Tag Archives: Recovery

Getting Ready For My First Shift

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I start my first shift as an on call shelter counselor tonight. I will be doing a shadowing shift tonight. I am nervous about it because it is a twelve hour shift at night. I am also having anxiety over it because I have had much sleep today.

In all honesty I am having more anxiety over when my second shift is going to be due to me not knowing when it is going to be happening. According to my supervisor I need to do three shadowing shifts counting the one I am doing tonight. We briefly discussed it the past Monday (October 1st) but never confirmed the days. I just don’t want to miss a shift and get into trouble for not attending a shift. I did email my supervisor both yesterday as well as today. In fact my last email to my supervisor was less than a half an hour ago.  I think I’ll text and/or email him tomorrow after my shift to inform him how it we and to ask about my next shift once again.

I know I am having anxiety over something I cannot control. I just want to make sure the next time I work that I get enough sleep especially since my shifts our twelve hours long and at night. I am sure my supervisor will let me know in time when my second shift will be so I can get enough sleep.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope to let you know more about my shift at some point tomorrow. Have a good weekend everyone. Happy Friday to each one of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Hump Day Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Happy Hump (Wednesday) Day!!! I woke up extremely early this morning due to a fucking nightmare and couldn’t get back to sleep. I have attempted many times since waking up to post but am finally in a space to be able to do so.

Just like this morning, I didn’t have a good morning yesterday. In fact my day yesterday (Tuesday) was shitty. I woke up yesterday with strong urges to self harm which I did NOT act on. I thankfully had an appointment my doctor and I was noticeably upset which is rare for my doctor to witness. We discussed the issues of self harm and did a safety plan before we called my therapist. Surprisingly, he picked up and the three of us talked. We decided that I would go see my therapist yesterday for an unexpected session.

When I attended my unexpected session yesterday, my therapist and I spent an hour and a half talking about what the hell was going on with me. We discussed self harm issues of course.  We also discussed how a combination of the grief with my grandma and the stress of starting a new job which could be causing the high urges to self harm. During our unexpected session yesterday we both agreed that me coming in today for my regularly scheduled appointment would be very much needed.

So, when I woke up this morning with a nightmare, I also woke up feeling suicidal and having urges to self harm. So that is when I called the after hours crisis line I am able to call when I am in a crisis. As I talked with the woman on the other end who knows me well, we discussed ways to keep myself safe till I see my therapist later this morning. So, yes, I can keep myself safe till I talk with my therapist and come up with another safety plan with him during our appointment.

Another thing that is keeping me from self harm and dying by suicide is that I have a training I need to be at for work this evening. So, working is actually helping me with keeping myself safe from myself.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I am grateful for all of you because you read my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Peace Out, World!!!

(SIDE NOTE: I will NOT attempt to die by suicide and I will NOT harm myself.)

Friday Night Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Happy Friday to everyone out there reading my blog. It is hard to believe that I will have my first shift a week from today. I am looking forward to it. The one thing that I am not looking forward to this next week is all the orientations I have to attend. In fact I have about twelve orientations I have to do within the first sixty days of employment. I am having some high anxiety over the new job but I am looking forward to it at the same time.

As much as I would like to blame the lack of sleep as of lately due to new job jitters, it is not the case. I haven’t been sleeping very well as of lately. In fact worse than usual for me. Enough for my psychiatric nurse practitioner and regular doctor to consider putting me in a sleep study.

I am not sure about the sleep study but I think I am going to call it a night even though it is only eight thirty in the evening in my corner of the world. Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

No Zzz’s In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is just a few minutes after two in the morning in my corner of the world. I am unable to sleep and it is starting to piss me off. I think it is pissing me off more than usual that I can not sleep because my health insurance company is being a butthead in regards to covering my new sleep med. I don’t think it is too much to ask to look over a piece of paper that was faxed over last week on two different occasions. It is just infuriating as hell when one is waiting on a decision that could effect one’s health and mental health.

On a plus note Lil Gertie successfully took most of her meds to treat her asthma and allergies. Granted it wasn’t the full dose but at least it was most of it. So far she hasn’t had any coughing attacks since taking the meds. I am hoping that the meds are working as I love Lil Gertie. She has become family and I don’t want to loose her. I know asthma is treatable it just worries me.

I know all this worrying isn’t helping with the insomnia and I am hoping that with posting about it, that it could be helpful for me to get some sleep. Sleep that is much needed if I am to remain healthy myself.

I want to thank you for reading my blog. I think I am going to attempt getting some sleep once again. Your readership is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Worries of the Night

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is now twelve thirty in the morning in my corner of the world. I am still up due to watching late night television. Late night television helps me deal with life in general especially today. I say this because Lil Gertie has given me a couple of days due some coughing episodes and today’s coughing episodes were scary and worrisome. So, I took her to the vet. The vet diagnosed her with allergies and mild asthma even though the vet didn’t hear wheezing. She determined the mild asthma diagnosis by watching the two videos I took of Lil Gertie’s coughing attacks. The vet, Dr. B, said I did the right thing with the videos.

