Tag Archives: Recovery

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!! It’s that time of week again. The time when I do my weekly check-in. Saturday mornings seem to work for me in regards to doing my weekly check-ins. I hope that weekly check-ins can become a part of my Saturday morning routine like Saturday morning cartoons and a big bowl of cereal were when I was a child.

The last week has been an uncomfortable one for me. Or at least it has been uncomfortable for me at work. There was a “staff retreat” at work and the Peers were invited. Which, I was happy about. I was then approached by a case manager (who was a peer at one time) and a supervisor. I was asked by both of them if I would be willing to co-present Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) with the case manager. I opened my big mouth and said yes. I am NOT a big fan of public speaking or at least I don’t like to publically speak. Thankfully, my supervisor was not present for the retreat. Unfortunately for  me he heard through the grape vine on “how well” I did presenting the WRAP and wants me to start presenting more. He also wants me to start up a group sooner than later. He “likes” the fact that I’ve already have it “in the works.” Meaning that I have a case manager who will co-facilitate with me, a name for the group and what the group focus will be on.

The group focus will be for those who struggle with self harm. It will be half process group and half coping skills group. I worry on how well I will do co-facilitating a group. Partly because of the public speaking aspect of it. My supervisor likes the idea that the group will be focused on self harm because many agencies including mine don’t have groups specifically geared toward self harm and processing with learning skills. Many groups that have a focus on self harm are skills based without the processing part. My supervisor is “for” my group because it is both processing and skills based which is something that is needed for those who struggle with self harm. Being able to process and learn new skill is needed because it helps with recovery.

Recovery is not easy. I know in terms for my own recovery, I need to process stuff. Processing things is not easy. I know for me processing both the trauma I have experienced as well as the miscarriages has been quite helpful for me despite it being difficult. Even though processing is difficult, I wouldn’t be in recovery without processing stuff that has been hard to deal with throughout my life.

Overall my life has been going well. Yes, I have had some severe anxiety lately but I have been able to use my skills to help me through. Skills and my wonderful support system have helped me.

On that note, I would like to thank you for reading my blog. I hope that all  my blog is helpful to you all in some one or another. Have a wonderful day  and peace out!!

Ass+U+Me=Assume

Posted on by Gertie

I don’t really know where to begin. After doing a (scheduled) phone “check-in” with my therapist, I realized that I have some built up emotions. For example, my therapist sounded a lil surprised that I prefer the pronouns, they/them and not she/her. Its never been an issue until recently.

It hasn’t been an issue until recently due to colleagues making assumptions of me. Assumptions that are getting to me. For instance, I talk a great deal about my fiancé, Junior a great deal and have accidently said boyfriend. When they hear boyfriend most of my colleagues assume that I am straight. Well, I am not straight. I am pansexual. There are quite  a few of other assumptions that I can share but I won’t for a multitude of reasons.

I realize that maybe I should start “correcting” people on their assumptions and especially the pronouns but sometimes its not worth it for me. Its not worth it because, I have come to accept that even if I do “correct” people they won’t always remember or won’t accept my preferred  pronouns. For me self acceptance is more important than acceptance of others. I say this because others are more likely to accept you if you accept yourself.

I appreciate the time you took to read my blog. I hope to have an honest, respectful and open dialog on the issue of pronouns. Again, thank you for reading. Peace Out!!

Once Again, I’m On My Oh So Lovely Soap Box

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!! It’s another relaxing Sunday afternoon in my neck of the woods. As I was sitting on my couch relaxing, I was thinking about the many types of discrimination a person can experience. One of which is economical class discrimination.

There isn’t a day that I don’t think about economical class and discrimination especially when it comes discrimination toward low income individuals. I think about this daily for many reasons. One of which, is I recently experienced it recently, again.

Let me explain my most recent experience in economical class discrimination. I had to call the fine folks who run the city bus system to see where the bus was due to the fact that it had not arrived yet. I called on my basic touch phone which appears to be a smart phone but isn’t. When the fine folks on the other end finally picked up I had an extremely irritating conversation. The woman on the other end mentioned about getting the one bus away app. I had informed her that not everyone has the luxury of owning a smart phone due to finance’s. (This is the point in the conversation that gets quite infuriating.) The woman on the other end informed me that I needed to “learn how to budget.” The thought going through my head was; excuse me, I just didn’t fucking hear that or did I. End stead of say this, I asked for the supervisor and her response was, “I am the supervisor.” At this point, I hung up due to the fact I chose not to get on my soap box with this individual because it appeared from my end she would not be able to grasp it the idea of what she just did was a form of discrimination against low income individuals such as myself. I, of course made an official complaint and much to my surprise it was taken care of.

