Tag Archives: Recovery

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after two o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. I sadly woke up from a stupid nightmare and wish the PTSD would just go away. I realize that sadly, the nightmares and the rest of PTSD symptoms will not go away.

Since I woke up from a stupid nightmare, I have decided to read. I am going to read because it is a great distraction and I love to read. Plus, when I read, my cat, Billie, lays on my lap. So, I get the unconditional love of my cat laying on my lap as I read.

I do not have anything else to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Post

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I don’t know how to feel right now. Depression is hitting me hard tonight but at least I got some sleep in earlier. Even though I only got about four hours of sleep I am grateful for the much needed sleep as I was tired. Hell, I am still tired which is why I am probably slightly depressed.

Depression sucks but at least I know how to help myself. One of the things I have been doing is some step work. Specifically, I am working on step one. I really like the fact that the twelve step program I am in has its own twelve step work book. My sponsor is willing to go at my own pace working on the steps as she knows how challenging doing the steps can be.

Since the steps can be hard to do, I’ve done some self care. One of the forms of self care that I have done is to read. I have decided to switch books to read. I am now reading Abraham Lincoln; Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. So far the book is good but I am only thirty pages into the book.

I also have been doing art work. Specifically, I have been coloring. I have been coloring to some music. As I color I have been listening to my childhood memories playlist on Spotify. I love being able to color as I listen to music.

I do not have much more to talk about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Middle of Day Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good , World!!! So, far this is my third blog post of the day and I would be lying if I informed you if I wasn’t struggling. I am struggling at the moment however I have hope. Having hope is a good thing especially when one’s depression is acting up.

As you know from an earlier post, I am struggling a great deal. Mainly, due to not sleeping the last two nights which sucks, but I have kept myself. I, of course have colored as well as read a horror book. The thing I am most proud of is having my first conversation with my sponsor.

That conversation led me to start the first step. The first step is a huge step for everyone involved in any twelve step program. Being part of a twelve step program is healing and gives a sense of community with the meetings and having a sponsor. During my conversation with my sponsor she asked me to attend at least one more meeting today as I already attended one and have the time to attend a second one for the day. I did attend the second meeting and it was awesome.

After the meeting I decided to work on some workbooks for my mental health recovery. I worked on two separate workbooks and I am grateful that I did. I think the workbooks will help me build new skills and reinforce the skills that I currently do have. Recovery is a process and is non-linear. It also looks differently to each person as everyone’s recovery journey is unique to the individual walking along the recovery path.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader continue to read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

First Conversation with Sponsor

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I had my first conversation with my sponsor a few moments ago. My sponsor asked what I was looking for in a sponsor in which I did inform her what I was looking for which is someone with great boundaries. We then discussed how she sponsors and I like the fact that she only sponsors no more than three people at a time.

We will have regular phone calls every week at a set day and time with the option to meet up. I have been given the assignment of starting step one. I will be reading a little bit in the yellow workbook and doing at least one question. I will also start reading step one in the Big Red Book (BRB).

I am looking forward to working the steps and growing as a human being. This is going to be hard work and I am so willing to do it. My recovery depends on it.

(Side Note: Getting a sponsor is not by any means that I am going to stop therapy or anything else that helps with my recovery. Recovery looks different for everyone.)

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my perspective that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Things to Help Myself with Depression, Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am struggling with some depression at the moment and it sucks. On the plus side my happy light is currently on as I type this and my cat Billie is laying in my lap purring up a storm. My depression is acting up primarily because of the time of year and a recent traumatic event that occurred back in last July.

Having depression sucks but at least it has me self aware of how much doing mindfulness meditation practices really do help. I do mindfulness meditation twice daily which is scheduled and then do some unscheduled if needed.

I am of course planning on going to some online twelve step meetings at some point today because I know how helpful they are and when I go back to work I will not be able to attend as many. On a side note I went to a local twelve step meeting that is still completely online and was able to find a sponsor. I am so excited to have a sponsor as this will be helpful in so many ways.

I am also planning on doing some form of art today. In fact I am planning on coloring a giant poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. I enjoy the stuff I color from Stuff2Color. As, I color I plan on listening to music. As of right now I will be listening to my recovery playlist or my childhood memories playlist on Spotify. Coloring and listening to music seem to go together for me.

Another thing I most likely will do is to read. I, most likely will read a horror book due to the fact that it helps with my PTSD and it is Halloween time. The book I am reading is Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. Stephen King is an amazing author.

One thing I am going to do today is work on some workbooks to help with my recovery. Focusing on my recovery is key to everything I do in my life. Everything from my personal life to my profession life at work.

Speaking of work, I am looking for a new job due to some bull crap that doesn’t appear to be fair to me at the moment. Plus, it doesn’t appear like it is a good fit for me at the moment. I am going applying for jobs online today.

