Tag Archives: Music

Middle of the Night Ramblings & Some Frustrations

Posted on by Gertie

Good middle of the night from Seattle. I am tired as fucking hell. I sadly, woke up from a horrific nightmare that included body memories. PTSD and depression are no joke and I am grateful to both my friends and the mental health treatment team. I am also grateful for my cat who is very helpful. My family has been helpful even though they are not aware of my most recent trauma.

Despite not being able to sleep due to PTSD and insomnia, I am a little peeved with Amazon as some of my items that I ordered have not arrived . Amazon informed me that I have to wait three business days which sucks shit but oh well, it is stuff I need to clean my apartment. On another note some of the stuff that is late is stuff that will help me with my coping skills regarding the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. Amazon can be clueless at times but at least they are quick on delivering books.

As far as Amazon goes, I am waiting on a multitude of different types of creative outlets for me to do. I am gong to try embroidery. I don’t think it is not all that different from cross stitching but still willing to give it a try. Sadly the embroidery and cross stitching is delayed by Amazon which sucks shit. At least on the plus side some of some of my diamond art is being sent but not all of it. I did get a couple of cross stitching things but now all that I ordered like everything else I ordered.

Now on to my work. I missed yesterday due to some PTSD and depression issues which sucks. Having a mental health challenge sucks especially when it affects your work. In fact I will be missing my job later today when it is not in the middle of the night. I really do love my job.

I am planning on hanging out with family for some breakfast and friends for food. I love hanging out with people especially when food is involved.

Thank you for reading Peace Out, World and have a good rest of you night.

Weekly Check In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle, Washington!!! This week has been quite a week for me emotion wise especially when it comes to depression and PTSD related to recent traumas that triggered past traumas. Traumas that were brought up in therapy which will be discussed later in this blog post.

Anyway, I went to work last Sunday and did crisis coverage. I continued to due crisis coverage on Sunday night despite vomiting most of the night. Thankfully, I only received one crisis call that just needed some resources. Due to vomiting most of Sunday night, I didn’t go to work on Monday. I did go to work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I struggled both days with PTSD related shit which sucked. I missed work on Thursday due to being in the emergency room most of Wednesday night.

I was in the emergency room of a local hospital most of Wednesday night due to self harm reasons which is why I missed work on Thursday. The self harm act was that of me punching a brick wall several times. Thankfully, I didn’t break anything. All I ended up with was a very bruised and swollen hand. I am also thankful that I was not suicidal in anyway and was able make a solid safety plan. I was also able to have a telephone check in with my therapist later in the afternoon for about a half an hour.

As Friday goes, I dissociated a lot due to reasons I’d rather not discuss but I did inform my therapist what happened via email and during our session on Friday. Therapy was fucking hard yesterday (Friday). We discussed what happened yesterday morning and why I was dissociating a lot. I also shared a lot of scary shit as far as trauma goes that I experienced as a child. Shit that has been brought up by the recent trauma of being raped. My therapist showed a lot of compassion and empathy. She also allowed me a lot of space to share that hard shit which meant our session lasted an hour and a half instead of an hour.

As far as today has gone, I haven’t done much to report. I did go to the U-District Farmers Market and got an awesome breakfast sandwich which I have been doing every Saturday for the last four or five Saturdays now. I think I am going to make it a weekly thing for me every Saturday since the U-District is every Saturday year round.

As far as what I have been for myself self care wise this week since it has been quite challenging has varied. I of course have been spending some time with my beloved cat, Billie. I have also been doing daily mindfulness meditation practices. In fact, last week, I have been doing at least four a day. I have been using the Calm App for at least two of the daily mindfulness meditation practices while other practices have been on my own or with others. I also have been doing a lot of art work. I have been doing various forms of art work such as coloring and diamond art. I also have been doing various types of crafts which include latch hook and cross stitching. I also have been doing a lot of reading books. Reading has been quite helpful with dealing with my PTSD.

That’s it for my weekly check in. Have a great weekend!!! Peace Out, World!!!

A Bit Of A Set Back

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World from Seattle in the middle of the night. I am tired as hell because I have been in the emergency room due to self harm. I punched a brick wall in the emergency stair well of my apartment building. Thankfully, nothing is broken and my hand is just extremely bruised and swollen. I am now home from the emergency room. I am NOT suicidal nor was I when I was self harmed. The doctors and the social worker were cool and supportive as well as appeared to understand why I self harmed. I self harmed because the PTSD symptoms from the recent sexual assault were bad which triggered other PTSD symptoms from other traumas I experienced throughout my life. I did a safety plan with the doctors and social worker.

Now that I am home and not at all ready to go to bed despite being tired I plan on doing my safety plan. I of course spent time with my cat, Billie who is currently curled up in my lap purring as I think he is happy for me to be home. In fact my hand is hurting as I type this blog but I can deal with it especially since I received some powerful pain medicine. Plus, my cat, Billie is helping me not focus on the pain.

I think if I can tolerate the pain in my hand, I will try to do some art work. Specifically, I will color. I will also attempt to do some diamond art as well. Not only that I will do some dot to dots if my pain doesn’t get too bad. It’s cool that they have adult dot to dots.

