Tag Archives: Death

Today Marks One Year Since My Mom Died

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today marks one year since my mom died. As expected, it has a challenging day with grief of it being the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death. Not only am I dealing with the grief with the anniversary of my mom’s death but tomorrow in Thanksgiving here in the United States and tomorrow will mark my first Thanksgiving without my dad as he died back in January of this year (2025). So, it has been challenging but on a good note, today I had a regularly scheduled appointment with my therapist. We discussed the grief regarding the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death as well as tomorrow being the first Thanksgiving since my dad died back in January of this year (2025). It was a really productive session with my therapist today as well as a challenging one as grief is never easy to deal with much less talk about.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except to say it is now time to cuddle with my cat, Billie. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Life Updates

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It has been a few months since I last posted. Actually, tomorrow marks three months since I last posted. I don’t have any excuses at all. Yes, I have been busy with life in general and my new job however I could have made time to post.

My new job is going quite well. It is hard to believe that I have been at my current job for three months now. I am really enjoying it. In fact, we recently hired a new nurse, and I was able to be part of the interview process. Every person on the team is a part of the interview process and I think that is an awesome idea especially since we are a small team of six people including myself (and the new nurse). I enjoy working with my colleagues and working with the young people I help. One of the best parts of my job is how close the team is as well as how much autonomy I have in my position. One of my favorite things about my current position as a Peer Support Specialist is that my supervisor and his boss as well as the organization I work for encourages me to attend trainings especially ones that are pertinent to my job. For example, I work with young folks from 15 years old to 40 years old who are experiencing their first episode of psychosis and my supervisor, and his boss are “thrilled” that I took the initiative to sign up to attend the Hearing Voices Facilitator training. Sadly, when I worked at another organization on a team that focuses on people who have a psychotic disorder it wasn’t encouraged for me to do this particular training even though it would have been beneficial for the people I helped with there as well as the people I currently help. I’m just happy I can do this training as it will allow me to help the people, I serve better and learn new skills to lean on for their recovery journey. I am thrilled that I can be part of someone’s recovery journey especially since most of the people I help are just starting their recovery journey.

Speaking of recovery journeys, mine is going quite well. Granted I am not where I would like to be like I was, in early 2022. Thankfully, I am doing better than I was in late summer of 2023 after being traumatized again. Sadly, my therapist has been out on FMLA and haven’t been able to have therapy, but I am grateful that my therapist is practicing what she preaches by taking time to take care of herself. My recovery is going relatively well. I’ve been taking my meds regularly, doing mindfulness meditation practices two to three times daily, going for two walks a day, making my bed, having a good sleep hygiene schedule and of course relying on my friends as well as my cat to help my recovery. I am just happy that my recovery is currently in a stable place and that I have my cat and some great friends a part of my life as I walk through my mental health recovery.

On that note, I am still struggling with grief over the death of both of my parents. It has been seven months since my mom died and five months since my dad died. I miss both of them dearly. I just wish I can hug both of them one last time as well as hear them say “I love you” one more time. I am grateful that my cat, Billie is there to help me with the grief just like my friends are helping me through the grief after losing both of my parents within two months of each other. I have an amazing cat as well as some pretty amazing friends who help me through some of the toughest moments of grief.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except that I hope to blog on the more regular basis, so I don’t leave you the reader hanging. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

I Am Awake Way Too Early

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am awake way too early. Since I am awake way too early, I decided to blog although I wish I was still asleep. It is hard to believe that tomorrow at this time, I will another year older. Tomorrow is my birthday, and it is my first birthday that I am celebrating since both of my parents died. I am extremely sad over this. I really wish they were both still alive to celebrate my birthday with me and sadly that is not the case.

