Tag Archives: Anxiety

Anxiety Sucks Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

I am struggling at the moment with anxiety. Anxiety that appears to be fluctuating quite quickly.  So quickly that I end up freezing. Freezing up so bad that I need to do something to get out of frozen mode.

For me I color. It has proven to be quite helpful for me. Coloring helps me a great deal express my emotions.

I also enjoy reading as it helps me get out of my head. It gets me out of my head enough to refocus my attention on to something else.

Thank you for reading. It’s much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Crying Over My Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I miss my grandma. In fact I am currently crying because I miss her so much. The funeral just made it so real that she is actually gone, I didn’t want to say goodbye. I love her so much and wish she was still here.

Reality is that she won’t be coming back. Reality is that grief is not going to be an easy thing for me. Grief is scary for me.

I should get going. Thanks for reading. It is much appreciated. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

The Funeral Went Well

Posted on by Gertie

My anxiety it still quite high even a few hours after the funeral ended. The service went well. I personally thought it was awesome. I miss my grandma so much. It’s so hard to say goodbye however I’m glad I went.

Now it’s time to start the long term grieving  process and not sure when or how that is going happen. I just know I’ll have the support when I start really grieving.

Thank you so very much for reading. It is very much appreciated from my end. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart. Goodnight!!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Snowing In Seattle, Again

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s snowing again in Seattle. The weatherman inform people that it’s “not currently snowing in Seattle.” Well, I am sorry to say but it is snowing in my neighborhood and I live in Seattle.

Despite it snowing, I went and saw Gilbert earlier today. We discussed my grief with my grandma and her funeral on Monday. We also discussed the symptoms of my PTSD, Anxiety and Depression as well as what I can do to keep myself safe if self-harm urges are to appear. (NO, I don’t have urges to self harm nor am I suicidal.) We came up with a safety plan as a precaution as I’m going to be spending a great deal of time with my family. Don’t get me wrong I love my family, they just know how to get under my skin and vise versa.

Speaking of family, I want to call my grandpa. Have a great weekend and Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Frigid Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is one o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Right now I am having trouble sleeping. I am having trouble sleeping for a multitude of reasons. Actually, two reasons. First is due to the fact I am missing my grandma. Today marks one weeks since she passed away. Second is because of the physical assault that happened the other night.

It hasn’t been the easiest week for me yet somehow I am making it though. I am choosing to focus on my recovery. I am choosing to not harm myself when urges arise. I am choosing to live a life worth living for me.

All I can say right now is that it is freezing outside. It is 27 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I am not a big fan of cold weather. Hot weather I can deal with but not so much the cold weather. Maybe it is because I am from beautiful sunny Southern California.

Thank you for reading. It is appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Blogging + Wonder Woman = A Life Worth Living

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! So far today hasn’t been the easiest of days for me due to the assault I experienced yesterday evening. I am attempting to use my DBT Skills. One skill I am using right this moment is blogging. Another skill I have been using is reading. I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books.

For me both blogging and reading Wonder Woman comics for me is just two of many things in my life that make my life worth living. A life worth living looks differently to each individual. For me its blogging, Wonder Woman and many other things.

I want to thank you for reading. I am going to go and read more Wonder Woman. Peace Out, World!!!

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! The last six days has not been the easiest for me. First my grandma died and then last night a neighbor was being a jerk and physically attacked me. I naturally called the police and filed a police report as well as went to the hospital. Good thing is that I have now broken bones. Bad news is that my face is swollen and I have bruising on my arms and back.

The doctor gave me some strong pain meds. He and I discussed ways to reduce my pain without meds as I only asked him to prescribe only three. I informed him that I do daily mindfulness and meditation practice twice a day and that I tend to do extra practices when I am in pain and/or have high anxiety. The doctor was impressed that I have non-medicine ways to deal with pain.

As expected and not surprising my PTSD is acting up. It is acting up severely and is an opportunity to use my mindfulness skills. Skill that have been quite helpful for me.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Tough Moment

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am having a tough moment. A moment that has been due to PTSD and Anxiety with some Depression. A moment that Junior is helping me through. A moment that mindfulness and meditation practice has helped me.

As I have a tough moment I realize that as rough it is right now, I am doing better than I was doing early in January. I think I am doing better than I was because I don’t want to go back to where I was when I first made a decision to be in active recovery. I want to be where I was when I was doing well and working fulltime as a Peer Support Specialist.

Thank you for reading as I think its time to settle in for the night. Have a goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace Out, World!!!.

Saturday Evening Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I have a great deal on my mind. Mostly stuff regarding my grandma’s death. Grief is not the easiest things to deal with and the pain is pure agony.

Agony that I am attempting my hardest to escape from. I’m escaping from the agony through reading and that appears to helping some. Or at least while I am reading.

I’ve also been doing a two out of three of my workbooks. It is helping me a great deal. It is helping me deal with emotions I need to deal with even if its emotions not related to grief.

Another thing that has been helping me through today is some mindfulness and meditation practices. This has proven the best of help with the agony I am dealing with.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World.

Thursday Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! As much as I am grieving, I have realized that the pain will take awhile to subside. As much as I want the pain to go away I have been doing a lot of things to distract myself from the pain.

The main thing I have been doing is reading. I have been reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am taking a while to read it but I am enjoying the book. I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books as well. Reading is helping me get out of my head so I don’t have to deal with the pain. The pain of loosing my grandma.

Another thing that has been helpful is the support I am getting from my friends. Friends that have been quite helpful many times especially the last year. In times of loss you realize who your true friends are.

Thank you for reading. Have great night everyone and Peace Out, World!!!