A Year of Change

Good Evening, World!!! It has been two weeks and three days since 2018 started and have decided that this year will be a year of change. A year of positive change. In fact in October of this year (2018) it will mark fifteen(15) years since I made an active choice and decision with being in recovery. Yes, fifteen years. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that I chose to be in active recovery back in 2003.

As I look back at 2003, I wasn’t where I wanted to be at in my life when I was 24 years old and am finding myself in a similar spot at almost 39 years old. The difference between now and then is that I have the skills and insight to know what to do to help and advocate for myself. Knowing how to help and advocate for myself is why I am making the decision to make this yet another year of change.

As many of you know, 2017 was not the easiest of years for me which is why I am wanting to make an active choice and decision to make an effort in my life regarding my recovery. I am making this year, a year of change in the positive direction with my recovery. I am planning on doing this in various ways which I plan to tell you how I’m going to this.

Many people have various ways on they get help for their mental health. Without sounding redundant, I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing with going to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner, (temporary) therapist, case manager and attending groups. On that note, I’m going to add on somethings that will be yet a year of positive change for me. Some of what I’m going to mention are things others around the world have done to better themselves and their mental health.

One of the various ways I’m going to do to make this year a year of change is to set out a time to do mindfulness and/or meditation. I am doing this because I have found it quite helpful in the past as well as in the present. It helps me refocus what needs to be done when I’m dealing with an anxiety attack as well as help me focus on the day to come.

Another way I’m going to make this a year of change is to journal. I’ll continue to free write journal however I’ve decided I’ll do guided journaling. It is my hope that the guide journaling will help me remain positive or get me in a positive mindset. Yes, I know being positive or in a positive mindset isn’t going to happen every moment of everyday however I don’t want to be the one who bring negativity into this world.

The last thing I’m going to be doing to help myself make it a year of change is something many around the world have done. That something is doing self-help workbooks. Yes, I know that sounds corny and maybe even superficial however if it is something that has helped me in the past then it can’t hurt to try again.

In fact I ordered some self-help workbooks and a guided journal from Amazon and received most of the items I ordered today. I plan on starting on of the workbooks as well as the guided journal this evening.

Before starting on a working book and the guided journal, I need to make dinner and eat. I also need to do laundry however I can do laundry and workbook and/or guided journal at the same time.I hope that you found that me making an active change in my recovery refreshing from many of my past post over the last year. It is my hope to tell you more about the guided journaling and workbooks I am doing as I am doing them. Have a great evening, everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

2018; People Have Been Waiting For You

Happy New Year, World!!! 2018; You’re finally here and people have been waiting for you. 2018, people have been waiting for you because 2017 wasn’t the best of years for many of us; myself included.

As many of you know, 2017 wasn’t the best of years for me. It was a year of trials for me. I am attempting to look back at 2017 to look at any successes or triumphs I may have had and unable to find any. As much as I wish I had some sort of success or triumph in 2017, I realize that 2018 is a New Year.

A New Year to focus on what I need to do to continue on my road to recovery as well as to have the success and accomplishments I so desire to have. That’s why my goals for 2018 are simple or at least simple sounding. My goals sound simple in theory but in reality not so simple to do.

My goals for 2018 are as follows:

-Do a meditation or mindfulness exercise daily. (Preferably in the morning.)

-Do guided journaling daily. (This is on top of the free write journaling I do. The guided journaling is to help me focus on what is challenging me at the moment.)

-Do self-help workbooks. (This is to help me with my recovery and not take the place of what my mental health treatment teams helps me with.)

-Read books that are related to the mental health field. (This is to help me keep up to date on the field I choose to work in. I of course will still read books for fun.)

I do have other goals for 2018 but the above goals are the ones that I feel like that will help me the most to have a more successful and accomplished year than last year. I will have the help of my mental health treatment team as well as my friends with my 2018 goals.

Thank you for reading. As we begin 2018 I hope that this is a year that we are able to have a year of improvement and accomplishments we all can be proud of. I hope you continue to read and follow my blog. Happy New Years. Peace Out, World!!!

Go To Hell 2017

Hello, World!!! In ten hours it will be 2018. All I can say is that 2017 hasn’t been the easiest of years for me. A year that I’ve experienced great pain and not one success that I can think of.

If I look back on 2017 it was the year of hell for me. I resigned from a job I loved and worked my ass off to get due to the severity of the symptoms of my mental health challenges. A job that I wish I didn’t resign from but realize that I can’t help others if I’m not doing well myself. How can I help people with their recovery if my recovery is a bit shaky.

