The Wave of Grief Strikes Again

Good Morning, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I have tears rolling down my face. Tears rolling down my face because I really miss my grandma and wish she was still here on Earth. I know it has only been six and a half since she died but I wish the pain wasn’t so difficult to deal with.

As difficult as it is for me to deal with my grandma’s death six and a half months ago, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. My grandparents knew each other for over seventy years and married for sixty two and a half years. As hard as my pain is with missing my grandma, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. It is hard to see him break down when he cries about my grandma. Now that is difficult to see when an eighty eight year old Navy man cry over the loss of their spouse.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am happy that I have my cat, Lil Gertie, to help me through moments of grief. Another thing that I have found helpful with dealing with my grief is journaling. My cat and journaling have been life savers the last week or two in regards to dealing with grief.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I do apologize that it is a depressing to read a post about grief first thing in the morning. Again thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

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Today Marks Four Years

Good Evening, World!!! I know I just posted about the overall good day I had about an hour ago; I forgot that today marks four years since I started blogging. It is hard to believe that it has been four years since I started blogging.

In those four years it is my hope that reached out to people and educated folks to lessen the stigma of having a mental health challenge. It also comes to my conclusion that I have use my blog as a journal to give out hope. Hope to those who may feel alone in their mental health condition.

Well that is all I have to say about me blogging for four years. Have a great day. Peace out, World!!!

A Lazy Saturday

Good Evening, World!!! As I write this I am listening to Philosophize This, a podcast on philosophy. I am really enjoying this podcast. I, recently started listening to podcast and this is one that I have started. I decided to start listening to the first one and work my way up to the most current one. I figure if I listen to two to three a day I can get to the most current one by the end of the year.

Besides listening to podcast on philosophy, I’ve been working on my workbooks. Specifically, I have been working on my mindfulness workbook. For me being able to focus on mindfulness has been quite helpful for my recovery process.

Since we are on the topic of mindfulness, I also journaled in my guided journal that focuses on mindfulness. Today’s entry was about mindfulness reminders. So, I got a bunch of sticky notes to remind me to do mindfulness practices.

I have also been focusing a great deal on art today. I have been painting as I listened to podcast. I have also been doing some coloring. For me art is a type of mindfulness practice. It also helps me with expressing my emotions.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Grateful Even For Depression

Good Evening, World!!! I’m sitting here grateful for the shit I have been through. Yes, even the negative and bad shit. I am grateful for it as it has made me who I am. Yes, my depression is still slightly acting up however I am still grateful. I am even grateful for the depression I am dealing with. I am grateful for it as it has helped shaped me as a person and made me stronger.

I realized this gratitude after journaling in my gratitude journal. I may not like to admit I am strong person but I am grateful that I am in space that I am able to do so on occasion. Being grateful in the face of difficult times is a huge success for me and my recovery.

Being grateful for my what I have is a good thing and Junior is telling me dinner is reading. We are having Lasagna. Junior makes some great Lasagna. Have a great evening everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Rambling About Sh*t

Good Evening, World!!! Today, has had its ups and downs yet I am grateful for both. Grateful, that I am able to be an okay enough place to have gratitude toward both the ups and the downs for the day. If it were December I don’t think I would have been grateful for the downs I experienced.

I discussed this with Gilbert today in our session and he stated that I am making a lot of progress. Progress with my recovery. Progress with my recovery that I am finally starting see in myself. Not only did we discuss the progress but we discuss the physical assault I experienced on Monday evening as well as the death of my grandma last Wednesday. We discussed on what I can do during the down moments when dealing with the death of my grandma and the assault I experienced.

One of those things I came up with was to journal. To journal about the strength my grandma had. Not just journal in any of my journals but my Wonder Woman journal. I journal in my Wonder Woman journal when I think it is going to be about someone who as some form of strength because Wonder Woman is a strong superhero.

Since we are on the topic of Wonder Woman I also discussed with Gilbert that reading my Wonder Woman comics would be helpful. He agreed as he thinks Wonder Woman gives me some form a strength and he is right. Yes, I know Wonder Woman is a fictional character but she does give me strength.

Thank you for reading. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Tough Evening/Night

Hello, World!!! I’m having a tough go at it at the moment. I’ve been dealing with that fact the my grandma is in hospice care and I’m attempting to process it through journaling and blogging. It appears to be helping.

Reading a history text book and watching TedTalks about history. I feel like I can get some sort of education regarding history. Its helping with getting my mind off of things and wish my family and I weren’t dealing with all this but its the reality we are dealing with.

Reality can suck shit but it can be wonderful at the same time. For example my grandma told me today if I don’t go to my job interviews and Tuesday and Wednesday that when she goes, she will haunt me to the day I die and then haunt me after death. I got to love my grandma. She’s facing death yet she is still using her humor.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good evening/night. Peace Out, World!!!

Here’s Hoping The Will Help Me w/the Year of Change

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Good Morning, World!!! The above pictured items are four of the six items I ordered from Amazon and received in the mail yesterday. The items above include a gratitude journal, colored pencils and two workbooks. One workbook is about dealing with insomnia while the other is on resilience and being Queer and/or Trans. The two items I have not received yet are a mindfulness workbook and a coloring book.

Last night I started the Gratitude Journal which I think will be quite helpful for me. I think it will be helpful for me due to the fact it will help me turn my mind from my negative thoughts into positive one while accepting of and letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions. It even has a few coloring pages in it that will be quite helpful in times of stress.

I also started The Queer & Transgender Resilience Workbook last night or at least started reading it. I actually started working on it earlier this morning when I woke up from a nightmare. I’m finding it challenging yet helpful. I’m sure as time goes on, the workbook will become more challenging and I am up for a challenge and the hard work.

As for the Quiet Your Mind & Get To Sleep I’ll wait to I’m done with the current workbook I am doing. As for the workbook on Mindfulness, I have yet to receive in the mail, I’m not sure if I’m going to do that in conjunction with any other workbook I may or may not being doing at the moment.

I am hoping that as challenging as the current workbook is, so far, that the other workbooks I do this year will be as challenging and helpful to my recovery. For me my recovery is quite important to me. Plus, I am hoping that I can count on my resiliency to bounce back from this really long and prolonged bump in the road.

Thank you so much for reading. It is much appreciated. I hope everyone has a wonderful day full of gratitude. Peace Out, World!!!