I think I will also attempt to do some crafts. One craft I will attempt to do but might not be able to do so if my hand hurts too badly is cross stitching. I love to cross stitch. Another craft I can do and learning how to do it is latch hook. I don’t really need to use my bad hand to latch hook.

Of course I will be listening to music if I am doing any art work or crafting. Music helps me be creative and also helps me deal with my emotions.

If crafting or art work is something that I cannot do due to my self harm injury of punching a brick wall I can always read. Reading helps me refocus if I am reading non fiction and it also helps me get out of my own reality if I am reading fiction.

I of course will be getting some sleep tonight. I just don’t know when at the moment. Due to the current lack of sleep, I did text and email my supervisors that I will not be into work later today. I am sure they won’t be too happy about it but the doctors and social worker think I should let my hand heal a little bit especially since Thursdays are my Fridays and my weekends are Fridays and Saturdays. I love my job and wish I could go to work later today but since part of my job is writing (typing) notes, it is best to give my hand a rest even though I am typing this blog post.

Before I go to sleep I plan on doing a mindfulness meditation with the Calm App. The Calm App is amazing and I appreciate being able to use it to help me with my everyday life as well as my recovery with my mental health challenges.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Needing to Focus on Self Care

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle as my cat, Billie lays on my lap purring. I am not going to discuss work in this particular blog post as I need to focus on self care as my depression and recent trauma is acting up which brings up past traumas.

So, when I got home from work I took a shower and then had dinner. After dinner, I spent time doing a mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. Of course, I spent some much needed time being loved by my cat and loving on my cat, Billie. I love my cat so much.

I also spent time doing some art work. Specifically, the art work I am doing is coloring as I listen to music. Specifically music from my recovery playlist. One of these days I need to take a picture of what I have been coloring to share with you my reader as I am sure you would appreciate them.

After coloring I decided to read the book The Sorority Murder. So far it is a good book and it helps me a great deal with not dealing with the reality of my depression and recent trauma that has brought up past traumas. Yes, it is a small break from the reality of depression and traumas but it’s a needed break from reality.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog except, I am going to cuddle with my cat, Billie as I read. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!!

Mixtures of Emotions of Not Going to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle!!! Right now I am having some mixed emotions about not going to work today as I don’t start work till 12:00noon on Mondays and it is 2:22pm in the afternoon. I didn’t go to work due to vomiting most of last night which is most likely due to food poisoning. Not only my depression and PTSD is severely acting up. Going to work when my mental health challenges are acting up seems to help when I am at work as I am not focusing on my own shit. I love my job and love helping the clients I serve as well as helping out my colleagues.

To catch you up from my last blog post, I ended up doing a mindfulness meditation with the Calm App with my cat Billie, on my lap purring. I think he gets as much of the Calm App as I do. I am grateful that Billie, my cat joins me with my mindfulness meditation with the Calm App a good eighty percent of the time. In fact even when I don’t do the Calm App, I still am able to do mindfulness meditation with Billie my cat when he lays on my lap and purrs. It’s amazing how both the Calm App and my cat, Billie help me with my mindfulness meditation practices.

After doing mindfulness meditation practices, I ended up going back to sleep since I woke up pretty early and vomited most of the night. I must have needed the sleep as I think I still need the sleep because I am still tired as hell. I think the lack of sleep was a combination of vomiting most of the night as well as insomnia and PTSD symptoms related to the most recent trauma I experienced as well as other past traumas I experienced in the past as child and young adult.

So, enough about other boring crap and back to more boring shit. When I woke up from a nap, I decided to make sure I ate some lunch. As I tend to not eat due to trauma related shit as well as being depressed. I really think the PTSD and trauma is what is causing the depression symptoms which highly sucks shit. After eating, I took a shower which helped me feel slightly better but not better enough to feel like going to work would be helpful for me, my clients or my colleagues.

As much as I wish I felt well enough to go to work as it could be helpful but I am partially happy that I didn’t go. My plan for today is to do some arts and crafts while listening to music. One of the art projects I plan on doing is coloring and of course while listening to music. Another art project I will attempt to do is Diamond Art while listening to music. I am also planning on doing craft projects that include Latch Hook and Cross Stitch. Of course music will be playing in the background.

In fact everything, I am doing today is a part of my DBT Skills. DBT skills help me a great deal when I don’t sleep well as well as when my PTSD, Trauma issues and Depression happens to be acting up. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t struggling with self harm because I am. That is why I am planning on doing everything I mention in this particular blog post but will not self harm.

I don’t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post except that spending time with my cat Billie, doing mindfulness meditation practices and being creative will be quite helpful for me. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Taking A Self Care Day Off From Work

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle as it is still morning from Seattle!!! I am supposed to be working today as it is Monday. In fact Mondays are my Tuesdays. My work schedule on Mondays is that I work 12:00pm to 8:00pm while I work 8:00am to 4:00pm on Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays except when I am doing crisis coverage.

Since I called in sick today due PTSD symptoms that caused me to vomit most of the night, I informed the bosses that I vomited due to the possibility of food poisoning and that I most likely will be back to work tomorrow. I have to take a client to the Social Security office which can last hours which sucks shit.

