Weekly Check-In

Good Afternoon, World!! I don’t have much to check in about as my depression, anxiety and PTSD have been.

I will however briefly check in about the town hall I attended this past Wednesday. The town hall was focused how who both The Division of Behavioral Health and Recovery DBHR) and The Department of Social and Human Service’s (DSHS) can be better advocate for us who not only seek services as a client of a mental health client but one who works as Peer Specialist who works in the system. It was a highlight because it felt like from my end that things were being heard in a lot of ways.

On a not so good note, my symptoms are starting to increase. Increase to where I’m thinking I might have to take myself to the Emergency Room (E.R) soon. Don’t worry, I am not a danger to harm myself on anyone else at the moment. I will never be a danger to anyone else as I don’t want to cause any harm to someone else. I can make this promise to you and this is if I feel like harming myself I will take myself to E.R. As I stated earlier in this paragraph, I am currently NOT a harm to myself or anyone else.

Thank for reading. I hope that you all have a good rest of your Saturday and weekend. Peace Out!!!

Looking Forward to Tomorrow

Good Evening, World!!! Tomorrow, I am going to be attending a town hall regarding the Office of Consumer Partnerships and advocacy regarding peer support. It’s being put on in city where the state capital is which is about an hour and a half car ride from where I live. The Division of Behavioral Health and Recovery (DBHR) and The Department of Social and Human Service’s (DSHS) want to hear from the peer community. They want to hear what we have to say and how to better advocate for us.

I’m looking forward to it for many reasons. One reason I’m looking forward to it is that I get to spend time with people I consider my “tribe” or part of my community. Another reason I am looking forward to it is being able know what the state is doing to better serve the community I’ve been a part of most of my life. Hell, I’ve been a consumer of the mental health system since I was nine. I’ve been volunteering in the mental health field for the last five year. I also worked in the mental health field for two and a half years and plan on working in the field again. So, I guess what I am saying is that I am looking forward to the town hall because of the many aspects of mental health has had on my life and how I can better advocate for others as well as myself.

I hope to talk more about the town hall tomorrow evening when I get home from it. I can’t make any promise’s as I am not sure how drained I will be afterwards. I want to thank you for reading. Have a good evening. Peace Out!!!

An Opportunity I Couldn’t Say No To

It’s been just over two weeks since I last blogged. I have usual excuses as of lately, which are: my symptoms were acting up or I was not in a good head space. Both of which are true but there have been times where I could have blogged.

One of those times I could have blogged was last Monday at this time. I was at the train station waiting for a train and I arrived three hours early by accident. I arrived three hours early because I thought my train left two hours earlier than it was scheduled to be. I was bored and I could have blogged as I waited for my train but didn’t.

I bet you’re wondering where I was going on the train. I know I would be wondering where someone was going if they were writing (or talking) about arriving at a train station two hours early. I will tell you where I was going.

I was offered a scholarship to attend a conference at the last minute. Not just any conference but conference specifically geared toward peer specialist here in Washington State. As badly as my symptoms were acting up I knew if I turned down the scholarship of attending the peer conference that I would regret it. I am beyond grateful that I attended and the only thing that it cost me was the train ticket to get there and back.

Attending the conference was just what I needed. It gave me the hope I need to help me with my recovery. Hell, not just my recovery but my career as well when I go back to work when things improve. It helped me a great deal with me getting refocused on what I need to, to get back on track. Things to help with my recovery and career as well as maybe some educational opportunities. In fact attending the conference was educational in it of itself.

We all know education can help with ones career. I hope that one day I will be able to get more of education to help with my career but that’s not what today is about. Today is about those who worked their asses off to get what they need to help themselves and the rest of us get better working conditions. Those people are the individuals that were apart of the Labor Movement. With out those fine individuals in the Labor Movement we wouldn’t have today; Labor Day. To those individuals working this Labor Day, thank for working today.

As I go and enjoy my Labor Day and end this post, I hope that I will post at later time about the peer conference. I learned a great deal there and would like to share my knowledge. I hope everyone has a good week. Happy Labor Day. Peace Out!!!

A Reminder of Where I Want To Be, Again

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a long yet rewarding day. As I have been writing about with you, my reader, I attended a continuing education training. Most of it was common sense stuff while some was review from other trainings. Even though most of it was a refresher for me however I did learn a couple of new things.

Most of what I learned that was new to me was what other agencies do in regards to ethics and boundaries when it comes to a Peer Specialist. Another thing that wasn’t much of surprise to me but just confirmed what already knew what that there isn’t a “set in stone” code of ethics for Peer Specialist nationally. Mainly because there is a massive gray area being a Peer Specialist.

Attending today was bittersweet because it reminded me of what I am currently at which is not a good space to be working with people who to, are struggling with their own mental health struggles. However, it also got me to thinking about my future. A future that will help further my career in the mental health field. I’m hoping to go back to school. I want to get my Associates Degree in Social and Human Services and hope to get a Bachelors Degree in Applied Behavioral Science. In order to do this I  need to do a few things first and hopefully when those are done I can be back in school in Spring of 2018.

As hopeful as I am toward my future at the moment, I need to focus on the here and now. The here and now means I need to eat and spend time with Junior. Yes, that means I’m ending this blog post for now. I hope that everyone had a good Monday. Peace Out!!!

