Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Good Morning, World!!! I am tired as hell as I didn’t get any sleep last night. I wish I could have slept however it was quite elusive. I think the no sleep thing is related to my depression but that is something to discuss with my mental health treatment team this week as I am meeting with my new clinician tomorrow and new psychiatric nurse practitioner on Thursday.

I am debating if I should go to Art Group later on today. It is in the early afternoon. I know I am when I don’t get sleep and I don’t want to snap (yell) at anyone today. I need to rest but I also know that Art Group is quite helpful for me. So, I need to make some decisions on what I need to be doing today and what is best for me.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Advertisements

Rambling About Recovery

Good Morning, World!!! It appears that my new clinician cares. He called me yesterday to do a “check-in” and to inform me of some idea’s he has about my treatment.  The one obvious one is having a face to face, one hour, weekly appointment with him. He read some of my chart and realize that weekends are difficult for me. It is because of him figuring thing out he wants to do Friday and Monday check-ins with me. He is just attempting to be a preventative measure at the moment. Something I think is a great idea.

Another idea my new clinician threw out there was to discuss the workbooks I am doing. He likes the idea that I am doing workbooks to help my recovery along. He thinks it would be beneficial to discuss with him what I have done throughout the week with the workbooks. I like this idea and am willing to do this as it could be beneficial for me.

Speaking of recovery, I am think I should end this post for now and work on a workbook. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World

Just Another Rambling From Me; Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today, I went to therapy and saw Gilbert. We worked on both on my crisis plan and treatment plan. We spent about an hour and a half  working on both. On a sad note Gilbert is going to be working on a different team starting April but he will make sure that there will be a soft (or warm) hand off when my new clinician starts in April. As sad as I am that Gilbert is going to a different team, I am grateful that he will make sure I’ll have a good clinician.

I also went to DBT group. Only four of us showed up to group including myself. I am a little disappointed that only four people showed up today as I tend to learn better by hearing what others have to say.

Even though today is not quite St. Patrick’s Day, I celebrated it with friends a day early. We had corn beef, potato’s and cabbage. I love an authentic Irish meal especially when it’s celebrating my heritage.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Not Liking Being Bullied

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop frustrated with what is going on in a situation I rather not get into yet have to accept the reality that the person is going to get a way with shit. Long story short I am being bullied by another client at the mental health agency I go to and unfortunately, staff “can’t do anything about it” because they “haven’t witnessed it.” Same shit I experienced as a kid in school is now happening as an adult seeking treatment.

On a plus note members of my treatment team have witnessed some of the bullying regarding my gender identity and sexual orientation. They have seen enough that this individual was asked to not interact with me and was “barred” for two days for his bullying.

I am just frustrated with the fact of the shit this individual gets away with due to staff not being a witness. Some of the shit is disrespecting my pronouns. I just have to find a way to not be reactive to this. It’s my responsibility on how I don’t get reactive so he doesn’t get a rise out of me.

My response or reaction to others is something I will be working with the members of my treatment team. Hopefully, I can just learn to let go of things such as how I respond or react to things such as bullies.

Thank you for reading. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!!

Feeling Unheard by Those In My Corner

Good Evening, World!!! Today, was not as productive as I was hoping it would be. Or at least in regards to being heard by my treatment team. See, I two appointments today with my mental health treatment team. One was with my new psychiatric nurse practitioner and the other was with my case manager.

Let’s start with the first appointment which was with my new nurse practitioner. I was informed on Friday to show up 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork. I show up to my one o’clock appointment 20 minutes early realizing that the program I am a part of goes to lunch at 12noon and well, I had a one o’clock appointment so how was I suppose to fill out this “paperwork” they wanted. Turns out the dude calling me “miscommunicated” with me because he is “new and a fill-in” for the regular admin. asst. So, when the office opened back up after lunch, I informed the admin. asst. (who was a fill-in) that was there to see the psychiatric nurse practitioner. She didn’t inform him till 1:17pm when he walked through the front door apologizing for being late. The admin. asst. failed to call earlier saying the ARNP was going to be running late and failed again to communicate this with me when I checked-in. I was noticeably upset and told him that being late is not a great first impression. He then informed me that I was suppose to be notified about it. Long story short he is a no nonsense person and this is what I need for my treatment and recovery. The appointment ended on a positive note.

I then saw my case manager and it started on a positive note while it ended on a negative note. It end on a negative note because of not what my crisis plan says regarding not being able to use Mama Bear or Junior as part of my safety planning. I was trying to understand why I am unable to use them yet able to use others. Her response made me even more confused yet I know she was only abiding what the “supervisors” informed her on why its there. She really is trying but I’m feeling like I’m not being heard. I may feel like a lot of my treatment plan and crisis plan is crossing my personal boundaries but I understand why some what’s in my treatment and crisis plans are in place and that is boundaries. Its just that when it comes to not being able to use Junior or Mama Bear as part of my safety planning, it crosses too much over my boundary lined when it comes to my recovery. I literally asked “Why is it that I’m not allowed to cross your boundaries or the boundaries of other staff but you guys are allowed to cross mine?” The look she gave me when I asked that question was priceless. It showed of great point, empathy and compassion. I was upset that she said that if her supervisor was available that I could talk to him about it. She checked and he was not available due to dealing with an emergency. I left him an angry voicemail and then came home.

I’m still fairly angry over the situation and am grateful that I have friends that give me reality checks. Reality checks that helped me realize that my case manager’s look was that of her hearing my point even in the slightest. Having friends that care and partner that loves me is helping me get through this feeling of being unheard.

