In Desperate Need of a Shower

Good Morning, World!!! I am in desperate need of a shower as I haven’t showered since last Wednesday. I have a couple of ideas of why I haven’t showered and one of them is that my depression is starting to creep back in. The other idea is more or less me being in “fuck it mode” due to something I rather not discuss at the moment. I know taking shower will be extremely helpful in regards to feeling somewhat better.

Not only have I not been showering, I have been in isolation mode. I have been managing to not isolate by hanging out with neighbors as well as going for walks. I do need to start reaching out to friends who don’t live in my apartment building because if I don’t my depression will get worse and I will end up isolating from everyone including my neighbors.

The one thing I was going to do ended up being cancelled because the person is on vacation and failed to inform us last week. I was suppose to attended art group today and it sadly was cancelled the last minute due to a communication failure of the group leader. I was really looking forward to attending art group as I know it would have helped me not isolate as well as to motivate me to take a shower.

On a good note, I have taken my morning walks which I think is my saving grace at the moment. I think my morning walks are great form of self care for me and a good way to start my day. I even do an evening walk to clear my head from whatever type of day I may have had. Taking the two walks a day have been quite beneficial for me and my mental health.

Doing good self care, no matter how small, is something that I benefit from. Sometimes it is difficult for me to do self care due to depression. In fact doing good self care is something I make an effort to do as I want to be an example of what recovery looks like.

I don’t have much more to write about in this post except that I will end up taking a shower at some point today. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a good Monday everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

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It’s Been A Surprisingly Peaceful Day

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a beautiful sunny yet chilly day here in Seattle. In fact it was such a beautiful day I went on a walk at the Arboretum here in Seattle. It was beautiful as always. I, unfortunately forgot my camera to take pictures with. I guess, I could have used my phone but the pictures wouldn’t be the same.  While at the Arboretum, I did some mindfulness and meditation practices. Much needed meditation and mindfulness exercises. I forgot how helpful they are and doing them while being in the fresh air and beauty was that much more rewarding.

When I got home after my time at the Arboretum, I decided to listen to music. I listened to the music so loudly that a neighbor asked me to turn it down. My music is normally not turned up so high it bothers my neighbors. The loud music was extremely therapeutic for me while it lasted. Yes, I did turn down my music and continued to enjoy the music I was listening to.

After spending a couple of hours listening to music, I decided to visit with some neighbors in my building who I have been good friends with. We chit chatted for about an hour and then play a couple of games for another hour or two. It was nice to get together with friends and just hang out.

All in all today has turned out to be a surprisingly peaceful day. A day that started out with me ruminating and worrying about something I really have no control over even though I know I am telling the truth. I think I am now going to fix some spaghetti and invite a friend over who happens to be a neighbor that lives in my building. Food and friendship is always a good thing. I want my day to continue to be peaceful.

I don’t have much more to say in this post. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday evening. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s the Little Things That Will Help

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am not sure how to feel or what to think. As I mentioned in a previous post that I posted on February 26th, I had a meeting with the supervisor of the peer run help line I volunteer at. I was informed that someone that sound like me has been calling the peer run help line and well as the crisis line. I inform them that it wasn’t me and gave them a list of why it wasn’t me. The supervisor then said I could volunteer again on my regular shifts of Saturdays. I get an email yesterday (Friday) telling me to “hold off” as they “investigate.” I understand where this person is coming from as you don’t want a call taker answering phones on help line if they are not doing well themselves. If I were calling these help lines I would have admitted to the supervisor however I didn’t call them and feel like I am being punished. I also feel like I am not being believed and that feeling comes from the trauma I suffered as a child. The thing that frustrates me the most is this person said I could come back and then said to hold off as they investigate. I really like volunteering on the peer run help line and it has helped me a great deal to remain recovery focused and if I loose this gig because of something the folks at this organization think I am doing something I am not doing then I will be extremely hurt. Like I said I understand where the supervisor is coming from however I know without a shadow of doubt that I am NOT calling in. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if the supervisor reads my blog if they remember I blog. I mention as they are trying to figure out if I am stable enough to volunteer. Now, I am starting to sound a little paranoid but I really want to volunteer at this peer run help line as it has been quite helpful for me to remain focused on my own recovery. As you can tell this specific topic is causing me to have conflicting emotions and I need to use some of my skills.

