Tag Archives: Recovery

Getting the Groove of Things

Posted on by Gertie

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize how much I love to blog. I haven’t blogged as much as have liked in recent months for various reasons.

One of those reasons is that I now work fulltime as a peer specialist. It’s a job I love and am slowly getting in the groove of things especially since we have been short staffed. The colleague I told you about two or three entries ago decided to quit and quit in a way that left everyone in shock. He left a text with my bossing he quit. Ultimately, this colleague was let go (or fired) for job abandonment for not quitting in an appropriate way that my employer would be okay with. So, with one colleague no longer with the agency has left me and my other colleague short handed. Short handed in a way that is not very fun for anyone especially someone who is learning the ropes. So, I am ultimately trying to get the groove of things at work as well as my personal life with now working fulltime which I am loving.

At this point in time, I am slowly re-learning time management skill with working fulltime and good self-care with my personal life. A lot of the things I have been doing outside of work happens to be work related. I am starting to learn how to drive or will be in a week and a half. I was reading the drivers book to get a drivers permit. I need a drivers license for work. I’ve never needed one because I’ve always lived in a major city with public transpiration. I have also been working on getting my agency affiliated counselor licensure. So as you can tell I am needing to do good self-care.

Part of the good self-care thing for me is blogging. I am needing to find time to blog for a multitude of reasons besides it being good for my own self-care and recovery.  I am wanting to continue with the education part of my blog. The education part is a two part deal. The first part is education piece of my blog is to continue to share my story and show to those who don’t struggle with a mental illness that people who do struggle with one can recover and recover in their own way. The second piece of the education part of my blog is to post facts about mental illness and various diagnosis and treatments. I’ve been failing majorly on the fact part of the educational piece of my blog. As many of you already know if you read my blog regularly, I started my blog to not only educate others but to help others who struggle with a mental health diagnosis that recovery is possible and show that there is hope. Hope  that recovery is possible. Another thing that I have come to realize in the almost  two years of blogging is that it is helping me with my own recovery.

Another part of my recovery is that I like to write poems and short stories. Yesterday, while at the mall I went into a book store and bought some magazines. A couple of the magazines that I bought are geared toward writers and/or poets. One of the magazines has 52 writing prompts to do starting in June. One a week for a year and it reminded me of what WordPress does with it’s daily prompts. So, it is my hope that starting in June I will do the weekly writing prompts for a year. I think it would be fun to do and it is something I could also schedule to post so if I start to struggle again or if work gets busy that you my reader wont wonder where I am at. I love to write and hope that it wont only be fun for me but fun for you the reader. Plus, it would be a given weekly entry. Again, all this will start the first Monday in June. I think most if not all of the weekly prompts are suppose to be fiction and I will attempt to keep them fiction if the topic allows.

It seems to me that I am getting long winded again and I think I need end this particular post for now. I just wanted to update you on things as well inform you on what I am planning on doing with my blog. I love my  recovery and what I am able to do with my blog in regards to my recovery. I just hope I can be able to educate people to lessen the stigma that goes with having a mental illness and show people that recovery is possible. Recovery isn’t easy but is it possible and a lot more fun. Well, have good evening and I hope everyone has a good week. Peace out!!

Celebrating Three Years

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Earth Day!!! Today marks three years since Junior and myself starting dating. Who knew that when Junior and myself met fifteen and a half years ago that we would be engaged to be married.

I of course don’t remember the first time we met. The first time we met was one of the darkest times in my life. I had attempted suicide and a housemate had found me and called 911. Junior happened be one of the first responders that responded to the 911 call of my attempted suicide. As much as I was pissed off that I was saved that particular time and many other times, I am now grateful that my life was saved.

If my life wasn’t saved from the multiple suicide attempts, Junior and I wouldn’t be on a romantic get away to celebrate our three year anniversary. Celebrating my three year anniversary with Junior is another positive sign of me being in recovery with a mental illness.

Being in recovery is awesome and am happy to be celebrating three years with Junior. Junior and I left on our get away when I got off from work. We are celebrating out of town in hotel on the waterfront of a navel town. The first thing we did when we checked into our room we had tested out our jetted tub. We had some very intense and enjoyable adult fun in the tub which continued for another couple hours and ended in our nice king size bed. We then cuddled for another hour before we went out for dinner. After dinner we came back to the hotel and had more pleasure moments.

Now we are watching television as we cuddle and I blog. This getaway is much needed for the both of us and am looking forward to spending some quality time with Junior. I am sure we won’t be leaving the hotel room much due to having multiple and/or continued pleasurable moments.