Not Good Start; The Rest Will Be Good

Good Morning, World!!! I’m up at 4:09 in the morning because of a nightmare. A nightmare that is a symptom of PTSD. I highly dislike having PTSD and would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Waking up from a nightmare is never a great start to any day. I did have Junior by my side helping me through the after effects of the nightmare. Junior sat with me as I cried through the pain. The emotional and physical pain the nightmare brought. Yes, PTSD symptoms can cause not just emotional pain but physical pain as well. As I allow myself to cry, Junior held me to help me feel safe.

After I finished crying, I gave myself a few moments to recompose myself. As I recomposed myself I decided I will blog. Blog about what!?!? Nobody knows not even me.

I am looking forward to what today has to bring. I will be attending a continuing education training for Peer Support Specialist. Its on Ethics and Boundaries in Peer Support. Ethics and boundaries is something we all need in our personal and professional lives. This continuing education training I am attending will help me with my career when I get back into being a Peer Specialist.

Having a career as a peer specialist is know when to step away from things to focus on ones recovery. That’s what I am doing. As much as I would love to be working as a Peer at the moment, I realize focusing on my recovery is important. I just hope that me focusing on my recovery will help me grow as a person and as a Peer Specialist.

Anyway, I’m thinking that I should end this particular blog post for now. I need to get ready for the day ahead. I want be in a good space when I attend the continuing education training I will be attending. If I’m not too tired when I get home from the continuing education training, I hope to blog about what I learned I hope everyone has a great work week. Happy Monday and Peace Out!!!

Making Life Decisions in a Crisis

The last few months have been a struggle for me. A struggle that has been more or less a constant crisis for me. Being in a constant crisis and not being able to  bounce back like I have been able to do in recent years.

Not being able to bounce back as quickly as I have been able to do as in recent years got me to thinking about my recovery. I realized as I was thinking that not being able to focus on my recovery due to working fulltime under a supervisor who would not allow me to take time off for appointments with my treatment team that I needed to make a huge life decision. A decision that was not easy for me to make but I needed make it as I need to focus on my recovery. That decision was to resign from my position as a Peer Specialist.

I put in my notice on Valentines Day and my supervisor wasn’t exactly the happiest of people at the moment. He didn’t want to go through the hiring process again which I wouldn’t want to do either however I feel like my recovery is more important than sticking at a job that was hindering my recovery. Yes, I love my job with a passion and really don’t want to quit but I realize that I am doing a disservice to the clients I serve if I am in a constant crisis and not focusing on my own recovery. One of my primary job duties is to be in recovery and well its a little wobbly at the moment I need to do what is best for both the clients I serve and myself and focus on my recovery. So, my last day at a job I love with a passion with be on March 24, 2017.

I know resigning from my job is the best decision for me at the moment. I can’t help others if I’m not able to help myself. As difficult as this decision was for me, I am at peace with my decision. In all honesty I can’t help but see the dialectics in my decision of resigning from my job. I think its because of both the dialectics and mindfulness is why I am at peace with my decision of quitting a job I love with a passion. My recovery is way too important.

I appreciate you all for reading. I hope to continue to share with you my journey of recovery with a mental health condition. I hope to continue to be an example of what recovery looks like. Thank you all again for reading. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

Just Another Thursday

     Well, its Thursday evening and its another beautiful day. Life is going fairly well despite my PTSD symptoms acting up still. As much as I don’t like dealing with my symptoms, I do have to say the nice warm and sunny helps a great deal with dealing with them. I love it when it gets warm outside.

     As many of you know who follow my blog or read it on the regular basis, Thursdays are my Sundays. I go back to work tomorrow. I don’t mind my job however I’m getting frustrated that I’m still in the same position and the same employer. Only time I get a raise is when minimum wage goes. I make 10 cents about minimum wage. You would think that if someone has been employed someplace for 9 years that they would get a pay raise especially since I train the other courtesy clerks (baggers). I bag groceries at a grocery store and feel like I should be doing something more with my life. I am 30something and feel like I’ve accomplished nothing with my life. In reality I have accomplished a lot. I’ve maintained employment with my current employer for 9 years. I no longer meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I also have the received certification as a peer counselor.

     Speaking of peer counseling, I’m still seeking a job as a peer. It seems that at this point in time that there are no positions at this time or the ones out there require at least a year of paid experience. How am I suppose to get paid experience when I’m not getting a job in the field. You would think volunteer experience would be enough. Oh well. I’m sure the right peer job is out there for me somewhere.

     Enough about me being frustrated with not being employed in job I desire. Something I’ve been doing to help with my PTSD symptoms is watching baseball on television. I love baseball. Unfortunately, the baseball team I was rooting for lost. That’s okay because it ultimately helps out my favorite baseball team (The Angels).

     Speaking of baseball and my favorite baseball team I watch the Disney movie, Angels In The Outfield. Its not only a cute movie but an adorable movie as well. I enjoy Disney movies. They tend to have a good moral to the story (most of the time).

     I also talked to my little brother today. He is doing great. He is so funny. I try to talk to him at least twice a week. He is the reason why I chose to start the recovery process as well as stay in recovery from mental illness. I want him to know anything is possible.

     I don’t have much to discuss at the moment. That means I will end this blog entry for now. I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have a good rest of your Thursday evening. Peace out.