Here’s Hoping The Will Help Me w/the Year of Change


Good Morning, World!!! The above pictured items are four of the six items I ordered from Amazon and received in the mail yesterday. The items above include a gratitude journal, colored pencils and two workbooks. One workbook is about dealing with insomnia while the other is on resilience and being Queer and/or Trans. The two items I have not received yet are a mindfulness workbook and a coloring book.

Last night I started the Gratitude Journal which I think will be quite helpful for me. I think it will be helpful for me due to the fact it will help me turn my mind from my negative thoughts into positive one while accepting of and letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions. It even has a few coloring pages in it that will be quite helpful in times of stress.

I also started The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook last night or at least started reading it. I actually started working on it earlier this morning when I woke up from a nightmare. I’m finding it challenging yet helpful. I’m sure as time goes on, the workbook will become more challenging and I am up for a challenge and the hard work.

As for the Quiet Your Mind & Get To Sleep I’ll wait to I’m done with the current workbook I am doing. As for the workbook on Mindfulness, I have yet to receive in the mail, I’m not sure if I’m going to do that in conjunction with any other workbook I may or may not being doing at the moment.

I am hoping that as challenging as the current workbook is, so far, that the other workbooks I do this year will be as challenging and helpful to my recovery. For me my recovery is quite important to me. Plus, I am hoping that I can count on my resiliency to bounce back from this really long and prolonged bump in the road.

Thank you so much for reading. It is much appreciated. I hope everyone has a wonderful day full of gratitude. Peace Out, World!!!


A Year of Change

Good Evening, World!!! It has been two weeks and three days since 2018 started and have decided that this year will be a year of change. A year of positive change. In fact in October of this year (2018) it will mark fifteen(15) years since I made an active choice and decision with being in recovery. Yes, fifteen years. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that I chose to be in active recovery back in 2003.

As I look back at 2003, I wasn’t where I wanted to be at in my life when I was 24 years old and am finding myself in a similar spot at almost 39 years old. The difference between now and then is that I have the skills and insight to know what to do to help and advocate for myself. Knowing how to help and advocate for myself is why I am making the decision to make this yet another year of change.

As many of you know, 2017 was not the easiest of years for me which is why I am wanting to make an active choice and decision to make an effort in my life regarding my recovery. I am making this year, a year of change in the positive direction with my recovery. I am planning on doing this in various ways which I plan to tell you how I’m going to this.

Many people have various ways on they get help for their mental health. Without sounding redundant, I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing with going to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner, (temporary) therapist, case manager and attending groups. On that note, I’m going to add on somethings that will be yet a year of positive change for me. Some of what I’m going to mention are things others around the world have done to better themselves and their mental health.

One of the various ways I’m going to do to make this year a year of change is to set out a time to do mindfulness and/or meditation. I am doing this because I have found it quite helpful in the past as well as in the present. It helps me refocus what needs to be done when I’m dealing with an anxiety attack as well as help me focus on the day to come.

Another way I’m going to make this a year of change is to journal. I’ll continue to free write journal however I’ve decided I’ll do guided journaling. It is my hope that the guide journaling will help me remain positive or get me in a positive mindset. Yes, I know being positive or in a positive mindset isn’t going to happen every moment of everyday however I don’t want to be the one who bring negativity into this world.

The last thing I’m going to be doing to help myself make it a year of change is something many around the world have done. That something is doing self-help workbooks. Yes, I know that sounds corny and maybe even superficial however if it is something that has helped me in the past then it can’t hurt to try again.

In fact I ordered some self-help workbooks and a guided journal from Amazon and received most of the items I ordered today. I plan on starting on of the workbooks as well as the guided journal this evening.

Before starting on a working book and the guided journal, I need to make dinner and eat. I also need to do laundry however I can do laundry and workbook and/or guided journal at the same time.I hope that you found that me making an active change in my recovery refreshing from many of my past post over the last year. It is my hope to tell you more about the guided journaling and workbooks I am doing as I am doing them. Have a great evening, everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

2018; People Have Been Waiting For You

Happy New Year, World!!! 2018; You’re finally here and people have been waiting for you. 2018, people have been waiting for you because 2017 wasn’t the best of years for many of us; myself included.

As many of you know, 2017 wasn’t the best of years for me. It was a year of trials for me. I am attempting to look back at 2017 to look at any successes or triumphs I may have had and unable to find any. As much as I wish I had some sort of success or triumph in 2017, I realize that 2018 is a New Year.