Speaking of quality time, I think I should be going so I can spend time with Junior. Have a wonderful weekend everyone and Peace Out.

Thrown to the Wolves but Not Eaten by Them

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!! It’s been a month today since I started my new position as a peer specialist at work and I am still loving it. It’s been quite a month for a number of reasons.

When my supervisor informed me that he was throwing me to the wolves he thought it was only for my first week and not for my first month and beyond. A colleague  went on an  unexpected leave. A leave my supervisor was shocked as hell about and went to bat for him so he would be able to return to work. Thankfully, this colleague came back yesterday (Wednesday) and felt bad for leaving myself and my other colleague out of loop and out for so long. We may not know exactly why he was out but we understand more than others because of being Peer Specialist.

I am loving  my new position. It is quite challenging at times. Then there are times where it is fun and full of laughter. For instance today, I was called a butt loud names by client who is not doing so well and on the other end of the spectrum, I was able to joke and laugh with another client. I am learning to take things in stride as they come my way, weather is insults or laughter.

My new position can be stressful at times which leads me to the training I was able to attend called Mindfulness as Self-Care which was held by the crisis clinic. I was able to attend because of being a Warm Line call taker and the Warm Line is under the umbrella of the Crisis Clinic.

The training obviously was on Mindfulness as Self-Care. It was geared toward those of us who work in the mental health  field. It focused on mindfulness skills. Part of the training also gave some back history as well. Some of the history included the focus of how various religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism focus on mindfulness and how it is a major skill taught in Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT).  The training gave me some new ways to be mindful and more tools to add to my toolbox.

I am looking forward till tomorrow. Tomorrow in my three year anniversary with Junior. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that Junior and I have been together for three years.  After I get off work tomorrow, we are going to go on a romantic get away for the weekend. It is a much needed get away for the both of us.

Well, I need to get going. I hope to blog again at some point this weekend. I am tired and think it is time for me to go to bed. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Long Time No Blog

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening!!! It’s been a while since I last blogged. I have been busy getting adjusted to working full time as a Peer Specialist. I am loving my new position as a Peer Specialist. Despite being short staff for various reasons, I am slowly but surely getting adjusted to the new job.

Adjustment to anything new takes some time. For me the biggest adjustment is getting use to working full time especially since I was working part time for the previous eleven years. Another thing I am getting adjusted to is making time for myself.

I am realizing that I am needing to make time for myself. Taking time for myself has never been an easy thing for me to do but it is something I am learning how to do. Thankfully, I have people who are willing to help me learn to take time for myself.

I need to be going. I need to start dinner for Junior and myself. I hope to blog later this week. Have a wonderful week and Peace Out!!

Fulfilling Day

Posted on by Gertie

Despite being full of anxiety with the upcoming start of a promotion, I’m sitting here at my laptop looking back on my day. A day that was fulfilling in many different ways.

I started off my day with doing some errands which nobody really like to do. Unfortunately, I was unable to do laundry due to the lack of time. So, instead of doing laundry, I decided to blog as I was waiting for time to pass for the next event in the day.

As I finished my last post, Junior came over and we went out to eat. We chitchatted as we ate. After eating we walked around a local lake which helped a great deal with my anxiety. It helped because I was near water as well as the physical activity of walking.

After spending time with Junior, I went a got my hair cut. I got it cut really short. It’s kind of professional punk style cut if there is such a style. An easy to take care of punk style cut. I’m not sure what to think about it yet but I know I like the fact that it is out of my face and easier to take care of.

When I was done getting my hair cut, I hung out with a friend of mine. A friend that I met through my volunteer job at the Warm Line. We hung out for about two hours before we went and volunteered at the Warm Line.

Little did I know when I went to volunteer on the Warm Line tonight that the people I volunteer with decided to throw me a party for getting a promotion at work. Being acknowledged like may not be something I think I deserve but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it helped with my anxiety. Of course once five o’clock came around we started taking calls. During the “quiet moments” we still celebrated my promotion. (Just so you know there was no alcohol involved with the celebration of my promotion.) When the shift ended the friend who I hung out with earlier brought me to Juniors place.

I thanked my friend for the ride and went inside where Junior was waiting for me with a Sunflower and a balloon with the word “Congratulations” on it. I gave Junior a hug which end with having some adult fun if you get what I am saying.

Now, I am at my laptop blogging once again. Blogging is fulfilling in itself. In fact it is also therapeutic for me to do. I don’t have much else to say at the moment. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend and peace out!!!

