Everyday Inspiration; Day 6: The Space to Write

Good Morning, World!!!  Today’s assignment is in regards to writing space and what method of writing do we prefer. For me it depends where my mindset is to where I write and what method I use to write.

When I blog, I obviously use a computer. Actually, use a laptop. Most of the time, am home when I decide to blog like I am now. There are a few occasions where I am not home when I blog. Those are times when I am out of town for whatever reason. A couple of times I have blogged from a city part here in Seattle as well as when I was in Olympia (Washington) visiting family.

When it comes to journaling I usually use a pencil with a journal that has paper in it. It doesn’t matter where I am when I journal. I have been known to journal on the city bus. When I journal it is usually when I have something on my mind that is really bothering me however I do journal at least once a week to just say how my week went. One of my favorite places to journal is when I am near a water like a river or ocean.

I don’t have much more to say about the space I write in. My cat tends to want to “help” me write whenever I blog or journal. We all know that cats just want to get attention when we are try to do something. I love my cat.

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Slept the Day Away

Good Evening, World!!! If you read my last post you already know that I did not sleep at all last night. I did end up sleeping today. In fact I pretty much slept the day away. I haven’t done much today as I have only been up for almost two hours. I am not sure if I will get sleep tonight but I sure in the hell hope I get some. Having insomnia sucks.

Anyway, since I have been up, worked on my workbook, The Artist Way. It is extremely challenging. Part of the workbook activities is to journal three pages daily. Doesn’t have to be about anything specific just as long as it is everyday. The other suggested things the work has me doing is challenging as well. Once I am done with the first chapter, I will hopefully remember to inform you on what I learn. I hope to do this which chapter.

The journaling part of the work books a good thing for me as it has me getting into a good practice of self care. I feel like journaling is good self care. Self care is extremely important for everyone especially for those who struggle with a mental health challenge.

As fun self care act I do for myself almost everyday is some form of art. Usually, it is painting, coloring or collaging. Sometimes I even mix the genre of collaging and painting together. Now that is fun or at least it is for me. Art is a great form of self care for me.

I am thinking that I now need to fix me some food as I haven’t really eaten all day. Unless you count having a banana and Pepsi this morning. I need to fix me an actual meal. I am not sure what I am going fix myself for dinner but I need some food in my hungry tummy.

I do not have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have a great evening everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Words to the Emotions

Hello, World!!! I didn’t do much of anything for a good portion of the day. I did go in for a meeting with the supervisor for the peer run help line I volunteer for. They wanted to “check in” with me because they got information from the crisis line that I had been calling frequently as well as the peer run help line I volunteer on. They said “it sound a lot like you.” I informed this person it was not me and asked him seriously, “why would I call the crisis line or this line when I have a distinctive and unique voice?” He replied “I don’t know why you would.” I informed him that I did not call the crisis line the peer run help line however I did call the after hours crisis team of the agency I am a client of on Valentines Day due to the anniversary of my grandma’s death. I went to show him my phone to prove to him I didn’t and I offered to sign an ROI for him to talk to my therapist. He declined both and said “I am at a loss of what to day.” More or less I validated him that he was in a tough spot no knowing who to believe. So, he is “cautiously” letting me back to volunteering on the help line for a handful of reasons. I guess, I am bothered that he thinks that I have been calling both lines but I understand him wanting to “check in” to make sure I was doing well. I just can’t get out of my head that I am being told that I am call helps lines when I am not but this is something I need to stop ruminating over as I was told I could go back to volunteering.

When I got home from my meeting I decided to paint. I decided to paint due to the mixture of emotions I was dealing with in regards to the meeting. It helped me get the emotion out that needed to get out. It helped me realize that I needed to find the words for my emotions.

That is when I decided to journal. Granted, I am still trying to find the right words to put to my emotions but journaling did help. In fact it helped a great deal just like the painting did.

I do not have much more to say except I am grateful that the supervisor is letting me back to volunteer. I hope everyone has a great rest of their evening and night. Peace Out, World!!!