A New Year to focus on what I need to do to continue on my road to recovery as well as to have the success and accomplishments I so desire to have. That’s why my goals for 2018 are simple or at least simple sounding. My goals sound simple in theory but in reality not so simple to do.

My goals for 2018 are as follows:

-Do a meditation or mindfulness exercise daily. (Preferably in the morning.)

-Do guided journaling daily. (This is on top of the free write journaling I do. The guided journaling is to help me focus on what is challenging me at the moment.)

-Do self-help workbooks. (This is to help me with my recovery and not take the place of what my mental health treatment teams helps me with.)

-Read books that are related to the mental health field. (This is to help me keep up to date on the field I choose to work in. I of course will still read books for fun.)

I do have other goals for 2018 but the above goals are the ones that I feel like that will help me the most to have a more successful and accomplished year than last year. I will have the help of my mental health treatment team as well as my friends with my 2018 goals.

Thank you for reading. As we begin 2018 I hope that this is a year that we are able to have a year of improvement and accomplishments we all can be proud of. I hope you continue to read and follow my blog. Happy New Years. Peace Out, World!!!

Figuring Out How To Succeed At Blogging

Happy Friday!!!! Apparently, I’m not reaching as many people as I hoped I would be. I only have 15 followers and don’t get many views. I am just getting frustrated with myself because I am not blogging as regularly as I was wanting to as well as not doing much educating when it comes to mental illness. I was hoping that I would educate people on particular mental health diagnoses but it appears that something is getting in my way in doing that. That something is me. I’m the one that is hindering the progression of this blog. On the positive side, I know that through my blog that I am showing others that recovery is possible (or at least I think I am).

My thinking was (and still is) when I started this blog was to show others that recovery is possible and that their is hope. I know that my blog is succeeding to a point when it comes to showing others that recovery is possible but it’s not succeeding in other ways. Its not succeeding in the number of followers or views I have or get and I think the reason being is the reason I stated earlier in this blog and that is the education part of it. I am hoping that once things start settling down with the new job as well as the new volunteer job that I will be able to start the education part of this blog. It is my hope that I will educate on the diagnosis’s that I have as well the ones I no longer meet the criteria for. I then hope to do some education on the diagnoses that family members and close friends struggle with and then go on from there.

Now that you heard enough about how my blog is not succeeding let get on to other subjects. I will start with my boyfriend. When he got off from work this morning I had made him breakfast. I made him pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. According to my boyfriend I burned the bacon. He pretty much likes eating bacon raw or at least almost raw. He likes all the fat on it. I do have to say that the fat on the bacon is what makes bacon taste good. After eating breakfast and doing dishes we had some intimate moments. Intimacy is something I personally struggle with because of some severe trauma I experienced as a child and even some trauma I experienced as an adult. With that being said my boyfriend makes me feel safe especially during intimate moments. He is gentle with me and extremely loving.

Speaking of loving, I am loving my new job. Yes, I know a loving partner is completely different than loving your job. I not only love my job, I enjoy it as well. My job gives me great joy even though its not the position I desire. In regards to it not being the position I desire its a foot in the door as well as moving up opportunities.

Since we are on the topic of opportunities, my volunteer job at the Warm Line gives me training opportunities as well as possible career advancement at my current employer and possibly at the Crisis Line where the Warm Line is run out of. Yes, I know what I just said sounds a little selfish but if what I do employment wise as well as volunteering gives me a purpose in life then so be it. I’m improving with being a call taker on the Warm Line and am no longer a deer in head lights. I am finally getting in the grove of things as a call taker.

I so want to share more with you right now but I realize I am hungry and need to figure out what I want to cook for dinner. I’m hoping that my boyfriend will give me some idea’s. Actually, I am hoping that he will do the cooking tonight.  Well, have a good Friday evening everyone. I hope everyone enjoys there weekend and has some fun. Peace out.

The Typical Week For Me

Hey!! Happy Monday! I just want to share with you guys what a typical week looks like for me. I’m doing this in hopes to have you the reader/follower get to know me better especially since I am new to the blogging thing. It is my goal for this particular entry to show “normal” people that they encounter people who struggle with mental illness on the daily basis even if they may not be aware of it. Mental illness is a hidden disability that many “normal” people don’t realize that they encounter people who struggle with a mental illness while they are going about their daily activities. I also hope that this post can show “normal” people that people who live with a mental illness are not lazy and live a productive life. Another goal for this particular entry it to show those who struggle with a mental illness that recovery is possible and that their is hope.