“Throwing You To The Wolves”

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Saturday. As, I told you in my last post on Sunday, I had gotten the job as a Peer Specialist and that I was turning in my resignation letter. Well, I did turned in my resignation letter on Monday stating my last day as a Consumer Aide would be on March 22, 2016 or so I thought.

When I went on my lunch break on Monday, I had no idea that my supervisor and new supervisor had been talking most of the morning. As I got back from lunch I noticed that my new supervisor had shown up. My supervisor and new supervisor said that they needed to speak to me. I of course was thinking the worst. Boy was I wrong with my thinking the worst. I was informed by both supervisors that I would be starting March 21st and not March 28th like expected. My new supervisor basically informed that he and the main Peer Specialist in charge will be out of state at a conference and that they will be short staffed even with me being present. He then told me “I will be throwing you to the wolves and know you will be able to handle it.”  My supervisor apparently saw that I was surprised and she told “I know this is happening quite fast and everyone agrees that you are ready. You’ve been ready for quite some time. You know you’re overqualified for the Consumer Aide position. You will be greatly missed here because you are a value to the team here and I know you will be of value at the drop-in.” I took a nice good breath and said, “Yes, it is quite fast but I will do what is needed.” With that the meeting ended and I went back to work.

As much as I am thrilled that I am starting a week earlier than expected, I was concerned how my client take me leaving so soon. Surprisingly enough all of them were fine with it and happy that I got the promotion. I was fearful that with me leaving so quickly that it would cause my clients to have anxiety.

Apparently, it is causing me more anxiety starting so soon than it is to my clients with me leaving so quickly. I am dealing with anxiety with the skills I have learned throughout the years. Most of them being Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. If it wasn’t for my recovery I wouldn’t be having the anxiety over the promotion. I am happy to have the skills I have learned throughout my years of recovery.

Well, I need end this post for the moment. I have a busy Saturday ahead of me. Have a wonderful weekend.  Peace out!!!

New Job & The Anxiety Of The Unknown

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, everyone!! Its been a couple of weeks since I last blogged. A great deal has happened in the last two weeks.

As I mentioned in my last two post I had an interview for a full time job as a Peer Specialist position at my current employer. I ended up having a second interview this past Wednesday (March 9th). The second interview went better than the first interview despite having more interviewers than the first one.

Apparently, both interviews went so well that I was offered the job this past Friday (March 11th). I of course accepted the position. In fact I am surprised as hell that I got the job in less than three weeks since today marks three weeks since I applied for the job.

I have a great deal of anxiety when it comes to this job. I will be working full time verses part time. I have been in the work force for nearly eleven years now but I have only worked part time the entire time. I also know that I will loose what little disability benefits I am still able to get. This makes me anxious because I fear the possibility of my mental illness acting up. I am also anxious about loosing the mental health services I get at the agency I seek treatment at. I finally have a therapist that I work well with and have had her for seven and a half years now. I know I’m anxious and fearful of the what is unknown at the moment because I need to seek clarification from my new supervisor as well as my therapist. I will be able to email and possibly talk with my new supervisor tomorrow and I see my therapist on Wednesday. Its just a matter of getting my questions answered from my new supervisor. One of those questions is when my first day will be. I’m not sure if it will be the 23rd or the 28th.

I may be anxious of the unknown but I know my therapist will make sure I will be able to seek service’s somewhere because she is just as invested in my recovery process as I am. If it wasn’t for the work Diana (my therapist) and I have done with my recovery I wouldn’t have been able to get my current position as a Consumer Aide much less my new position as a Peer Specialist. Who knew with all the work I’ve done in my recovery with Diana’s help that I would be able to work full time. I know Diana will make sure I will still be able to continue getting the help I need to be able to stay in recovery.

My recovery means the world to me. If it wasn’t for me being in recovery I wouldn’t have been able to get the job as a Peer Specialist with my current employer. I am looking forward to being able to work full time even with the anxiety that goes along with it. Recovery is possible. It looks differently for everyone but this is what my recovery looks like.

Sadly, I will be turning in my resignation letter to my current supervisor tomorrow. I will miss working with the clients I currently work with but know that I will see them from time to time since I will be still employed at the same agency I am working at now. In fact my new position as Peer Specialist is a promotion from my current position as a Consumer Aide.

I should call it an evening. I need to fix some dinner for myself and Junior. Junior is quite proud of me. I think I might even be proud of myself. Well, have a great Sunday evening everyone. I hope to keep you updated as time goes on. I also know that the anxiety will go down as will. Again, have a wonderful Sunday evening and Peace Out!!

 

Happy Leap Day

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Leap Day!!! Today is February 29th and as you all know it only comes once every four years. Leap year falls the year when both the Summer Olympics and the United States Presidential elections happen. Just some random crap I thought I would share with you all.