Bump In The Road

Good Afternoon, World!!! It hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me emotionally. Having dealt with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death just over a week ago is challenging enough but when other shit pops up makes it that much more challenging. Granted it is small shit but it is a bunch of small shit that has been building. Sadly, some of the small shit involves family. Specifically my mom and brother. I love them both but when I can’t get both side of the story, I can’t give the “advice” my mom wants me to give her. Anyway, there is other small shit that I won’t bring up but the mom and brother shit has been the most challenging as my mom won’t let up.

Anyway, when I saw my therapist for our scheduled appointment on Tuesday we discussed what was going on and he said “this doesn’t appear to be a crisis but just a bump in the road” and I have to agree with him. We discussed how the anniversary of my grandma’s death and all the small shit that has been building has increased my urges to self harm. We, of course discussed ways for me to keep myself from harming myself when the self harm urges get strong. Before my session with my therapist ended on Tuesday we made a “check-in appointment” for yesterday (Friday) to see how things were going. I of course went to the appointment and we did a check-in. We discussed plans for the weekend as well as ways to manage self harm urges. During my “check-in” session with my therapist, I brought up the fact that one of the things I would be doing was binge watching a Netflix show called The Umbrella Academy as I watched the first show on Thursday. I found out that he binged watched it with his wife and loved it. In fact one of the things my therapist is having me do this weekend when I watch Umbrella Academy is to write a paragraph or two on each show. I am not exactly sure why he is having me do this but I am thinking he seeing how some things can be beneficial  to me.

In fact last night (Friday) re-watched the first episode and did what my therapist wanted me to do. I also watched episodes two and three. I am really enjoying the show. In fact it is a show that is up my alley. The cool thing about it is when I watched the first episode on Thursday, I have discussed it with various people and I didn’t realize how popular it was. The best part of it being a popular show is that I didn’t start watching it because everyone was watching as I didn’t realize that most people I know were watching it as well.

One of the things I have been doing this weekend thus far is some art. In fact I am working on a piece of art work for a friend of mine as a birthday present. His birthday is the day after mine. I am painting him something as he is the one who got me into painting. It is not a big painting but a painting that I think he will enjoy and appreciate.

The other things I have been doing is a workbook called “The Artist Way.” In fact one of the things of the workbook is to journal everyday.  Journaling isn’t difficult but doing it everyday and it needing it to be three pages is challenging. In fact this is a workbook my therapist suggested for me to get and work on so I decided to do so. I have only been working on this workbook for a week and I find it challenging but I am also finding it helpful so far. In fact I plan to work on it some more today.

The one thing I have been doing this entire weekend except when I am watching Umbrella Academy and the news is listening to music. I have been mainly listening my Recovery Playlist but have also been listening to some emo music. Both have been quite helpful with reducing my self harm urges. Music is very soothing to the soul or at least it is for me.

I don’t have much more to say in the post. But before I end the post I want reassure everyone that I am not a risk to do any self harm acts. I am also not at risk to attempt suicide. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

The Urges To Self Harm & The Skills That Are Helping

Good Evening, World!!! I am having yet another tough moment with dealing with the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death yesterday (Thursday which was Valentines Day). My therapist and I had an hour and a half session today. I cried a bunch. We also discussed on ways I could keep myself safe for today and the rest of the weekend. We came up with the usual stuff of doing art, journaling, reading, spending time with my cat, blogging and actually starting on the workbook I have discussed in previous post. The workbook is called “The Artist Way.”  I have started reading the introduction and other such things like how to use the work book. I hope to officially start it tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

Of course my therapist and I discussed what books I plan on reading and he agreed that the books I have chosen to read most likely won’t be triggering for me as they are Science Fiction and Fantasy books. He thinks that reading books will be helpful for me to get out of my head even for a moment or two. He also agrees the both blogging and journaling will be helpful for me to process the grief and depression I am dealing with in regards to my grandmas passing away and help me with other shit I am dealing with. Art of course is that skill set for me to do so I have a better way to process my emotions in ways words can not help me express. Lets not forget the affection and love my cat gives me on the daily basis even if she wakes me up at four in the morning to play or wanting food.

The workbooks and the letter to my grandma is the two things my therapist really wants me to focus on this weekend as our next session is on Tuesday. My therapist is challenging me in a good and difficult way he knows I am capable of doing at the moment. He wants to see me to continue to improve with my recovery. He is very recovery related which is a good thing in a therapist.

