A Random Monday Evening Post

Good Evening, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post today was and still is a day for me do good self care. So far doing good self care has been challenging to do however it is something that continues to be accomplished. The most challenging of the self care acts was that of taking a shower. Not sure why it has been the most challenging but it was. I did take a shower shortly after my last post and am grateful that I accomplished it.

As accomplished as I feel taking a shower, I feel just as accomplished with the other things I have done today. In fact, I did a great deal of walking today and feel proud that I walked as much as I did today. In fact all the walking I did today led me to walking to a park and enjoying myself there.

When I was at the park, I was there for about an hour and a half. I just sat there enjoying the beauty of the park as well as read. I read some comic books. In fact the comic books I read today at the park were Wonder Woman. If you have been reading my blog for awhile you are well aware that I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. I have been a Wonder Woman fan since I was a kid. My dad got me into Wonder Woman and I greatly appreciate him for that.

Since returning home from the park, I decided to listen to a podcast about mythology. In fact if it wasn’t for being a big fan of Wonder Woman, I don’t think I would be interested in learning about mythology. After each episode of the podcast about mythology, I go online and look up what was discussed so I am educating myself even more on the subject of mythology.

As I listened to the podcast on mythology, I did some art. Specifically, the art that I did was color. I love to color for a multitude of reasons. One of which is that it is a type of mindfulness practice for me. I am coloring a poster and hope to finish it to give to my therapist. For me giving people finished coloring projects is gratifying.

I don’t have much else to say and really should get going to I can get me something to eat for dinner. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great rest of their evening. Peace Out, World!!!

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Happy Monday

Good Morning, World!!! It is yet another Monday and I am wishing I had a job that had a “normal” work schedule but thankfully, I don’t have to work tonight. I do however have a two hour work meeting tomorrow (Tuesday) evening. I enjoy what I do for work, I just don’t like the fact it is an on call job working a twelve hour overnight shift. It is not conducive for someone like me who has “treatment resistant insomnia.” Sadly, I will be putting in my two weeks notice in the next week or two.

As far as writing my resignation letter, I am not going to do that today. I will be laying low and doing things to help me not isolate yet have some “me time” or some good self care time. First and fore most I need to take a much needed shower. The last time I took a shower was last Thursday morning so I am not smelling all that good. You know you smell bad when you can smell yourself and it doesn’t smell all that pretty. I am surprised my cat still wants to sit on my lap and be petted.

Another thing I plan on doing is to go walking. I plan on going on multiple walks as it is a beautiful day outside. As I walk I plan on just taking in the sunshine and enjoying the moment. So, I guess I will be doing mindful walking.

I, of course will be listening to podcast. The subjects I have been listening to over the weekend and most interested in at the moment are philosophy and mythology. I don’t know how I got interested in philosophy but I know how I got interested in mythology. I got interested in mythology due to the fact that I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. Wonder Woman’s roots goes back into mythology. If it wasn’t for my love of Wonder Woman I don’t think I would have been interested in mythology. In fact someone told me that philosophy and mythology can go hand in hand and to a degree I agree with that but they are also two very different subjects.

I do not have much more to say except that I hope to educate you on what I have learned from the podcast and from looking up the information online. I also want to thank you for reading my blog as it greatly appreciated from my end of things. Have a good work week everyone. I also hope you all have a good Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

Update on Self-Care Saturday

Good Evening, World!!! It is early evening in my corner of the world and am having a relatively good day. I think I am having a relatively good day because I have focused today solely on self-care today. A self-care day that I desperately needed and am beyond grateful that I decided to do it and follow through with it.

So far today, I have mostly listened to a philosophy podcast on Spotify called “Philosophize This” while doing other things. I am thrilled that started listening to “Philosophize This” again because I am learning a great deal. I am learning a great deal about philosophy and other things from “Philosophize This” because when I finish an episode, I look up things that Stephen West discusses in his podcast. I look up the information Stephen West discusses on his podcast “Philosophize This” not because I don’t belief him but because I further want to educate myself on the topics he discusses. I feel like listening to “Philosophize This” and educating myself on the topics being discussed helps me find things to talk to other about besides the typical things I discuss with others. So, I guess you can say it will help with my communication skills.