I am full of random crap in my head. I just never thought the random crap would be helpful in a job interview. I mentioned to you all in my previous post that I had an interview last Thursday (February 25, 2016) for a peer specialist position at my current employer. Anyway, I got “bonus points” for knowing something the other interviewee’s did not mention. I was asked about my knowledge or experience of what an RSN is? My response what it’s the Regional Support Network which is going to be changing to a BHO or Behavioral Health Organization on April 1st. It boggles my mind that someone who is in recovery and applying for a peer specialist job doesn’t know this information. I just figured in was just some random crap I store in my head of mine that wouldn’t necessarily need to be used for anything. Boy, was I wrong.

I am looking forward to work today. I do have to leave work an hour to go to an appointment to see my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner (ARNP). As much as I enjoy my job and don’t want to leave early, I also realize that I need to see my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner so  I can maintain and continue on my recovery. My recovery means the world to me and if I don’t continue with it then I wont be able to help my current clients as well as future clients I will serve.

Speaking of clients, I need to get going so I can get ready for work. I hope you all have a wonderful day. In fact I hope everyone has a wonderful work week. Happy Leap Day and Peace Out!!!

Elusive as of Lately

Posted on by Gertie

It’s been a while since I last blogged and it’s obvious that I’ve been elusive as of lately. I’ve been elusive for various reasons.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that my depression has been rearing its ugly head due to the two miscarriages I have. One back in November of 2013 and the other back in January of 2015. It hasn’t been the easiest of times for me and unfortunately, I didn’t complete the Writing 201 course that I signed up for and was looking forward to doing it. Loss of a child is one of the toughest if not the toughest thing a person can go through.

Talking through the pain of loosing two sets of twins with my therapist, Diana, has not been easiest things to do. While discussing the miscarriages with Diana , she realized how close I was to actually attempting suicide and how I lost all hope as well as loosing all the goals I had set for myself. Diana being quite concerned considered putting me back in the hospital but realized that if she did it wouldn’t be helpful to me or my recovery. That’s when thought to ask the question many people dread, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My response was “I can’t even focus on the next five minutes much less the next five years.” Diana response was, “I know its difficult to look beyond the next five minutes much less the next five years. I would like for us to focus on your goals because it appears to from my end that you have lost sight of your goals. Goals that mean a great deal to you.” There was no point in arguing this point with Diana due to the fact that it was spot on and completely true. Not only that it’s difficult to argue with someone who is just as stubborn as you are and you know that the person is right on with what they said. With all that being said leads to the other reason why I have been so elusive.

What Diana had said to me had me thinking hard. Hard about my future and where I want my life to be. It still might be difficult for me see where I will be in five years but it did get me to refocus. It got me to focus on my career. A career as a Peer Specialist. If you been reading my blog for a while you know that I am currently employed as a Consumer Aide at a mental health agency. You also know that I got the job to gain “paid experience” to be able to get a job as a peer specialist. Well, I’ve been a Consumer Aide, a week shy of a year and a half and decided that I will start looking a Peer Specialist positions. In fact a week and half ago, a Peer position came available with a clinical team at the agency I work for. I applied for it and ended up interviewing for it this past Thursday (February 25, 2016). I personally  don’t think the interview went all that well and wont find out if I got the job or not for two or three weeks. Which actually means about four to six weeks because the hiring process is so slow at the agency I work for. I am looking at applying to more peer position within the agency I work for as well as outside the agency.

I am hoping that I will be more diligent and less elusive when in comes to my blogging. I really doing enjoy blogging. Not only do I enjoy the writing part of blogging but reading other peoples blogs.

As, I end this particular post, I want wish you a good rest of your weekend. Please go out and enjoy the world or attempt to enjoy the world to the best of your ability. Have a good Sunday and Peace Out!!!

Writing 201; Week One: What’s Your Angle

Posted on by Gertie

Apparently, this WordPress course is more of a workshop style and we will be getting weekly assignments so we can work on them over a course of a week. I like this idea. It will give me time to work on the assignments and exactly what I want to write about. I personally will attempt to write and post it daily because it will give me more focus of what exactly I will be working on.

Sometimes it’s that focus I need on a specific topic to help me create a better blog. That is why I am doing this course. Creating a better blog to gain more readers so I can educate others about mental illness and show those struggling with mental illness, grief and loss as well as miscarriage loss that they are not alone.

I hate to do this but I need to finish getting ready for work and end this post for now. Have a wonderful day everyone. I hope to blog again this evening. Peace Out!!!