Tag Archives: Hope

The Elusiveness of Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is four thirty-two in the morning here in Seattle. I am still wide awake, and this insomnia is just driving me batty but thankfully not batty enough to not end up in the looney bin. I just wish I knew why my insomnia is so bad lately and it is frustrating as hell.

Since I have not been able to sleep, I have been focused on learning new coping skills and building on old coping skills. I have been doing this by working on a couple of workbooks. Workbooks that remind me of what helps and what does not help and what I can try again to see if it helps this time around. Recovery is nonlinear and if certain coping skill didn’t help years ago does not mean they won’t help now and that gives me a lot of hope. Hope goes a long way especially when it comes to coping skills and using them even if they did not help at one point in time.

This just a random thought but I wonder if any of my references has been called yet. I am not sure why I just that of that but all I can think of is that I really want the job. I also hope that I am not getting my hopes up too high or that I am pulling cart before the horse. I also hope I am not jinxing myself. I’m now just rambling on and on and I really should just try to go to bed again.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except that I really want some sleep. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Middle of the Night Struggles

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is one seventeen in the morning here in Seattle and I am struggling. I am struggling with the lack of sleep. The lack of sleep is due to insomnia and PTSD. The lack of sleep is also causing me to struggle more with my PTSD and some increased depression symptoms. Both the depression and PTSD is causing some anxiety and anger. Neither emotion is an emotion I like to deal with. Hell, I try my best to avoid both emotions.

On the note of emotions, I have been using the coping skills in the Emotional Regulation module of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT). These skills are very helpful for me especially right now. In fact, all the DBT skill in all four modules are helpful for me. As I do my DBT skills I remember that when I made an active choice to be in active mental health recovery it was when I decided to be in an intensive outpatient DBT program and that gives me hope that things will get better, and this too will pass.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Afternoon Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I have some good news regarding the job interview I had yesterday. I was emailed this morning asking to give references and I, of course, emailed my references and now it is the waiting game to see if I got the job. I really would like this job especially since I think it will be a good fit for me, my recovery and will help with building resiliency in myself.

Speaking of resiliency, I am doing a recovery related workbook on resiliency. Part of recovery with a mental health challenge is building resiliency and able to continue to be resilient no matter what life throws at you. Trust me when I say life has thrown me a lot of shit the last few months especially with the fact that both parents died within two months of each other. Resiliency is something everyone has and can build on.

I am just grateful that my resiliency and my recovery with a mental health challenge is why I am getting back into the workforce. A workforce that is part of my career choice as being a peer support specialist. A peer specialist is someone who is recovery from a substance use disorder (SUD) and/or a mental health challenge. A peer specialist offers hope to people they are helping along their recovery journey.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; What Gives You Direction in Life?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
What gives you direction in life?
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Many people and things give me direction in life. In fact my family gives me inspiration even though they are quite dysfunctional some of the time. Well the majority of the time my family is dysfunctional. My friends also give me direction in my life. Friends and family have helped a great deal with giving me direction in my life.

Another thing that helps give me direction in my life is my meditation practice as well my new faith in Buddhism or at least what I am learning about Buddhism. I am grateful for learning about Buddhism.

Of course my recovery and my cat help me give direction in my life.

Goodbye 2024 & Hello 2025

Posted on by Gertie

Happy New Year, World!!! I am so happy to say goodbye to 2024 and hello to 2025. We are just over an hour and a half into the New Year here in Seattle and so far 2025 has been a good year. Granted it only has been an hour and half and I can only hope this year continues to be a good year.

I watched the firework and drone show that was put on at the Seattle Space Needle here at home in my pajamas with my cat, Billie in my lap snoring as he slept. I loved the drone and firework show that was done at the Space Needle and I am extremely impressed by it.

I am extremely hopeful for this year and what it has to bring. I am hoping that I will be able to get a job this year as I had quit my last job in early January of last year (2024). I had to quit for various reasons and the main reason was due to the fact that my mental health was starting to decline and I needed to focus on my mental health. For me I need to practice what I preach when I work as a peer specialist which means if I need to not work to focus on my mental health then that is what I need to do as my recovery is one of the most important things in my life.

One of the things I am looking forward to is that I will be starting the process with being a volunteer at the Seattle Aquarium. I will be doing an online orientation then an interview. I signed up to be a volunteer summer of last year (2024) but sadly the three volunteer positions I applied for were full. Now I will be doing orientation for two of the positions as well as an interview for two of them. Sadly, the third volunteer position is full and I am on the wait-list but I am okay with that.