Like I said earlier in this post that there is not a day where I don’t think about economical class and the discrimination one deals with when they are low income. The reason being is because I live in a subsidized housing building and work at a mental health agency that primarily deals with individuals that are homeless or formally homeless. It’s difficult for me to not, not see the disparity in being low income. It’s irritating as hell when I hear comments such as “you need to learn how to  budget” or “get a job” or “you’re not disabled so you shouldn’t be receiving disability” and so on. I can go on with all of the comments I have heard said to me or the clients I serve. I guess, I am just attempting to point out that when people discriminate against those who are low income they are discriminating against the following: people of color, people other ethnicities, elderly, immigrants, LGBTQ, gender, those with a criminal background and the disabled (which includes those of us who struggle with a mental illness). (SIDE NOTE: I realize I may have missed other minority groups that are affected in low income and I apologize if I missed yours.) Discrimination of those who are low income means you are discriminating against them in another category as well.

As you can tell I get passionate about others being discriminated against. What people don’t realize is that being discriminated against because of your economical class is a very real issue and wish it was brought up more. I know its on the low end of the totem pole of issues that need to be brought up in whole grand scheme of things when it comes to discrimination but that is what I am brining it up in my blog. I am hoping that this entry can at least start a conversation about the topic.

I appreciate you reading my blog and hope that this entry does start a conversation. All I ask is that if you comment on this post that you are respectful. If I feel like you are not being respectful, I will not approve them. My blog, my rules. I just want the conversation to be started. Peace Out!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s been a couple of weeks since I last blogged. I know, I have said, this before, I want to blog more regularly. I enjoy blogging.

Enough about me talking about blogging and on to my weekly check-in. Let’s start with earlier this week. I was struggling with fleeting suicidal thoughts with no plans. It’s also commonly known in the mental health field as “passive suicide ideation.” Before I continue, I want to make myself clear, I am NOT currently suicidal and I did NOT harm myself in any way. I was able to use my good ole Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills as well as using my support system. It is always nice to have people to depend on especially since that wasn’t always the case for me. It is a wee bit concerning both my support system and myself that I had fleeting suicidal thoughts however everyone agrees that I am not letting it get me down because I am choosing to pick myself up and dusting myself off.  I’ve been able to do this for the fact of being in a relatively decent place. I owe being in a decent place to me working fulltime.

Speaking of work, lets talk about my high light of the week. Yesterday (Friday, 8/26/2016), was our recovery celebration for clients at work. Seeing clients facial expressions as they received their certificates and hearing the speeches of those who chose to speak was not only rewarding but humbling. Witnessing the progress of the clients I am able to serve has been an absolute honor for me to watch.

As, I finish  the post, I want to sum up the week with its been recovery focused. As always, thank you for reading. Its much appreciated from my end. Peace out, everyone!!

Sleepless In Seattle, Once Again

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!! Normally, I would be getting ready for a job I love with a passion however I am not going into work this morning. I am not feeling well. Mainly because I didn’t sleep all that well last night. My insomnia was not helping so much. To make it worse every time I did attempt to fall asleep, my PTSD would rear its ugly head with flashbacks, nightmares and body memories. Too make things worse is I had nightmares about the miscarriages I had. Nightmares that included four faceless babies saying they miss me and love me and then tell me I killed them. Its difficult to sleep after that. I wish my depression symptoms from the grief of losing two sets of twins is setting in once again. Plus the normal PTSD shit that doesn’t help matters much with the nightmares of being abused. Anyway due to the lack of sleep due to grieving over my two miscarriages as well as PTSD shit from my childhood, I have decided to call into work sick today. A job I love with a passion.

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World. I have decided to start doing my weekly check-ins once again and for a multitude of reasons. One of which to keep you the reader up to date on what is going  in the my life and two, to get back in the swing of things of blogging. I have found that if I blog on the regular basis, it keeps my regular readers to want to check-out my blog more often. I have many other reasons why I am stating my weekly check-ins however I am not going to bore you with those reasons.