After calling in sick via text message and email, I did a mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. Doing mindfulness meditation with Calm App is extremely helpful for me. I also do mindfulness with my cat, Billie as he lays on my lap purring as I pet him.

As for the rest of the day, I plan on doing some self care with arts and crafts while listening to music. I am first planning on starting with coloring as I listen to music as that will be something I am able to do that isn’t so frustrating at times. Of course while still listening to music, I plan on doing some cross stitching as I know that cross stitching can take some time to do. Another thing I plan on doing that will take patience and time while listening to music is doing diamond art. It’s a bit challenging to do but it is fun.

After doing some arts and craft listening to music, I plan on reading a book that I am really enjoying. It is called The Sorority Murder by Allison Brennan. I personally think I would have been finished with by now if I didn’t have a recent traumatic trauma within the last month. I am hoping to get finished with the book by this Saturday (September 9th of this year).

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Early To Be Up

Posted on by Gertie

Good very early Monday morning, World! I sadly have to work today but at least I do not have to be at work till twelve noon, pm. So, my plan to get back to sleep is not only to read a book that I am really enjoying reading. I am looking forward to how it ends.

I will also do some artwork by coloring. In fact I will be coloring as I listen to music. I really enjoy coloring and doing artwork especially when listening to music.

I should get going as I need to relax so I can get back to sleep so I cannot be a cranky bucket at work. I hope everyone has a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation via the Calm App
  • Work
  • Read
  • Music
  • Art (color)
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Spend time with my cat

Monday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation with the Calm App
  • Work
  • Read
  • Music
  • Art (color)
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Spend time with my cat

Tuesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation with the Calm App
  • Work
  • Read
  • Music
  • Art (color)
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Spend time with my cat

Wednesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation with the Calm Appp.
  • Work
  • Read
  • Music
  • Art (color)
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Spend time with cat

Thursday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation with the Calm App
  • Work
  • Read
  • Music
  • Art (color)
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Spend time with cat

Friday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation with the Calm App
  • Volunteer at Cat City
  • Read
  • Music
  • Do arts and crafts
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat

Saturday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation with the Calm App
  • Farmer Market and get a yummy breakfast sandwich from the Farmer Market.
  • Read
  • Music
  • Do art arts and crafts
  • Spend time with my cat.

Too Tired to Sleep & It’s Only 1:49pm Seattle Time

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World. I haven’t had the best sleep most of last night and all day today. Despite how I attempted to sleep last night for a good night of sleep as well as getting a good nap today, I was unable to do so. It sucks shit that I am so sleepy especially when I am trying to do various things to relax enough to get some sort of sleep.

One of the things that I had done on several occasions is doing mindfulness meditation practices which helps a great deal especially when I am so tired as well as being so anxious. I am so grateful for mindfulness meditation through the Calm App.

Something else I did was going to go to the Farmers Market in my neighborhood. In fact I took a friend with me to hang out with this friend. I wanted to treat her to an awesome food known as a breakfast sandwich. She agrees it’s the best breakfast sandwich she has ever had. Even though I go to this farmers market every Saturday, my friend and I are going to attend together twice a month.

After parting ways with my friend from the farmers market, I came home to spend time with my cat, Billie asI am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to my Childhood Playlist music on Spotify. In fact it is over 16 hours long and close to 175 songs.

Speaking of music I am planning on listening to music as I do some arts and crafts. I plan on doing some art work via coloring. Coloring helps me keep myself grounded. The crafts I am planning on doing is cross stitching. That is if my cat Billie doesn’t want to play with the string. I am also going to attempt to teach myself how to Latch Hook. I am doing my best to teach myself to teach myself to Latch Hook but I am finding somewhat interesting and relaxing.

Due to the lack of sleep, everything I have been doing today has been helping with the PTSD shit although it still pretty bad due to the lack of sleep.

I do not not have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of my things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you not reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Rude Awakening Due to Multiple Building Fire Alarms Going off At the Same Time

Posted on by Gertie

Good extremely early Saturday morning to everyone. It appears that the fire alarms on my street and the street behind my street decided to go off all at the same time. As of right now, the fire department has no clue what is going on. All I know is that it is extremely loud with all the alarms going off as well as the sirens from the fire trucks and police cares. It does sucks it is just the entire block that the fire alarms are going off.

I am currently outside with my cat Billie, waiting for the all clear to go back to my apartment. Of course Billie is in his carrier sleeping away as I read a book to pass the time as I have no clue how long this is going to take. My cat, Billie seems to e content at the moment when I am anxious as fucking hell. At least I have a book to read when all the clear is given.

When I get back to my apartment, I plan on cuddling with my cat and listening to music as I do art work. Specifically I plan on coloring. My cat, listening to music and coloring helps me a great deal when I get triggered by fire alarms. Oh goody we have received the all clear to go back in our apartment buildings. Now, I can cuddle with my cat as I listen to music and color or cuddle with my cat and read. Hopefully, I can get back to sleep.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it wasn’t for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from the end of things that you read on my blog. Again, thanks from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!