Speaking of my parents being dead, I saw my therapist yesterday and we discussed the increase of my PTSD symptoms. We discussed how shaken I was and am on how much my PTSD symptoms have increased. My therapist informed me that it is common for people who experienced trauma in their childhood that people will experience an increase of PTSD symptoms after one and/or both of their parents’ deaths. I didn’t know this, but I was not shocked by it. To make matters worse, I was looking over some paperwork I need to fill out regarding my dad, and I remembered some stuff that happened to me by my now ex stepbrother. As much as I don’t want to remember the shit, I have been through I am grateful that I have a therapist to help me through it.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

There is Nothing Better Than the Love of a Cat

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am dealing with a combination of depression, PTSD and grief regarding both of my parents’ death. Since I am dealing with so much right now with the grief of losing my parent, increased depression and PTSD I am grateful for my cat, Billie. I am grateful for Billie’s unconditional love that he gives me. Human’s including myself don’t deserve the love of animals especially their pets. I know I don’t deserve Billie’s unconditional love, and I am so very grateful for his love.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Emotional

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is seven twenty in the morning here in Seattle and I am feeling emotional. I am feeling emotional because I am missing my parents. Sadly, both of my parents died within two months of each other. My mom died of lung cancer and my dad died in hospice care from aspiration pneumonia. It has only been three months since my mom died and one month since my dad died. The grief is really intense at this moment in time. I wish both of them were still alive. I miss both of them very much.

The grief of losing both of my parents might be intense right now but I am grateful for the friends I have in my life. In fact, two of friends are taking me out to breakfast. They are taking me to breakfast at Blue Star Cafe and Pub in the Walingford neighborhood of Seattle. In fact, Blue Start Cafe and Pub is near the novelty store Archie McPhee’s which is a big deal here in Seattle. I have some amazing friends who care about me and willing to take me out to breakfast for no reason other than they care about me.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Mom & Dad

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Right now, I am really missing my parents. Yesterday marked three months since my mom died and tomorrow marks one month since my dad’s death. Losing both parents is extremely challenging especially when their deaths are so close to each other. Losing both parents so close to each other has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Emotions that I really do not want to deal with and if I do not acknowledge them then the rollercoaster ride just gets worse, so I am acknowledging that I am not liking my emotions at the moment. I just wish my parents were both still alive and accepting the fact that this my new reality is hard. I just hope they both knew how much I loved them.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Parents

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning with some intense sadness. Sadness over losing both of my parents within a two-month period. It sucks that they died so close together but there is nothing I can do about it but radically accept the situation or be in denial. Some moments I am in denial and numb while other moments I radically accept the sadness of losing both of my parents.

Despite dealing with the grief and sadness of losing my parents I am thinking of all the little moments that they tried to make good happy memories for me and with me especially as a child to have as an adult. I have so many of those small moments that it is helping with the sadness. It’s those memories that are helping me accept the fact that my relationship with my parents had been rocky over the years and that we work through a good chunk of the issues we had. I am so happy that I was able to work through some issues I had with my parents.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sad News, Once Again

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is Saturday evening here in Seattle and I am at a loss of words as I found out this past Wednesday that my dad died in hospice Tuesday night in his sleep. I didn’t post sooner because last Sunday marked two months since my mom died and last Saturday was my mom’s funeral. I don’t know how to feel right now but I have been mostly numb.

My mom’s funeral went well and was lovely. I saw my brother which was awesome but I wish it wasn’t due to my mom’s funeral. The urn my mom’s ashes are in is absolutely beautiful. My uncle and is “sweetie” did a wonderful job planning the funeral.

As far as my dad goes, my grandpa is struggling with the loss of my dad. My uncles and grandpa planned the funeral and it is in a week and half and I am glad I don’t have to wait two months for his funeral like I did for my mom’s. It is just really hard that my dad died two months and two days after my mom.

I do not have much more to discuss or write about in this particular blog post because it is too hard to write right now because I miss my parents. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + PTSD = A Sh!tty Trauma Response

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently dealing with some shitty and intense trauma response due to family drama and PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure the family drama with my aunt is what caused the PTSD symptoms and ultimately the trauma response that I had.