A great deal has happened this past week so lets just start on Monday since nothing really notable happened Sunday. Monday, I saw my therapist, Diana. Overall, my session with her went well. It went much better than the last session I had with which was back in June. In fact Diana stated that I made “progress” in our session. If I look back on our session I did make some progress. It was an emotionally difficult session with Diana am grateful that I made progress. We discussed some difficult topics that I usually quickly change the subject on and this time I didn’t change the topic which is one of the successes I had in my session.

The success I had in my session with Diana is a major deal but the success I was able to show someone else on Tuesday and Wednesday validated all the work I have done in my recovery. I attended a two day conference on focusing on peers specialist and supportive employment and how the two can interact with each other. So, I ran into another professional at this conference who knew me at my worst. A person who didn’t think I was capable of ever working due to the “severity” of my symptoms at the time.  This person was “shocked as hell” that I was in attendance as well as working as a peer specialist. It felt good being able to prove to someone that I am capable of doing something that they thought I was unable to do. The interaction I had with this person helped me realize that I am a success and how much I am proud of myself for accomplishing.

On the topic accomplishments I have been following the Summer Olympics. Now, the individuals participating in the Olympics have had major accomplishments in their lives to just be able to make it to the Olympics. Yes, many of the Olympians have had difficulties in their lives and you can compare to just about any thing in life. The one thing I am highly disappointed in is that a soccer play on the U.S.A’s woman soccer team was a sore looser and unsportsmanlike. This soccer player made her country (which is my country) look like they are sore losers. Just know we as Americans don’t approve of such unsportsmanlike behavior. The Olympics are suppose to bring the world together and hope that it continue to do so.

The correlation I can see between the Olympics and mental health recovery is hope. And that’s what I want to end this post today with a message hope.  We all need hope! Peace Out!!

Why Can’t I Just Find The Time?

Posted on by Gertie

Long time no write. I don’t know why I am going weeks without blogging especially when I have stated very clearly my plans to blog. I love blogging. It is something I enjoy doing. Actually, it is something I love doing and brings me a sense of joy and accomplishment even when I am having difficulties with my mental health symptoms acting up.

Since I got on the topic of my mental health, let me up date you on it before getting back on the topic of blogging. Overall, my mental health has been doing well. My anxiety has been high and I will be talking to Diana, my therapist about it the next time I see her. In fact I think my job is helping a great deal with the symptoms of my mental illness despite not being able to see my therapist as often as I would like to or need to. I will be discussing the topic of being able to ask for time off to Diana the next time I see her because my recovery depends on it. In fact my job depends on me being in recovery.

Now that we have gotten even more off topic of talking about my mental health and recovery and how it ties into my job lets talk about my job. I love my job more and more everyday. The Department of Health finally made my Agency Affiliated Counselor Registration active which is something my boss has been getting on me about even though I had done everything I needed to do on my end. Now, I am working on my drivers license for work. I had failed my first drivers test this past Thursday. I just need more practice driving and will retake it again. I know when I inform my supervisor of failing the drivers test he wont be very happy but at least I am attempting to get my license. Like I said, I love my job. My job gives me a purpose in life.

A purpose in life just like blogging does. I am thinking that I need to set some time aside to blog. A benefit to blogging, I didn’t realize was going to happen was that it is a form of therapy for me. It’s therapeutic for me and its an added bonus for me because, it wasn’t my intention for my blog to do that for me. I really think if I go back to doing the weekly writing prompts I told you about as well as the weekly check-ins, it will help me get back in the swing of things when it comes to blogging. I am hoping that you all will hold me accountable to this. I’m also thinking about maybe signing up for a Blogging U. course that WordPress puts on even if its one that I have already taken and completed. The Blogging U. thing is just an idea at the moment. I just don’t want to put too much on my plate at the moment especially with blogging. I’m hoping I will come up with schedule with my blog and will inform you of it when I do.

It was nice to be able to blog about how things are going, well sort of. I hope to update you more on how my life is going in all aspect of my life. I hope everyone has an awesome evening and Peace Out all!!

Dentist Disaster

Posted on by Gertie

You go for a rather complex dental procedure and the dentist

has put you under general anesthesia.

But when you wake up, you are no longer at the dentist office.

You are on a train with a briefcase handcuffed to your wrist.

Just as you are registering your new surroundings,

a man walks up with a gun and points it at you.

What happens next?