Despite feeling unheard my treatment team I know that my both my case manager and relatively new therapist are in my corner. The both have proven this to me by advocating for me. Advocating me in different ways for me but still advocating. If it wasn’t for my case manager I would have gotten stuck with a female psychiatric nurse practitioner instead of a male. I have nothing against female prescribers, I just want a male prescriber so I can start trusting men in a therapeutic relationship. My therapist has advocated for me regarding something regarding my treatment plan. So, I may feel unheard and unsupported by a couple of things at the moment by my treatment team, I know they are in my corner.

As I end this post, I hope it doesn’t sound like I am bad mouthing my treatment team because that’s not my intent. My intent is to share my frustration of not being heard and not being about to comprehend a couple thing right now. Peace Out!!!

Happy 4th Of July!!!

     Happy 4th of July!!! Today is Independence Day here in the United States of America. I am grateful for our Military Personal because if it wasn’t for them fighting for my freedom’s I wouldn’t be living in one of the best countries in the world. Thank you all for your service!!! 

     I worked today. Yes, that’s the unfortunate thing about working at a grocery store, having to work holidays, even Christmas and Thanksgiving. At least I get paid double time for working today. Today at work we weren’t just busy with our regular customers and customers preparing for their holiday celebrations but busy with a Jehovah Witness convention at a near by college/university football stadium. I guess it is a 3 day event. I didn’t realize this until I wished one of them a Happy 4th of July and it offended them. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. Sometimes I get frustrated with Political Correctness. See Jehovah Witness’s don’t celebrate holidays or birthdays and I can respect that because its a part of their religious beliefs. In fact I told on myself to my manager when I was told that I offend the person I was helping. My manager told me not to worry about it because we cant make everyone happy and that we cant know everyone’s religious beliefs unless they tell us or they wear a sign someone on their person.

     Yes, I will be celebrating the 4th of July. In fact I’m at my boyfriends parents house for a 4th of July party they are putting on. Their a lot of people here. Lots of food, fun, games and swimming. In fact my boyfriends parents house has a great view of where the fireworks are going to be shot off. My favorite part is always the fireworks. I do have to say that the firework show in the city I currently reside in is not as good as Disneyland’s fireworks. I grew up in Anaheim and was able to watch the Disneyland fireworks from my backyard, roof and even my front yard. I miss being able to watch the Disneyland fireworks every weekend. Disneyland’s firework show for the 4th of July is always their best firework show. Like I said I’m at my boyfriends parents house at the moment. I’m just taking a break from the crowd. It gets overwhelming at times especially since the symptoms of my PTSD are acting up. I figure that blogging will help ease the overwhelming feeling I am having at the moment. I am enjoying the food. I’m all about being All American when it comes to food on the 4th of July. Just give me a hot dog and I am happy. I had 3 hot dogs and plan on having a steak later on. I cant wait for the fireworks.

     Enough about the 4th of July for moment. I want to discuss the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended for 3 days. We (me and the other trainee’s) learned about the science of the effects of addiction on the body and brain. I found the science part of it interesting. We also learned a new skill in the training called OPA. OPA stands for Organize. Prioritize. Act. It was created and copyrighted by Martin K. Abdo. To learn more about OPA I encourage you to go to his website http://www.opamentalhealth.com. I  have to say a disclaimer and that is if  that you want to do an OPA group in your practice or mental health agency that you contact Martin K. Abdo yourselves so he can train you to do it properly. In fact I can see myself doing the OPA skill in my everyday life. I learned so much from the training that I’m still trying to process everything I have learned. I guess you can say that I’m still on information overload. I’m grateful that now I can put the training on my resume’.

     Now that I have bored you with my day at work and celebration of the 4th of July as well as the 3 day training I attended, I’m going to end this blog for now. I hope I didn’t bore you with the events of my day and week. I am going to apologize for not blogging yesterday. I feel bad when I don’t blog everyday because I feel like if I don’t then I’m not helping fight the stigma of mental illness nor am I helping those who I struggling with a mental illness. I want to show those who struggle with a mental illness that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to show “normies” (normies is just term that means normal people) that people with mental illness live productive lives and are people just like them. I want to eliminate the stigma of mental illness. Well I better end this blog entry for now because I need to go show my face at the party again. Happy 4th of July everyone. Peace out and enjoy the fireworks.

Enjoying Training

     Happy Wednesday!!! I want to apologize for not blogging yesterday. I got busy yesterday. I went to the training yesterday then went to a barbeque at friends place with my boyfriend. It got warm yesterday and was more than grateful that the barbeque my boyfriend and I went to had a swimming pool. It got warm yesterday and I loved the warm weather.

      Well I’m learning a great deal in the co-occurring disorders training I am attending. I feel like I’m on information overload. I am enjoying the training a great deal. I’m making new friends as well. I am grateful that I am able to go to this training. Yesterday we learned about the science of addiction as well as how it effects the brain. Today we learned a good way to help those with co-occurring disorders. Tomorrow I think we are learning group techniques.

      I’m a little tired and want to share more about my training but like I said I am on information overload regarding what I am learning in the co-occurring disorders training. Plus the way the change to the way it looks when you are typing the blog has thrown me for a loop and I’m not sure why. Maybe its cause I am so tired. Anyway, I don’t have much more to say. I just hope that all the tags I put in appear. I’m still trying to get a hang of this blogging thing. Have a good night all. Enjoy the last 2 hours and 14 minutes of your Wednesday. Peace out!!