This will be a long post due to it being a long story. As I have posted before, my mom died two days before Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. It’s been extremely challenging for me for many reasons. Sadly, I posted an angry and pain filled post on my Facebook wall under my given name which started some family drama. I apologized many times to many people in my life especially my family. I know I hurt many people and most understand and have forgiven me or at least started to forgive me in their own time and own way except one aunt. That one aunt is the person I offered to pay for their train ticket from Seattle to where my mom’s funeral is going to be which is Olympia at the end of this month. I offered to pay for her train ticket due to her having car issues as well as having some financial issues and wanted to be helpful. My aunt lives in the Bremerton area and could easily take the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle and take the train. So, I have to text back and forth with her a handful of times regarding tickets which leads to the drama this evening.

I texted my aunt about the train tickets close to 8:30 this evening Seattle time. She informed me that she doesn’t need me to pay for her tickets and is unsure if she is going to take the train if she does she will pay for her own. She also stated that she doesn’t respond to phone calls or text after 7:30 unless it is urgent. I texted an apology and let her know that I usually text people after 8:00 due to peoples bedtime routines and that I won’t do it again. She then texted me to next her again tonight which I wasn’t going to do nor will I do now that I know her boundaries. Anyway, this aunt then calls me up and screams at me and has mentioned every thing I have done wrong in her eyes that she heard through the “grapevine” or witnessed yet she hasn’t been in my life very much for various reasons. She brought up so painful shit that I experienced which caused some anger in me as well as an anxiety attack or two. I ended up hanging up on her and blocking her phone number temporarily for my own sanity.

Since my aunt caused so much anger I did what my therapist had suggested and wrote out my anger. I wrote my anger and anxiety in my journal I bought myself for Christmas. So, I wrote six pages in my journal regarding my anger and trauma response regarding my aunt calling and screaming at me. After journaling I reached out to some of my natural support system of friends like my therapist suggested in therapy. I reached out to two friends who were happy to talk with me and I am so grateful for their listening ear.

After journaling and talking with two friends I of course cuddled with my cat, Billie and as I am writing this particular blog post Billie my cat is still cuddling with me. I think after I am done with this particular blog post I will color as I love to color.

I know my mom wouldn’t want all this drama after her death or regarding her funeral. I just wish she was still alive. I miss my mom so very much. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though we didn’t get along at times.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post except to say I am sorry for posting about my family drama and my anger. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening and time to do my weekly check-in. Or at least I am starting my weekly check-in back up with you the reader. Before I do my check-in I want to say Blessed Yule and Happy Solstice. Today is the first day of winter and the shortest day of the year. I am looking forward to tomorrow as it starts being lighter longer. Granted only by a minute or two but I am so looking forward to more light.

This past week has not been the easiest of weeks for me. My depression and Complex-PTSD (C-PTSD) have been acting up so badly that I have been dissociating and isolating. Neither which are good for me or anyone for that matter. To add to the depression and PTSD, I am dealing with grief of my mom’s death on Tuesday, November 26th which was two days before Thanksgiving. Sadly, Christmas Day of this year is one day before the one month mark of my mom’s death. I miss her so very much.

Since I have been isolating this past week, I have been hanging out at home with my beloved senior kitty, Billie. Billie has been helping me so much with dissociation and not doing it. I am so grateful for my cat as he has a calming affect on me and helps me keep my head on straight.

Despite being in a dissociated state for most of the week, I do remember watching a lot of movies. Specifically, I have been watching a lot of Christmas and holiday related movies. I watch Christmas movies that are nostalgic to me and many other people in the world.

Besides watching Christmas and holiday related movies, I have been reading. I specifically have been reading a Christmas book. In fact, I read a Christmas book every holiday season. It is a holiday tradition for me and I really look forward to it every year.

I do not have anything else to check-in or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!