Welcome To 2019

Happy New Years, World!!! It is hard to believe that it is 2019 in most of the world including my neck of the woods. I spent the New Years looking out my window toward the Space Needle as fireworks shot off of it. I don’t live near the Space Needle but I am still able to see it from my apartment. My cat didn’t freak out as much as she did when the Fourth of July fireworks went off over Lake Union and no I don’t live near Lake Union either but can still see it from my apartment. Anyway, I brought in the New Year with Lil Gertie and am grateful that I was able to bring it in with her.

Since I am talking about my cat, Lil Gertie, I can’t help but wonder where she was and what she was doing last year at this time. I try not to think about it very much but I hope she was happy and safe. I just hope that she is happy living with as this year starts. I know I am happy to have her.

It is hard to believe that last year at this time, I had absolutely NO hope at all. Having no hope left me extremely suicidal to where I ended up in the psych ward on the second day of the year. Now, I can say that this year I have no hope and that I won’t end up in the psych ward on the second day of the New Year. So, this year as started so much better than last year. I am so grateful that I am so much more hopeful this year than I was last year.

So, I as I sit here blogging, I am drinking some sparking apple cider thinking about the triumphs and trials of last year and what this year is going to bring. I know that when Valentines Day comes around this year that it will be difficult as it will mark the one year anniversary of my grandma’s passing away. Yes, it will be hard but I know that a few weeks later I will be celebrating my 40th birthday. Something I didn’t think will happen because I thought that I would have died by suicide. But thankfully, I am going to make it to my 40th birthday. So yes, I know I will have tough moments but I will also have some awesome moments as well.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I just want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You are all awesome. I hope all  of you continue to read my blog well into the New Year. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has has an awesome New Year and that 2019 brings you some joy as well as some hope. I also hope this you brings you what you want and what you need. Happy New Years, World!!!

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Randomness of 2018

Good Morning, World!!! It is hard to believe that last year at this time I was wish 2017 to go to hell and had absolutely no hope coming into 2018. This year I am not wish the year to go to hell even though it was difficult and I have hope going into 2019. As bad as 2017 going into this year (2018) was, I am grateful that 2018 going into 2019 is on a more positive note and that I have had a great deal of growth this year.

Growth that I really wasn’t expecting but wanting so badly. Growth that has helped given me a sense of hope and purpose. Purpose that has once again given me the reason to continue to live. And having a reason to live is what helps a persons recovery with a mental health challenge. I am beyond grateful for my growth in 2018.

2018 may have not begun well for me but I am grateful for it ending on a better note than it started. In fact it didn’t start well for many people and sadly is not ending very well for people. Granted 2018 isn’t ending as well for as other years but it is ending better than it started and that is all one can ask for.

I am really not sure how I will bring in 2019 but most likely will be spending it at home with my cat or with neighbors. Neighbors that have been there for me this year. Through the good, the bad and the (very) ugly. People who helped make 2018 end on a better note.

I don’t have much more to post about as it appears to me that I am rambling on about a bunch of randomness. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I also want to wish you all a Happy New Years. I hope 2019 is a good year for all of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Thinking About New Years Goals

Good Evening, World!!! It is the last Friday of the year and it is hard to believe that 2018 is pretty much over especially since it has been a pretty tough year for me. Yes, things have improved a great deal for me this year however I am grateful beyond my wildest dreams that it is ending better than it started. Anyway, since it is that time of year where many people start thinking about New Years resolutions, I start thinking about New Years goals. Yes, I realize they are the same thing however I tend to accomplish my goals and not the resolutions. Not sure why but I think it is all about the wording and people expect you to not follow through with resolutions but people do expect to follow through with goals.

As I think about what I want to accomplish during 2019 or at least start to accomplish, I am having a tough time figuring out what I want my goals to be. I want and need them to realistic. I know I want to accomplish goals in regards to both my physical and mental health. I also want to accomplish getting a job with a more consistent schedule, preferably in the social services field but at this moment in time I might be happy with going back to working at a grocery store even if that isn’t really what I want to do. One thing I do know what I want to do is put in an effort of doing meditation and/or mindfulness on the daily basis again. Anyway, goals are ever changing and can be tweaked from time to time.

I don’t think I have much more to say except that I will be thinking a great deal about my goals for 2019. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope that everyone has a great rest of your Friday. I also hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Post With More Randomness

Good Afternoon, World!!! I thought today was going to be one of those laid back type of days but I ended up getting some motivation to clean some of my apartment. I decided to clean my kitchen. It is not completely clean but at least it is mostly clean. I guess part of the reason why I am suddenly getting spurts of motivation to clean my apartment is because I am starting to feel better regarding my mental health symptoms and I want to end 2018 on a better not than it started. Plus, starting 2019 with a clean apartment or at least a mostly clean apartment will start the new year on a good note. I think if I take fifteen to thirty minutes a day cleaning my apartment I will start to feel better about myself and have more motivation to keep it clean. Plus, if I keep it clean it won’t take as long to clean it.

Since it is almost the New Year, I am realizing I have more motivation than I have had in a really long time. In fact this is the most motivation I have regarding most area’s of my life in a little over two years. I’ll take all the motivation I can at the moment and I do what I can with the motivation. I am beyond grateful for the unexpected motivation and I owe it to the improved symptoms of my mental health challenges.

Not only did the motivation help me clean most of my kitchen, I also emailed my therapist regarding the drama over the Christmas holiday. If you want to know more about the Christmas drama read my post “Nothing Like A Lil Drama On Christmas Eve” and “Merry Christmas.” As I was saying I was saying I emailed my therapist regarding not needing to call the after hours crisis number that the agency I am a client of as well as not needing to safety plan with anyone including both natural and professional supports. I still haven’t received an email back form him nor do I expect to as he is in all day training today. He informed me of this when we were scheduling our appointment for this week which is tomorrow.