SIDE NOTE (info relevant for this post):

I work at a major grocery store chain as a courtesy clerk. A courtesy clerk is a bagger or box boy or in my case a box woman. A courtesy clerk bags groceries, cleans, brings in the carts, helps customers out to their cars, price checks, helps customers find items and is basically the peon of the store and gets all the disgusting jobs to do. All times I post are Pacific Time.

For me this is what a typical week looks like.


On Sundays, I sleep in and take it easy in the morning. As of lately I’ve been working the early afternoon to evening shift at work. Most Sundays I’m the closing courtesy clerk. Closing courtesy clerks tend to have more responsibilities than other courtesy clerks do. My Sunday afternoon/evening shifts are usually my longest shifts and they seem to go by more quickly than my other shifts at work. The reason being is because that’s when the particular store I work at is the busiest with customers.


I am the opening courtesy clerk on Mondays. Opening courtesy clerks have the most responsibility than the other courtesy clerks including the closing courtesy clerks. I am usually off by 11am on Mondays which is great because Mondays happen to be my Fridays. When everyone else dreads Mondays, I look forward to them. When I get off on Mondays, I go home and watch the 12noon news and have a small snack. I also use Monday afternoons to make doctor appointments since it is the start of my weekend. I also usually do my laundry on Mondays so I can just get it out of the way and enjoy my weekend.


Tuesdays are the days I don’t have anything scheduled or planned. I keep Tuesdays open to do errands if I have any to do as well as to make appointments for the dentist or doctor. Most Tuesdays I end up with nothing scheduled or planned and that’s not always a good thing especially when its a difficult time of year for me regarding my particular diagnosis of the mental illness I deal with. That’s why I end up doing things I enjoy. When the weather is good I usually go someplace where I can be outside preferably by a body of water. That way I can people watch or read. Most of the time I end up reading and on occasion I cross-stitch. Yes, I cross-stitch. I also go to a local comic book store and get the latest Wonder Woman issue. If I already have the issue, I look around and get an issue that I don’t have. If the weather is not so good, I end up doing indoor things such as going to the movies or going to Gameworks. Gameworks is an arcade. I also usually do my weekly grocery shopping done on Tuesday. I also talk to my mother at 6pm every Tuesday. I had give her some boundaries on when she could call me for reasons you will find out in later blogs.


Mornings are usually nice and relaxing. My boyfriend and I go and have lunch with one or both of his parents. There are times where both of his parents are working but that’s rare. Even when my boyfriend is working I go and have lunch with his parents. After lunch I go volunteer at a local homeless shelter. There is the occasional Wednesday morning that I will go see my psychiatrist or in my case psychiatric ARNP. After my volunteer job I go to local mom and pop video rental store and rent movies to watch throughout the week. It’s 2 for 1 meaning rent 2 movies for the price of 1.


Thursday mornings are sometimes high anxiety for me because I see my therapist in the early afternoon for an hour. Although, the next two months or so the day I see my therapist is going to change I am already thinking of what to schedule for Thursdays. Since, Thursday mornings are sometimes anxiety provoking my boyfriend and I go walking around a local man-built lake which is 3.3 miles around. We even do it on Thursdays my boyfriend have to work. I then head off to my appointment. Before my appointment I eat lunch at nearby salad place where my appointment is. After my therapy appointment I usually take it easy because therapy and talking about shit is not easy.


I work Fridays. In fact once again I am the opening courtesy clerk. When most everyone else gets excited about Fridays, I dread them because they are my Mondays. I am usually of no later than 1pm on Fridays. Friday evenings I end up going to dinner parties at friends places when I am not hosting them at my place or my boyfriends place.


I again work on Saturdays and once again I am the opening courtesy clerk. I’m usually off by 12:30pm. After work on Saturdays, I usually go to lunch with an old high school friend who teaches high school English. It’s always nice to hang out with good friends.


There are things that I do everyday that I did not mention in the particular days. I spend an hour everyday practicing my flute. I also spend about 45minutes teaching myself how to play the harmonica. I read about 3 to 7 chapters(depending the length) a day in the book I happen to be reading as well as at least 1 comic book. I cross-stitch at least a 1/2 an hour a day.

I hope that my goals for this blog become successful. I also hope that I have shown to “normal” people that they come into contact mentally ill people everyday who don’t appear or act “crazy.” I am sorry that I was so long winded. Have a good Monday everyone.