On to another subject that isn’t so emotional for me, the weather. It is a beautiful sunny day here in Seattle. It may be sunny outside but it sure is colder than hell. I am not a big fan of the cold weather. Despite the chilly weather outside, I think part of my plan for today is to take two extra walks. I usually walk twice a day for a least a mile for each walk. However, I think today I will put in two extra walks, walking a least a mile. It is a beautiful yet chilly day here in Seattle and since the plans I had for this evening were pretty much cancelled, I have time for two extra walks.

I think another thing I will do is read comic books. I really need to catch up on the latest Wonder Woman comic books as I have fallen behind in reading them. If you have been reading my blog for a while you are well aware of that I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. I started reading and collecting Wonder Woman comics since I was in Kindergarten. Wonder Woman comics have been one of the constants in my life. One of the things I turn to on both the good and the bad days.

Something else that comes to mind that is a no brainer for me to do today is spend some quality time with my cat, Lil Gertie. I am one hundred percent sure that she has been picking up on the emotions I have been dealing with in regards to the volunteer job. Lil Gertie has been cuddling more than she usually does. She tends to do this when my emotions are starting to get the better of me and it helps a great deal. I love my cat so much.

Another thing I am planning on doing in place of volunteering tonight is watching The Umbrella Academy. I am really enjoying the show. I am hoping I can binge watch the rest of the show before the end of the weekend and if I can’t I hope to finish it before I see my therapist on Tuesday.

One last thing I plan on doing is reaching out to friends. Talking to friends has always been helpful to me. Plus it helps me not focus on my own problems. Friends have a way of helping you out even when they don’t realize they are helping you out.

As you can tell, it is a bunch of little things that will help me through all the various emotions I am feeling today. Sometimes it is all about the small things. Small things that can brighten someone’s day. And sometimes you have to create the small things to help brighten your own day.

I don’t have much more to say in this already long post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. If you have beautiful weather go out and enjoy it. Peace Out, World!!!

So Far So Good

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s been a pretty chill day for me. I went grocery shopping for myself and my grandpa wanted to tag along. It was nice spending time with my grandpa while doing a chore I don’t really like doing; grocery shopping. My grandpa likes grocery shopping for some reason so whenever I go it’s when I spend time with him.

In all honesty if I didn’t need to go grocery shopping, I think I would have isolated today. Not sure why the depression is acting up to where I want to isolate a lot lately. Since I am aware that the depression is acting up to where isolation could become a problem, I know what I need to do. I need to use my DBT skills. Skill that have helped me a great deal.

Today is going to be one of many days that will be above eighty degrees Fahrenheit here in Seattle. Many locals start to melt at eighty degrees. I however start to melt at about ninety five degrees due to spending the majority of my childhood in Southern California. Days like today are the one reason why make an effort to go for walk. Going for walks on days like today help bring up the good parts of my childhood. Most of the good parts involve me being in California living with my dad and grandparents.

I think I am going to go so I can go for a walk. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Sunny In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop staring out my front room window and it is going to be a beautiful day here in Seattle. Sunny days in Seattle are one of the reasons I love Seattle so much. Many people who live in Seattle like to claim it is rainy a dreary more often than it is because we are extremely protective of our city. It is a beautiful city especially when it is sunny outside.

I am pretty sure with it being sunny outside it is going to be of help to my depression symptoms. Symptoms that appear that will not go away. I know eventually that my depression symptoms will subside in time.

One way I have been combating my depression is going walks twice daily. Walking twice daily has helped my depression a great deal. Yes, I walk when the weather is yucky outside. Walking not only helps with my depression symptoms, it also helps with my anxiety symptoms a great deal.

Art has also been helping a lot with both my depression and anxiety symptoms. Doing art helps me express my emotions when I am unable to verbalize it. It may not appear to you that I have trouble verbalizing my emotions but I do and that is why art is so important to me.

Reading has also helped a great deal with the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Reading helps me get out of my head and forget my issues in a healthy way for a moment or two. It helps because being able to forget for a few moments gets me in a better mind set.

Thank you for reading. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. Have a great day everyone.  You’re awesome!!! Peace Out, World!!!