Another thing that I am worried about is the sleeping meds and my health insurance being slow to approve the pre-authorization for it. It is tough to be dealing with lack of sleep but am grateful for what little sleep I do get especially when I don’t have anything to help with it.

I do not have much more to say. I think I am going try to get some shut eye. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have a good night. Peace Out, World!!!

Wednesday Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I did end up getting some sleep last night. I got about three hours even though it is still not enough sleep, I will take any sleep I can. I hope the sleeping med situation with my insurance company is taken care of soon.

I don’t have anything planned for today. It is a see what comes up type of day. I do know that I will need to get out of my apartment at some point because if I don’t it might turn into one of them days. I don’t know why it feels like but it does.

I am excited about my new job even though I don’t know when my first shift will be. I hope it is soon. I am not sure if I like everything about it. The reason why is because it is at night and is a twelve hour shift. But the thing about it is, is that it is only one to two days a week.

I don’t have much more to say in this post. I appreciate everyone who reads my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Again, thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

A Nothing Sort of Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Overall, today has been good. I have had bouts of crying spells due to depression and grief. Grief over the loss of my grandma, seven months ago today. The last seven months have has proven to be challenging due to the loss of my grandma as you never know when a sudden wave of grief will hit.

As I stated in my last post today was going to be a day of self care due to the grief of loosing my grandma seven months ago. I thought I was going to watch movies most of the day but it turned out to watching television or at least a television show on Hulu. I binged watched the show, E.R. I forgot how much I loved the show E.R.

I not only binge watched E.R., I read comic books. I specifically read Wonder Woman comic books. Reading gave my eyes a break from the computer screen and they were happy that I do.

I watched E.R and read comic books while curled up under my weighted blanket with my cat, Lil Gertie, next to me. My weighted blanket and Lil Gertie helped with my depression and anxiety today.

Today, was the perfect day to do nothing due to the weather. I am glad I decided to stay in and watch E.R and read Wonder Woman due to the weather. Despite being pretty isolated today I am glad I chose to be isolated. I had a good time binge watching E.R and reading Wonder Woman comics and plan to continue to do both after I finish with this post.

Thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate you my reader from the bottom of my heart. You guys are all awesome. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Lazy Friday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is Friday morning and I plan to take it easy today while staying in my pajama’s all day. Part of the reason I am doing this is because today marks the seventh month anniversary of my grandma’s death. Yes, that means I am still taking her death hard and obviously still dealing with grief. Another reason why I am taking it easy today is because of the weather. It is a rainy and dreary day here in Seattle. So the weather is fitting my depressive mood at the moment.

Since my grief and depression are acting up, I have decided that staying my pajama’s is a part of my self care plan which means I will staying in all day. Yes, I do have plans to do things here at home as part of my self care. As part of my self care I plan on doing today is watch movies. Not sure what movies I am going to watch but I plan on watching comedies as they are the most helpful to me when I am depressed and/or dealing with grief.

Another things I plan on doing today for good self care is reading. I plan on reading the Science Fiction novel I picked up from my home library. I also plan reading comic books. I will most likely be reading Wonder Woman comic books with a mixture of other comic books.

Having a good self care plan when I plan on staying home is key to making sure my depression doesn’t get worse. So, that is why I decided to do things that are quite helpful for me when I am home. The best part of me staying home now and being lazy is spending time with my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a good day and a wonderful weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Wonder Woman & The WNBA

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I have been fighting off depression all day today. I haven’t left my apartment except to check my mail. Despite being depressed and in isolation mode, I have found ways to keep myself busy.

The main thing I did today was read Wonder Woman comic books. I did this as it appears reading Wonder Woman comic books give me the strength I need to get through difficult moments like the ones I have had today.

Another thing I did was watch the Seattle Storm sweep the Washington Mystics in the WNBA championship. Of course that means the Seattle Storm win the 2018 WNBA championship. I am proud of the Seattle Storm.

Now, I need to figure out what the hell to do next to combat this depressive episode I am struggling with. I think I am going to call some friends. Reaching out to others is helpful for me. I most likely will also do some coloring.

Lil Gertie, my cat, has been quite helpful to me today. She is an awesome cat. I think having Lil Gertie has proven to be a great investment for me. She has helped my mental health in many ways.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Minor Miracle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! My new sleeping meds work well. I was able to sleep for six hours. For me getting six hours of sleep is a miracle. I normally only get about three hours of sleep when in reality I need about eight hours of sleep. So I am really happy with the miracle of getting six hours of sleep last night with the help of my new sleeping med.

I have been watching the morning news. It appears that the only thing they are discussing is the weather. Mainly about Hurricane Florence headed toward the east coast. The morning news is also discussing the tropical storm hitting Hawaii.

Now I am going to get my morning tea and read the news paper while eating cereal. It is part of my morning routine. Having this part of my morning routine has proven helpful for me to a good start of the day.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a wonderful day. The week is half over and hope that whatever you have planed that you are able to enjoy your plans. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things.  Peace out, World!!!