Before I end this post I want to ask you all a favor. As you may have noticed, I have advertisements on my blog. I have advertisements on my blog to earn some extra money. The only way I make extra money from the advertisements is if you click on them. I hope that you all click on them as I won’t get the money from people clicking on them till I hit one hundred dollars which sucks but I just need to earn twenty more dollars. So, please click on the advertisements so I can hit the one hundred dollar mark. I only get a few cents per ad clicked. So, please click on as many as you can before the end of December. It will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have wonderful rest of your Thursday. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope to blog again before the end of the year to wish you a Happy New Year. Peace Out, World!!!

2018; People Have Been Waiting For You

Happy New Year, World!!! 2018; You’re finally here and people have been waiting for you. 2018, people have been waiting for you because 2017 wasn’t the best of years for many of us; myself included.

As many of you know, 2017 wasn’t the best of years for me. It was a year of trials for me. I am attempting to look back at 2017 to look at any successes or triumphs I may have had and unable to find any. As much as I wish I had some sort of success or triumph in 2017, I realize that 2018 is a New Year.

A New Year to focus on what I need to do to continue on my road to recovery as well as to have the success and accomplishments I so desire to have. That’s why my goals for 2018 are simple or at least simple sounding. My goals sound simple in theory but in reality not so simple to do.

My goals for 2018 are as follows:

-Do a meditation or mindfulness exercise daily. (Preferably in the morning.)

-Do guided journaling daily. (This is on top of the free write journaling I do. The guided journaling is to help me focus on what is challenging me at the moment.)

-Do self-help workbooks. (This is to help me with my recovery and not take the place of what my mental health treatment teams helps me with.)

-Read books that are related to the mental health field. (This is to help me keep up to date on the field I choose to work in. I of course will still read books for fun.)

I do have other goals for 2018 but the above goals are the ones that I feel like that will help me the most to have a more successful and accomplished year than last year. I will have the help of my mental health treatment team as well as my friends with my 2018 goals.

Thank you for reading. As we begin 2018 I hope that this is a year that we are able to have a year of improvement and accomplishments we all can be proud of. I hope you continue to read and follow my blog. Happy New Years. Peace Out, World!!!

Go To Hell 2017

Hello, World!!! In ten hours it will be 2018. All I can say is that 2017 hasn’t been the easiest of years for me. A year that I’ve experienced great pain and not one success that I can think of.

If I look back on 2017 it was the year of hell for me. I resigned from a job I loved and worked my ass off to get due to the severity of the symptoms of my mental health challenges. A job that I wish I didn’t resign from but realize that I can’t help others if I’m not doing well myself. How can I help people with their recovery if my recovery is a bit shaky.

As shaky as my recovery is and not having a job in the career I love, I’ve realized that art has played a major part of my life this past year. Specifically, painting. Painting has helped me through some of the more difficult moments I experienced this year.

Another thing that has helped me through the hell 2017 brought me was writing. Writing in various ways. Weather it was writing in my journal or a poem or even blogging. Writing helps me express myself.

In fact both art and writing have helped me express myself with how my emotions are. Music has helped me expressed my emotions as well. It appears that the creativity that art, music and writing brings to me has helped me through the hell that 2017 has brought.

As 2017 comes to an end like this post is coming to an end, I would like to tell 2017 something: GO TO HELL 2017!!! As this year ends I hope that everyone has a better 2018 than they had in 2017. Peace Out, World. See, you in the New Year!!!

 

New Years Eve 2016

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize it is now 2017 in most of the world. Well, in my neck of the woods, it is still 2016.

As 2016 comes to an end, I am not sure what to think of how this year was. It has been a year of both trials and triumphs. Some of my trials have been quite sad as my triumphs have been quite joyous.

Lets start off with the trials, I have dealt with this year. At the start of 2016 I was dealing with the one year anniversary of my the loss of my second set of twins due to a miscarriage. Dealing with the grief of loosing a second miscarriage has been quite difficult and as any parent knows loosing a child is the most difficult thing a person can deal with. Little did I know at the beginning of the year an on how much grief and loss I would be dealing with. In October I lost three clients and a colleague which hit me quite hard. It hit me hard because the deaths happened within a month of the third anniversary of the loss of my first set of twins due to miscarriage. Due to the grief I was dealing I ended up in crisis mode and landed in the hospital for psych reasons. Shortly after I got out of the hospital I found out that my therapist of eight years, Diana, was in the hospital with the dreaded diagnosis of cancer and won’t be coming back. Yes, that means I will be getting a new therapist and will talk about her at a later date.

Now on my triumphs of 2016, which I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Diana’s help with my recovery. I finally got a job as Peer Specialist and a plus is that it being a fulltime position. If it weren’t for all the help Diana gave me I wouldn’t be working as a Peer much less working fulltime. As much as I struggled this year with grief, work fulltime as Peer is well worth it. I hope that with me continuing being employed as a Peer gives Diana some encouragement that she played a major role in my current position.

I know realistically, Diana is probably not reading this as she is dealing with a cancer diagnosis and getting treatment for it as well as raising a family, I want to thank her for everything she has done for me. Diana, if you are reading, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for helping me with my recovery. Just know a lot of people who are in my corner know how much you have helped me with my recovery and are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. I hope someday you can be my therapist again.

There is roughly twenty-five minutes left of 2016. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year. Have a good New Year and hope to see you in the New Year.