Also this year marks five years since I started volunteering at PAWS Cat City. In fact my five year anniversary of my first shift at Cat City is Tuesday, January 7th. I really enjoy volunteering at Cat City and I am happy that I started the process when my last cat, Lil Gertie got a cancer diagnosis and continued the process when she crossed the rainbow bridge due to a mini stroke on Thanksgiving Day of 2019 along with the cancer. It was and still is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Happy New Year and Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; Do You Spend More Time Thinking About the Future of the Past? Why?

Posted on by Gertie
Bloganuary writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
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This is a hard one for me especially after finding out that I am pregnant as it is hard to not think about the future especially for the child you are pregnant with. One cannot help but think about the future of their child and bringing one into this chaotic world.

Despite thinking about the future of my child as well as mine, I thought a great deal about my future and how much hope I have even through my struggles. For me I can’t help but think about the future and where my recovery journey will take me. Yes, I fear bigger relapses with my mental health challenges but hope is there that I will just get back up on horse and continue to work on my recovery.

On that note, I also think a lot about the past. Sometimes not willingly due to PTSD. PTSD sucks and has you thinking about some of the most horrific moments you experienced in your life. For instance PTSD has remember this stuff through flashbacks, nightmares, body memories, intrusive and much much more. There is no stopping remembering this stuff and it sucks big time.

Daily Prompt; What is the Greatest Gift Someone Could Give You

Posted on by Gertie
Bloganuary writing prompt
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
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For me the greatest gift someone can give me is their time, love and friendship. Giving your time to listen to me or to spend with me is the greatest gift a friend or loved one can give me. It shows me that they care about me and love me. I know it seems hokey but it is true.

Daily Prompt; What Are Your Biggest Challenges

Posted on by Gertie
Bloganuary writing prompt
What are your biggest challenges?
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I can spend all day listing my challenges as I have so many of them already however I am not going to do that. I will say that my biggest challenges are myself as well as PTSD and Depression.

I am one of my biggest challenges because I can get in the way of myself in many different ways and can prevent myself from accomplishing great things in my community. I get in the way of myself by a lot of negative self talk which isn’t good for anyone especially those like me who have a mental health diagnosis.

Speaking of mental health diagnoses, my own diagnoses are challenging. Some moments are more challenging than other moments. Knowing when certain times of the year are harder than other times of year can be quite helpful to make sure those moments don’t have to be as challenging.

A New Years Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Happy New Year!!! It has been awhile since I last blogged. Some pretty major things have happened since I last blogged. Well, technically just one major thing has happened and surprisingly I am more relieved than I thought I would be. So, this past Thursday (January 4, 2024) was my last day at work. I would be lying if I said if I didn’t miss aspects of my job because I do. I miss the majority of my colleagues and all of my clients but I am so happy that I am no longer walking on eggshells around the direct supervisors on the team I worked on.

On that note, I had therapy yesterday and my therapist is just as thrilled as I am about my previous job. We not only discussed the job situation but my New Year’s goals for 2024 as well as my hopes for the year. We both agree that both hopes and goals will change or need some adjusting as the year goes on and will work on them throughout the year. We also discussed how challenging last year was despite a good start to last year.

Since it is the start of the New Year, I am hoping to restart blogging on a regular basis. This includes the Weekly Plans on Sunday mornings, Hump Day Updates on Wednesday evenings, Caturday with Billie (the Kat) featuring pictures of my cat on Saturday mornings and Weekly Check-In on Saturday evenings. Of course I will be doing other posts as well. I will be starting all this tomorrow (Sunday) with Weekly Plans.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated that you read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Noon Time Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle. It is officially twelve noon here in Seattle. I have a lot on my mind. Mostly good stuff but lets start with the not good stuff. I went to work on Sunday and it went well. Sadly, I did not go to work on Monday, today (Tuesday) nor will I be going tomorrow as my mental health challenges are acting up. I am only going on Thursday as I have to do a Correction Action Plan also know as a CAP and I want to make sure I attend as I don’t want my supervisor to think I am avoiding it even though I think it is not needed for various reasons I rather not discuss right now. I do plan on working on some notes that need to be done by the end of September and I know I will get paid for it.

My depression and PTSD is acting up so I started my day doing mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App as well as cuddling with my beloved cat, Billie. Billie is a great way to do mindfulness meditation practices.

Since my PTSD symptoms are acting extremely badly by dissociation and flashbacks as well as having my depression acting up, I plan on doing some self care acts like mindfulness meditation. I plan on doing some art work by coloring and doing diamond art. I am also planning on crafting by doing Latch Hook and Cross Stitching. I am also planning on outreaching friends and family just to contact other people in my world.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!