I start to panic as I am realizing that I am staring down a barrel of a gun. As I slowly realize I have a gun pointed at my face, I started laughing. Laughing at the fact that I wasn’t really staring down the barrel of a gun, I was staring at the foot (end) of a flute. People on the train thought I wasn’t taking it as seriously as they thought I should. It was just a flute in my face. Considering the “briefcase” I was handcuffed to was actually an empty flute case, I am going to assume the man wants me to put the flute into the case.

As I slowly come to, I realize that my assumption was completely wrong. I was just under the influence of laughing gas from the dentist. I informed my dentist about the flute dream and she began to laugh. She laughed because it wasn’t the first time someone in her dentist chair had this particular laughing gas dream. This made me wonder if I should go see another dentist as I walked out of the office after she was done. Nah, if this was the worst thing that can happen at the dentist then I will stick with her.

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning!!! It is that time of week to do my weekly check-in. It has been quite a week.

My week started out with me needing to go to the Emergency Room (ER) because I had flu like symptoms. I vomited and had diarrhea multiple times within a two hour time period. Since I am prone to dehydration I went to the E.R. The doctors told me that it wasn’t a food born illness nor the flu but “flu-like illness.” Whatever the hell “flu-like illness” means.  I unfortunately, had to miss work on Monday.

My work week went about as “normal” as it can be working in the mental health field. We did have a flood at work due to a broken pipe which was kind of funny for a multitude of reasons. I wish I could tell you more about the flood and why it was so funny but I cannot because it would violate HIPPA laws and I want to protect my clients privacy.

I took a planned day off on yesterday (Friday) so I could be able to see my therapist. My session with Diana didn’t go to well. I pretty much yelled at her most of the time due to the fact of the lack of communication on her part and how I wasn’t feeling supported by her. I know yelling at your therapist isn’t the wisest of choices. I guess, I was and am frustrated that my therapist isn’t doing what I think she should be doing to help me. Plus, I felt like she wasn’t picking up on the fact that I was wanting to discuss my grief and loss with the miscarriages. I also know that it doesn’t help that she works part time and I work full time. Which is why I wish she would try to check-in with me a little be more. It is something I have emailed her about and am hoping she follows through. Diana has helped me a great deal. If it wasn’t for her help over that last seven and a half years, I wouldn’t be working as a Peer Specialist. So, I do owe Diana a lot since she has helped me a lot.

Thank you for reading. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

Wabbit Hunting

Posted on by Gertie

You wake up one morning and find yourself inside a “Looney Tunes” cartoon 

 with a burning desire to hunt down a certain mischievous bunny, no matter the cost. 

What happens next?

I wake up thinking I’ve lost my mind once again so I wake up Junior and ask him if I am loosing my mind. Junior nods his no as he says “I think we both lost our minds.” At that moment it time the phone rings it’s my brother, Jay who asked “What the hell is going on? I’m in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon.” I then told him that both Junior and myself are in a  “Looney Tunes” cartoon as well.  I invite my brother over so we can discuss the situation of waking in a cartoon.

My brother arrives at my place quite quickly in a panic speaking gibberish. When we were finally able to understand what Jay was saying we realize that the entire world became amerced in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon. The good news of this is that it appears that everyone is loosing their minds. The bad news is that you may not be in the same “Looney Tunes” cartoon as someone who is close to you even if you live with the person.

As Junior, Jay and myself were discussing about how the world was loosing their minds due to being in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon we all realized we wanted to go hunt down a certain bunny. We all came to the consensus that since we wouldn’t think about murdering somebody when the world wasn’t in a cartoon, we wouldn’t do it now since we weren’t a hundred percent positive the mischievous bunny wasn’t really a person in the non cartoon world.

Now on to bigger problems, how do we help ourselves and the rest of the world get out of being in a cartoon. It might be fun for a few days however realistically we all would need to get back to reality. The reality of being human and not a cartoon.

The world was complete chaos for the obvious reason of everyone being in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon. Now it was time to attempt to get everyone in the same episode so maybe just maybe things can get back to whatever the hell normal is and being human again and not a cartoon.

Junior, Jay, myself as well as our friends and family all decided to  share our ideas with local first responders and Politian’s. Surprisingly enough everyone was on board about brining everyone back to reality and out of a cartoon. Fortunately, after two weeks with the world being a “Looney Tunes” cartoon everyone became human again. Only this time there was world peace. Yes, I did say world peace.