As shaky as my recovery is and not having a job in the career I love, I’ve realized that art has played a major part of my life this past year. Specifically, painting. Painting has helped me through some of the more difficult moments I experienced this year.

Another thing that has helped me through the hell 2017 brought me was writing. Writing in various ways. Weather it was writing in my journal or a poem or even blogging. Writing helps me express myself.

In fact both art and writing have helped me express myself with how my emotions are. Music has helped me expressed my emotions as well. It appears that the creativity that art, music and writing brings to me has helped me through the hell that 2017 has brought.

As 2017 comes to an end like this post is coming to an end, I would like to tell 2017 something: GO TO HELL 2017!!! As this year ends I hope that everyone has a better 2018 than they had in 2017. Peace Out, World. See, you in the New Year!!!

 

Weekly Check-In

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s hard to believe that as I sit here typing this post that this is going to be my last weekly check-in of the year. 2017 has not been the best of years for me and many other people I know.

Enough about how horrible 2017 has been because this is a weekly check-in and not a yearly check-in. As many of you are well Christmas was this past Monday. Christmas wasn’t the best I’ve had. I celebrated Christmas with my dads side of the family on Christmas Eve like I do every year. It went well even though it’s most likely going to be my grandma’s last Christmas due to Parkinson’s related issues.

Now on to the not so good part of Christmas. Junior and I went to my mom’s place to celebrate with her, my brother and uncle on Christmas. As always Junior and I stayed in a hotel due to the drama my mom caused due to her having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). On top of my mom having BPD she has other mental health challenges as well as a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). My mom is actively using heroin. Unfortunately, she overdosed on Christmas Day and I had to administer Naloxone (aka Narcan).  Administering Naloxone (Narcan) isn’t something anyone wants to do much less having to make sure they have it handy at family events. Other than my mom overdosing on Heroin, time with my brother and uncle went great.

After spending time with my moms side of the family, Junior and I state a few more days to hang out with some friends. We had some great fun with our friends as well as great food. Food that we were able to come home with and eat at later time. Leftovers are always yummy.

This year I received some great gifts. I received a handful of books as well as gift cards to bookstores. I also received a lot of art supplies which I am thrilled about. I am excited to be able to read and do some art.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading. I hope to post at least one last post of 2017 at some point tomorrow, the last day of the year. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

New Years Eve 2016

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize it is now 2017 in most of the world. Well, in my neck of the woods, it is still 2016.

As 2016 comes to an end, I am not sure what to think of how this year was. It has been a year of both trials and triumphs. Some of my trials have been quite sad as my triumphs have been quite joyous.

Lets start off with the trials, I have dealt with this year. At the start of 2016 I was dealing with the one year anniversary of my the loss of my second set of twins due to a miscarriage. Dealing with the grief of loosing a second miscarriage has been quite difficult and as any parent knows loosing a child is the most difficult thing a person can deal with. Little did I know at the beginning of the year an on how much grief and loss I would be dealing with. In October I lost three clients and a colleague which hit me quite hard. It hit me hard because the deaths happened within a month of the third anniversary of the loss of my first set of twins due to miscarriage. Due to the grief I was dealing I ended up in crisis mode and landed in the hospital for psych reasons. Shortly after I got out of the hospital I found out that my therapist of eight years, Diana, was in the hospital with the dreaded diagnosis of cancer and won’t be coming back. Yes, that means I will be getting a new therapist and will talk about her at a later date.

Now on my triumphs of 2016, which I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Diana’s help with my recovery. I finally got a job as Peer Specialist and a plus is that it being a fulltime position. If it weren’t for all the help Diana gave me I wouldn’t be working as a Peer much less working fulltime. As much as I struggled this year with grief, work fulltime as Peer is well worth it. I hope that with me continuing being employed as a Peer gives Diana some encouragement that she played a major role in my current position.

I know realistically, Diana is probably not reading this as she is dealing with a cancer diagnosis and getting treatment for it as well as raising a family, I want to thank her for everything she has done for me. Diana, if you are reading, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for helping me with my recovery. Just know a lot of people who are in my corner know how much you have helped me with my recovery and are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. I hope someday you can be my therapist again.

There is roughly twenty-five minutes left of 2016. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year. Have a good New Year and hope to see you in the New Year.