One of the things I did while listening to “Philosophize This” was go for several walks. Walks that have helped me a great deal with getting some excess anxiety and energy out of my system. Anxiety and energy that isn’t exactly helpful for me especially when I am having a self-care day. I love to go walking for many reasons. One reason I enjoy walking is it gets me out of my apartment as well as out of my head.

Another thing I have been doing while listening to “Philosophize This” is art. I have been both painting and coloring. I did both genres of art because I enjoy doing both genres. I also did both because I was needing to have the paint dry before adding to the painting and coloring was also a way for me to think on what else I wanted to add to the painting or what I wanted to paint next. Plus coloring is a type of mindfulness practice for me.

Since it’s just barely five in the evening in my corner of the world I realize I am needing to eat dinner as I am hungry. I am trying to figure out what I want to eat. What type of food am I craving. I am not sure what type of food I exactly want at the moment. I know that there is a specific dish I really want from a restaurant in my neighborhood but I am not sure if I want to spend that much money on food. But I want something different from mac and cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Maybe I could go walking around my neighborhood to see what type of food calls out to me even if I am spending money I don’t want to spend. I don’t go out to eat all that often. I think going to get food is something I need to do.

I do not have much else to talk about at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate you reading my blog. I hope you have a great rest of your Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

This is how I am when I’m starting to dissociate & I hope it’s educational for you as I fight against it.

Happy Monday and Good Evening, World!!! It is an absolutely, amazingly, beautiful day here in Seattle and I have been enjoying it to the best of my ability. Sadly, I am partly in reality and partly fighting against the dissociative state I am slowly getting in. Being is a dissociated state even a partial one is never good thing for me.

So, I went for a walk and a listened to some great music. As I was walking listening to music, I realized I was starting to dissociate and stopped in my tracks to go back home. As I walked back up I did a walking mindfulness and meditation exercise as I walked back home. As I walked through the door to my apartment my cat instantly knew something was wrong so she did was she needed to do and it helped great deal for me to get more it reality than I wasn’t in. Hell, I am still trying to get back into a hundred percent reality. Not sure why I am fighting so hard with the dissociation right now. I just want to enjoy the nice Seattle weather by taking a walk. I have done some mindfulness and meditation practices since I am hope and it is not help all that much at the moment. My cat is helping a great deal. Just focusing on her, my cat is quite helpful.

Now, I am just going to play some music and do some art. I will also play my flute. When I play my flute and/or do art, it helps me get out what I need to so I am able to be fully in reality and not in a dissociative state. Art and music always help. I might do some art outside since it is a beautiful weather day here in Seattle. I just cant go for a walk or I could forget how to get home and I don’t want that so that’s why I’m going to do art on this beautiful sunny day in Seattle in the community porch for the people who live in my apartment building.

Of course I will be spending more time with my cat, Lil Gertie, as she appears to know how to help me when I am in a dissociative state. She is an amazing cat that has helped me a great deal with when I am in a true dissocive  state like I am now. I really don’t let myself go when I am writing. I guess now people can see how hard it is for me.

I am thinking I am needing to end this post so I can do my art and spend time with my cat. Have a great Monday everyone.I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World

It’s the Little Things That Will Help

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am not sure how to feel or what to think. As I mentioned in a previous post that I posted on February 26th, I had a meeting with the supervisor of the peer run help line I volunteer at. I was informed that someone that sound like me has been calling the peer run help line and well as the crisis line. I inform them that it wasn’t me and gave them a list of why it wasn’t me. The supervisor then said I could volunteer again on my regular shifts of Saturdays. I get an email yesterday (Friday) telling me to “hold off” as they “investigate.” I understand where this person is coming from as you don’t want a call taker answering phones on help line if they are not doing well themselves. If I were calling these help lines I would have admitted to the supervisor however I didn’t call them and feel like I am being punished. I also feel like I am not being believed and that feeling comes from the trauma I suffered as a child. The thing that frustrates me the most is this person said I could come back and then said to hold off as they investigate. I really like volunteering on the peer run help line and it has helped me a great deal to remain recovery focused and if I loose this gig because of something the folks at this organization think I am doing something I am not doing then I will be extremely hurt. Like I said I understand where the supervisor is coming from however I know without a shadow of doubt that I am NOT calling in. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if the supervisor reads my blog if they remember I blog. I mention as they are trying to figure out if I am stable enough to volunteer. Now, I am starting to sound a little paranoid but I really want to volunteer at this peer run help line as it has been quite helpful for me to remain focused on my own recovery. As you can tell this specific topic is causing me to have conflicting emotions and I need to use some of my skills.