I do not have much more to discuss in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Mid-Week Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Wednesday evening in Seattle and today starts something to help me blog more on a regular basis; Mid-Week Updates. It is something I hope to do on a weekly basis on Wednesdays.

I started off the week by attending an online twelve step meeting. A meeting I am glad that I decided to do online twelve step meetings again as they are really helpful to my recovery. Plus, I enjoy them and it helps me with my social skills.

I went to the doctors for a follow from being discharged from the hospital. My medical doctor sent in five prescriptions to the pharmacy which includes an antibiotic for a bladder infection. The doctor also sent in paperwork into my job so I can go back to work.

I picked up a butt load of medicine yesterday for my mental health and physical health. It’s much needed meds and I am grateful for them. It sadly cost me seventy five dollars and some change.

My work is being very picky about me going back to work and it is frustrating the hell out of myself, my doctors and mental health team. On that note I have a good union rep.

Thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Making A HUGE Life Decision

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Once I am able to go back to work I will be putting in my thirty day notice at work. I love my job but I am getting a corrective action plan on an annual review that was done three and a half months early. Every time I asked my supervisor what I could work on and she only brought up one thing which I have slowly but surely improved on. I was even told I “was not the right fit for the job.” They could have gotten me canned during my sixth months of probationary time. I think they are doing all this due to a disability thing but that is okay. I am already looking for new jobs.

Thanks for listening.

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I have had a sleepless in Seattle type of night and it sucks. It sucks that I haven’t been able to sleep very well as of the last week. I think the reason I could not sleep tonight was mainly due to insomnia and the anxiety related to PTSD I struggle with. The anxiety got so bad because of PTSD that I need to take some anti-anxiety meds.

Meds that helped me do some stuff to help get through the night. Stuff like attending an online twelve step meeting which I have been enjoying immensely. I am glad that this is a healthy and safe thing for me to do. It also gives me the structure I need.

I have also been doing some mindfulness meditation practices to help calm my mind down due to anxiety and severe PTSD symptoms. Mindfulness meditation practice that I do with the help of the Calm App. I find using mindfulness meditation helpful for most if not in all aspects of my life.

After doing mindfulness meditation practice I came to realize that doing some form of art work while listening to my recovery play list from Spotify would be a great idea. It was a great idea as I colored a giant post I bought from Stuff2Color.com. Stuff2Color has amazing things to color. Things that take time and detail which I appreciate.

Another thing I did was read as my cat, Billie, laid on my lap.The book I am reading is Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. I love reading horror books any time of the year but I love to read them when it’s around Halloween especially when the weather is yucky like it is now here in Seattle.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Slightly Struggling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon!!! I am slightly struggling once again despite keeping myself busy. Busy with various things and activities that have been quite helpful this time around. I just wish I was not struggling at the moment as struggling sucks shit.

If you read my last post, you are then aware that I woke up way too freaking early. I am tired as hell and I am seriously thinking about taking a nap. A nap that might not be a good idea as it could prevent me from sleeping tonight which I really do want to sleep tonight.

As I mentioned above I have been keeping myself busy with various things. One of those things was having an unscheduled in person appointment with my therapist. The appointment went well. In fact I admire my therapist a great deal, for many reasons.

After seeing my therapist, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine. I picked up nine prescriptions. Four of those prescriptions are for psych reasons to help with my mental health diagnosis. The other five are for my physical health. One of those five meds is an antibiotic for a bladder which could be one of the reasons why I am slightly struggling.

There is also another reason why I am slightly struggling which is quite normal for me and many others living in Seattle this time of year is the weather. The weather is yucky at the moment but I have seen it much worse here in Seattle. Due to the weather being yucky today and yesterday, I have been using my happy light (or happy lamp) to help with my depression. I also have seasonal affective depressive disorder which is also known as SADD.

Another thing I have been doing to keep myself busy is attending online twelve step meetings. Twelve step meetings which I have found quite helpful for myself. I am so grateful that I started going back to these twelve step meetings.

I also have been doing a great deal of art work. Specifically, I have been coloring a small poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. I love to buy coloring posters from Stuff2Color because they are very detailed and keep me busy for hours on end. While I colored, I listened to music on Spotify. I have had my recovery play list playing in the background to help me focus on my recovery.

One of the other things I have done to keep myself busy is read. I have been reading Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. Right now I am on a horror book kick. Partly because it is Halloween time and partly because of the weather. As I read my cat, Billie, was laying in my lap. I love my cat so very much.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Rough Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am having a rough morning. A rough enough morning that I called my therapist who surprisingly answered her phone. She is able to squeeze me in for an in person appointment later this morning.

My therapist agrees with me that the lack of sleep and the current yucky weather that having a session today will be beneficial for me. I usually see my therapist every other week and it is done virtually so it will be nice to have an in person appointment with her today. My therapist is a sweetheart and works very hard to help me especially the last two and a half months after the recent trauma.

I don’t have much more to write in this particular post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!