening, World!!! I realize with the topic I’m about discuss, I’ve blogged about many times. I know I’m not a mind reader however I’m fully aware that many of you may not want to read this post due to the topic however I hope that you will read it.

If you have followed my blog and have been reading for a while you know that I’ve attempted on many occasions to do is blog on the more regular basis. You may also know that I’ve attempted on several occasions to start and complete free courses that WordPress does regarding blogging. I have completed some of the courses a couple years back however when I’ve restarted them to get back in the habit of blogging, I’ve not completed them. I have a lot of excuses on why I haven’t completed them in my most recent attempts to do so.

With my most recent attempts to complete the Intro To Poetry course, I’m not sure why I didn’t complete it because I’ve completed the course before and loved. Another course I loved and have only done once and completed; I’ve thought about retaking that course again. That course is Finding your everyday inspiration. So, I guess at this point in time I’m trying to figure out ways to start blogging on the more regular basis.

There are various reasons why I want to blog more regularly. One reason is to keep you my reader from loosing interested in my blog. As much as I want to blog more regularly, I also realize that if I blog to much like multiple times a day on the daily basis that I could loose you the readers interest as well.  The second reason why I want to blog more regularly is help others with their recovery as well as to help destigmatize mental illness. The third reason is that it helps me with my own mental health.

I guess, what I am saying is that I’m trying to figure out ways to blog more regularly and am debating with myself if starting a WordPress blogging course will help me with that. I know it did when I took them a few years ago. Realistically, I know I’m going to start one of WordPress’s courses, I just don’t know which one yet. I also fear that I won’t complete whichever course I take however I will deal with it, if that day comes. So, I will be taking one of WordPress’s course, I just not sure which one yet.

Anyway, you all get it. You all are probably rolling your eyes with this attempt to start blogging on the more regular basis. You’ve heard me say it before. I wont make promise’s that I know I won’t be able to keep or can not keep for whatever reason. I will attempt to blog more regularly yet I won’t promise that I will do so as I know its a promise I can not keep.

As I end this post, I want to let you know that I will inform you in a later post on what WordPress course I have decided to take. It will either be Finding Everyday Inspiration or Intro to Poetry. I hope that everyone has good even and a good rest of the week. Peace Out!!!

Tragedy In Vegas Hits Close To Home

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Hello, World!!! If you live in the United States, you most likely heard about the shooting in Las Vegas. Sadly, this shooting hits closer to home to me than I would like to admit.

A friend of mine was at the concert when the shooting happened. Unfortunately, she is one of the victims. She is critically injured and the information I have is limited due to the on going investigation.

As my heart goes out to my friend and everyone else who was in attendance of the concert I can’t help but think about the need for better gun control here in the United States. Yes, I realize that we have the second amendment right to bare arms however all this gun violence has to stop. I also realize that no matter what the laws state that people will find a way to get guns.

In the case of the Vegas shooting it’s too soon to know if the shooter legally attained the guns he had on his person or place of residence. Whether or not the shooter attained the guns legally we need to focus on better laws. Laws that will be tough to make due to the politics involved with guns and our second amendment rights.

As we may have the right to bare arms, I cant help but to think about my friend and her rights. What about her right to live? What about her right to not be shot at when attending a concert to celebrate her recovery? What about her rights to be safe? Why can’t people think about the rights of the victims and survivors?

As I end this post, all I ask is that if you leave a comment that you be respectful of what you say. I have my blog set up to where I approve or not approve people’s comments and will not hesitate to not approve someone’s comments. Please keep my friend, her family and everyone else who attended the concert as well their families in your thoughts. I hope everyone has a good day. Don’t forget to tell the people you care about that you love them and how much they mean to you because you never know if its going to be the last time you will be able to tell them so. Have a good day and week. Peace Out!!!

Weekly Check-In

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Good Afternoon, World!!! It has been a while since I last did a weekly check-in and have been encouraged to “make more of an effort to blog on the regular basis.” I agree with the multiple individuals who have pointed this out to me. The one way I can “blog on the more regular basis” is by doing the weekly check-ins.

In fact one of the individual’s that have encouraged me to start “blogging more” is my case manager. I saw her this past Monday (September 25th) for our regularly scheduled appointment. My case manager checked-in with me about what happened to me and am greatly appreciative for it. We spent most of our half hour session discussing ways to use my skills to help me through the not so good moments. One of those skills is blogging and that how the topic came up. We also discussed me doing some art work after I showed my case manager some of the art the I did in art group before our session. We also discussed how I can use other skills that I have in my tool box which I will bring up one that I’m surprisingly enjoying later on in this post. Before the session ended my case manager wanted to make sure I was going to attend my doctors appointment the next day (Tuesday). I reassured I would.

In fact as mentioned in my previous post, I did go to my doctors appointment. My doctor and I discussed how I was doing as well as checking in with me regarding my mental health. She is “concerned” that I’m “not receiving the proper mental health” that I need. I reassured my doctor that I am. I informed her that I am not only receiving both therapy and case management services but attending three groups. She inquired more about the groups and I happily obliged. My doctor appeared to be content with all this at least for a moment.

Since I’m on the topic of groups, I attended all three groups this past week. The first group I went to is held on Monday’s and is an Art group. I love attending the Art Group however I don’t attend every Monday but I did this past Monday. I highly enjoy attending it and both my case manager and doctor would like me “attending every week because being creative appears to be of help” to me. I can’t argue with that.

The second group I am attending is on Thursdays and about Sexual Health and Relationships. Primarily it’s about sexual health. In fact my case manager co-facilitates this group.  I’m not quite sure about this group yet because of what happened. I’ve only attended once and it has only been a group in existence for two weeks. My case manager recommended this group to me before I got sexually assaulted. I’m toying with the fact if its a good idea to continue with this group however it’s something to discuss with my therapist as well continue discussing with my case manager.

A group that needs no discussing for me to continue for me to attend is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) on Fridays. In fact attendance is a requirement of DBT and is one that has a waitlist to for is which why once I finally got into it, I make it a priority to attend DBT. I did attend yesterday. In fact I admitted to group and will admit to you that I was willful with not doing part of my homework. In fact I don’t want to do part of my homework that is due next Friday. I will however do the homework as I know it will ultimately help me. Validating others is easy. Self validation is not so easy and it’s something that would hopefully help me. In fact I am pretty sure self validation will be helpful.

Another thing that is helpful and a major part of DBT is mindfulness. In fact I mentioned earlier in this blog post that I would bring up a skill that I have found surprisingly enjoyable which is mindfulness and meditation. In fact a fellow peer (specialist) suggested an app that I have found quite helpful and is how I found out that mindfulness and mediation is enjoyable. The app is called Calm and I highly recommend using it if you have a smart phone. I have found it quite helpful. The longest stretch I’ve used the app is seven days in a row. Unfortunately, that stretch ended when I was assaulted. That’s why my case manager encouraged me to start using it again since I have found the app helpful and enjoyable. In fact she informed me that she will let my therapist know about the app. In fact I have a two day stretch as of today. Hopefully by the time I see my therapist it will be a five day stretch. I’m hoping that I can make mindfulness and meditation a daily habit.

Speaking of habits, I need to make blogging a habit. Which is why I am planning on making an effort to put it into my schedule to blog. That’s why I want to make I at least do my weekly check-in post.

As I end this post I want to thank you for reading. I hope that everyone has a great day and Peace Out!!!