On to another subject that isn’t so emotional for me, the weather. It is a beautiful sunny day here in Seattle. It may be sunny outside but it sure is colder than hell. I am not a big fan of the cold weather. Despite the chilly weather outside, I think part of my plan for today is to take two extra walks. I usually walk twice a day for a least a mile for each walk. However, I think today I will put in two extra walks, walking a least a mile. It is a beautiful yet chilly day here in Seattle and since the plans I had for this evening were pretty much cancelled, I have time for two extra walks.

I think another thing I will do is read comic books. I really need to catch up on the latest Wonder Woman comic books as I have fallen behind in reading them. If you have been reading my blog for a while you are well aware of that I am a huge Wonder Woman fan. I started reading and collecting Wonder Woman comics since I was in Kindergarten. Wonder Woman comics have been one of the constants in my life. One of the things I turn to on both the good and the bad days.

Something else that comes to mind that is a no brainer for me to do today is spend some quality time with my cat, Lil Gertie. I am one hundred percent sure that she has been picking up on the emotions I have been dealing with in regards to the volunteer job. Lil Gertie has been cuddling more than she usually does. She tends to do this when my emotions are starting to get the better of me and it helps a great deal. I love my cat so much.

Another thing I am planning on doing in place of volunteering tonight is watching The Umbrella Academy. I am really enjoying the show. I am hoping I can binge watch the rest of the show before the end of the weekend and if I can’t I hope to finish it before I see my therapist on Tuesday.

One last thing I plan on doing is reaching out to friends. Talking to friends has always been helpful to me. Plus it helps me not focus on my own problems. Friends have a way of helping you out even when they don’t realize they are helping you out.

As you can tell, it is a bunch of little things that will help me through all the various emotions I am feeling today. Sometimes it is all about the small things. Small things that can brighten someone’s day. And sometimes you have to create the small things to help brighten your own day.

I don’t have much more to say in this already long post. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. If you have beautiful weather go out and enjoy it. Peace Out, World!!!

So Far So Good

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s been a pretty chill day for me. I went grocery shopping for myself and my grandpa wanted to tag along. It was nice spending time with my grandpa while doing a chore I don’t really like doing; grocery shopping. My grandpa likes grocery shopping for some reason so whenever I go it’s when I spend time with him.

In all honesty if I didn’t need to go grocery shopping, I think I would have isolated today. Not sure why the depression is acting up to where I want to isolate a lot lately. Since I am aware that the depression is acting up to where isolation could become a problem, I know what I need to do. I need to use my DBT skills. Skill that have helped me a great deal.

Today is going to be one of many days that will be above eighty degrees Fahrenheit here in Seattle. Many locals start to melt at eighty degrees. I however start to melt at about ninety five degrees due to spending the majority of my childhood in Southern California. Days like today are the one reason why make an effort to go for walk. Going for walks on days like today help bring up the good parts of my childhood. Most of the good parts involve me being in California living with my dad and grandparents.

I think I am going to go so I can go for a walk. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Sunny In Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop staring out my front room window and it is going to be a beautiful day here in Seattle. Sunny days in Seattle are one of the reasons I love Seattle so much. Many people who live in Seattle like to claim it is rainy a dreary more often than it is because we are extremely protective of our city. It is a beautiful city especially when it is sunny outside.

I am pretty sure with it being sunny outside it is going to be of help to my depression symptoms. Symptoms that appear that will not go away. I know eventually that my depression symptoms will subside in time.

One way I have been combating my depression is going walks twice daily. Walking twice daily has helped my depression a great deal. Yes, I walk when the weather is yucky outside. Walking not only helps with my depression symptoms, it also helps with my anxiety symptoms a great deal.

Art has also been helping a lot with both my depression and anxiety symptoms. Doing art helps me express my emotions when I am unable to verbalize it. It may not appear to you that I have trouble verbalizing my emotions but I do and that is why art is so important to me.

Reading has also helped a great deal with the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Reading helps me get out of my head and forget my issues in a healthy way for a moment or two. It helps because being able to forget for a few moments gets me in a better mind set.

Thank you for reading. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. Have a great day everyone.  You’re awesome!!! Peace Out, World!!!