Missing My Grandma on Her Birthday

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today is a sad day for me and my family. Today, would have been my grandma’s 93rd birthday. In fact, when I got up this morning, I tried calling her on her cellphone. It breaks my heart when I do this and wish it wasn’t so hard especially since it has been almost five years since she passed away. Sadly, my grandma passed away from complications due to Parkinson’s Disease.

I am honoring my grandma today by spending it with my grandpa and dad as well as my uncles. Another way I am honoring her on her birthday is going through pictures of her. I also bought some cupcakes and I will light a birthday candle on a cupcake to sing happy birthday after dinner tonight. I’m sure she would be appreciative of it.

I do not have much more to say in this blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate you the reader, reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!


Just Got a Dreaded Call

Hello, World!!!! This is going to be a short and dreaded blog. I just got a call saying a colleague of mine attempted suicide. Thankfully, they are going to live but this is the what we expected but just not so soon. I will be visiting this colleague later today as it’s the middle of the night here in Seattle. I am grateful for my cat who is giving me the comfort and empathy, I need at the moment. I am grateful that my colleague will survive. I hope you all have a good rest of your night.

A Sad Three Day Weekend for Me

Good Evening, World!!! It’s Friday and I am surprised that I feel at peace right now. I wish I was happy but I am good with being at peace for the moment. Normally, this weekend would not be a three day weekend for me but it is. It is because Monday, February 14th, 2022 marks the four year anniversary of the death of my grandma. February 14th also is Valentines day which makes it that much more challenging for me that it has been in the past before my grandma died.

I never needed a special day for someone to tell me that they loved me. My grandma made everyday Valentines Day for me especially since I wasn’t exactly the popular kid or most liked kid in school. I think that is why this Monday will be heard for me. It will be hard for my grandpa as well.

I decided to take Monday, February 14th off because of the anniversary of my grandma’s death. On a plus note, I will be taking my grandpa out on a date on Valentines Day in hopes to make better memories. I’m sure this brunch date with be bittersweet but at least we will be together making good memories.

Thank you for listening (or should I say reading) this sad post. I am grateful that you read it. You the reader, reading my blog means a great deal to me. So, thank you from the bottom of heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Three and a Half Years and I Still Miss My Grandma

Good Morning, World!!! Today marks exactly three and a half years since the death of my grandma. I miss my grandma a great deal. She along side my grandpa helped my dad raise me since my dad was a single father. My grandma was the motherly figure in my life. I miss being able to talk with her just to tell her about how my day went.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am glad she is no longer suffering as she had Parkinson’s Disease. I just wish she was alive to meet my last cat, Lil Gertie as well as my current cat Billie Dean. She would have loved both cats and would have spoiled them.

I don’t have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you do read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader I wouldn’t be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Monday Evening Rambling

Hello, World!!! Today has been an overall great day with some sadness. Sadness because I found out today while having an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner is leaving in a month and today was my last appointment. I am grateful that she informed me yet sad that she is leaving.

Not only was today my last session with my psychiatric nurse practitioner, it was also my last session with my therapist. I did know that he was leaving. I am quite sad that my therapist is leaving and wish he wasn’t.

One of the things that has been helping me is my cat, Billie Dean. I think Billie senses that I have been dealing with sadness off and on all day, today. I don’t think people realize how comforting cats can be and I love my cat, Billie so very much.

Now on to a different topic. The topic of twelve step meetings. A friend of mine and I were talking over Zoom about our families and how dysfunctional they were and are. This friend let me know of a great twelve step organization that has a twelve step focus with a lot of recovery principals to the group. I attended my first meeting of this particular twelve step meeting last Friday over Zoom and really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it enough that I ordered the proper literature which came today and attended my second meeting over Zoom today. I will be continuing to attend as I find it quite helpful.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do what to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Christmas Eve Grief & Depression

Good Morning, once again, World!!! It is still Christmas Eve and I still have not been able to sleep. The lack of sleep that is not helping with the emotions I am dealing with at the moment. Emotions I would rather not be dealing with at the moment.

Today, I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family and it happens to be the first Christmas without my grandma. I am dealing with the grief and sadness that goes along with it. Despite dealing with the difficult emotions of dealing with the first holiday without my grandma, I am looking forward to spending time with my dads side of my family.

I am however am dreading later this evening and tomorrow as I will be spending it with my mom’s side of the family. Sadly, my brother won’t be there as he will be spending the holiday with his dad. I am not looking forward to spending Christmas with my mom due to her being in active addiction.

Despite all of this my depression is acting up which sucks shit but it feels and looks like a typical Seattle Christmas minus the rain which is a good thing. I am not a big fan of rain but it wouldn’t be Christmas in the Northwest without rain so maybe we will get rain. Just as long as we don’t get snow, I will be okay with it as we had a white Christmas last year. The grey dreary Seattle weather fits my mood of being depressed. I hope that I somehow my spirits will be lifted some how and not by alcohol.

I am just really tired and hope I am able to take a nap at some point today. The lack of sleep sure is not helping my mood or my negative emotions. Sleep is crucial to having improved mental health symptoms or at least it does for me.

I better be going. I need to take a shower and eat small breakfast. I also need to pack some last minute things for my trip to my moms after I spend Christmas Eve with my dads side of the family. I hope that those of you who celebrate Christmas have a great holiday. Peace Out, World!!!

The Wave of Grief Strikes Again

Good Morning, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I have tears rolling down my face. Tears rolling down my face because I really miss my grandma and wish she was still here on Earth. I know it has only been six and a half since she died but I wish the pain wasn’t so difficult to deal with.

As difficult as it is for me to deal with my grandma’s death six and a half months ago, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. My grandparents knew each other for over seventy years and married for sixty two and a half years. As hard as my pain is with missing my grandma, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. It is hard to see him break down when he cries about my grandma. Now that is difficult to see when an eighty eight year old Navy man cry over the loss of their spouse.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am happy that I have my cat, Lil Gertie, to help me through moments of grief. Another thing that I have found helpful with dealing with my grief is journaling. My cat and journaling have been life savers the last week or two in regards to dealing with grief.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I do apologize that it is a depressing to read a post about grief first thing in the morning. Again thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Crying Over My Grandma

Hello, World!!! I miss my grandma. In fact I am currently crying because I miss her so much. The funeral just made it so real that she is actually gone, I didn’t want to say goodbye. I love her so much and wish she was still here.

Reality is that she won’t be coming back. Reality is that grief is not going to be an easy thing for me. Grief is scary for me.

I should get going. Thanks for reading. It is much appreciated. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

Not Sure If It’s Grief or Depression

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly depressed. I’m not sure if I am depressed because of depression or if I’m feeling grief over my grandma. Yes, I realize she is still alive but knowing she doesn’t have much longer to live is having me grieve before her death. It hurts deeply that she is suffering so much.

When I saw her today, she looked into my eyes and whispered, “I love you” as it was the last time she will ever say it to me. I’m not sure if its going to be but I’m going to cherish it as it is. I love my grandma so much. I don’t want her to go. I also don’t want her to suffer anymore.

Thank you for reading me moping about my grandma. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!