I do not have very much more to say in this post. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday evening and a good weekend.  I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you fro reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Read if You Want to Know What I Said

Good Evening, World!!! I have a lot to catch you up on as a great deal has happened since I last posted. Let’s start with the employment part of my life or should I say the job seeker part of my life at the moment. Yes, I am still employed as an on call shelter counselor however it is not a job I want to be at for forever and a day. That means I have been sending out my resume’s to various places especially those who have Peer Specialist/Counselor jobs. I got call this past Tuesday from the HR person from the agency I am client of asking if I wanted an interview for one of the peer positions and I stated yes. So, I had an interview yesterday (Wednesday) and I don’t think it went all that well. I am not holding my breath on getting this position as I am a client of the agency that gave me the interview. I think it is best for all involved that I have low expectations in getting this job due to not being disappointed if I don’t get it. My employment specialist informed me that from her understanding with talking with one of the interviewers, I did a really good job at the interview and am on the bottom of the short list only because I am a client and I informed my employment specialist that I am okay with that as I understand the ethical conflict of the situation.

Other than the interview yesterday (Wednesday) and working Sunday night into Monday morning, I have not done much of anything but go see my therapist and employment specialist this past Tuesday. Mainly because it has been snowing outside and today was the first day the roads and sidewalks were decent enough to do anything. Sadly, the weather is not going to get better like it was today. Tomorrow (Friday), it suppose to start snowing again in the Seattle area. A good portion of folks that live in the Seattle area don’t do well in the snow, myself include. I really am not a big fan of the cold and snow. But I am one to say if it is cold enough to snow it might as well as snow.

Due to the snow storm that is suppose to happen this weekend I plan on not doing much of anything but hanging out at home with my cat, Lil Gertie. I figure this will be the perfect time to settle in and start on the workbook “The Artist Way” that I was telling you about a few post ago. In fact I am still assuming that it has you do art type things due to the title but I have read a little bit of the introduction and part of it requires you to do some journaling everyday which could be challenging to do daily but I am to doing it. Most of me is looking forward to it however some of me is sort of fearful of it as I am afraid of the things it will bring up. Whatever it brings up, I have a good support system in place to help me as well as my cat, Lil Gertie. In fact I am looking forward to hibernating here at home in the snowy cold weather with my cat, Lil Gertie. I don’t think there is a better way of spending wintry weather than spending it with my cat, Lil Gertie.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I do hope to post some time later tonight or tomorrow. I will keep you updated on the snowy weather here in Seattle. Thank you very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a goodnight. Peace Out, World!!!

Update On 2019 Goals

Good Afternoon, World!!! I hope everyone is having a good Thursday so far. I have been thinking a great deal about my 2019 goals especially since the major goal I had for this year has already been completed and it only the last day of January. That goal was to get my dental work done and the only thing that is left is going into seeing the denurist once a moth for six to twelve months for some adjustments to my dentures. Yes, I still of some things left to do regarding my teeth but the major part of it has been accomplished. So, since I have accomplished my major goal for the year, I need to focus on my other goals. I discussed this with my therapist when I saw him this past Tuesday and he suggested that the goal I could put most of my focus on without forgetting about the other goals is completing at least one of my workbooks.

I agreed with the workbook idea. I informed him that I don’t know what workbook to work on as some of them I have already started and haven’t even finished the second chapter. He asked if I ever bought the workbook “The Artist’s Way” and I informed him I did. He suggested I do “The Artist Way” workbook as it will pull out my creative side and be challenging in a good way. He suggest this workbook several months ago as he thought it would be good for me to do and he wouldn’t be recommending the workbook to me if he didn’t complete it himself. To me that is what I like to hear when someone suggest a workbook that they have completed it. When he brought up again in our session this past Tuesday, I informed him that it was a good idea that I do this particular workbook especially since it will involve art and journaling. Both of which is quite helpful to me and my recovery. So I am looking forward to what this workbook has to bring especially since it involves both art and journaling. So, focusing on this workbook is going to be the next major goal I focus on to accomplish for 2019 and I will not neglect my other smaller goals as I have set time aside for all of my goals.

I don’t have much more to say and hope to continue to update you on my 2019 goals as I continue to accomplish them. Have a great day. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!